FabSwingers.com forum: Unfairness

By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I'm having a wobble today...everything just seems so pointless...I'm a lone parent with zero support...I work every hour God sends just to pay my travel to work and to pay other people to look after my child it seems... I pay all bills and taxes too but there's nothing left over...I have to say no to simple things such as a weekend takeaway....I live of beans on toast and pot noodles... I can't go out and socialise and have forgotten what a lovely glass of wine tastes like.....not looking for sympathy or attention...just wanted a rant to let off steam....kind of fab related as it affects my ability to meet anyone at the moment ...I can't travel atm and have my small person every minute I'm not working....I feel like I'm just existing and not living...what is this sex thing you all speak of????

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

No help but I can relate to this (not a lone parent though)...

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By *asterslittlewhoreCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I'm having a wobble today...everything just seems so pointless...I'm a lone parent with zero support...I work every hour God sends just to pay my travel to work and to pay other people to look after my child it seems... I pay all bills and taxes too but there's nothing left over...I have to say no to simple things such as a weekend takeaway....I live of beans on toast and pot noodles... I can't go out and socialise and have forgotten what a lovely glass of wine tastes like.....not looking for sympathy or attention...just wanted a rant to let off steam....kind of fab related as it affects my ability to meet anyone at the moment ...I can't travel atm and have my small person every minute I'm not working....I feel like I'm just existing and not living...what is this sex thing you all speak of????

Rant away! Im sorry youre having a shitty time and hope things can improve! Do u not have anyone u can trust to have little un so you can have a few hours fun , have to look after you too xxx

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

Many of us are in the same or similar boat -I am speaking as a divorced dad now forced into renting out rooms I'd rather not to support the maintenance payments and general cost of living -I don't resent this, just not quite living the dream either.

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Many of us are in the same or similar boat -I am speaking as a divorced dad now forced into renting out rooms I'd rather not to support the maintenance payments and general cost of living -I don't resent this, just not quite living the dream either."
yes...I get on with it mostly ..just having a day where it annoys me

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Rant away! Im sorry youre having a shitty time and hope things can improve! Do u not have anyone u can trust to have little un so you can have a few hours fun , have to look after you too xxx"
my family don't live too far away but mostly work too...they're happy to help but aren't free when I ask ...such is life.....I've started talking to my neighbour's cats

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry to see your still not feeling it cherry.

hope things get turned around x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing wing with letting off a bit of steam. Hope things start to improve for you

Mr B

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

True life can be unfair at times. At least you got your health and the love of your child. Hope things pick up for you round the corner.

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Been there and all I can say is it really does get better eventually.

Are you sure you are getting all the help you are entitled to? Working tax credits, free school meals, free nursery hours, housing and council tax benefits, child support from little ones dad, etc? It might be worth a chat with CAB to be sure you are...

Also, make sure you are getting the emotional support of family and friends... My best mate and I were both single mums, two kids each, we worked opposite hours and shared the childcare, school runs etc. We saved every penny to afford small treats and made the most of The Sun £9.50 holidays, sharing a big caravan.

I know things feel bleak right now but hang in there, make the very most of your wee one, they grow up way too fast and before you know it they are off your hands.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I would guess this is a very common situation to be in . And yeah it has to get you down , when you’re working , bringing up a little one and have no time , no treats , no nothing to help offset the daily grind . Sorry it’s like this for you .

But fair play for working so hard and getting on with it . It’ll all come good in the end

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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago

nr Bradford

Guess it costs nothing to vent your spleen, but sounds like you've every right to feel a bit short changed right now.

Hopefully life will see fit to cut you some slack and reward you for fighting the good fight. Guess we just have to keep the faith when hard times come. I know I have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can appreciate that feeling of spending all your income on childcare and travel to work... and when it came to it I actually hated my job too. That's when I took the plunge and became a child minder so I got to stay at home with my youngest and be there for the school run for my eldest and get paid to look after other people's kids. Best decision I made. There is always a way out... You just need to find it. Good luck op. It won't be forever x

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

That's what I feel... it won't be forever ..I hope lol

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know a lot of people that really struggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, kids cost lots of money, they take up a lot of time and they crave lots of attention. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and will change your life and lifestyle completely.

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

"I can appreciate that feeling of spending all your income on childcare and travel to work... and when it came to it I actually hated my job too. That's when I took the plunge and became a child minder so I got to stay at home with my youngest and be there for the school run for my eldest and get paid to look after other people's kids. Best decision I made. There is always a way out... You just need to find it. Good luck op. It won't be forever x"
secret seduction are you offering your service for one night so op can have a break now that would be a kind gesture

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If you're going through hell - keep going!! I hope you find ways to improve your lot OP!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can appreciate that feeling of spending all your income on childcare and travel to work... and when it came to it I actually hated my job too. That's when I took the plunge and became a child minder so I got to stay at home with my youngest and be there for the school run for my eldest and get paid to look after other people's kids. Best decision I made. There is always a way out... You just need to find it. Good luck op. It won't be forever x secret seduction are you offering your service for one night so op can have a break now that would be a kind gesture

That would be more than kind given that op is in Yorkshire and I moved on from that many moons ago. My kids are all but grown up now... why would I want to look after a strangers??? Behave!!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I gave up my job to become a childminder to, it really is a good way of saving on childcare costs! It depends if you can handle being with kids 24/7 though. I done it for 3 years I think before I had to get back to working with adults!!!

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

It does improve ... I was a single mum of3 for many years ...one of them disabled and no financial support from the ex husbands ...it can seem soul destroying but I had a good mate who was in same boat and we helped each other out by babysitting etc and nights in with a bottle of wine to have a moan ... now they are all adults and 2 have flown the nest now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been there when my son was young and I had got out of a violent relationship. It's so hard going but it does eventually get easier in time. I wish I could offer some advise but I can't unfortunately you have to ride it out and eventually you will come out the other side x

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Yup, kids cost lots of money, they take up a lot of time and they crave lots of attention. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and will change your life and lifestyle completely.

"
yes. .and I'm doing a good job...I'd rather spend more time with her myself and spend more money on us as a family due rather than paying someone else to look after her

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I can appreciate that feeling of spending all your income on childcare and travel to work... and when it came to it I actually hated my job too. That's when I took the plunge and became a child minder so I got to stay at home with my youngest and be there for the school run for my eldest and get paid to look after other people's kids. Best decision I made. There is always a way out... You just need to find it. Good luck op. It won't be forever x secret seduction are you offering your service for one night so op can have a break now that would be a kind gesture

That would be more than kind given that op is in Yorkshire and I moved on from that many moons ago. My kids are all but grown up now... why would I want to look after a strangers??? Behave!!

"
yes..very bizarre looking after kids you don't know lol....

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By *asterslittlewhoreCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"That's what I feel... it won't be forever ..I hope lol

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know a lot of people that really struggle "

Even with thinking theres always someone worse off that doesnt make your feelings invalid and u can feel crappy i really do hope things turn round for u xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can appreciate that feeling of spending all your income on childcare and travel to work... and when it came to it I actually hated my job too. That's when I took the plunge and became a child minder so I got to stay at home with my youngest and be there for the school run for my eldest and get paid to look after other people's kids. Best decision I made. There is always a way out... You just need to find it. Good luck op. It won't be forever x secret seduction are you offering your service for one night so op can have a break now that would be a kind gesture

That would be more than kind given that op is in Yorkshire and I moved on from that many moons ago. My kids are all but grown up now... why would I want to look after a strangers??? Behave!!

yes..very bizarre looking after kids you don't know lol...."

I just meant I wouldn't do it now. Mine are grown up and I'm not getting paid for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear ya! It's tough. Bet your wee one will never remember any of that though and just be proud of their mum who got through it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single dad here so I can totally relate. Fortunately I can afford baby sitters. So I still have a social life. You're the type of woman I'd like to meet regularly as I just think it'd work if we both understood each other's situation and maybe overlapped. Something like that could be really symbiotic even if it's only a fwb scenario. I hope you find something like that for you... and I hope I find it too xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say you’re spending a lot on travel, could you not get a job closer to home, even a job which pays less may mean you have more left at the end. How old is your child? Once they turn three you get a certain amount of nursery time free I believe. I was in a similar position when me and the wife split up, I too have my kids on all of my days off so I know how that feels. That’s my choice tho so I can’t grumble. It does get better as time goes by.

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"You say you’re spending a lot on travel, could you not get a job closer to home, even a job which pays less may mean you have more left at the end. How old is your child? Once they turn three you get a certain amount of nursery time free I believe. I was in a similar position when me and the wife split up, I too have my kids on all of my days off so I know how that feels. That’s my choice tho so I can’t grumble. It does get better as time goes by.

"
my mini is almost 10. I'm required to work a minimum of 25 hours..I currently do 35 on min wage...I spend £140 a month on travel...I'm unable to switch jobs as I live in a tiny village. There are no jobs here... so a commute is the only option...public transport is limited and I struggle for childcare some weekends so I'm really lucky to have the job I do . They work with me around travel and child... I've been looking into moving but seems that will cause just as many problems as it solves. Thank god for strong coffee!

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Single dad here so I can totally relate. Fortunately I can afford baby sitters. So I still have a social life. You're the type of woman I'd like to meet regularly as I just think it'd work if we both understood each other's situation and maybe overlapped. Something like that could be really symbiotic even if it's only a fwb scenario. I hope you find something like that for you... and I hope I find it too xx

"
it's a shame you're a long distance away ...and thanks. Things always work out eventually.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs xxx

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I hear ya! It's tough. Bet your wee one will never remember any of that though and just be proud of their mum who got through it.

Amazing how quickly it can turn around too. I'm a single mum, full time student and work - last year I thought I was in hell, but this year is so much better already. Just keep keeping on, it'll pass xx"
snap! I have a college course going on too...and that's my thinking....everything is temporary and it'll all pay off!

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"That's what I feel... it won't be forever ..I hope lol

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know a lot of people that really struggle

Even with thinking theres always someone worse off that doesnt make your feelings invalid and u can feel crappy i really do hope things turn round for u xxx"
thankyou . And they will at some point...I just have these little low phases.. it will pass xx

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

Fingers crossed things get better for you, sooner rather than later. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh OP, I completely understand this feeling too well.

I adore my son and know how lucky I am with my lot - but sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to be able to wake up in the morning and have the freedom to think 'what wpuld I like to do today?'. Its got ro the point where if people ask me what I do for fun I can't even remember.

We are mums, but we are also us, the person who existed before children. Sending you heaps of love and understanding. And rant away, we all need an outlet xx

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By *otBunsHun OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Oh OP, I completely understand this feeling too well.

We are mums, but we are also us, the person who existed before children. Sending you heaps of love and understanding. And rant away, we all need an outlet xx"
that's exactly it! I don't seem to do anything for fun at the moment... I'd like to say it's all paying off financially but it's not...I'd just really like to say to the young one..."come on...let's go an do this today" or have the odd evening to do whatever.....I'd like to be able to take both kids on a holiday...just a week maybe to just relax and do fun things. That would make it all worth it....I'm going to look into those sun holidays to see if I can do that xx

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