FabSwingers.com forum: How do you tell someone on a meet that they're not what you want

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has anyone had a meet with someone and when you meet them they're not what you expected, despite having a phone call and chats on the site and via text? How do you tell someone that you don't like them and that they're not your type? Do you find it easy? I don'txxx

I would like advise please on how to handle meets with people who turn up and they've no rapport with you??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we prefer honesty.

if we were not suited, we would rather you say so rather than say your going to the loo and not come back lol

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

"Has anyone had a meet with someone and when you meet them they're not what you expected, despite having a phone call and chats on the site and via text? How do you tell someone that you don't like them and that they're not your type? Do you find it easy? I don'txxx

I would like advise please on how to handle meets with people who turn up and they've no rapport with you??

"
i also find this so hard, so would be quite interested in the replies x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes I know what you're saying.. so , for example, if you were a single fem like me and you met, say, a man who you'd been chatting to over the phone and sending texts and mailing on here and he wasn't your type you would simply say "sorry you're not my type"

it's a bit sort of brisk isn't it but I suppose I should be brave really

I don't like to hurt people's feelings you see

I suppose have a coffee and leave ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you meet them at a pub, you could just say to them. I like you but your just not my type, or you could lie and say your not feeling very well, and say that it was nice meeting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i've never been in that situation, however id be a wuss and not tell them the reason and just make out a family member/friend was sick and they had text me just before the meet had turned up or say that i was unwell.. appologise and leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we prefer honesty.

if we were not suited, we would rather you say so rather than say your going to the loo and not come back lol"
Do people really do that go to the loo and do a runner. Do thay really ??. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only ever meeting through socials and friends fortunately its not happened to me yet but if it did i would just be polite and say so xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yes I know what you're saying.. so , for example, if you were a single fem like me and you met, say, a man who you'd been chatting to over the phone and sending texts and mailing on here and he wasn't your type you would simply say "sorry you're not my type"

it's a bit sort of brisk isn't it but I suppose I should be brave really

I don't like to hurt people's feelings you see

I suppose have a coffee and leave ??

xx"

works for us, would not want to play with anyone who was not 100% comfortable with us, no fun in it that way, just our opinion though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

that's exactly my view too...; I cannot play with someone I don't feel comfortable with... I just can't xx thank you xxx

I wouldn't wish to appear a time waster though so I just have a coffee and leave xx

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By *ettuceslugCouple
over a year ago

Driffield

we always have a no expectations social meet first either pub or coffee shop...thats not to say that we haven't eneded up naked on 'first dates' so to speak but we find it's a useful way of doing things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always say the first meet is purely social. Problem solved surely?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always say the first meet is purely social. Problem solved surely?"
I say this and if we click you never know could end up alot more x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive only had one meet that i had fun with a guy the first time i met him, luckily i gelled with him and we had a good time.. all other times have had social meets first (sometimes its just been a quick drink whilst on a night out)

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

i can say ur not my sort hidden behind my laptop but find it hard on a social, all the blokes ive met have been lovely but some i wouldnt want to shag

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

meet for a drink and a chat first with no promise or expectation of anything else. If not my type, then politely say so and leave it at that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

that's really good that you gelled with the first meet you had.. I think social meets are the best form of getting to know someone better, ie in person

and if you do get along then getting naked on the first meet is also a good thing too and having fun if possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we prefer honesty.

if we were not suited, we would rather you say so rather than say your going to the loo and not come back lol Do people really do that go to the loo and do a runner. Do thay really ??. xx"

from what i have read on these forums lol.

saw one some time ago where a single fem on a non suitable meet, said she left something in the car, then just drove off

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

if your meeting at your house or theirs then just have a coffee.

Sit away from him, legs crossed pointing away from the guy as well as arms folded. This is classic body language that you are not interested.

Hopefully this will work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"meet for a drink and a chat first with no promise or expectation of anything else. If not my type, then politely say so and leave it at that."

Aye but ya said that ta me xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd would say that although you get on, the spark needed for anything else isn't there.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Two word... Be honest!

You are not going to get on with everyone... That's just life..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always meet socially during my lunch hour. My lunch hour can be as long as I like but don't let meets know that. That way if I don't like them I've lost only an hour.

On parting I don't say anything unless they ask at which point I'll say if I want to see them again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes that's a really good idea meeting in your lunch hour... I might do the same xxxx thank you xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we had chatted to a guy and decided to meet for a few drinks - he seemed our type until he turned up and basically spent 5 mins talking to us and the next 10 mins or so on his new i-fone

During one of his many fone calls - we told him we had to go and he just said

"but u havent seen my cock yet"..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oh yes i've had those sorts of meets... on their mobile phone... how disgustingly annoying and so impolite too xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a guy a week or two ago posting on the forums via his iphone and mentioned that he was currently in a bar with a couple from here. He got some stick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think particularly for a single lady, you simply insist during the messaging and chatting beforehand that the first meet is a purely social one, a coffee/drink in a public place.

If you don't want to take it any further, you remind him of the basis on which you've met, thank him for meeting, and excuse yourself and leave. What if anything you do after, is up to you.

I quietly pride myself in the fact that each of my initial meets has been on this basis, but none of them has in fact stopped there!

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

"I think particularly for a single lady, you simply insist during the messaging and chatting beforehand that the first meet is a purely social one, a coffee/drink in a public place.

If you don't want to take it any further, you remind him of the basis on which you've met, thank him for meeting, and excuse yourself and leave. What if anything you do after, is up to you.

I quietly pride myself in the fact that each of my initial meets has been on this basis, but none of them has in fact stopped there!

"
good advice, but when i see there little eager faces its like killing a puppy!! lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like advise please on how to handle meets with people who turn up and they've no rapport with you??

it can be hard

I always meet in a public place for a drink, if i dont like them i stay and have a few drinks then just say anyway i best be off and go lol

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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago

folkestone

Ive had this once where a couple contacted me on another site in the chatroom asking to meet the same night. I wouldnt normally meet anyone without at least chatting to them for a week, but they convinced me i was what they were looking for so i agreed to meet. When i got there, they were very hard work chatting to, with me starting nearly all the conversation, all of which was just general stuff, nothing sexual. In the end id just run out of things to say, and they would say anything with long silences, so i just told them this isnt working and said id better leave.

A week later i looked at their profile and they had split up - so god knows why they arranged a meet with me.

Now i wont meet anyone without chatting either in chatrooms or msn messenger at least 3 or 4 times before i agree to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well..................

i'd say something along the lines of..

the doctor said my disscharge should stop in the near future and if that didnt put them off i'd try im violently incontinent and that i had hairy feet and my toes were webbed and if that still didn't put them off id point and say"looka that"

then run off as fast as i could

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well..................

i'd say something along the lines of..

then run off as fast as i could"

the webbed toes !!

And We are Sooo outta there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

be up front from the start....

sometimes people string you along as they dont want to offend then u end up thinking they are timewasters...when its basically they are too soft and dont wanna offend....

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By *inkershoes69Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

"well..................

i'd say something along the lines of..

then run off as fast as i could

the webbed toes !!

And We are Sooo outta there

"
aaaah weve met then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well..................

i'd say something along the lines of..

then run off as fast as i could"

Wow

You sound like my ideal man!! I never thought I'd find a webbed footed, runner that can't hold his own piss

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I've had a meet who spent the whole time telling me how he was over his ex girlfriend but never stopped talking about her, one who was on and off his phone all the time and another who looked like he had just got out of bed and stunk of beer.

Now I am a social person and like a chat and the rapport so I try to give it some time to see if we gel but to be honest, it's apparent within the first couple of minutes if it's a hit or not.

I'd be quite honest though and just say that it's been lovely chatting but I'd rather be honest than string someone along and tell them that it's just not working for me. I've still had a pleasant evening chatting with them and continue to be friends with some. I'd much rather a guy was totally honest with me too.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

just be honest..

social meet initially with no expectations other than some pleasant company and converstaion (hopefully lol)

then depart and contact either way after then

save having to 'leg it', granny's fell down the stairs or the killing of any doe eyed innocent puppy moments

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Being honest is the key. Tell them your happy with the meeting being a social thing but that you wouldnt be comfortable taking things further than that.......Works a treat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its always best to meet for a coffee or drink first, its for both sides, you could have text and nattered but if they dont have that certain something then its best to carry on just nattering, if they ask or make a move to go further then youve just got to be polite and say ...theres something to be said for meeting a select few you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy, just act a bit weird and off and then they'll walk away (well you hope!). Telling someone you're not into them is hard. (although I'm only going off "normal" dating type dates here)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd prefer the honesty, I have been to a couples house and the lady changed her mind, wasn't into me as much as she'd hoped and we all parted with a friendly word and a hug. Surely that's better than cloak and dagger guesswork or making up BS excuses and the like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I quietly pride myself in the fact that each of my initial meets has been on this basis, but none of them has in fact stopped there!

"
. Hmm boasting perchance?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends.. if we get someone over and they are not what they made out to be and its a quickie oral session.. we go through with it but make a note of name etc and dont meet again..

If its a social.. I have the perfect excuse.. as Master has to approve any guy...So I tell them we will be in touch

I think its always fairer to just say you will be in touch...

and then you can do it over pc lol

Cali x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy, I just say, sorry, however, I do not feel I can progress any further with you.

Or something similar to what I may say before I block someone, in that I am not interested in whatever he may have to offer.

Usually they get the hint.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I guess lying comes easier than the truth to some people, but I would not disrespect someone by trying to feed them bullshit if, through no fault of their own, I didn’t fancy them.

I use the word ‘disrespect’ as I feel it is disrespectful to treat someone as if they do not have the emotional maturity to handle a polite yet honest explanation…. In addition I wouldn’t want them to go away thinking I was an immature twat for not being able to say…..

“I’m sorry but I’m just not feeling the right vibe now we have met in person” or “It’s been nice to meet you. It’s a shame I’m just not picking up the chemistry I thought we’d have”

If you behave like it is some sort of embarrassing big deal, then you will make it into an embarrassing big deal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would, and have always been honest and said how it is..."im sorry but im not really attracted to you and it wont be going any further" I generally find that works!

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm afraid I've attempted to squeeze through more pub loo windows than I care to mention. Some people just won't take no for an answer!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as a side note, if that doesnt work, i find telling them that my uncle is the Cheif of Police for West Yorkshire also works a treat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the webbed toes !!

And We are Sooo outta there

Dont come to Norfolk then...;-);-)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Hmm boasting perchance?"

Nooo, didn't mean it to come across like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to be honest as soon as possible, a couple of meets have been arranged outside the pub, on first sight I've known I don't fancy them and I've told them before we got through the door :/ then if they still want to have a drink that's fine, if not that's also fine.

...The longer ya drag it out the harder it is to say so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never happened, but id be prepared for it and accept it.shame some cant tho...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

try getting to know people a bit better

tell them the same way you would want to be told

maybe state from first contact first meet coffee only see if you click and no sex on the first meet , every one noes wear they stand

o and split the bill at the end of a meet if Ur not interested in the person as some don't like to be made to pay for being told it ain't going to happen lol

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

I always stress that it is a social meet with no expectation or promises on either side.

If you point out that they might not like you and you then accept that THEY can walk away. It works both ways.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes it's best to say that it is a social meet before anyone undresses!

we are not all the same people and it would be quite boring if we all liked the same people i think so anyway xx

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By *evil-on-my-shoulderMan
over a year ago

Northampton

its never nice to be rejected but sometimes its better to just be upfront and honest

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

it is yes... but it is difficult sometimes to tell someone that they're not your type

if you know what I mean here

I am very soft and don't like to hurt people's feelings you see

I think I am a very kind person really but I do get very hurt on here at times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i had someone drive off when they saw me

then send a message saying 'i had to go, i got a call from work'

i was actually more pissed off at the fact that he tried to wriggle out of it and didn't have the balls to say 'sorry, i'm not attracted to you'

on the flip side, i went to someones house and decided he wasn't for me (not bad looking, just too camp).

i had a brew and a chat with him and then told him that although he was a nice bloke, he didn't arouse me in sexually in any way.

i also had a lad come round who again was too effeminate for me - turning up in UGG boots sealed his fate !

again, i just told him it wasn't working for me and he left - albeit in a bit of a queeny strop

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i had someone drive off when they saw me

then send a message saying 'i had to go, i got a call from work'

i was actually more pissed off at the fact that he tried to wriggle out of it and didn't have the balls to say 'sorry, i'm not attracted to you'

on the flip side, i went to someones house and decided he wasn't for me (not bad looking, just too camp).

i had a brew and a chat with him and then told him that although he was a nice bloke, he didn't arouse me in sexually in any way.

i also had a lad come round who again was too effeminate for me - turning up in UGG boots sealed his fate !

again, i just told him it wasn't working for me and he left - albeit in a bit of a queeny strop

well at least bus wanker (what a name_ haa) you're being most honest here

I've had meets like that too when I couldn't stand them at all... but I just make them a cup of tea and chat and then they leave......

hehee xxxx

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I would like advise please on how to handle meets with people who turn up and they've no rapport with you??

"
Fart really loudly

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes I suppose I could trump loudly but I couldn't really

I aren't like that

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"yes I suppose I could trump loudly but I couldn't really

I aren't like that"
what you dont fart?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"yes I suppose I could trump loudly but I couldn't really

I aren't like thatwhat you dont fart?

of course I do but not when I am on a meet haha

and a first meet too

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Shit in their pocket.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Shit in their pocket."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Shit in their pocket.

xx"

no I will do that in the loo

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

why not its as good a way of getting out of it as any other lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"why not its as good a way of getting out of it as any other lol"

nope not for me I am a lady and would never trump on a first meet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only ever meet socially first, they are told that even if its a social meet at their or my home they are not guaranteed any play... gives us both an opprrtunity to walk away without the other being offended if no attraction, works for me, think you have to ensure whoever your meeting knows your rules

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I only ever meet socially first, they are told that even if its a social meet at their or my home they are not guaranteed any play... gives us both an opprrtunity to walk away without the other being offended if no attraction, works for me, think you have to ensure whoever your meeting knows your rules"

of course, this is the best and correct way for a lady to behave.... coffee first, see if there's a rapport if there is then possibly play safe sex always and if there isn't then bye bye sex site guy or gal whatever sex you are meeting really

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