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"Who pissed in your custard?! " About one hundred and fifty passengers. | |||
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"Oh and sometimes the facial recognition software doesn't recognise you if you've put weight on (I had to suck in my cheeks before it would let me through). " I bet you was still wearing your neck support really? How was Jersey? | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? " Easy...a repetitive strain injury. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. " All kinds of images. | |||
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"Or maybe OP you could just chill... life is too short to let little things like these get to you. Nita " I've looked at your profile and I've got you down as a 'raucous applause on landing' offender. I'm right, aren't I? | |||
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"I aint goin' on no plane, fool. " It's fine honest, just wear an inflatable neck support and no harm will come to you. They survive anything them things. | |||
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"It seems like they let any old idiot use airports these days and I'm not sure that should be the case. Too many people just don't know how to navigate a journey by air. 1. Customs in departures: You should know what to expect by now; no liquids, electronics out of your bag and into a separate tray, belt off, watch off, jacket off and take any suspect items out of your pockets...it's not hard. Punishment for those that can't accomplish this: Spend a day working in customs...that seems to be enough to wipe the smile off anybody's face. 2. People that clap when the plane lands: What the f is this all about? Do people who do this clap the paperboy when he delivers the paper or the barmaid when she pours a pint. Don't clap, it's stupid. Punishment for this offence: Tie their wrists together for the return journey. 3. Short-haul inflatable neck support wearers: You're only going to Tenerife! Would you wear a neck support if you was on a coach trip from Newcastle to Birmingham? No you wouldn't because you'd look a dick! Guess what, on the plane you look just the same. You binge-watch tv for half a day without one so I'm guessing your neck will be fine without one for a few hours on a plane. Suitable punishment for this offence: Thrown them out of the fuckin' window...they'll be alright, they've got an inflatable neck support to land on. 4. The jacks-in-the-box: Those that leap out of their seat as soon as the plane comes to a halt. Just wait, one row a time. It should be a piece of piss. You really are a bunch of cretins, we'll all be waiting at the same luggage carousel anyway. Punishment for this offence: Don't bring the steps to the plane until the lemmings have all stepped out of the door and crashed down into a pit of crocodiles. 5. Customs in arrivals: Photo in first, place your feet on the yellow footprints and look straight ahead until the gate opens. It's that fuckin' easy. Somebody's lost their job for this nifty piece of automation and you can't even be bothered to learn to use it properly. Punishment for this offence: Don't let them in." It's not Thursday. Hold it in fella, hold it in...... Although, you do sound a bit like me using the train and tube every day. Ticket fumblers and rucksack wankers are the bane of my life. Don't get me started at those cunts who stop dead the second they step off the escalator either..... | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. " And a blue pill to keep me going. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going." Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? | |||
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"Oh and sometimes the facial recognition software doesn't recognise you if you've put weight on (I had to suck in my cheeks before it would let me through). I bet you was still wearing your neck support really? How was Jersey?" I don't need no neck support and I have no idea how Jersey is, I've never been. | |||
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"It seems like they let any old idiot use airports these days and I'm not sure that should be the case. Too many people just don't know how to navigate a journey by air. 1. Customs in departures: You should know what to expect by now; no liquids, electronics out of your bag and into a separate tray, belt off, watch off, jacket off and take any suspect items out of your pockets...it's not hard. Punishment for those that can't accomplish this: Spend a day working in customs...that seems to be enough to wipe the smile off anybody's face. 2. People that clap when the plane lands: What the f is this all about? Do people who do this clap the paperboy when he delivers the paper or the barmaid when she pours a pint. Don't clap, it's stupid. Punishment for this offence: Tie their wrists together for the return journey. 3. Short-haul inflatable neck support wearers: You're only going to Tenerife! Would you wear a neck support if you was on a coach trip from Newcastle to Birmingham? No you wouldn't because you'd look a dick! Guess what, on the plane you look just the same. You binge-watch tv for half a day without one so I'm guessing your neck will be fine without one for a few hours on a plane. Suitable punishment for this offence: Thrown them out of the fuckin' window...they'll be alright, they've got an inflatable neck support to land on. 4. The jacks-in-the-box: Those that leap out of their seat as soon as the plane comes to a halt. Just wait, one row a time. It should be a piece of piss. You really are a bunch of cretins, we'll all be waiting at the same luggage carousel anyway. Punishment for this offence: Don't bring the steps to the plane until the lemmings have all stepped out of the door and crashed down into a pit of crocodiles. 5. Customs in arrivals: Photo in first, place your feet on the yellow footprints and look straight ahead until the gate opens. It's that fuckin' easy. Somebody's lost their job for this nifty piece of automation and you can't even be bothered to learn to use it properly. Punishment for this offence: Don't let them in. It's not Thursday. Hold it in fella, hold it in...... Although, you do sound a bit like me using the train and tube every day. Ticket fumblers and rucksack wankers are the bane of my life. Don't get me started at those cunts who stop dead the second they step off the escalator either....." I rarely use public transport but I know where you're coming from. It's like some of them are on their first trip out...5 times a week. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? " And squeal. | |||
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"Oh and sometimes the facial recognition software doesn't recognise you if you've put weight on (I had to suck in my cheeks before it would let me through). I bet you was still wearing your neck support really? How was Jersey? I don't need no neck support and I have no idea how Jersey is, I've never been. " It's nice, you should try it...maybe by ferry though | |||
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"Oh and sometimes the facial recognition software doesn't recognise you if you've put weight on (I had to suck in my cheeks before it would let me through). I bet you was still wearing your neck support really? How was Jersey? I don't need no neck support and I have no idea how Jersey is, I've never been. It's nice, you should try it...maybe by ferry though " I've decided, no more travelling for me. | |||
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"This has made me laugh! I don’t rush to get off the plane as like you say we all got to wait for the luggage to be chucked off! I’ve not flown for a few years so haven’t even heard of the computerised customs!" It's faster, if everyone knows what to do and it recognises you. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? " No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. " Remind me where the exits are...? | |||
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"This has made me laugh! I don’t rush to get off the plane as like you say we all got to wait for the luggage to be chucked off! I’ve not flown for a few years so haven’t even heard of the computerised customs! It's faster, if everyone knows what to do and it recognises you. " There are only 3 things to remember but people just panic. Yesterday was the best I'd ever seen it though, I think it (or passengers) are improving. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...?" Here...*points behind me* Here...*points either side of me* And here...*points in front of me* | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...?" There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride." Grins and bears all two minutes of it. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? Here...*points behind me* Here...*points either side of me* And here...*points in front of me* " I've seen cabin staff attempt to handle a little bit of mid-air drama once. They worryingly didn't appear to have a clue what they were doing. | |||
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"The ones I'd hang, draw and quarter are the ones who are already d*unk before they get on a long haul flight, keep drinking, and aren't quiet d*unks. No, I don't want to hear you sing for the next ten hours, you're not funny, I don't enjoy the smell of your puke, etc. " I think most airlines have pretty much stamped this out now but I daresay certain destinations are more prone to it. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride. Grins and bears all two minutes of it. " I'll try and sort a lengthy delay, just for you. | |||
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"I jammed my train ticket in an in gate instead of an out one and had to get a nice lady to dissasemble the mechanism and give my ticket back. I'd best not go flying " It's all barcodes on readers in departures now, nowhere to jam your ticket in. | |||
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"The ones I'd hang, draw and quarter are the ones who are already d*unk before they get on a long haul flight, keep drinking, and aren't quiet d*unks. No, I don't want to hear you sing for the next ten hours, you're not funny, I don't enjoy the smell of your puke, etc. I think most airlines have pretty much stamped this out now but I daresay certain destinations are more prone to it." Sadly not, although it's less common than it was. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride. Grins and bears all two minutes of it. I'll try and sort a lengthy delay, just for you." Is there an inflight movie I can watch? | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride. Grins and bears all two minutes of it. I'll try and sort a lengthy delay, just for you. Is there an inflight movie I can watch?" We're only going form Bournemouth to the Isle of Wight. | |||
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"What punishment do you want to give me? Easy...a repetitive strain injury. All kinds of images. And a blue pill to keep me going. Can I clap my hands when you orgasm? No, just place your feet where I tell you and look straight ahead. Remind me where the exits are...? There aren't any. You're trapped, there's no way out and no safe word. You'd best just strap in and enjoy the ride. Grins and bears all two minutes of it. I'll try and sort a lengthy delay, just for you. Is there an inflight movie I can watch? We're only going form Bournemouth to the Isle of Wight." I love it when you head south on me. | |||
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"The ones I'd hang, draw and quarter are the ones who are already d*unk before they get on a long haul flight, keep drinking, and aren't quiet d*unks. No, I don't want to hear you sing for the next ten hours, you're not funny, I don't enjoy the smell of your puke, etc. I think most airlines have pretty much stamped this out now but I daresay certain destinations are more prone to it. Sadly not, although it's less common than it was. " Well I paid around £7 for an in-flight vodka and tomato juice yesterday so more fool them. | |||
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"It seems like they let any old idiot use airports these days and I'm not sure that should be the case. Too many people just don't know how to navigate a journey by air. 1. Customs in departures: You should know what to expect by now; no liquids, electronics out of your bag and into a separate tray, belt off, watch off, jacket off and take any suspect items out of your pockets...it's not hard. Punishment for those that can't accomplish this: Spend a day working in customs...that seems to be enough to wipe the smile off anybody's face. 2. People that clap when the plane lands: What the f is this all about? Do people who do this clap the paperboy when he delivers the paper or the barmaid when she pours a pint. Don't clap, it's stupid. Punishment for this offence: Tie their wrists together for the return journey. 3. Short-haul inflatable neck support wearers: You're only going to Tenerife! Would you wear a neck support if you was on a coach trip from Newcastle to Birmingham? No you wouldn't because you'd look a dick! Guess what, on the plane you look just the same. You binge-watch tv for half a day without one so I'm guessing your neck will be fine without one for a few hours on a plane. Suitable punishment for this offence: Thrown them out of the fuckin' window...they'll be alright, they've got an inflatable neck support to land on. 4. The jacks-in-the-box: Those that leap out of their seat as soon as the plane comes to a halt. Just wait, one row a time. It should be a piece of piss. You really are a bunch of cretins, we'll all be waiting at the same luggage carousel anyway. Punishment for this offence: Don't bring the steps to the plane until the lemmings have all stepped out of the door and crashed down into a pit of crocodiles. 5. Customs in arrivals: Photo in first, place your feet on the yellow footprints and look straight ahead until the gate opens. It's that fuckin' easy. Somebody's lost their job for this nifty piece of automation and you can't even be bothered to learn to use it properly. Punishment for this offence: Don't let them in." As a frequent flyer I chuckled greatly to all of this... you missed the let's queue for 45mins just because it says go to gate! Plane hasn't landed yet!!! Why the.. what the.. i'll sit down and enjoy reading fab forum posts while you get leg cramps. Run for speedy boarding.. gotta get speedy boarding. Must be first!!.. yeah. Eh.. the plane ain't leaving with out me.. and oh, Woop you get on the bus earlier by, what, 2mins. And the point of paying for that speedy boarding was!!!....hmmmm | |||
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"The ones I'd hang, draw and quarter are the ones who are already d*unk before they get on a long haul flight, keep drinking, and aren't quiet d*unks. No, I don't want to hear you sing for the next ten hours, you're not funny, I don't enjoy the smell of your puke, etc. I think most airlines have pretty much stamped this out now but I daresay certain destinations are more prone to it. Sadly not, although it's less common than it was. Well I paid around £7 for an in-flight vodka and tomato juice yesterday so more fool them." Long haul flights, they tend to be included in the price. | |||
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"It seems like they let any old idiot use airports these days and I'm not sure that should be the case. Too many people just don't know how to navigate a journey by air. 1. Customs in departures: You should know what to expect by now; no liquids, electronics out of your bag and into a separate tray, belt off, watch off, jacket off and take any suspect items out of your pockets...it's not hard. Punishment for those that can't accomplish this: Spend a day working in customs...that seems to be enough to wipe the smile off anybody's face. 2. People that clap when the plane lands: What the f is this all about? Do people who do this clap the paperboy when he delivers the paper or the barmaid when she pours a pint. Don't clap, it's stupid. Punishment for this offence: Tie their wrists together for the return journey. 3. Short-haul inflatable neck support wearers: You're only going to Tenerife! Would you wear a neck support if you was on a coach trip from Newcastle to Birmingham? No you wouldn't because you'd look a dick! Guess what, on the plane you look just the same. You binge-watch tv for half a day without one so I'm guessing your neck will be fine without one for a few hours on a plane. Suitable punishment for this offence: Thrown them out of the fuckin' window...they'll be alright, they've got an inflatable neck support to land on. 4. The jacks-in-the-box: Those that leap out of their seat as soon as the plane comes to a halt. Just wait, one row a time. It should be a piece of piss. You really are a bunch of cretins, we'll all be waiting at the same luggage carousel anyway. Punishment for this offence: Don't bring the steps to the plane until the lemmings have all stepped out of the door and crashed down into a pit of crocodiles. 5. Customs in arrivals: Photo in first, place your feet on the yellow footprints and look straight ahead until the gate opens. It's that fuckin' easy. Somebody's lost their job for this nifty piece of automation and you can't even be bothered to learn to use it properly. Punishment for this offence: Don't let them in. As a frequent flyer I chuckled greatly to all of this... you missed the let's queue for 45mins just because it says go to gate! Plane hasn't landed yet!!! Why the.. what the.. i'll sit down and enjoy reading fab forum posts while you get leg cramps. Run for speedy boarding.. gotta get speedy boarding. Must be first!!.. yeah. Eh.. the plane ain't leaving with out me.. and oh, Woop you get on the bus earlier by, what, 2mins. And the point of paying for that speedy boarding was!!!....hmmmm " Yep, all of that. Some strange kind of autopilot takes over some people's brains once they enter an airport. | |||
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"The ones I'd hang, draw and quarter are the ones who are already d*unk before they get on a long haul flight, keep drinking, and aren't quiet d*unks. No, I don't want to hear you sing for the next ten hours, you're not funny, I don't enjoy the smell of your puke, etc. I think most airlines have pretty much stamped this out now but I daresay certain destinations are more prone to it. Sadly not, although it's less common than it was. Well I paid around £7 for an in-flight vodka and tomato juice yesterday so more fool them. Long haul flights, they tend to be included in the price." I've done Virgin to the States a couple of times and we only got so many drinks included. I like a drink (in moderation) but I definitely wouldn't want to be d*unk on a plane. | |||
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"People / groups who don't pay to sit together, then whinge & moan that they are dotted around the plane - or even better, proceed to shout and roar to each other for the duration of the flight. I had this on a flight to Hamburg in the summer. A gang of about 10 lads, shouting and singing at each other. It's 6am, I'm tired and ratty, I want to snooze, you'll be there in an hour SHUT THE FUCK UP and sit down. There's nothing your mate sat ten rows away can't wait to hear in an hour, when you're together again. He doesn't need to hear it now. More importantly, neither does every fucker else." I don't think we should pay to sit together, if we book together-we never used to have to. | |||
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"People / groups who don't pay to sit together, then whinge & moan that they are dotted around the plane - or even better, proceed to shout and roar to each other for the duration of the flight. I had this on a flight to Hamburg in the summer. A gang of about 10 lads, shouting and singing at each other. It's 6am, I'm tired and ratty, I want to snooze, you'll be there in an hour SHUT THE FUCK UP and sit down. There's nothing your mate sat ten rows away can't wait to hear in an hour, when you're together again. He doesn't need to hear it now. More importantly, neither does every fucker else. I don't think we should pay to sit together, if we book together-we never used to have to. " By the same token, you couldn't get to Spain or Italy or Portugal for a few quid either It's part of the business model for the low cost carriers and, increasingly, some of the legacy carriers too, certainly on short-haul If you don't pay, you run the risk of being sat apart If you want to sit together, it's gonna cost you £3 to £12 each for the privilege I've just come back from Dublin - it cost me £40 all in, ticket, bag & seat I'm off to Germany in the New Year £12 each way including bag and seat If airlines didn't charge for 'extras' everyone else would pay a higher price for your privilege of sitting in a gang and for people who wanted to pack 47 outfits for a long weekend. | |||
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