FabSwingers.com forum: Would you...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?

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By *uriousgeorge82Man
over a year ago

exmouth

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

Depends what it was i guess lol

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

It depends, I keep things on the manner in which they were given me but if the gift was a painful reminder I might

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

It would depend what it was. Give us a clue what it is.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Hmm. Return to the giver do you mean? It would depend what it was and why/how they removed themselves from my life. And how much I liked the gift

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it's mine, I wouldnt dream of trying to claim back the gifts I have given

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/12/18 22:25:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No mine

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It would be very much dependant on if I liked the gift in question.

If yes, then no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on what it is and the manner the relationship ended. No solid answer without details of circumstance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if they asked for it back. And then on a case by case basis depending on what it was.

The default answer would be no. It’s been gifted, it’s mine. The exceptions would be where I didn’t WANT it any more, for whatever reason, or if it’s a family heirloom or something of sentimental value to them and not me.

I can’t think of any scenario where I’d be petty and not return it if that was the case.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

Do you mean return it to the shop or return it to the person?

I wouldn't return it to the person, too much drama.

I might charity shop it though if it was too painful to keep.

But if I really liked it then no, fuck that, I'm keeping it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I gave my ex husband my wedding and engagement ring back after 14 year's of marriage,but I removed him from my life so that's different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?

Do you mean return it to the shop or return it to the person?

I wouldn't return it to the person, too much drama.

I might charity shop it though if it was too painful to keep.

But if I really liked it then no, fuck that, I'm keeping it."

To the person, I had meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes. life moves on

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

Then give it back and wash that sadness away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends . If it was cheap I'd give it back . If it was expensive it would be on eBay quicker then a tramp on chips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t you dare!

We searched everywhere for that flashing reindeer tail butt plug.

Isn’t the ever enduring pain of you rejecting us punishment enough??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah.

Flog it on ebay

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

If I felt someone disliked me enough to remove themselves from my life, I absolutely wouldn’t initiate contact by passive aggressively returning a gift. Bit of a dick move in my opinion. If they asked for it back I’d return it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.

That’s a good point, thank you.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.

That’s a good point, thank you."

It’ll be alright. I’ll stroke your hair. Hide the gift so it doesn’t trouble you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think best policy would be to let sleeping dogs lie but then just our opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they had removed themselves from my life then I wouldn't get in touch just to return a gift. It's opening up old wounds for the sake of something that can be dealt with easier.

If I was 100% that things were done between us then I would sell it or give it to charity. If there was a chance they would be back in touch and I would want that then I would put it in a box somewhere and forget it for now.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Yes

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Well if it was a dog or a cat or something living , I’d probably keep it as I wouldn’t want to see the animal possibly suffer because two people can’t get on .

If it was something else , like a flat or a car , I’d probably keep them too .

But something personal , no , so a ring or a piece of jewelry I would give it back .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn't return it.

I'd either bin it, put it somewhere out of sight, or give it to charity. Which of the above would depend on how I felt about the person.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

You should keep it in the spirit that it was given to you. I’ve been on both sides of this one, and if the person wants it back, they’ll let you know. Just because someone has ceased contact, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they think ill of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That would be a childish reaction plus it would mean that by returning the gift you try to get a reaction from the other person because you can't handle the fact that person remove hersekf/himself from your life.

So no I wouldn't. If it is a lovely I would keep it. If it has no use or it is not connected emotionally to me, I would throw it

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I think that returning the gift could cause upset so I don’t think I would return it. If it was upsetting me to keep it then I would part with it in whatever way, but I still wouldn’t give it back to the person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heavens no . The gift was given at a moment in time when it was special to you both .

I do have some things some one bought me , when things became let's say messy . I put them away not wanting to look at them as they brought back sharp memories .

Now I can because I just Remeber the good things .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was expensive and I didn’t like it hell yeah or upcycle it for someone’s b day

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By *unkym34Man
over a year ago

London

"[Removed by poster at 13/12/18 22:25:11]"
was this my gift

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By *vcarolTV/TS
over a year ago

kilmarnockish

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

Option 1- keep and put away to remind you of happier times

Option 2 - give it to someone that could use it better, have no regrets

Option 3- a well known auction site beginning with E.

Don’t regret or look back, think of the future...

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

They gave it to you at a good time. Focus on that rather than the bad point.

If you can't, get rid of it.

Experience tells me you'd regret it later.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Sell it if it makes you feel bad.

Then use proceeds to buy something to make you feel good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "
yes unless it's diamonds they're forever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

What an odd question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a ritual burning/burial and put your relationship to rest (not if it's a puppy or goldfish though).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have a ritual burning/burial and put your relationship to rest (not if it's a puppy or goldfish though)."
awwwww it's a puppy

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?

What an odd question."

Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad."

I wouldn't give it back to the person but would give to someone else, a charity shop, or if expensive would sell it

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If there's no 'sentimental' value to it then at the end of the day it's just an object. So keep it.

If it's an engraved/personalised item of jewelry/chopping board/butt plug that says "eternally yours, your special shnookums"........then maybe get the sandpaper out and flog it on ebay.

If it's a commissioned painting or bespoke photo album of the two of you getting jiggy......bonfire time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?

What an odd question.

Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things"

I didn't imply otherwise.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

Do you want to expand on what’s odd about it, then?

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life?

What an odd question.

Not really, some people attach meaning and emotion to things"

Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?"

I wouldn’t say so, no. If an item has no sentimental value, it’s just down to whether you want/need it. But that sentimental value could contain a complicated cocktail of good and bad feelings. Weighing those up is difficult. Will you always feel this way about it? Will your feelings get better or worse? Will this item help or hinder that process?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To clarify; my query is erring on the side of not feeling comfortable with keeping a lovely gift from someone if they no longer liked me, it just makes me feel sad.

I wouldn't give it back to the person but would give to someone else, a charity shop, or if expensive would sell it"

This.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Depends what it was, for example if it was an expensive piece of jewellery is keep it and possibly sell it at some point. Anything else Is put it in the black bin and forget about it/them. I wouldn't make contact to see if they wanted it back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If one of your friends asked you the question you posed, how would you respond to them? That’s your answer.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Wouldn’t that make it easier to make the decision as to whether you wanted to keep it though ?

Any good feelings it may have would surely be negated by the fact that the giver no longer wants to be a part of the receivers life though . So even if the cocktail contains good memories , they aren’t going to be truly good are they ?

I don’t think feelings are likely to get better with the gift constantly there to remind you of what was once there but no longer is , and thereby it’s hard to see how it can only hinder the process of getting over it .

It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances. "

Same here

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances.

Same here "

If you had removed yourself from that persons life , I can understand you would be upset , but offended ? Why be offended when you chose to remove yourself from their life ? Perhaps they return it to remind you that they must have meant something to you at some point .

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Any good feelings it may have would surely be negated by the fact that the giver no longer wants to be a part of the receivers life though . So even if the cocktail contains good memories , they aren’t going to be truly good are they ? "

That involves a lot of assumptions. Does the OP know the gift-giver’s thoughts and feelings about this? Do you?

"I don’t think feelings are likely to get better with the gift constantly there to remind you of what was once there but no longer is , and thereby it’s hard to see how it can only hinder the process of getting over it ."

Again, that’s a massive assumption. It could be put to one side, for the time being, and brought back out when OP feels better about it. If she gives/throws it away, she doesn’t have that option later. It’s like grief; the things that are painful reminders early on are precious keepsakes that we would not want to relinquish later.

"It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way

I’d say thanks if I thought you meant it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. I’d be highly offended if something I’d given was returned to me in the same circumstances.

Same here

That would depend on why they removed themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

That involves a lot of assumptions. Does the OP know the gift-giver’s thoughts and feelings about this? Do you?

It’s good to see you back in the forum by the way

I’d say thanks if I thought you meant it.

Ah , but you’re assuming I don’t mean it , perhaps I do

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver."

You don’t know that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does the gift come from someone who posted on this thread by any chance ?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Chuck it. Or have a ceremonial burning - New Year's Eve is coming up and it's a perfect time to do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver.

You don’t know that."

He's ditched her, why would he care?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could put it at the back of a cupboard and forget about it and them.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

Kinda depends on the gift... If it was something of value or special significance... Yeah probably. Otherwise... Well.... I'm not going to make and effort to track you down to return the Bic lighter you left at mine several weeks ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the gift and reason for lingering negative associations.

If I wanted nothing to do with the association then I wouldn't return to the person, charity shop would be best.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"..a tramp on chips

Never heard that expression

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"It's just a gift. Send it back, throw it away or donate it. Either way it will make no difference to the giver.

You don’t know that.

He's ditched her, why would he care?"

Even if he did care, tough crap, he ditched her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

No, a gift is a gift and I wouldn't expect one to be returned in the opposite scenario x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

I would keep it and feel a mini victory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they have removed themselves from your life how do you return it....

Ok sorry.....cheap response.

Why return something thst was freely given because the circumstances/relationship may have changed.

It will always be a reminder....of something

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?"

I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?

I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship. "

They were.

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By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?"

Depending on the type of person they are. Either trying to make amends or being manipulative. Also depends on the gift.

Mrs

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

As others have said, I would assume they wanted to reconcile or were playing mind games. Can you ask them what their motives are?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Offering an olive branch?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?

I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.

They were."

I would think a guilty conscience and trying to say sorry for hurting you.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

"Offering an olive branch?"

First instinct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?"

In the OP you said the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life. Did they just end the friendship or did they do something that made the friendship unsustainable?

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?

I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.

They were."

I would think that anyone who messes with your head and emotions like that isn’t worth your time .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?"

It’s difficult to comment with authority without proper context and to know all the background and history to them removing themselves from your life in the first place.

The fact that they are now giving a gift suggests that (maybe!?) they hadn’t necessarily actually removed themselves from your life but it had been interpreted that way.

Or they’re seeking a reconciliation.

Or they’re just doing a bit of a mind fuck thing.

Or it might make me feel simply that it’s Christmas, a time traditionally for the giving and receiving of gifts between acquaintances with no ulterior sub-plot.

Without the full context, it’s all speculation I guess.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?

I would think they were either feeling guilty, or playing silly games. That's assuming they were the ones who broke up the relationship.

They were."

“Removed themselves from the friendship”, worth clarifying this was not a formalised *romantic* relationship, not that that negates romantic or otherwise feelings or places hierarchy on importance of the “-ship”, for obviously relationships don’t have to be normatively romantic but the terminology “broke up a relationship” may be viewed solely as such. Not that romantic relationships have exclusive rights on headfucking and depth of feelings anyway. But, you know, it’s important to be clear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would you do or think if the person sent you a further gift whilst still unreconciled?

What would that make you think and feel?"

That perhaps they were trying to send a message and may not be sure how it is received?

Ice breaker? Apology? That they still care enough to think of sending a gift,and hope for a response?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/12/18 04:57:51]

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Where has she gone?

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Where has she gone?"

Who was it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where has she gone?

Who was it? "

Estella.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would you return a gift bought for you if the person that bought it for you removed themselves from your life? "

Yes. Have done. Quite literally left everything they had ever bought me in a black bin liner at the door as I walk out of the flat we shared and walked out of her life. Pre mobile ghosting!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Where has she gone?

Who was it?

Estella. "

Crikey, not again

The original Yo-Yo

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Where has she gone?

Who was it?

Estella.

Crikey, not again

The original Yo-Yo

She'll be back

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I liked Estella

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"I liked Estella"

Me too, one of my favourite posters.

I'd like to know who upset her.

Hope she gets her shizzle together and comes back refreshed.

If you're reading this, have a good crimbly.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

She pops on and off, I'm sure she'll be back when life gets quiet, it's a busy time of year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re reading this Estella have a lovely Christmas x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hope you're OK lovely

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