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What's it like knowing you're going to break someone's heart?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've never had a relationship end where I initiated the end. All have been mutual break ups where we understood we were not going g to work, or that we were drifting in different directions - and when I was younger I was always the dumpee.

I'm just curious, from the perspective of men and women who do the breaking up, what's it like if the relationship was good, but you couldn't be with the person anymore for whichever reason, and knowing you're about to really upset someone?

It's Monday after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When a relationship reaches that point you don't consider that you're breaking their heart. You know things have to end and just do it...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When a relationship reaches that point you don't consider that you're breaking their heart. You know things have to end and just do it..."

Really, not even if the relationship up till recently was good?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's rather horrid, and I daresay it's easy to think about yourself and how awkward you feel, as opposed to just the other party.

All you can do is be honest and considerate.

People leave, but how they leave stays forever.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

By the time this happens I normally would have weighed up the pros and cons. The last time I did it was to end a long long long term marriage and it took absolutely ages to part finally. It wasn’t nice. Almost a year separated now and he still hasn’t quite come to terms with it going by the inappropriate messages he still sends. We have to see each other regularly which doesn’t help.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

The best way to pull a plaster off is as fast as you can.

It hurts but it's got to be done.

Same with ending a relationship. Don't drag it out. Just makes the hurt last longer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never happened to me either.two ex husband's but nothing long term after my divorces.i have never broken anyone's heart in my life because i dont allow men to get close to me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's not very nice. The only times I ever did it the relationship was on the rocks anyway. The fact that neither of them realised this was an indicator of how little they took my requirements into account.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

Having to break someone's heart can be heart breaking in itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really hard if there's been no cheating or any other specific problem. If it's just you've drifted apart it's so difficult to do, and you feel like a heartless bastard. But it's better than letting resentment build by sticking it out too long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However bad it may be, anyone reading this and thinking about it, just do it. The alternative is unbearable, because if you stay and don't want to, you may end up cheating, and that is far far far worse!

My wife destroyed me by having an affair, and changed me forever. I still do not trust anyone in my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"However bad it may be, anyone reading this and thinking about it, just do it. The alternative is unbearable, because if you stay and don't want to, you may end up cheating, and that is far far far worse!

My wife destroyed me by having an affair, and changed me forever. I still do not trust anyone in my life. "

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"I've never had a relationship end where I initiated the end. All have been mutual break ups where we understood we were not going g to work, or that we were drifting in different directions - and when I was younger I was always the dumpee.

I'm just curious, from the perspective of men and women who do the breaking up, what's it like if the relationship was good, but you couldn't be with the person anymore for whichever reason, and knowing you're about to really upset someone?

It's Monday after all."

It's tough and the devil on one shoulder will be telling you to do it and the angel on the other will be giving you reasons not to.

If it's to get straight into another relationship I wouldn't as that's rubbing someone's nose in it so take a break first.

Life's short, be happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having to break someone's heart can be heart breaking in itself. "

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

2 serious relationships.

1st, we were good friends that got together, then realised we made better friends.

26yrs on, he's still one of my best friends & the father of my oldest child.

2nd, I ended it to save myself & our children.

His feelings were totally irrelevant by that point.

It was nasty, bitter & vicious. He wouldn't accept it was over, couldn't see what he'd done wrong.

It took another 7yrs for him to finally stop pestering me, controlling my life - When he met someone else.

I don't there's an answer to your question OP, as it all depends on the person, the relationship & why you're splitting up.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When my friends husband left her for another woman he told her he loved them both. If that was really the case why, when he saw how terribly hurt she was, didn't he stay with her?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What I meant to go on to say was, at what point do your wants outweigh someone else's pain?

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex


"What I meant to go on to say was, at what point do your wants outweigh someone else's pain? "

When the person leaving becomes indifferent to the pain he or she is causing I would suggest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When my friends husband left her for another woman he told her he loved them both. If that was really the case why, when he saw how terribly hurt she was, didn't he stay with her?

"

Sounds cowardly and unfair of him to say that knowing he was leaving. Like he was trying to make it easier on himself without caring that it wouldn't give her proper closure.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What I meant to go on to say was, at what point do your wants outweigh someone else's pain?

When the person leaving becomes indifferent to the pain he or she is causing I would suggest. "

And there can be all sorts of reasons for that indifference

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"When my friends husband left her for another woman he told her he loved them both. If that was really the case why, when he saw how terribly hurt she was, didn't he stay with her?

Sounds cowardly and unfair of him to say that knowing he was leaving. Like he was trying to make it easier on himself without caring that it wouldn't give her proper closure."

I suspect he thought she would gain some comfort from thinking that he still loved her. In fact she did. I didn't understand it then and I still don't. It was obvious he either didn't love her or loved the other person more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard. Especially knowing that person really loves you and still wants you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never had a relationship end where I initiated the end. All have been mutual break ups where we understood we were not going g to work, or that we were drifting in different directions - and when I was younger I was always the dumpee.

I'm just curious, from the perspective of men and women who do the breaking up, what's it like if the relationship was good, but you couldn't be with the person anymore for whichever reason, and knowing you're about to really upset someone?

It's Monday after all."
It's devastating I can't do it I tell you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having to break someone's heart can be heart breaking in itself. "

Very well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's devastating. Because you've been with that person and although you may not want to be with them in a relationship it's likely you do still love them. But it's not fair on them or you to stay if you're unhappy. You both deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's devastating. Because you've been with that person and although you may not want to be with them in a relationship it's likely you do still love them. But it's not fair on them or you to stay if you're unhappy. You both deserve better. "
exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's devastating. Because you've been with that person and although you may not want to be with them in a relationship it's likely you do still love them. But it's not fair on them or you to stay if you're unhappy. You both deserve better. "
and I'm not just saying that coz you're naked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask, at what point do you know you are going to break their heart, or how do you know you will break their heart would be the better question..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heartbreaking, worst thing I've ever done ending my marriage. But the kindest thing is to let them go before anything becomes deceitful. True believer in treating people with the love and respect they deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last time I did it, I turned it round by asking how he thought the relationship was going and opening up the conversation. By the end it was a mutual thing and we left it on good terms, with a distant friendship still there.

I would hate to string someone along either through cowardice x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having to break someone's heart can be heart breaking in itself. "

And self destroying too

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


" It's rather horrid, and I daresay it's easy to think about yourself and how awkward you feel, as opposed to just the other party.

All you can do is be honest and considerate.

People leave, but how they leave stays forever."

How they leave stays forever, so true. I know my marriage wasn’t perfect (although didn’t see quite what happened coming) but I’ll never forgive my ex for his cowardly and disrespectful behaviour to both me and the kids when the end came for us. It’s not something I dwell on, but it’s like I never knew that man at all

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

It depends on what the circumstances are ....each are different .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Can I ask, at what point do you know you are going to break their heart, or how do you know you will break their heart would be the better question..? "

Sometimes you don't realise because the behaviour of the person you're leaving gives every indication that they have no love for you. Their heartbreak comes as a surprise to you and them because they don't believe you'll ever leave and don't think they need to put any work in to a relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I ask, at what point do you know you are going to break their heart, or how do you know you will break their heart would be the better question..?

Sometimes you don't realise because the behaviour of the person you're leaving gives every indication that they have no love for you. Their heartbreak comes as a surprise to you and them because they don't believe you'll ever leave and don't think they need to put any work in to a relationship."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Really hard if there's been no cheating or any other specific problem. If it's just you've drifted apart it's so difficult to do, and you feel like a heartless bastard. But it's better than letting resentment build by sticking it out too long."

My ex husband and I drifted apart but once we decided to split he turned into a total **nt, so I hope his heart is in a billion painful pieces

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere


"It's devastating. Because you've been with that person and although you may not want to be with them in a relationship it's likely you do still love them. But it's not fair on them or you to stay if you're unhappy. You both deserve better. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not very nice. The only times I ever did it the relationship was on the rocks anyway. The fact that neither of them realised this was an indicator of how little they took my requirements into account."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's not very nice. The only times I ever did it the relationship was on the rocks anyway. The fact that neither of them realised this was an indicator of how little they took my requirements into account.

"

Sorry to hear that babe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/12/18 23:19:48]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"It's not very nice. The only times I ever did it the relationship was on the rocks anyway. The fact that neither of them realised this was an indicator of how little they took my requirements into account.

"

It was years ago and I learned a lot

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