FabSwingers.com forum: Kindness in an awkward situation

By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I have a friend at work and all my colleagues are talking behind his back about the fact that he smells and his general appearance, this isn’t me whatsoever, I can’t do with that kind of behaviour and want to have a chat with him about it

I feel so awful that I’m going to upset him.

What to do??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It probably will upset him but its better coming from a friend rather than him overhearing others talking about him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pull him to one side and have a quiet chat with him. I’ve had to do a similar thing in work where my team were complaining about the smell of one particular person.

It’s awkward but better to be done privately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pull him to one side and have a quiet chat with him. I’ve had to do a similar thing in work where my team were complaining about the smell of one particular person.

It’s awkward but better to be done privately. "

way to go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd ask him out and tell him that Id like to go to the swimming pool

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

Or a can of deodorant in a secret Santa anonymously so he might get the hint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a friend at work and all my colleagues are talking behind his back about the fact that he smells and his general appearance, this isn’t me whatsoever, I can’t do with that kind of behaviour and want to have a chat with him about it

I feel so awful that I’m going to upset him.

What to do??

Speak to your friend's manager and have them tackle the problem of the smelling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it takes a real friend to tell us something we need to hear.

You could tell him that you have overheard others saying nasty things about him,it may incentivize him to examine himself.

If this is a recent change you could ask him if everything is ok.There may be a reason if he has just suddenly stopped taking good care of himself.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is he single?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel so awful that I’m going to upset him.

What to do??

"
just leave an anonymous note he or she will take offence whatever happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

write an anonymous message and leave it in a locker or bag , or in a sealed envelope on his work area

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Is he single?"

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"write an anonymous message and leave it in a locker or bag , or in a sealed envelope on his work area "

This really isn't a good idea. The poor sod would be beside himself with paranoia. He needs to be clued up face-to-face, and that's what effective management is for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"write an anonymous message and leave it in a locker or bag , or in a sealed envelope on his work area "

Sorry I think this is a terrible idea and could be incredibly upsetting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is he single?

Yes"
I worked with a guy who had an odour problem for years very intelligent guy, we tried all sorts but in the end just leaving bars of soap and deodorant on his desk were the only way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"write an anonymous message and leave it in a locker or bag , or in a sealed envelope on his work area

This really isn't a good idea. The poor sod would be beside himself with paranoia. He needs to be clued up face-to-face, and that's what effective management is for."

This is exactly what I was about to write. A good manager will address it directly and as an instruction from them rather than directing his attention to others and inciting paranoia and further disharmony.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont do what i used to do with smelly customers and spray him with pledge

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is he single?

Yes"

So nobody at home to tell him.

I strongly believe that real kindness sometimes requires speaking unpalatable truth. However in this situation I would find it really difficult. I would struggle to find the words.

There's no doubt that someone needs to say something and it looks like the only person with enough integrity to do it is you.

I would say make it short, sweet and to the point then leave him to take it in.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont do what i used to do with smelly customers and spray him with pledge

"
wasnt too bad it was lemon fresh

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By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago

London

sounds like he needs to know and it would be better coming from a friend having a private chat and he will appreciate it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to do this once as a manager. Awful thing to have to do but it should be the manager really I think.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I found this on Google maybe it would be slightly helpful.

How to tell someone they smell:

• Talk to the employee in private.

• Start with a soft approach

• Do not say that people are talking about the smell or that people are complaining. Own the problem yourself and say that you’ve noticed the problem.

• Tell the employee what the problem is as you see it.

• Try to attach the problem to a business issue eg the impact on customers or colleagues

• Ask the employee if they have any medical problem that you need to be aware of; there are medical conditions which can affect how much a person sweats (hyperhidrosis) and what their sweat smells like (Fish Odour Syndrome).

• Ask the employee if there is anything in their personal life which could be causing the problem (finding out an employee has lost their home or is living somewhere with no washing facilities is likely to provoke a different reaction from most employers than someone just not bothering to shower).

• Set out your expectations for improvement and a date when you will meet again to review the situation.

• Ask if there is anything you can do to help the employee achieve the improvements

• Reassure the employee that this informal conversation with them will remain a private matter between the two of you.

• Make a diary note of the conversation.

• Monitor the situation discreetly and hold your review meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel so awful that I’m going to upset him.

What to do??

Tell his boss or HR they have a duty to deal with it and it isn't your place at all unless you are genuinely friends. So unless you a a real friend, boss or his HR manager then you're sticKing your nose in and shouldn't.

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