FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Christmas party and nervous

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well I’ve been invited to my works Christmas party tonight and everyone around me is insisting I go, as I’ve been off work 25 weeks and had minimal contact except a few Facebook msgs and when had meetings at work.

I have felt upset and let down by people I call friends that in my hardest and darkest time the people I call friends abandoned me so been alone loads.

So am in mixed minds do I go an try enjoy or not

It will be odd as I know there are new faces and people I never seen before plus others.

Damn what should I do as said I’m mixed if to go but family say I should be good for me to get out and mix etc,

am also scared since been off my anxiety is raised if I go busy shop I freak out am scared do this at work thing cos I already feel like ppl don’t like me or don’t care and if have meltdown may push further away.

So I dunno what ppl think or am I bein stupid

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Just go and see how it goes, if you're not having fun leave and come home early

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go. You might rekindle friendships or make new ones.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it mate - first steps and all that

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Tough it out. If you don’t like It make a plausible excuse and leave.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I'd go, show your face, have a couple of drinks, say hi and then if it gets too much just do an Irish farewell.

You might have a good time, but even if it's a bit meh it's one more hurdle you've got over in your recuperation.

Good luck!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personally from a man who suffered anxiety for years i wouldn't go. These people are work colleagues not friends. if they were they would be in touch. i think if you are worried now it will get worse when there. sorry if my answer is not encouraging but it is from experience. you need to be happy and relaxed in your self befor you can go into situations like that again. there is no time limit that you have to go by to feel better just take 1 day at a time. it took me nearly 8 years and im still not the confident person i was ( loud and cocky) but i can go out knowing my friends understand me if im quit or not myself.

this is only my opinion and only you can decide if your ready to face real life again.

i wish you well and good luck .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set yourself a small goal, to go for an hour and show your face and say hello. Try and focus on having one good connecting conversation with one person, rather than only saying hello to many. Perhaps make a decision whether a party is the right time to discuss any negative aspects of your time off and feelings of being let down, there may be better times to talk this aspect through more constructively (if you had wanted to). If you achieve whatever your small goal/s are and are having fun then stay longer but if it was hard/upsetting then go home and feel a sense of achievement in what you have accomplished.

If you choose not to go, know that is perfectly okay too, big parties can be hard at the best of times and quite honestly it won’t be the end of the world to miss it. It will then become a good conversation piece later on, asking people how it was.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

Is there somebody that you could meet and enter the party together?

As others have said it’s all about how you feel..

But nothing ventured nothing gained, and you are in charge of how you feel.

Hope you go as that’s a link to work on when you feel ready and able to go back to work again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"Just go and see how it goes, if you're not having fun leave and come home early"
this ..good luck mate...no one is going to be upset if you leave early..you might have a great time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?


"Just go and see how it goes, if you're not having fun leave and come home early

Go. You might rekindle friendships or make new ones.

"

It can be hard for work colleagues to contact you as "work" isn't meant to if you are off.

Go and leave when you want, but give it a go..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I were you, I just wouldn't go full stop. You go to work to earn money, not for a social life. If you didn't work there, would you choose those people as your friends? Do what's best for you, not what you think might be best for anything or anyone else.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you everyone

I have found this time so tough and the regular readers of my weekly posts will know me well as I always post from heart.

I think I may go, I’ve very nervous but as I’m goin back work in month I need try get over stuff a bit

Thank you for the kind words and support I don’t think you know how much I needed an liked the help an support this forum has given me, I wish I could be friends with ppl off here as ones who msg me seem nice and good

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I were you, I just wouldn't go full stop. You go to work to earn money, not for a social life. If you didn't work there, would you choose those people as your friends? Do what's best for you, not what you think might be best for anything or anyone else. "

Yeah I usually don’t mix but I think family encouraging me as been a recluse so think they hope my old self may surface. Said will go for hour then home

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"personally from a man who suffered anxiety for years i wouldn't go. These people are work colleagues not friends. if they were they would be in touch. i think if you are worried now it will get worse when there. sorry if my answer is not encouraging but it is from experience. you need to be happy and relaxed in your self befor you can go into situations like that again. there is no time limit that you have to go by to feel better just take 1 day at a time. it took me nearly 8 years and im still not the confident person i was ( loud and cocky) but i can go out knowing my friends understand me if im quit or not myself.

this is only my opinion and only you can decide if your ready to face real life again.

i wish you well and good luck . "

I know what you mean since my operation I’ve hidden from world faced demons and realised truths about my depression, anxiety and fears.

It’s terrifying how different I feel due to anxiety I used play gigs and play stuff love loads am excited do do that but like now anxious about people watching and hearing me and what ifs

Thank you for your words I’ve always had anxiety but in past performing was an escape when my awkwardness vanished but hopefully can control it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Jack, if you're going back to work in month, this might be an icebreaker for you. As others have said, go along and give it some time, if you feel uncomfortable, then come home, but remember you will be having to work with your colleagues again soon. Good luck and let us know how it goes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Set yourself a small goal, to go for an hour and show your face and say hello. Try and focus on having one good connecting conversation with one person, rather than only saying hello to many. Perhaps make a decision whether a party is the right time to discuss any negative aspects of your time off and feelings of being let down, there may be better times to talk this aspect through more constructively (if you had wanted to). If you achieve whatever your small goal/s are and are having fun then stay longer but if it was hard/upsetting then go home and feel a sense of achievement in what you have accomplished.

If you choose not to go, know that is perfectly okay too, big parties can be hard at the best of times and quite honestly it won’t be the end of the world to miss it. It will then become a good conversation piece later on, asking people how it was."

What miss Estelle says.. I am picky about certain social situations, but for different reasons. The last works function I went to I only stayed for around 40 minutes.

If this is within your stretch zone (comfort/stretch/panic) then i say go with no expectations. Without knowing all the details - is it a formal meal or just drinks - it is difficult to give exact advice.

Remember there is no need to apologise or make excuses, if/when you want to leave just say goodbye and leave. Take your car so you won't be pressured into accepting drinks if that makes you feel better.

Hope all goes well.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"personally from a man who suffered anxiety for years i wouldn't go. These people are work colleagues not friends. if they were they would be in touch. i think if you are worried now it will get worse when there. sorry if my answer is not encouraging but it is from experience. you need to be happy and relaxed in your self befor you can go into situations like that again. there is no time limit that you have to go by to feel better just take 1 day at a time. it took me nearly 8 years and im still not the confident person i was ( loud and cocky) but i can go out knowing my friends understand me if im quit or not myself.

this is only my opinion and only you can decide if your ready to face real life again.

i wish you well and good luck . "

I agree with this. Sadly. And alcohol with depression ? Stress to “enjoy yourself”.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just go and see how it goes, if you're not having fun leave and come home early

Go. You might rekindle friendships or make new ones.

It can be hard for work colleagues to contact you as "work" isn't meant to if you are off.

Go and leave when you want, but give it a go.. "

Just because they didn't contact you OP, doesn't necessarily mean they don't care.

Hope you have a brilliant night out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well I went

I felt really anxious and one girl seemed nice and said she wants take me out for day on Friday.

I felt nervous being round lots people didn’t know but tried keep in check while drank , I had a bottle of beer but once people started get more d*unk an dance an fall around I started get more anxious and wanted to leave in fear of someone hurting my leg.

I stayed for 2 hours then left making excuse my lift needs get home early.

It was nice see some people an have a lil perv at the new girls haha

Thanks for the help an support

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well I’ve been invited to my works Christmas party tonight and everyone around me is insisting I go, as I’ve been off work 25 weeks and had minimal contact except a few Facebook msgs and when had meetings at work.

I have felt upset and let down by people I call friends that in my hardest and darkest time the people I call friends abandoned me so been alone loads.

So am in mixed minds do I go an try enjoy or not

It will be odd as I know there are new faces and people I never seen before plus others.

Damn what should I do as said I’m mixed if to go but family say I should be good for me to get out and mix etc,

am also scared since been off my anxiety is raised if I go busy shop I freak out am scared do this at work thing cos I already feel like ppl don’t like me or don’t care and if have meltdown may push further away.

So I dunno what ppl think or am I bein stupid "

Hope you have a lovely time my friend, don't be nervous just try and enjoy.good luck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"Well I went

I felt really anxious and one girl seemed nice and said she wants take me out for day on Friday.

I felt nervous being round lots people didn’t know but tried keep in check while drank , I had a bottle of beer but once people started get more d*unk an dance an fall around I started get more anxious and wanted to leave in fear of someone hurting my leg.

I stayed for 2 hours then left making excuse my lift needs get home early.

It was nice see some people an have a lil perv at the new girls haha

Thanks for the help an support"

Hope you are glad you went

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It was ok

For first hour I was so anxious one of the girls I like noticed I was rubbing an scratching top of my hand for while (I think I do it to try stop freaking out) so she came close and whispered it was ok an she could help me relax ( well looking at how she was dressed, fact she was sober started getting me a lil should I say alert lol)

I stayed about 2.5 hours which seemed an achievement was nice see the 2 ppl from work as usual a part covering different departments I knew no one else but the same friend kept telling me after she been bar an dancing that some of the younger staff were interested in me lol

Soooo it was nice I don’t think would do again so soon lol but hey ho

I was so anxious an nervous I was sweating loads which made me feel worse as worries of smelling etc

Damn am rambling lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"It was ok

For first hour I was so anxious one of the girls I like noticed I was rubbing an scratching top of my hand for while (I think I do it to try stop freaking out) so she came close and whispered it was ok an she could help me relax ( well looking at how she was dressed, fact she was sober started getting me a lil should I say alert lol)

I stayed about 2.5 hours which seemed an achievement was nice see the 2 ppl from work as usual a part covering different departments I knew no one else but the same friend kept telling me after she been bar an dancing that some of the younger staff were interested in me lol

Soooo it was nice I don’t think would do again so soon lol but hey ho

I was so anxious an nervous I was sweating loads which made me feel worse as worries of smelling etc

Damn am rambling lol"

Aah, bless you, at least you went

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

See how you feel in the night.

If you feel up to it, then go you might enjoy it.

If you feel anxious still, don't go. There is no need to force yourself. You could apologise to someone you know, let them know you are not up to it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"See how you feel in the night.

If you feel up to it, then go you might enjoy it.

If you feel anxious still, don't go. There is no need to force yourself. You could apologise to someone you know, let them know you are not up to it."

He's been....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"See how you feel in the night.

If you feel up to it, then go you might enjoy it.

If you feel anxious still, don't go. There is no need to force yourself. You could apologise to someone you know, let them know you are not up to it.

He's been.... "

Thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like the girl who noticed your nervous scratching is very perceptive and she had your back. Really nice of her to help you.

Probably the right time to leave when you did, before your anxiety kicked in too hard

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 08/12/18 17:02:20]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opping_candyWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire


"It was ok

For first hour I was so anxious one of the girls I like noticed I was rubbing an scratching top of my hand for while (I think I do it to try stop freaking out) so she came close and whispered it was ok an she could help me relax ( well looking at how she was dressed, fact she was sober started getting me a lil should I say alert lol)

I stayed about 2.5 hours which seemed an achievement was nice see the 2 ppl from work as usual a part covering different departments I knew no one else but the same friend kept telling me after she been bar an dancing that some of the younger staff were interested in me lol

Soooo it was nice I don’t think would do again so soon lol but hey ho

I was so anxious an nervous I was sweating loads which made me feel worse as worries of smelling etc

Damn am rambling lol"

Good on you for going!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"Sounds like the girl who noticed your nervous scratching is very perceptive and she had your back. Really nice of her to help you.

Probably the right time to leave when you did, before your anxiety kicked in too hard"

I thought was nice of her too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yeah she was lovely she even pointed out girls who she knows likes me lol was cute

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"Yeah she was lovely she even pointed out girls who she knows likes me lol was cute"

Sounds promising

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah she was lovely she even pointed out girls who she knows likes me lol was cute

Sounds promising"

One of the girls came say by us for a min and omg shortest black dress and yum view lol

Was hard coz friend looked hot but didn’t wana mix signals being nice to bein a come on lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah she was lovely she even pointed out girls who she knows likes me lol was cute

Sounds promising

One of the girls came say by us for a min and omg shortest black dress and yum view lol

Was hard coz friend looked hot but didn’t wana mix signals being nice to bein a come on lol"

Hiding your anxiety behind a healthy dose of lecherous pervery sounds reasonable. It was the works xmas party after all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm glad you went.

I completely understand what you wrote in the second paragraph of your OP.

You really find out who your friends are during dark times.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah she was lovely she even pointed out girls who she knows likes me lol was cute

Sounds promising

One of the girls came say by us for a min and omg shortest black dress and yum view lol

Was hard coz friend looked hot but didn’t wana mix signals being nice to bein a come on lol

Hiding your anxiety behind a healthy dose of lecherous pervery sounds reasonable. It was the works xmas party after all"

Wasn’t that lecherous lol but once settle did enjoy some views lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm glad you went.

I completely understand what you wrote in the second paragraph of your OP.

You really find out who your friends are during dark times. "

Yeah I think important went but was so nervous seeing people

Yeah I now work people aren’t always real friends but think o hoped some would give a crap but didn’t

It’s now 6 months since we t off and yday first time seen anyone

I must admit I couldn’t wait to leave I think by 9pm I was wanting go but stayed try be social but by 10 I text for lift home never been so glad lol

I think also when used drink it was ok even though did t enjoy stuff got hammered so didn’t care, but since op I’ve only had 2-3 glass wine due to meds and omg it’s vile lol

Also stopped smoking 7 months ago an it was first night since then OMG I craved after a small drink lol

Thanks for the support guys

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top