FabSwingers.com forum: Auntie Swingmates

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have a problem.

how can i find a dude to swing with that aint from a swinging site and wont look at me strnag when i mention it lol

help please lol

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Do you have you eye on someone then?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i have a problem.

how can i find a dude to swing with that aint from a swinging site and wont look at me strnag when i mention it lol

help please lol"

Well kitty dear you could alway abduct one off the streets and take him for a nice fast drive

I think by the time you come back he will agree to anythig

Hope that helps xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thanks swing will try that/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category."

now thats what i call lucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i have a problem.

how can i find a dude to swing with that aint from a swinging site and wont look at me strnag when i mention it lol

help please lol"

Use the old chestnut of offering him a FFM 3 some, not many refuse that - then once he's hooked, say, my turn now

A nice slow introduction into the world of debauchery

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category."

oops sorry ... was just an old condom that must have got stuck.. forgive me wasting your valuable surgery time x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category."

Veiw dear we are all different some more than others be yourself and dont worry about your little hole x

Auntie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category.

oops sorry ... was just an old condom that must have got stuck.. forgive me wasting your valuable surgery time x"

Gross, but quite funny!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category.

oops sorry ... was just an old condom that must have got stuck.. forgive me wasting your valuable surgery time x

Gross, but quite funny!

I know lol

soz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"in the shower this morning, I discovered between my scrotum and ass, a small opening....

should I ask admin to create an Hermaphrodite category.

Veiw dear we are all different some more than others be yourself and dont worry about your little hole x

Auntie x"

thanks Auntie x I will try x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Auntie swingmates.........I have a problem,im incredibly shy how can I get over this problem as im sure its holding me back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie swingmates.........I have a problem,im incredibly shy how can I get over this problem as im sure its holding me back

"
pmsl !!!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

Dear Auntie Swingmate.

I have a problem…………..lol

Hey does lunch time indigestion count ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Auntie Swingmate,

Okay this isn't really a swinging problem, but it COULD turn into one. Do you know of any remedy for getting rid of nits and KEEPING THE BUGGERS away? I've tried everything Auntie, really, the pharmacist thinks I'm selling the Hedron I'm sure. I've cut my daughter's hair but I'm sure the bugs from hell grew back with it. I'm at a loss, Auntie, and no one else seems to be able to help. Thankfully I'm okay coz hair dye seems to kill them. I won't shave my kids heads though or dye their hair or put paraffin in it as has been suggested in the past -- any other ideas, no matter how strange, at this point, would be most welcome

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx"

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

"
dear auntie ...we have this mate and dont know how to tell him he looks a right plonker in his latest pic ....how do we tell him ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wonders

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

dear auntie ...we have this mate and dont know how to tell him he looks a right plonker in his latest pic ....how do we tell him ?

LMAO!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wo

nders

I've tried that too, there was one I got years ago that seemed to kill em outright, but can't find it again. Both my girls have very long and thick hair. I think it's just a vicious circle, get rid, friends get em, they come back ...

Oh well, thanks anyway hun, you're a good assistant to Auntie!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie swingmates.........I have a problem,im incredibly shy how can I get over this problem as im sure its holding me back

The real problem here lovie is everyone has to hold You back!

Just be yourself and dont worry xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

Dear Auntie Swingmate.

I have a problem…………..lol

Hey does lunch time indigestion count ???

Dear freddie all things in moderation dont rush your food and chew each mouthful 100 times drink plenty of water

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Auntie swingmates.........I have a problem,im incredibly shy how can I get over this problem as im sure its holding me back

The real problem here lovie is everyone has to hold You back!

Just be yourself and dont worry xx

hahahahahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

Ive fallen madly in luv with this person but recently found out he's got the weirdest dress sense ever, oh wot to do i cant eat worrying about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx"

Dear slut

Try lamisil once it wont do a thing to the nits but it will keep athletes foot in check

Hope this helps

Auntie xx

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

" Just be yourself and dont worry xx

"
You've had practice at this, haven't you? That's all agony aunts ever say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Dear slut

Try lamisil once it wont do a thing to the nits but it will keep athletes foot in check

Hope this helps

Auntie xx"

Thank you so much, I'll try that just coz I haven't tried it before. Most helpful you are, Auntie x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

Ive fallen madly in luv with this person but recently found out he's got the weirdest dress sense ever, oh wot to do i cant eat worrying about it

Dear pussy

The problem with men like this is usually lack of confidence and a small Willy

My advise to you is give him a wide berth especially at parties

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

Ive fallen madly in luv with this person but recently found out he's got the weirdest dress sense ever, oh wot to do i cant eat worrying about it

Dear pussy

The problem with men like this is usually lack of confidence and a small Willy

My advise to you is give him a wide berth especially at parties

Auntie xx"

I was planning on givin him a wide something..but suppose ill just ave to dream now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Swingmates,

Please could you help me. I have to fight the urge to wear wellies when I am meeting people.

I think it must be a safety mechanism.

Knee deep in shit etc.

Please, is there anything you can suggest as a suitable alternative to wellies that still make me feel safe?

Thankyou.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

dear auntie ...we have this mate and dont know how to tell him he looks a right plonker in his latest pic ....how do we tell him ?

Dear Kaz and Rob

Life is full of little plonkers

Take him to one side and point out his strange dress sense

If possible take him to matalan and help him choose the more suitable outfits

Break it too him gently though as he may take offence

Hope that helps dearie

Good luck

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Swingmates,

Please could you help me. I have to fight the urge to wear wellies when I am meeting people.

I think it must be a safety mechanism.

Knee deep in shit etc.

Please, is there anything you can suggest as a suitable alternative to wellies that still make me feel safe?

Thankyou."

Wellies with 5 inch heels......safety and sexiness all rolled into one

but im sure auntie will have a better solution to the problem im just an amateur

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"Dear Auntie Swingmates,

Please could you help me. I have to fight the urge to wear wellies when I am meeting people.

I think it must be a safety mechanism.

Knee deep in shit etc.

Please, is there anything you can suggest as a suitable alternative to wellies that still make me feel safe?

Thankyou."

Rapunzel rapunzel let down your golden hair! Holds on tight to sommat cos I don’t want you falling out the window

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any people with swinging problems or questions will be delt with here

Cant promise that we can help

But we will have a bloody good laugh reading them xx

dear auntie ...we have this mate and dont know how to tell him he looks a right plonker in his latest pic ....how do we tell him ?

Dear Kaz and Rob

Life is full of little plonkers

Take him to one side and point out his strange dress sense

If possible take him to matalan and help him choose the more suitable outfits

Break it too him gently though as he may take offence

Hope that helps dearie

Good luck

Auntie xx"
thank you sooooo much auntie ...wanna come to matalan ? xxx kaz

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

dear Auntie

i am being stalked, i got rid of all my rabbits,any other suggestions ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Swingmates,

Please could you help me. I have to fight the urge to wear wellies when I am meeting people.

I think it must be a safety mechanism.

Knee deep in shit etc.

Please, is there anything you can suggest as a suitable alternative to wellies that still make me feel safe?

Thankyou."

Dear Rapunzel

If you are the male of the couple then i would urge you to stop wearing the wellies

Especially in fields of sheep

As for another suggestion to your plight

I find a nice pair of fluffy slippers usually does the trick

Hope this helps xx

Auntie

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dear Auntie

i am being stalked, i got rid of all my rabbits,any other suggestions ?

Dear PD

A common problem this

Stalking is just the persons way of saying they like you too much

My advise to you is copy and paste the worse message thinkable and bombard there inbox to capacity

By the way im sorry you have lost all your rabbits

(myxomatosis was it?)

auntie xx

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"dear Auntie

i am being stalked, i got rid of all my rabbits,any other suggestions ?

Dear PD

A common problem this

Stalking is just the persons way of saying they like you too much

My advise to you is copy and paste the worse message thinkable and bombard there inbox to capacity

By the way im sorry you have lost all your rabbits

(myxomatosis was it?)

auntie xx"

thanks aunty not quite my style.but thanks for the help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Dear slut

Try lamisil once it wont do a thing to the nits but it will keep athletes foot in check

Hope this helps

Auntie xx

Thank you so much, I'll try that just coz I haven't tried it before. Most helpful you are, Auntie x"

My daughter went through it for almost a year a few year ago, tried everything but as you say they just kept coming back.

In the end I just wet combed her hair every couple of days for a few weeks, wash it, loads of conditioner then comb with a nit comb really really well, this will get rid of the louse, then a few days later when the next batch of eggs may have hatched do it again. Very time consuming I know but got worried about the amount of chemicals I was putting on her head. It works though (untill they get close to another kid with them again !)

Spoke to the school about it an they said they couldn't have the nit nurse any more as its an infringement of the childs human rights - mad or what !!!!!

Anyway, small comfort but as they get older it seems to be less of a problem lol - just gets replaced with other crap ..................... good luck x

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

Auntie Swingmates I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this? Mr erm Smith

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmates

I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this?

Mr erm Smith"

Mmm difficult one this

I advise you to change your profile to a single female

Put on it your mobile number,address and place of work

Then wait

Good luck

Hope this helps lovie xx

Auntie xx

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmates

I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this?

Mr erm Smith

Mmm difficult one this

I advise you to change your profile to a single female

Put on it your mobile number,address and place of work

Then wait

Good luck

Hope this helps lovie xx

Auntie xx

Do you suppose the female needs to be attractive or can it just be me in a wig?"

Dear Mr "smith"

I feel your first letter was not the real problem

There is obviously something much deeper

If you would like to explore this problem personally

Send me an sae and i will try to help you with your fetish

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmates

I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this?

Mr erm Smith

Mmm difficult one this

I advise you to change your profile to a single female

Put on it your mobile number,address and place of work

Then wait

Good luck

Hope this helps lovie xx

Auntie xx

Do you suppose the female needs to be attractive or can it just be me in a wig?

Dear Mr "smith"

I feel your first letter was not the real problem

There is obviously something much deeper

If you would like to explore this problem personally

Send me an sae and i will try to help you with your fetish

Auntie xx"

Lol

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By *isterPepperMan
over a year ago

Central Swindon

"Auntie Swingmates I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this? Mr erm Smith Mmm difficult one this I advise you to change your profile to a single female Put on it your mobile number,address and place of work Then wait Good luck Hope this helps lovie xx Auntie xx Do you suppose the female needs to be attractive or can it just be me in a wig? Dear Mr "smith" I feel your first letter was not the real problem There is obviously something much deeper If you would like to explore this problem personally Send me an sae and i will try to help you with your fetish Auntie xx"
lol have you not just got a factsheet on ceefax?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmates

I am not being stalked by anyone. How can I remedy this?

Mr erm Smith

Mmm difficult one this

I advise you to change your profile to a single female

Put on it your mobile number,address and place of work

Then wait

Good luck

Hope this helps lovie xx

Auntie xx

Do you suppose the female needs to be attractive or can it just be me in a wig?

Dear Mr "smith"

I feel your first letter was not the real problem

There is obviously something much deeper

If you would like to explore this problem personally

Send me an sae and i will try to help you with your fetish

Auntie xx

lol have you not just got a factsheet on ceefax?

No sorry sweetie xx

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wonders

Dear Pussy

I saw your comment on head lice and being the caring agony aunt i am always wanting to help people

Could you let me know tea tree oil derie

is that pg or tetley?

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wo

nders

Oh well, thanks anyway hun, you're a good assistant to Auntie!!

hi hun, I had same problem when my daughter was at primary school. once I didn't manage to get rid, Some one told me to use Avon leave in conditioner. and it worked she never had them again.

Mrs C x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xx

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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago

clacton on sea

head lice thrive in clean hair as it happens, it's a not to commonly known fact that the dirtier the hair the less likelyhood a child will catch them, its thought to be dirty kids who carry them to school when in fact its those of us who keep our children clean and well groomed who in fact worsen the problem, when mine got them the pharmesist adviced we just allowed the kids hair to go unwashed for about 14/21 days and all would clear itself up, and heyho it really worked, hope this info is of some help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xx"
Dear Auntie, I don't think she knows I'm on here - she's just gone down the shop

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xxDear Auntie, I don't think she knows I'm on here - she's just gone down the shop

Well dearie step away from the nasty computer and wait for her to come back

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xxDear Auntie, I don't think she knows I'm on here - she's just gone down the shop

Well dearie step away from the nasty computer and wait for her to come back

Auntie xx"

I keep looking out of the window but she's not coming back

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xxDear Auntie, I don't think she knows I'm on here - she's just gone down the shop

Well dearie step away from the nasty computer and wait for her to come back

Auntie xx

I keep looking out of the window but she's not coming back

Dear diane

Are you sure you have actually met her

Sometimes dearie peoples minds can play little tricks

If you feel the need to talk to someone there are organisations out there that will help you

Just send me a sae and a check for £20,000, your bank details,pin numbers etc and i will send you details

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie..

Avon SkinSoSoft is also good as a mosquito repellant

Dear Diane

Thank you for your kind contribution

Does your care in the community worker know you have access to a computer? Dearie

Auntie xxDear Auntie, I don't think she knows I'm on here - she's just gone down the shop

Well dearie step away from the nasty computer and wait for her to come back

Auntie xx

I keep looking out of the window but she's not coming back

Dear diane

Are you sure you have actually met her

Sometimes dearie peoples minds can play little tricks

If you feel the need to talk to someone there are organisations out there that will help you

Just send me a sae and a check for £20,000, your bank details,pin numbers etc and i will send you details

Auntie xx"
I tried the samaritans but I had them in tears ... think I'll go down to the bottom of the garden and eat worms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and I don't have a bank account - THEY don't trust me with money

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tried the samaritans but I had them in tears ... think I'll go down to the bottom of the garden and eat worms

Dear Diane

I have just remembered various support groups that would welcome you

The last meeting you have missed it was on sunday in darlaston,

The next one luckily for you dearie is on saturday at a pub in Barnsley

There will be many with your problems there

And i myself will be attending

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried the samaritans but I had them in tears ... think I'll go down to the bottom of the garden and eat worms

Dear Diane

I have just remembered various support groups that would welcome you

The last meeting you have missed it was on sunday in darlaston,

The next one luckily for you dearie is on saturday at a pub in Barnsley

There will be many with your problems there

And i myself will be attending

Auntie xx"
Ooooo does the number 46 bus stop there?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tried the samaritans but I had them in tears ... think I'll go down to the bottom of the garden and eat worms

Dear Diane

I have just remembered various support groups that would welcome you

The last meeting you have missed it was on sunday in darlaston,

The next one luckily for you dearie is on saturday at a pub in Barnsley

There will be many with your problems there

And i myself will be attending

Auntie xxOoooo does the number 46 bus stop there?"

Yes dearie it does

If you are going by public transport make sure you take a friend

Auntie xx

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

Dear Aunti Swingers,

I'm getting hassle off my other half (she says better half) cos I'm teasing her about her 'Atomic' reaction. How can I deal with her?

Many thanks in advance for saving this brave warrior.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wonders

Dear Pussy

I saw your comment on head lice and being the caring agony aunt i am always wanting to help people

Could you let me know tea tree oil derie

is that pg or tetley?

Auntie xx"

Lidl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie,

I don't have a problem but I am writing on behalf of a 'friend'.

My friend is 54 and wonders why there are no sexually attractive men of her age to be found.

Should she settle for two 27 year olds? Or wait a few years and go for three 20's ?

Granny ( aged 54 )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Aunti Swingers,

I'm getting hassle off my other half (she says better half) cos I'm teasing her about her 'Atomic' reaction. How can I deal with her?

Many thanks in advance for saving this brave warrior."

Dear A

The real question i feel dearie is how she can deal with you

She wrote to me two weeks ago about your tent and rubber diving suit fetishes

The poor woman needs some attention not mickey taking of her explosive sex life

Hope that helps

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

I've heard that men like a feather being run over their skin very lightly.

What is the best feather to be used. I tried to catch a peacock as I thought it would look pretty but it got away - have you any suggestions.........

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I don't have a problem but I am writing on behalf of a 'friend'.

My friend is 54 and wonders why there are no sexually attractive men of her age to be found.

Should she settle for two 27 year olds? Or wait a few years and go for three 20's ?

Granny ( aged 54 ) "

Dear Granny being a grandma myself i empathise with your "friends" plight

I feel that in later years it is the duty of the more mature ladies to take these youngsters in hand and impart your vast sexual knowledge on them whether they like it or not

My advise to your "friend" is to change her age on her profile and fit some kind of entrapment mechanism behind her front door

Then sit back and wait for the fun

Hope this helps

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

I've heard that men like a feather being run over their skin very lightly.

What is the best feather to be used. I tried to catch a peacock as I thought it would look pretty but it got away - have you any suggestions.........

xx"

Dear Greyeyes

I myself use a phoenix feather

I admit a little rare

However i believe that boots have a two for one offer on at the moment

Hope this helps

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I don't have a problem but I am writing on behalf of a 'friend'.

My friend is 54 and wonders why there are no sexually attractive men of her age to be found.

Should she settle for two 27 year olds? Or wait a few years and go for three 20's ?

Granny ( aged 54 )

Dear Granny being a grandma myself i empathise with your "friends" plight

I feel that in later years it is the duty of the more mature ladies to take these youngsters in hand and impart your vast sexual knowledge on them whether they like it or not

My advise to your "friend" is to change her age on her profile and fit some kind of entrapment mechanism behind her front door

Then sit back and wait for the fun

Hope this helps

Auntie xx"

Auntie! My 'friend' laughed so much she has to go for a tena lady but 'she's says thankx xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

I've heard that men like a feather being run over their skin very lightly.

What is the best feather to be used. I tried to catch a peacock as I thought it would look pretty but it got away - have you any suggestions.........

Dear Greyeyes

I myself use a phoenix feather

I admit a little rare

However i believe that boots have a two for one offer on at the moment

Hope this helps

Auntie xx"

Wow I only thought they existed in Harry Potter films!!

Lucky Boots......... "Boots are you in the forum? Can you help me out please"

Thanks Auntie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie,

I have a dreadful wind problem during the sexual act. Last time I was humping happily - the music was so loud I thought that if I farted to the beat my partner wouldn't notice. Soon I became aware that he was staring at me in disgust. It was then that I realised I was listening to my i Pod! I don't think he will fuck me again - can you suggest anything for my wind??

Granny ( aged 54 )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

Granny ( aged 54 ) "

Dear Granny

Difficult one this

After long and had deliberation

And a whip round in the office

We have decided to send you a kite

Really hope this helps

Auntie xx

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

"Dear Aunti Swingers,

I'm getting hassle off my other half (she says better half) cos I'm teasing her about her 'Atomic' reaction. How can I deal with her?

Many thanks in advance for saving this brave warrior.

Dear A

The real question i feel dearie is how she can deal with you

She wrote to me two weeks ago about your tent and rubber diving suit fetishes

The poor woman needs some attention not mickey taking of her explosive sex life

Hope that helps

Auntie xx"

Dear Auntie,

are you suggesting I buy her a snorkel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

the dilema is anal. I mean if one person wants it, and the other person doesnt get it, but the another person does. well wots your advice

ave i confused you with all this. i know am confused

pussy

aka gash reporting in from her bed still in liverpool

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

I have been accused of doing something I haven't done.

Hopefully now the accusee, knows this.

Should I forgive and forget or beat the living daylights out of him

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

could you please explain to me why when i was out on satuday night. the smokers corner became very popular. people who didnt normally smoke took up the nasty habbit.

yours sincerely

gash

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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago

clacton on sea

"Dear Auntie

I have been accused of doing something I haven't done.

Hopefully now the accusee, knows this.

Should I forgive and forget or beat the living daylights out of him

Thank you

"
if they wont let you beat them you can beat me instead

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

could you please explain to me why when i was out on satuday night. the smokers corner became very popular. people who didnt normally smoke took up the nasty habbit.

yours sincerely

gash"

Yes but what habit, cos I didn't find any nasty habits there!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well the smokers corner although covered became more of a wet area than outside me thinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear auntie, please find me a job....or a rich man to look after me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dear auntie, please find me a job....or a rich man to look after me

I was going to ask that but a woman instead of a bloke but what are the chances lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

the dilema is anal. I mean if one person wants it, and the other person doesnt get it, but the another person does. well wots your advice

ave i confused you with all this. i know am confused

pussy

aka gash reporting in from her bed still in liverpool"

Dear Gash

Anal is a strange thing

Mood has a lot to do with it sometimes

Some people have lots and some do not

However the ones that do not usually make the ones that do suffer very much lol

By the way do you know how i can untie these straps and get out of this cage pmsl xx

(anyone else reading this may have difficulty understanding it for that i apologise not lol xx)

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

I have been accused of doing something I haven't done.

Hopefully now the accusee, knows this.

Should I forgive and forget or beat the living daylights out of him

Thank you

Dear Aqua

Having seen the photo you enclosed im not surprised you have been accused of naughtiness

Im sure the person involved has by now apologised for the misunderstanding

But im also sure he would love you to beat the living daylights out of him too just for good measure you understand

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

I have just had a reply and I too find it hard to understand. Where you perhaps sniffing the bog brush in our van at all.

yours sincerely

gash

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

could you please explain to me why when i was out on saturday night. the smokers corner became very popular. people who didnt normally smoke took up the nasty habbit.

yours sincerely

gash"

Dear Pussy

Since the smoking ban smoking shelters have become really popular gathering places for perverts and deviants and i advise you to stay well away

Just recently reported on sky news was an article about a certain smoking shelter in a pub in Barnsley

Where the fire brigade had to rescue a crowd of people when the shelter unexpectedly flooded

So just bare in mind they can be dangerous places

Hope this answers your question

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dear auntie, please find me a job....or a rich man to look after me

Dear puresilk

Girl if i could do that for anyone do you think id be sitting on my ass writing this bloody column

God luck derie

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heay id like to complain as i posted before puresilk and no reply !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

bought a new basque for the social on saturday at Barnsley. the bloody top clasp broke and the bone is sticking thru. wondering what happened to make this happen. is anyone able to remember to enlighten me.

yours sincerely

princess gash

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

I have just had a reply and I too find it hard to understand. Where you perhaps sniffing the bog brush in our van at all.

yours sincerely

gash"

Dear Pussy

I feel you may have mixed me up with someone else as sniffing bog brushes ain't one of my fetishes dearie

However now you have mentioned it .....

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Heay id like to complain as i posted before puresilk and no reply !!

Dear prod

As a lady that is getting on in years i am not feckin infalible you know

However in answer to you question im sure there are many lovely loaded ladies out there

Please try this web site

imloadedewithbigboobstooandidoallthehouseworkandfucklikeawhore .com

If you have any luck with this please let me know

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

yours sincerely

princess gash"

Dear twinkly nips

I suggest reinforced steel clasps for next time derie

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

I feel not only let down by your lack of who i was saturday night when we spoke and not to answering my post is very upsetting now

lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

I feel not only let down by your lack of who i was saturday night when we spoke and not to answering my post is very upsetting now

lol"

Ooops didnt see you had two posts lol

And i did know i just got yer last name wron pmsl xx

How did the test go then? xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

the twinkly nips stayed intact throughout alot of activity. just wondering why the basque didnt. do you think it was a lot of bending etc when reaching for the glasses at the bottom of the bar.

yours sincerely

gash

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

I feel not only let down by your lack of who i was saturday night when we spoke and not to answering my post is very upsetting now

lol

Ooops didnt see you had two posts lol

And i did know i just got yer last name wron pmsl xx

How did the test go then? xx"

Well your not doing your job right on the thread then lol Three days of sheer boredom then got to wait two weeks to find out and not like you lot on saturday night lmao .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

I feel not only let down by your lack of who i was saturday night when we spoke and not to answering my post is very upsetting now

lol

Ooops didnt see you had two posts lol

And i did know i just got yer last name wron pmsl xx

How did the test go then? xx

Well your not doing your job right on the thread then lol Three days of sheer boredom then got to wait two weeks to find out and not like you lot on saturday night lmao .

only took me a short while to find anything out on saturday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

I feel im lacking something but cant figure what it is and dont say hair as i know that one!! lmao

I feel not only let down by your lack of who i was saturday night when we spoke and not to answering my post is very upsetting now

lol

Ooops didnt see you had two posts lol

And i did know i just got yer last name wron pmsl xx

How did the test go then? xx

Well your not doing your job right on the thread then lol Three days of sheer boredom then got to wait two weeks to find out and not like you lot on saturday night lmao .

only took me a short while to find anything out on saturday

So ive heard pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie,

recently purple and bright yellow pustules have sprouted from my perinaum - I sit constantly in the bath and cover myself in foam so no one can see them - but it went past luke warm in July and now in September the water is quite viscous and my skin has started to melt. When should I get out of the bath

????

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By *icekatCouple
over a year ago

north east

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wo

nders

Oh well, thanks anyway hun, you're a good assistant to Auntie!!

Put lots of hair conditioner on your childrens hair and leave it on do not rince and comb it through with a nit comb do this every day for 2 weeks. Use tea tree conditioner to keep them at bay. Hope this helps xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

only took me a short while to find anything out on saturday

Dear pussy

Not quite true that is it dearie

I her spec savers are doing a two for one offer at the moment

Hope that helps

Auntie xx

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By *icekatCouple
over a year ago

north east

"Auntie Swingmate,

Yours hopefully

Ms S Whore xxx

Oh i can sympathise with u there hun my daughters got em at the mo but the only way ive found to get rid is plenty of combing and tea tree stuff, ugly buggers they are arent they

eww shudder

and i mean the nits not the kids lol

Bring back the nit nurses eh?!

Too right but i wouldnt bother with full marks or anything like that just good old tea tree works wo

nders

Oh well, thanks anyway hun, you're a good assistant to Auntie!!

Put lots of hair conditioner on your childrens hair and do not rince off leave it on all day till next day and comb it through with a nit comb do this every day for 2 weeks. Use tea tree conditioner to keep them at bay. Hope this helps xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

????"

Dear Horney

Thank you for your post and i really feel for you derie

However what you said sounds very dangerous

And i really think that if that is your problem

you should stay in the bath dear

I will send you some tips on how to look after your skin

Hope that helps

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By the way you never answered my post lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"By the way you never answered my post lol

Dear prod

You will find that i did derie xx

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the way you never answered my post lol

Dear prod

You will find that i did derie xx

Auntie xx"

Where as you didnt give me answer to what i might be lacking other than hair? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the way you never answered my post lol

Dear prod

You will find that i did derie xx

Auntie xx

Where as you didnt give me answer to what i might be lacking other than hair? lol

well your not lacking balls coz ave seen em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the way you never answered my post lol

Dear prod

You will find that i did derie xx

Auntie xx

Where as you didnt give me answer to what i might be lacking other than hair? lol

well your not lacking balls coz ave seen em

Yep thats true but only when there shaved thou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear auntie

i think someone called proddi is harrassing you. will you please tell him what he is lacking before i do.

yours sincerely

gash

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dear auntie

i think someone called proddi is harrassing you. will you please tell him what he is lacking before i do.

yours sincerely

gash"

You have once today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A FOOKIN GOOD SHAG

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A FOOKIN GOOD SHAG"

Just fnding one thats the problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Swingmates.

Where can I find a week with more days in it, I would even settle for a day with more hours in it.

There are just not enough for me to work and have fun.

Please help

Rapunzel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Swingmates.

Where can I find a week with more days in it, I would even settle for a day with more hours in it.

There are just not enough for me to work and have fun.

Please help

Rapunzel"

Dear Rapunzel

The true answer to your question is i dont know derie

But if you find it please tell me

Cause i need longer weeks too

Yours Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

I have a serious problem that I have a problem with the eye candy on here not being in the same country as me.

Can you help me find some local totty to keep me happy and serviced. Don't mind what race as long as not over 50 and is a repeater in preformance. He can be young but like to have experience behind him.

Twinkling bedroom eyes with nice smile and nice bottom to hold on too when playing.

Yours sincerly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie,

????

Dear Horney

Thank you for your post and i really feel for you derie

However what you said sounds very dangerous

And i really think that if that is your problem

you should stay in the bath dear

I will send you some tips on how to look after your skin

Hope that helps

Auntie xx"

ty auntie - could we suggest a change of theme so it does not remind us of our current plight - perhaps you could bathe in beans or custard.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie

I have a serious problem that I have a problem with the eye candy on here not being in the same country as me.

Twinkling bedroom eyes with nice smile and nice bottom to hold on too when playing.

Yours sincerly

Dear h

sorry dearie but if i knew of any male with twinkling bedroom eyes

A nice smile and taught pert young bottom to hold on to whist playing

In any country

Do you really think i would tell ANYBODY

Hope that helps dearie

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear aunty

my partner will have anal with other women but not me what can i do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dear aunty

my partner will have anal with other women but not me what can i do "

Dear bbw

As it happens dearie i now a support group on here

Where you can get help with this very common problem

It is run by a lovely girl called Lesley

And she started it after suffering the same thing herself

If you send me an sae i will send you her details

Take care dearie

Hope this helps

Take care dearie

Auntie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear aunty we have a friend who keeps getting banned off forums we sugested boxing gloves to stop her typing any other ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ooooooooooo you know her too pmsl sae in the post

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

or the other answer could be get a single profile and get the sex you want from others you not getting from home lol

les

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dear aunty we have a friend who keeps getting banned off forums we sugested boxing gloves to stop her typing any other ideas "

Dear bbw

I think a solution to your problem could lie in nipple jewelry

As this is known to sooth savage beasts

And replace forum banning posts with cries of oh look how they sparkle

Hope this helps

Auntie xx

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