FabSwingers.com forum: Loneliness

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“A broadly accepted definition of loneliness is the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships. The word that is the most important in this sentence is ‘perceived’. Unlike physically being alone, loneliness is a feeling and a perception. It involves a way of seeing ourselves and the world around us. We can feel lonely in a wide array of social settings and circumstances.”

If loneliness is a state of mind, can we change our outlook to feel less lonely?

What do you do to combat your feelings of loneliness, if you have them?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to go see my 3 yr old and everthing brightens up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Think about what I have in common with other people, realise that others struggle as I do, that sort of thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago

east Lancashire road

I come on here n read story's n stuff hahaha

Every one should do n where they went to be when it's starts

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In disappear into my music. It keeps me company.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My work helps. Chatting on here. Cuddles really help. Time with my family. Music - especially playing with the band. Seeing friends.

I rarely experience anything other than fleeting feelings of loneliness

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I'm not sure loneliness is always a perception, which implies a mental process to me - I would say it's sometimes a sense, a purely spiritual and/or emotional experience.

If feel lonely I seek to connect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

i try to keep busy...no time for lonliness

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you change it? Yes.

But like all things that involves

changing a state of mind its often easier said than done.

Reminding myself constantly than people are not constantly looking for faults and actually want to be around me, when in crowds works, its exhausting.but it does work.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find a passion , a hobby , something that you love to do and share it with others with the same passion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hit the gym

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i feel lonely i go round to my daughters house. My granddaughter cheers me up. The other night we watched The Greatest Showman Singalong. So theres the two of us dancing and singing for a couple of hours. A lovely evening.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one reason I can never live in rural places...

I would die of loneliness....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't found a solution. Most of the few friends I have live some distance away and don't have much free time, so I don't get to see them often. My family and I have never been terribly close and there aren't many of them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?"

As I say , I don’t recall feeling that .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?

As I say , I don’t recall feeling that ."

Ahh, sorry - I read it as only the other form.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am Alone but not lonely....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Open a bottle of very strong alcohol and go sit in the park to shout at the pigeons.

This time of year I wear my Satan hat as well. Keeps me warm.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sleep

P x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

This. Don’t think I have either. I love my own company. Can’t get enough time on my own

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?"

Some of the loneliest times I've ever experienced have been when I'm surrounded by other people. To be in a room full of people and feel like no one is interested in you, no one wants you there... that's loneliness.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“A broadly accepted definition of loneliness is the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships. The word that is the most important in this sentence is ‘perceived’. Unlike physically being alone, loneliness is a feeling and a perception. It involves a way of seeing ourselves and the world around us. We can feel lonely in a wide array of social settings and circumstances.”

If loneliness is a state of mind, can we change our outlook to feel less lonely?

What do you do to combat your feelings of loneliness, if you have them?

Just entertain your brain. It's not rocket science

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am ok in my own company but I'm not good at social niceties in a crowd of people I don't know well. I don't suffer too much with loneliness but lots of my t.girl friends do and some are depressed by it. I do get worried for one or two of them especially and message as and when just to check they are ok.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?

I'm not sure that's loneliness, that sounds more like a form of anxiety or depression. That's your perception of the situation and you're projecting that onto others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

If loneliness is a state of mind, can we change our outlook to feel less lonely?

What do you do to combat your feelings of loneliness, if you have them?

In the very definition of the original quote, yes we can. We can change our perception of situations and recognise the discrepancies between the ideal and perceived. In doing so we can then address the issues causing the perceived loneliness in time.

Obviously it takes time, patience and self awareness.

How do I address the situation? Find people that you can connect with, that understand you and that treat your feelings with understanding and empathy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?

I'm not sure that's loneliness, that sounds more like a form of anxiety or depression. That's your perception of the situation and you're projecting that onto others.

I don’t think it has to be mutually exclusive. Having a mental health problem increases your chance of feeling lonely, and feeling lonely can have a negative impact on your mental health.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to the spirits of my departed kinn, talk to the ghost in the house....

I like myself so I am also comfortable with me.

By....loving.... not received but by resonating love from my core and hoping that someone close by can feel the warmth. That my little drop of love can maybe change something in the universe and will make some one happy.

Yup!.... if I try to make someone else not feel lonely... normally I am not.

Big hug and kiss OP,

Xxx

Nessa

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

If loneliness is a state of mind, can we change our outlook to feel less lonely?

What do you do to combat your feelings of loneliness, if you have them?

Just entertain your brain. It's not rocket science"

It's actually more than that.

I've felt incredibly lonely even when I was in a room full of people (As Quietly Kinky describes above).

I like my own company, I'm perfectly happy being alone and don't feel lonely.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having had a couple of years single I can appreciate the feeling of loneliness having been through a quite a bad relationship breakup. It’s not a nice place to be.

I’m fortunate and have a child and family around me but I do think it’s possible to be lonely even when surrounded by family.

My loneliness was around not having someone very close to, to talk to and have affection (not just sex). Following the breakup I ended up having quite a few casual relationships but that didn’t mean I wasn’t mentally lonely. Im not even sure if this makes sense?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Having had a couple of years single I can appreciate the feeling of loneliness having been through a quite a bad relationship breakup. It’s not a nice place to be.

I’m fortunate and have a child and family around me but I do think it’s possible to be lonely even when surrounded by family.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/12/18 16:41:03]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If loneliness is a state of mind, can we change our outlook to feel less lonely?

What do you do to combat your feelings of loneliness, if you have them?

Just entertain your brain. It's not rocket science

It's actually more than that.

I've felt incredibly lonely even when I was in a room full of people (As Quietly Kinky describes above).

I like my own company, I'm perfectly happy being alone and don't feel lonely."

I’d agree it’s certianly possible to be alone and not be lonely. It’s also very possible to be alone in a busy room as I’ve been there.

I think it’s incredibly difficult however if you are feeling lonely to change your mindset to not being so.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, are you struggling with loneliness at the moment?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, are you struggling with loneliness at the moment?"

Oh thanks for asking! I have to say I do on occasion, yes. But I’m actually really good currently, I’m just thinking a lot about this topic in many ways from a work perspective, how do we ensure recognition of loneliness and how to address it through services, through self-led methods, how do we look out for others etc.

But yes, I reflect on my own feelings of loneliness as a means to try and increase my understanding of others’ too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am more antisocial than some sadly and enjoy time alone so loneliness is not an issue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend a lot of my free time in the hills not alone but with pooch . I quite like the semi solitude

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, are you struggling with loneliness at the moment?

But yes, I reflect on my own feelings of loneliness as a means to try and increase my understanding of others’ too. "

Cool.

Seemed like one of the few times when "You ok hun?" was the right response

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

When I split from MrM I confess I did feel lonely. He’d been a constant in my life and my home an awfully long time. When he wasn’t here anymore, no matter how many people were around there was something just missing.

I learned to sleep alone. To readjust my routine and to not be afraid to work out my feelings. Loneliness sucks but I got over myself and that disappeared.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend a lot of my free time in the hills not alone but with pooch . I quite like the semi solitude "

I love solitude. I need it to recharge my batteries. I enjoy that time for contemplation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I live quite rurally and have done for 15 years. I was always quite busy and sociable when I lived in Embra but out in the sticks I was just focussed on raising my son and working. Never felt lonely despite spending years (well a decade and a half) pretty much on my ownsome. I had a small handful of close friends I still kept in touch with and felt lucky to have that.

Over the last few years three out of my four close friends have died and I lost my dear brother (who I was closer to than anyone else in this world) to Cancer last year.

Most of my hobbies are pretty solitary (hill walking, fly fishing, history, archaeology etc).

Although I miss certain people's presence and often wish they were still around I very rarely feel lonely. I have kindly ghosts for company.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend a lot of my free time in the hills not alone but with pooch . I quite like the semi solitude

I love solitude. I need it to recharge my batteries. I enjoy that time for contemplation."

Same here, almost like a forced loneliness I put on myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend a lot of my free time in the hills not alone but with pooch . I quite like the semi solitude

I love solitude. I need it to recharge my batteries. I enjoy that time for contemplation.

Same here, almost like a forced loneliness I put on myself. "

Solitude is bliss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was loneliest when married.

During the last few months, I've had some troubled times, but walking and photography have helped lift my mood.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often wander alone with my dogs and thoughts....

It's a choice and place of peace and contentment.

Perhaps not quite the same as loneliness though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I go for a drive. Or talk to people who actively listen. That helps. Even just removing myself and thinking about all the things I can be thankful for and reminding myself I'm not alone helps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I listen to music or go for a long walk. Feels right to be alone in those circumstances so it changes into a more peaceful solitude rather than unbearable loneliness.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spend most of my free time alone.

I have moments of loneliness but I think it helps me that I have options.

Not that I'm taking them - And I have burnt a lot if bridges - but they are there - just in case.

I like my own company, I find most people exhausting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never felt lonely as I'm happy with my own company. However, I often feel emptiness

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loneliness isn't a question of not wanting to spend time alone. It's a lack of a sense of connection to anyone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend most of my free time alone.

I have moments of loneliness but I think it helps me that I have options.

Not that I'm taking them - And I have burnt a lot if bridges - but they are there - just in case.

I like my own company, I find most people exhausting."

interesting view

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spend most of my free time alone.

I have moments of loneliness but I think it helps me that I have options.

Not that I'm taking them - And I have burnt a lot if bridges - but they are there - just in case.

I like my own company, I find most people exhausting."

I certainly can relate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“And the waitress is practising politics

As the businessmen slowly get stoned

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

But it's better than drinkin' alone”

Billy Joel - Piano Man

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced loneliness .

I’ve spent way more time alone in the last year than ever before , but I’ve rather enjoyed it .

I would say interaction with other people is often an overrated experience from my perspective .

How about the sense of loneliness that is not related to whether you are specifically in someone else’s company at the time or not?"

As the song goes..I've been alone, when I'm surrounded by friends...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“And the waitress is practising politics

As the businessmen slowly get stoned

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

But it's better than drinkin' alone”

Billy Joel - Piano Man

I've always preferred being lonely on my own to being lonely around others. It hurts less.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often feel lonely in a group situation. My friends are all quite touchy-feely and I'm not so I feel a bit left out there. I can go quite quiet which makes me feel worse.

I have a daughter but I sometimes miss adult interaction, I have lots of family and friends but those feelings only come when I'm sat in front of yet another crap TV show as my daughter sleeps.

I don't think I can change my way of thinking, my loneliness is situational.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

are more people wanting to live alone these days?

do their own thing? willing to not have relationships and be lonely.

not prepared to take a chance through fear of getting hurt?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I work with a group of people that struggle with loneliness. I’m some cases it is due to a bereavement and they find themselves alone but for some it isn’t about being alone, it’s the actually feeling of loneliness. I put them in touch with schools and they go in to help out or assist with school clubs, possibly using a skill or interest they may have like gardening or sewing. It has been very popular and rewarding for many that take part.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I often feel lonely in a group situation. My friends are all quite touchy-feely and I'm not so I feel a bit left out there. I can go quite quiet which makes me feel worse.

I have a daughter but I sometimes miss adult interaction, I have lots of family and friends but those feelings only come when I'm sat in front of yet another crap TV show as my daughter sleeps.

I don't think I can change my way of thinking, my loneliness is situational. "

I’ve been in the exact same situation recently and was a bit of a head messer as you feel lonely yet have lots to be thankful for too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrobbermanMan
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"I spend most of my free time alone.

I have moments of loneliness but I think it helps me that I have options.

Not that I'm taking them - And I have burnt a lot if bridges - but they are there - just in case.

I like my own company, I find most people exhausting."

Dance by the light of the bridges that you burn!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread