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Who takes the Dom role or sub roll.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

In your relationship?

And not just the sex side either

I'll let ya guess mine lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i do ... and i have angelas pemission to to say so

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By *riendlyfunfemWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I like equality though I do like to take control in the bedroom! That said its very sexy when the tables are turned unexpectedly

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

I can imagine you dominating poor shy and retiring Wendy! You cad sir!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can imagine you dominating poor shy and retiring Wendy! You cad sir!!!!! "

I wish lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can play both ........ well xx

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

aye he wishes!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like a man to be a man x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I like a man to be a man x "

Oh a sub man can be a man believe me lol xx

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Im very much the submissive in my relationship with my man..hes very dominant so it works well...thats both in AND out of the bedroom

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By *riendlyfunfemWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own


"Im very much the submissive in my relationship with my man..hes very dominant so it works well...thats both in AND out of the bedroom "

But not when it comes to you buying shoes!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Im very much the submissive in my relationship with my man..hes very dominant so it works well...thats both in AND out of the bedroom

But not when it comes to you buying shoes! "
I actually do as im told now..his way is best..but he buys me shoes so its all good

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I actually do as im told now.."

Have a word wi her for me please xx

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I actually do as im told now..

Have a word wi her for me please xx"
what word would you like?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we both do

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I actually do as im told now..

Have a word wi her for me please xxwhat word would you like? "

Ha bloody ha xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my relationship with my master only I am submissive...

Master is dominant always....

With other men I'm not submissive but wouldn't dominate either lol just refuse to concede control.

Cali x

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle

My dog is in charge in my house.

In my sex life I am in charge.

it's not a role, just a fact of how I am.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

it's not a role, just a fact of how I am."

Your role in life then? xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't be sub, but I can't be a total dom either.

I don't like being ordered around by anyone, and although I'm a manager I ask people to do things rather than order them to do things.

I'm the same in my sex life too

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By *orkmalewithPAMan
over a year ago

York


"I can't be sub, but I can't be a total dom either.

I don't like being ordered around by anyone, and although I'm a manager I ask people to do things rather than order them to do things.

I'm the same in my sex life too "

+1

I was trying to think of a way of putting it but you got it spot on. Thanks

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"

it's not a role, just a fact of how I am.

Your role in life then? xx "

Nope - in my life I am much more of a chameleon...

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I like my relationships to be based on equality; I am not one for being dominated nor would I wish to dominate my partner in day to day life.

In the bedroom... well, there is plenty of room for ALL sorts of surprises... when it is just the two of us! Its is sure never tiresome

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Which relationship

one of kevs jokes is"i thought you were meant to be sub",usually when he wants me to put the bins out or go to the shop

i always reply im not a service sub

sexually i am submissive,and always have been,as someone else said,its just the way i am,however i only submit to one person,it might seem a subtle difference,but it isnt.When i am sucking cock,or enjoying rough sex,being a sex toy,it brings me pleasure because thats the kind of sex i enjoy,when i am with Sir,my pleasure is his pleasure.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

50/50

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like a man to be a man x

Oh a sub man can be a man believe me lol xx"

I think that's a misconception a lot have that sub men are not manly.

All my playmates are alpha males. One runs his own construction company, another is a director in an aviation company and my other half is UK manager for a telecommunications company.

All 6ft and over and "manly".

For them, relinquishing control to me sexually is a form of stress relief. They are in control in their business lives, they have to make decisions. With me taking the reins works perfectly.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"

it's not a role, just a fact of how I am.

Your role in life then? xx

Nope - in my life I am much more of a chameleon..."

now i am thinking of boy george,which is just wrong

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I like a man to be a man x

Oh a sub man can be a man believe me lol xx

I think that's a misconception a lot have that sub men are not manly.

All my playmates are alpha males. One runs his own construction company, another is a director in an aviation company and my other half is UK manager for a telecommunications company.

All 6ft and over and "manly".

For them, relinquishing control to me sexually is a form of stress relief. They are in control in their business lives, they have to make decisions. With me taking the reins works perfectly. "

Whilst submitting for me is not stress relief,i do wish we could kill the idea that sub women are doormats, sub men are wimps...

i think enough forumites know me to know a doormat is the last thing i am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Which relationship

one of kevs jokes is"i thought you were meant to be sub",usually when he wants me to put the bins out or go to the shop

i always reply im not a service sub

sexually i am submissive,and always have been,as someone else said,its just the way i am,however i only submit to one person,it might seem a subtle difference,but it isnt.When i am sucking cock,or enjoying rough sex,being a sex toy,it brings me pleasure because thats the kind of sex i enjoy,when i am with Sir,my pleasure is his pleasure."

Can I ask something Jem, and this is a genuine question and not meant to offend in any way.

You are submissive sexually in general but submit to one person you say. The person you submit to, is that not your husband, and if not, how does you husband feel that you are completely at another mans whim.

I know you talk a lot about Sir on the forum and it almost feels at times that he is your main concern and I wonder about the dynamics in relation to your husband and whether he is in fact in a kind of cuckold situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My relationship with my husband is very equal, at times I'm more in control of a lot of aspects. Sex is fairly equal in terms of control though he'd like to be more dom but we're not sure how that works with us. With other men who can be dom I tend to be submissive, though I've yet to find someone who can make me mentally submit to them too which would be amazing.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

in my relationship, Tobleton Junior calls the shots - he leads, I follow

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

[Removed by poster at 02/01/12 00:45:49]

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Which relationship

one of kevs jokes is"i thought you were meant to be sub",usually when he wants me to put the bins out or go to the shop

i always reply im not a service sub

sexually i am submissive,and always have been,as someone else said,its just the way i am,however i only submit to one person,it might seem a subtle difference,but it isnt.When i am sucking cock,or enjoying rough sex,being a sex toy,it brings me pleasure because thats the kind of sex i enjoy,when i am with Sir,my pleasure is his pleasure.

Can I ask something Jem, and this is a genuine question and not meant to offend in any way.

You are submissive sexually in general but submit to one person you say. The person you submit to, is that not your husband, and if not, how does you husband feel that you are completely at another mans whim.

I know you talk a lot about Sir on the forum and it almost feels at times that he is your main concern and I wonder about the dynamics in relation to your husband and whether he is in fact in a kind of cuckold situation. "

Not offended at all iconic,because one of the things i like about you is the fact you are genuinely interested in people and what makes them tick

First,you have to be aware kev does not "do" the internet,Sir does,he posts on the forum,this is not to say that i would not be happy with kev reading anything i write, but that in this space my responses are written in a certain context.

Posting that i just had a wonderful shag with my soulmate would be redundant, he wouldnt read it and its not swinging.

i often post about bdsm,cos there are only me cali and sassy about to combat a lot of the misaprhensions,and myths that abound.

How does kev feel about the fact another man has control...ahhh well thats the point at which the lifestyle bdsm folk would pillory me .Why? Because i have a Master who likes and respects kev,whose first rule is nothing should interfere with my family life.

Yes Doms can have limits

When i first looked for a Dom,finding one who understood my family would come first took some time.Finding one bright enough to not only accept that,but prefer it was just the jackpot!

Is kev cuck...no, he is a voyeur,but most importantly he has no possessiveness or need to "own" me.On my blog i refer to him a the resident buddhist,for good reason,he believes we all have our own path to take When Sir visits he sees the smiles ,thats enough for him

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I like a man to be a man x

Oh a sub man can be a man believe me lol xx

I think that's a misconception a lot have that sub men are not manly.

All my playmates are alpha males. One runs his own construction company, another is a director in an aviation company and my other half is UK manager for a telecommunications company.

All 6ft and over and "manly".

For them, relinquishing control to me sexually is a form of stress relief. They are in control in their business lives, they have to make decisions. With me taking the reins works perfectly. "
Very much depends on what peoples idea of an alpha is though sassy, it differs a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you Jem, it is very interesting for me and I do enjoy hearing about the dom/sub lifestyle.

I am fascinated by it but I know I couldnt be involved. For one thing, whilst Im fairly sexually submissive, I couldnt let myself by submissive entirely to another person.

I could not imagine being hurt during sex and enjoying it. I dont equate pain with sex, I equate pain with violence and I am suspicious of men who can inflict pain on women, probably more so than the other way around.

But I am the first one to admit my ignorance because I dont understand it. The only experiences I have had within the BDSM world, and these were within a working environment, were negative and criminal, so I struggle to understand a positive _iew of it.

I question things only because of my upbringing and experiences and never because I want to deliberately offend. Like I said, I accept I have limited understanding.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Thank you Jem, it is very interesting for me and I do enjoy hearing about the dom/sub lifestyle.

I am fascinated by it but I know I couldnt be involved. For one thing, whilst Im fairly sexually submissive, I couldnt let myself by submissive entirely to another person.

I could not imagine being hurt during sex and enjoying it. I dont equate pain with sex, I equate pain with violence and I am suspicious of men who can inflict pain on women, probably more so than the other way around.

But I am the first one to admit my ignorance because I dont understand it. The only experiences I have had within the BDSM world, and these were within a working environment, were negative and criminal, so I struggle to understand a positive _iew of it.

I question things only because of my upbringing and experiences and never because I want to deliberately offend. Like I said, I accept I have limited understanding. "

Firstly remember for many bdsm does not involve pain,i am a pain slut,i actually orgasm from pain,another reason,i looked after much discussion with kev,for someone outside.

He believes hitting a woman is wrong, more than that though i believe asking him to do something that he felt uncomfortable with would be wrong. i love the man he is and do not wish to change him.

As for being suspicious of men who can inflict pain,tbh you are right. A large part of the reason i do not hang round on fet sites is because they are full of nutters

i am very lucky, Sir is self aware and analytical,many of us have extreme fantasies or desires,being aware of them,and in control makes us safer.

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"

it's not a role, just a fact of how I am.

Your role in life then? xx

Nope - in my life I am much more of a chameleon...

now i am thinking of boy george,which is just wrong "

He was, allegedly, a tidy boxer in his youth.

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle

[Removed by poster at 02/01/12 08:47:55]

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle

"Thank you Jem, it is very interesting for me and I do enjoy hearing about the dom/sub lifestyle.

I am fascinated by it but I know I couldnt be involved. For one thing, whilst Im fairly sexually submissive, I couldnt let myself by submissive entirely to another person.

I could not imagine being hurt during sex and enjoying it. I dont equate pain with sex, I equate pain with violence and I am suspicious of men who can inflict pain on women, probably more so than the other way around.

But I am the first one to admit my ignorance because I dont understand it. The only experiences I have had within the BDSM world, and these were within a working environment, were negative and criminal, so I struggle to understand a positive _iew of it.

I question things only because of my upbringing and experiences and never because I want to deliberately offend. Like I said, I accept I have limited understanding. "

You don't need to apologise for asking good and intriguing questions.

Violence is an intriguing concept. Google 'guardian advert skinhead youtube' and you'll get an old guardian advert that is, in part, about perceptions of violence and you'll see what I mean.

Is it wrong to use violence against women? 11 years ago I broke a woman's finger on a fight. I must be an evil thug, right? She was choking another woman in a violent fight that involved eye gouging and hair pulling so extreme her victim had a lacerated scalp. I must be one of the good guys right?

It's an extreme example, but not that extreme.

Another point about pain. It's entirely contextual. Want a non sexual example or two? A mother's beatific smile during childbirth when the child lies on her breast. Or the huge smile of an athlete who's got to the end of a marathon, chafed nipples bleeding under their vest, a blister weeping inside their shoe and a smile a mile wide on their face.

Like I say, pain is contextual. My own theory is that all intense experiences will be sexualized by someone, even if only as a voyeur.

I would distinguish quite sharply between a sadist who can use pain as a way of creating intense experiences for all those involved in a sexual act, and those sadists who do not care about the experience of others as they act out their pathological needs. It is entirely about self awareness, and an overriding concern for others.

I am a sadist, but if my sadism does not get other people to where they want to be then it must remain in the closet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Awayman I read your first and the above post with interest

Regarding your last post let me clarify something

This thread was actually started tongue in cheek

But I'm actually pleased at the interesting in-depth answers

Yes I'm sub now but it wasn't always the case

I was a very dominant person both in everyday life and sexually

I loved to inflict pain in the bedroom

However one night about 5/6 years ago I lost total control with my ex partner and it wasn't pretty (actually it came very close to hospital)

From that night forward once I had seen the violence I was capable of inflicting I became completely the opposite

With Wendy's help I'm trying to get back to a comfortable and controllable level again but it is difficult for me ( although she is a dominant personality she also likes someone to take control occasionally)

However can I stress that although I am submissive it does not mean or ever has meant I'm a push over xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

most things in my relationship in the dom

i have to make the decisions as he is useless at making them

even simple things like "what's for tea" or "what u fancy doing later"

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Would say we are both pretty equal in both our sex and everyday life.

If I am completely honest then would love to take a more submissive role at times in the bedroom but it just isn't MrB's cup of tea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i will answer this is two parts soapy :

the first response is that i had this discussion the other day after i was labelled a 'control freak'

my response was that i do not control anyone (nor would i try to), BUT i do like my own way

and there is a difference between the two !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the second response is :

mrs bus and my fb were talking about me (yes, they know each other and both are ok with each other - infact they gang up on me when they're together lol)

his opinion was that i like my own way too much, that it's very much my way or the highway

her retort was 'that's not the case - you have to let him think he's getting his own way'

crafty cow

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.


"the second response is :

mrs bus and my fb were talking about me (yes, they know each other and both are ok with each other - infact they gang up on me when they're together lol)

his opinion was that i like my own way too much, that it's very much my way or the highway

her retort was 'that's not the case - you have to let him think he's getting his own way'

crafty cow "

No, a woman

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By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle


"Awayman I read your first and the above post with interest

Regarding your last post let me clarify something

This thread was actually started tongue in cheek

But I'm actually pleased at the interesting in-depth answers

Yes I'm sub now but it wasn't always the case

I was a very dominant person both in everyday life and sexually

I loved to inflict pain in the bedroom

However one night about 5/6 years ago I lost total control with my ex partner and it wasn't pretty (actually it came very close to hospital)

From that night forward once I had seen the violence I was capable of inflicting I became completely the opposite

With Wendy's help I'm trying to get back to a comfortable and controllable level again but it is difficult for me ( although she is a dominant personality she also likes someone to take control occasionally)

However can I stress that although I am submissive it does not mean or ever has meant I'm a push over xx

"

And the reason why I persist with this forum is because sometimes people make thoughtful, insightful contribs like yours Soapy.....

Have I ever lost control? Not in the bedroom, but yes, in the past my anger has got the better of me. A guy stabbed me at work a long time ago and I fear I might have killed him if I hadn't been pulled away - one punch is enough in the wrong circumstances and I'm sure I threw more than one...

I'm not very angry these days. Not in that way, anyway. In fact, as is often pointed out by some on here, I'm a bit of a liberal do gooder. Make of that what you will...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I dont get the whole sub/dom thing... but as always.

enjoy, if it is your thing.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"Awayman I read your first and the above post with interest

Regarding your last post let me clarify something

This thread was actually started tongue in cheek

But I'm actually pleased at the interesting in-depth answers

Yes I'm sub now but it wasn't always the case

I was a very dominant person both in everyday life and sexually

I loved to inflict pain in the bedroom

However one night about 5/6 years ago I lost total control with my ex partner and it wasn't pretty (actually it came very close to hospital)

From that night forward once I had seen the violence I was capable of inflicting I became completely the opposite

With Wendy's help I'm trying to get back to a comfortable and controllable level again but it is difficult for me ( although she is a dominant personality she also likes someone to take control occasionally)

However can I stress that although I am submissive it does not mean or ever has meant I'm a push over xx

And the reason why I persist with this forum is because sometimes people make thoughtful, insightful contribs like yours Soapy.....

Have I ever lost control? Not in the bedroom, but yes, in the past my anger has got the better of me. A guy stabbed me at work a long time ago and I fear I might have killed him if I hadn't been pulled away - one punch is enough in the wrong circumstances and I'm sure I threw more than one...

I'm not very angry these days. Not in that way, anyway. In fact, as is often pointed out by some on here, I'm a bit of a liberal do gooder. Make of that what you will...

"

Soapy and _wayman...

my experience, limited as it is that men(and i can only really write about Dom men) who are willing to accept that their violent urges exist, and can channel them are far safer to be around as a sub.

A Dom who is not self aware is the real danger.

And a confession,i have talked about trying to Domme,to experience it, my conclusion was that i have still unresolved anger issues that might lead me to make decisions i would regret.

We all need to accept who we are,and our motivations.

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