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gents, help me understand

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

why do guys disappear off the face of the earth rather than say they don't want to see you anymore, then a few months later, message and expect to pick back up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God knows. Winds me up!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Ugh. Not worth it. Don't reward them for their silly games.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We hope you’ve forgotten who we are by then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

something I never do - say what you think and do what you say!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They didn't want you at that time but as they didn't find anyone else they hope that you'll be okay to take them back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couldn't tell you. Bit rude though. Unless yjeh are literally just here for sex and once they've had it gone till next time.

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By *edbath 5Man
over a year ago

london

Probably married.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"why do guys disappear off the face of the earth rather than say they don't want to see you anymore, then a few months later, message and expect to pick back up"
Because they think you're a soft touch?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Couldn't tell you. Bit rude though. Unless yjeh are literally just here for sex and once they've had it gone till next time. "

I can't speak for others, but, I don't mind that... If they say that's what their deal is!

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"Couldn't tell you. Bit rude though. Unless yjeh are literally just here for sex and once they've had it gone till next time. "

On a swingers site??!! Surely not!

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

Never done this but probably coz they realise what there missing and want it back

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

not a guy I met here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men usually don’t like confrontation and would prefer to ghost than face a thousand questions as to why. It drives me nuts in the dating world, I like brutal honesty so I can forget and move on.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What's the context?

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Stopped contact = sex somewhere else.

Want contact = needs sex.

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

I won't be a hypocrite and say I haven't done this because I have. But what I will say is it's not always as cut and dry as it seems, for me personally life comes first so if something happens in life that needs my time then this is the first place I ditch to create that time.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"Men usually don’t like confrontation and would prefer to ghost than face a thousand questions as to why. It drives me nuts in the dating world, I like brutal honesty so I can forget and move on. "
I imagine they would get the Spanish Inquisition from you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it just guys?

We can't control what others do, just how we respond to them....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We hope you’ve forgotten who we are by then "

Pull that trick and I’ll have your balls in a jar and boil your bunny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's called 'ghosting', some people would call it 'backbenching', too. At the time they got bored with you/life got in the way/their conscience was nagging them too much etc. Or they found a 'better offer'. Then suddenly things changed again and they decided you could be worth their effort again. Apparently, it's quite normal nowadays... Very annoying though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's the context?

"

dated a few months. then just disappeared. didn't reply to texts. i don't chase so when I was replied to I walked away. now, 6 months on, he's messaged, the usual shite, how am I, have I missed him, can we go for coffee to 're connect.

erm no we cant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only the male guru in the mountains can answer that question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably totally gobsmacked they got a reply to their email!!????

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By *hyevernotMan
over a year ago

Here and there

Because they're rude! Manners maketh the man.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

Have you (call me pragmatic) asked them ?

They're the only ones who can or could say why, everyone else is guessing .

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Because they can.

Because nothing better has come along.

Because they think you'll let them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only say for myself im going nowhere yet will tell friends if i do

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s just a low investment guy with priorities elsewhere.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral


"Probably totally gobsmacked they got a reply to their email!!????"
you go girl! Stay strong

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Women do it frequently as well, usually because something better has caught their eye. Then for whatever reason it doesn't work out and they think they'll give good ol' doormat a call because they want some company.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them."

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

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By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago

London

My ex gf disappeared with the postman and haven't seen her since.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex gf disappeared with the postman and haven't seen her since."

My ex is a postman...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Have you (call me pragmatic) asked them ?

They're the only ones who can or could say why, everyone else is guessing . "

In circumstances where I've had this happen, I did ask, and they tend to be evasive, non responsive, or flat out lie.

Communication only works if everyone is communicating.

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds. "

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days."

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x"

Well the last time I went awol I lost a child and a few weeks later my partner was killed by a reckless driver. Which is what I meant by it's not always cut and dry. My head was (still is) so far up my arse that speaking to anyone was the last thing on my mind and more so the follow up questions I would've gotten wouldn't have helped any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We hope you’ve forgotten who we are by then "

This is actually true for some lol

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds


"Have you (call me pragmatic) asked them ?

They're the only ones who can or could say why, everyone else is guessing .

In circumstances where I've had this happen, I did ask, and they tend to be evasive, non responsive, or flat out lie.

Communication only works if everyone is communicating. "

That may also be what happens if the op asks the bloke as well or he might tell her why..Until that time everyone else is still guessing

My guess he was taken against his will and held hostage by sex starved ladies and they let him go when he was no further use... ..

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Often...

Attached bloke is horny

Attached bloke goes on fabs

He gets chatting to someone

He gets hornier and has a wank

He cums

He's no longer horny

He feels guilty and stops all contact with fabs person

A few days later

He's horny again

He's back on fabs and messages fabs person

Repeat ad nauseum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x

Well the last time I went awol I lost a child and a few weeks later my partner was killed by a reckless driver. Which is what I meant by it's not always cut and dry. My head was (still is) so far up my arse that speaking to anyone was the last thing on my mind and more so the follow up questions I would've gotten wouldn't have helped any."

I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what you went through but yes, time out of here would be no question about it. Hope you are doing ok now. xx

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x

Well the last time I went awol I lost a child and a few weeks later my partner was killed by a reckless driver. Which is what I meant by it's not always cut and dry. My head was (still is) so far up my arse that speaking to anyone was the last thing on my mind and more so the follow up questions I would've gotten wouldn't have helped any.

I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what you went through but yes, time out of here would be no question about it. Hope you are doing ok now. xx"

Still working on it. Moving out to Australia to try pursue other aspirations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you find the answer, can you then look into why (some of) the women here string you along with just enough interest to keep you on the hook, but always have some excuse as to why they cant meet?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Ask them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x

Well the last time I went awol I lost a child and a few weeks later my partner was killed by a reckless driver. Which is what I meant by it's not always cut and dry. My head was (still is) so far up my arse that speaking to anyone was the last thing on my mind and more so the follow up questions I would've gotten wouldn't have helped any.

I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what you went through but yes, time out of here would be no question about it. Hope you are doing ok now. xx

Still working on it. Moving out to Australia to try pursue other aspirations "

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. New focus will be good for you x

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"why do guys disappear off the face of the earth rather than say they don't want to see you anymore, then a few months later, message and expect to pick back up"

Simple, the wife had got suspicious, so he cools things for a while until she stops sniffing around, and then when the coast is clear again he starts back up.

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary


"I'd also like to add that ultimately this is a lifestyle and people shouldn't really expect an explanation. Vanilla life is separate and should always come first, rather than delving into reasons just meet them again if you want to or pass up on it. There could be a million reasons but more often than not it won't be the response you want or it will be disingenuous, either way just follow your gut based on how well you know them.

I don’t really separate this as it’s my lifestyle full stop. I don’t have 2 separate worlds.

I can understand that. There are a select few I place enough trust in to maintain contact with and am happy to chat to even in the dark times. For me personally though I'd much rather just take a break when needed and to me there's nothing worse than people asking you questions like 'what's wrong' non stop because you're a little distant etc. I let people close know I'm leaving for a while. Then again I mostly chat to fellow forumites rather than meeting people mainly because I can't commit to regular meets these days.

I hid my profile recently after my mum getting diagnosed with cancer. I have a select few from here I converse with elsewhere and consider them part of my life so know what you mean x

Well the last time I went awol I lost a child and a few weeks later my partner was killed by a reckless driver. Which is what I meant by it's not always cut and dry. My head was (still is) so far up my arse that speaking to anyone was the last thing on my mind and more so the follow up questions I would've gotten wouldn't have helped any.

I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what you went through but yes, time out of here would be no question about it. Hope you are doing ok now. xx

Still working on it. Moving out to Australia to try pursue other aspirations

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. New focus will be good for you x"

Should get a bit of colour in my skin if nothing else. Got to scare Casper out

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island


"why do guys disappear off the face of the earth rather than say they don't want to see you anymore, then a few months later, message and expect to pick back up"

And yet women are such Angels

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

In the words of Ross from friends...we were on a break

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