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What a fooking twat!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Frequently

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By *ature studentsCouple
over a year ago

Near Bournemouth Dorset.


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... "

How the fudge did you do that??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... "

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

How the fudge did you do that??"

Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

How the fudge did you do that??

Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol"

Hahaha, you bell.

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "

I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant!

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By *haverMan
over a year ago

bracknell

One time was pulling pipe off a wall and it came away unexpectedly ended up smacking myself full square on my nose nearly started crying with pain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stabbed myself in the boob with a fork doing dishes today, was bloody sore!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "

You were very tired so you have a good excuse

Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

No but I frequently fall over when trying to get my jeans off when I get home from a night on the drink

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"One time was pulling pipe off a wall and it came away unexpectedly ended up smacking myself full square on my nose nearly started crying with pain "

Not nice being hit in the face... I was living in London and I was waiting for a bus. I stood right on the edge of the curb facing away from traffic. Anyway the moment I decided to turn around was when the bus came. He got so close to the curb the side mirror hit me in the face. Luckily they have springs or I would have been out cold. Loads of people there too. It didn't hurt too much at the time. Next day though! Black eye.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

You were very tired so you have a good excuse

Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two "

These are comedy gold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

How the fudge did you do that??

Sat on edge of bed bent over rushing and lifted my knee up too far..... nobhead lol"

Ouch!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

You were very tired so you have a good excuse

Pulling a cork out of a wine bottle and punched myself in the mouth when it snapped in two "

Tiredness is no excuse for being a complete clumsy muppet!!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Can't get my leg the that high

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

Just north of Bristol

I did a somersault on a bouncy castle and landed a bit close to the wall. My leg rebounded into my face and I gave myself a really bad nosebleed.

This was at a wedding and I got blood all over my shirt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "

That's karma for smoking on the loo!! Ha ha brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I nearly sliced the top of my finger off with a surgical scalpel while cutting the bristles off a hair brush

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"I did a somersault on a bouncy castle and landed a bit close to the wall. My leg rebounded into my face and I gave myself a really bad nosebleed.

This was at a wedding and I got blood all over my shirt. "

So many elements to that post that made me laugh, you daft bugger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers "

I’ve actually done this too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well reading these can really cheer you up nice to know you are not alone when it comes to doing stupid things.

Phone in face is great cos the next night you still lay in bed and have phone in same place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?... "

No, but I've managed to cum on my own face having a wank

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


"Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers "

I do that too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

( Mr)once got out of bed half asleep early hours in the morning for the toilet & smashed my little toe on the door lining , rolled on the floor like a baby

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "

An ex of mine used to buy me a shirt for Xmas and my Birthday, they only lasted a few weeks until there was at least one rock hole in them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers

I do that too "

Fight club

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By *horehouseprincessWoman
over a year ago

small town near Munich

I sat down on a carbon knitting needle last week in a crowded hospital cafeteria... my parents who were with me at the time were still laughing when we headed back home.

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By *ensualbicockMan
over a year ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!?

I've done that.... think the worst one I've done was when I was about 18 and I burnt my Willy smoking a spilff on the toilet! Good ol' solid... that was not pleasant! "

I've done that , smelt like I'd been smoking singed pubic hair

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By *hadowcookieCouple
over a year ago

Portlaoise

Ironed my pregnant bump? Forgot it was there....

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By *hadowcookieCouple
over a year ago

Portlaoise


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

No, but I've managed to cum on my own face having a wank "

Had a fb cum up my nose (accidentally).. He was lying in ecstasy while I was choking.. Lol

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

[Removed by poster at 21/11/18 22:31:27]

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

I've opened a door onto my foot and then walked into it face first

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Had a big spider on my foot, freaked out and stamped hard on my own foot! Barefoot but still hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often go into a blind panic and start looking for my lost phone....usually whilst I’m talking on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!?

Or....

Anything else someone (or yourself) would have called you a twat for doing?...

Dropped my phone onto my face last night and split my lip open.. does that count?!? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeh, came home d*unk one night, took a shit on the back garden step and then proceeded to step in it and walked it through house. Woke up like spud out out of trainspotting.

The thing is wife at time had taken time to spring clean that day, so think that's a defintition of a total twat. I think phoning my mates the next day to share my enjoyment made it worse.

True story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers "

me too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I broke a toe licking a Gnome once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I broke a toe licking a Gnome once "

Was it tasty?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I broke a toe licking a Gnome once "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground "

You almost went in my weirdo box then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I broke a toe licking a Gnome once

Was it tasty? "

Slightly too salty for my liking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground

You almost went in my weirdo box then "

What box of yours can I go in then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pissed up drank red dog flea shampoo thinking it was mouthwash. Yuk stil taste it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once punched myself in the face putting a t shirt on, ended up with a bruise and scab on the end of my nose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope but I ripped a hole in my gum last night trying to get bits of meat out of my teeth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've done the classic cartoon thing of standing on a garden rake when its laying on the ground and it springs up and smacks you right on the forehead. I can confirm that really, really hurts.

This year I was repairing a shed and screwed a new latch to it, only to realise afterwards that not only had I screwed the latch to the door but also the door to the frame and therefore couldn't get the door open.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Kicking!!! That was supposed to be kicking - ok not big and clever but I was young and impressionable and it was a dare... how was I supposed to know it was cemented to the ground

You almost went in my weirdo box then

What box of yours can I go in then? "

My box of treats

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

In my early 20's I had a car without power steering, and I let the steering wheel spin through my hands a bit on a roundabout once, caught my thumb in it and pulled it right out of joint. I had to pull over and pop it back in whilst swearing loudly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In bed many years ago with a fella on satin sheets and slid down the bed during sex, as I sat up to shimmy up the bed, he bent down to wrap his arm around me and pull me up the bed and I headbutted him.

I was ok but the next day he had a shiner!

It didn't stop us at the time though!

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"Has anyone else kneed themselves in the face putting on a sock!? "

No i carnt say i have.

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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago

Traffic land


"Frequently punch myself in the face, when pulling up the bed covers

I do that too

Fight club "

* champion!*

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By *orny IrishMan
over a year ago

Rural Wiltshire


"Stabbed myself in the boob with a fork doing dishes today, was bloody sore! "

Is it still sore. Does it need to be kissed better?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once went to scratch my nose while holding a 8 inch screwdriver.. literally shanked myself up the nasal cavity...the blood! I still have flashbacks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i was younger an ex and i were playing about with baby oil.I thought id be clever and jump on her skipped off and broke my wrist on the bedside draws.

Utter cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I regularly punch myself on the side of the head when I'm putting my bag on my shoulder, just as well I wear headphones most of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got my head and arm caught in a jumper the other day and had a total meltdowndue to panicking.. Does this count?

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By *indingDeemoMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I was having a d*unken race through a friends house against one friends misssus years ago. She is only like 5ft so me being a smart arse I picked her up and threw her on the coach so I could win .... I then proceeded to run in to a closed solid glass door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got my head and arm caught in a jumper the other day and had a total meltdowndue to panicking.. Does this count? "

I got stuck in a onesie when I was dying for a wee once. I had a proper panic attack and have not worn one since.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad calls me a twat cos I was born

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dad calls me a twat cos I was born "

Well he doesn't sound very pleasant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Got my head and arm caught in a jumper the other day and had a total meltdowndue to panicking.. Does this count?

I got stuck in a onesie when I was dying for a wee once. I had a proper panic attack and have not worn one since."

Oh God... You too?? I've done this too!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dad calls me a twat cos I was born

Well he doesn't sound very pleasant."

He's a twat

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By *ara MTV/TS
over a year ago

Aberdare

Have been known to poke myself in the eye whilst applying mascara

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dad calls me a twat cos I was born

Well he doesn't sound very pleasant.

He's a twat "

I agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have been known to poke myself in the eye whilst applying mascara "

Happens to me all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wiping down the microwave top and knocked over a cactus and tried to catch it like the idiot I am XX can honestly say that has to be the most pricks I've had in my hand in a long time xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wiping down the microwave top and knocked over a cactus and tried to catch it like the idiot I am XX can honestly say that has to be the most pricks I've had in my hand in a long time xx"

Hahaha howling

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By *lay 4 uMan
over a year ago

bolton

Pulling a decal off it snapped punched myself in the chest omg if that's how cpr feels let me go .??

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