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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! " It happens. | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! It happens." I know, I don't like feeling all nervous and bumbly though | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! " That should never happen It should be a guy should be blessed to have such a good looking girl to meet | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it?" And I read of many a man that lacks confidence,so are women greatly responsible for that? Anyone can lack confidence,it's not gender exclusive. Likewise anyone can learn how to build and develop their confidence if only they take the time and make the effort | |||
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" Likewise anyone can learn how to build and develop their confidence if only they take the time and make the effort" Any advise on methodology or sources? | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! It happens. I know, I don't like feeling all nervous and bumbly though " That is the story of my life, nice to know it happens to everyone. | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it?" Doesn't the abuse and mysoginy reported in the press come from everyday life? I was in an abusive marriage and i got myself out of it so that in itself is what empowered me.. If i lacked confidence i wouldn't be here, not because of the way men on here make me feel but because of the way I feel about myself | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! It happens. I know, I don't like feeling all nervous and bumbly though " I can relate to that  | |||
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 . Much easier. Men are dumb
And I love fluffy kittens 
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"Ok I'll try again to get this right. talk to some women privately and the one thing that comes across is how much damage they can suffer mentally on here. It takes a long time for them to recover and trust someone again. This has a knock on effect for any future male as past experiences always come back to haunt. I know it's supposed to be NSA or whatever but your giving up your body here your most vulnerable so its easy to feel used by some arseholes. As for me. I feel very intimidated by a lot of women full stop. If I'm messaged by someone I like it's even worse. What goes through my head is negative about me not them.its like 'fucking hell I don't believe it'. And most of the time it leads to nothing simply because I haven't got the guts and they think he is dragging it out too long I'll move on. I don't have a set women as in shape etc it can just be that thing I see and my blood pressure goes mental. It's awful but I get nervous so it's not just you ladies. I'm a scared chicken too " I had problems with my ex. It ended and I got on with my life. I'm genuinely couldn't be happier in my life. After a time I started getting intimate with someone. This fear came right over me, no idea what it was or where it came from. He's messed with my head that much I ended up with this sexual anxiety I didn't even know I had | |||
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"Yeah men always take the piss out of me coz I turn the map upside down. Too confusing when you gotta turn left and it’s right on the map . Much easier. Men are dumb
And I love fluffy kittens
" I bet you see and knit too | |||
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"Yeah men always take the piss out of me coz I turn the map upside down. Too confusing when you gotta turn left and it’s right on the map . Much easier. Men are dumb
And I love fluffy kittens
I bet you see and knit too "I do recall seeing a sewing kit from a Christmas cracker around the house somewhere if that counts | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it?" Some who do that are just fishing for compliments and attention. I think this site can do wonders for women's confidence a lot even get over inflated ego's. | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it? Some who do that are just fishing for compliments and attention. I think this site can do wonders for women's confidence a lot even get over inflated ego's. " Do you think those people ever really doubted themselves though? | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! " I'd be very much like this  | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. " Look at me. I'm a short guy looking like a miniature hulk. I'm completely original and not the norm. Sure I get pissed off with bullying and what people say and not just to me either. But them fuckers won't bring me down. I hold my head up and walk tall with a determination. And nor should you, why let them win and get a kick out of destroying your life. Truth is they are weak fools and use bullying to deflect from their issues.inside they are empty shells. Dont let them break you girl. | |||
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My body's been through some changes this year, like unexpectedly gaining some rather lumpy stretchmarks on my stomach (they've faded quite a bit but they're still lumpy) and when I had my first meet in over a year a couple of weeks ago I was pottering around in my knickers before he arrived, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, ewwwww. Obviously he didn't agree with my thoughts on my body, but still. | |||
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"Women can be bitchier to other women than men, so I don’t think it’s a Male v female issue. It can be to do with expectations from Society. I’m a size 20 and most men find women who are slimmer than that more attractive. Yes the odd few genuinely like larger ladies, but not the majority. That’s reiterated if you look at the most fabbed pics. Not sure about that. Being on here as made me realise that more men than I thought actually prefer a curvier figure. " | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it? Some who do that are just fishing for compliments and attention. I think this site can do wonders for women's confidence a lot even get over inflated ego's. Do you think those people ever really doubted themselves though?" Yes they probably have and are not used to it or know how to deal with it properly. You still have to have a sense of reality and true perspective though in my opinion. | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. " Ahh that's an interesting point! Did anyone see the adverts about girls confidence in sport recently? How, around the age of puberty they stop participating as their confidence takes a knock? Boys telling them they can't play football or rugby? Everyone's right it's not men alone causing it in my opinion, and not exclusive to women, but I think it's more prevalent in women due to society and expectations of being what a woman is? Now I'm sounding like a white knight wannabe | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Ahh that's an interesting point! Did anyone see the adverts about girls confidence in sport recently? How, around the age of puberty they stop participating as their confidence takes a knock? Boys telling them they can't play football or rugby? Everyone's right it's not men alone causing it in my opinion, and not exclusive to women, but I think it's more prevalent in women due to society and expectations of being what a woman is? Now I'm sounding like a white knight wannabe "Men also have expectations of them though. I think all genders have different difficulties. | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it?" I think they're more prone to feeling it anyway. I wouldn't say men cause that. It's Every day life i'd say. Media etc. Women have always had a lot of pressure to look and act a certain way. And that pressure is now sliding over to men now. I mean who would of thought we'd see men plucking eyebrows | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Look at me. I'm a short guy looking like a miniature hulk. I'm completely original and not the norm. Sure I get pissed off with bullying and what people say and not just to me either. But them fuckers won't bring me down. I hold my head up and walk tall with a determination. And nor should you, why let them win and get a kick out of destroying your life. Truth is they are weak fools and use bullying to deflect from their issues.inside they are empty shells. Dont let them break you girl. " oh they haven't broken me, it has come close on many occasions. My issues stem from being told your not good enough, too fat, too ugly, ect and when you hear that from a few people and over many years you start to believe it. Like someone else said on this thread when you have your bad days you say to yourself "all men want from me is sex so that must be all I am worth". | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! " Damn...he must of been a supermodel to make you feel imtimidated | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. " Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x " Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself. | |||
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". Like someone else said on this thread when you have your bad days you say to yourself "all men want from me is sex so that must be all I am worth"." That is, as you say, lack of self-esteem, and in my opinion that is set in the first few years of a child's life, by the parents mostly. To me confidence is something that ebbs and flows according to your experience in life, your successes and failures, your current environment and status, but self-esteem is far less fluid. However low my confidence, it never, ever affects my self-worth. Of course my confidence is higher when I have great meets with men who truly appreciate me, but if I had a bad run I would not feel less worthy - just irritated that my true worth was not being properly appreciated lol!! I think a good relationship is something that we all need for our well being. There is an unmistakable glow about a well-loved woman, and a quiet confidence about a well-loved and respected man too. And as for map reading and parallel parking - that's to do with how well your brain is wired for spatial awareness, and more men are wired that way than women (who fare much better on other parameters). My Mother was an intelligent, educated woman but a useless navigator, but I am one of the women who is wired for that kind of spatial awareness and my parallel parking and map reading is totally unbeatable!  | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it?" the confidence of a woman is absolutely nothing to do with men and are women here any less confident than men I don't think so, so are you saying transversely if a man has no confidence women are the cause? Confidence is about a person I think here in the swinging world a woman's body which for the most part has to be on show in figure hugging outfits or not as the case may be, may make them feel less confident but that is solely down to the person and the things they do in life, diet exercise etc. I as a gent always compliment and try my utmost to make a woman feel good about herself but it would seem here for many that approach because of the ratio of men to women and the false compliments being dished out in large amounts in an attempt to get a meet has caused apathy in relation to a compliment. Confidence is about a person and their social skills for me. | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Look at me. I'm a short guy looking like a miniature hulk. I'm completely original and not the norm. Sure I get pissed off with bullying and what people say and not just to me either. But them fuckers won't bring me down. I hold my head up and walk tall with a determination. And nor should you, why let them win and get a kick out of destroying your life. Truth is they are weak fools and use bullying to deflect from their issues.inside they are empty shells. Dont let them break you girl. oh they haven't broken me, it has come close on many occasions. My issues stem from being told your not good enough, too fat, too ugly, ect and when you hear that from a few people and over many years you start to believe it. Like someone else said on this thread when you have your bad days you say to yourself "all men want from me is sex so that must be all I am worth"." Trust me your not. Times I've spoken to you and from what I see you have nothing to worry about. Save yourself for the right ones xx | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself." There was an interesting article on Monica Lewinski recently. She was a young woman when she entered the world's eye, and she identified that she hadn't really identified who she was personality wise and character wise. As such she believed everything the internet described her to be, as opposed to shaping who she wanted to be. Having a clear identity shaped by yourself, is important to avoid letting others shaping who you are, by virtue of their opinions? | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! It happens. I know, I don't like feeling all nervous and bumbly though " Ive gone a bit frank spencer in the company of very attractive women , its not as much lacking confidence as nervous anticipation | |||
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"The hotter the guy is the least confident I am! I was meeting a guy last November to January and he was so good looking I felt intimidated! " So that's why you have never contacted me?...  | |||
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"I think a lot depends on your upbringing too. Being told you'll never amount to anything, grades not good enough unless they were merits or distinctions. Must try harder on bloody everything. Abusive relationship years later. Confidence rebuilds yes, but the lack manifests in other places. Yes, I know I have a half decent body, I'm good fun to be around and I have lots of good qualities, but then the creepers kick in. "I'm good for a fuck but that's about it, what do I REALLY have to offer other than that? Shit hole of a house, crap job so I'll never be minted as far as funds go which is limiting, menopause in the next 10 years" " Being a beautiful human being counts for a lot.. | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself." Yes, I was going to say it's about self-belief. If you do not have that core self-belief you are vulnerable, always at the mercy of 'the opinion of others'. Like this passage sums up well: "They are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self and are always comparing themselves, their status, their possessions and their lives to other people to determine their sense of worth and self-esteem (in a way, they outsource their sense of self)" Fab and Fb is full of people trying to outsource self-worth with likes and fabs but it will never do the trick, there is a need to attend to something deeper. | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself. There was an interesting article on Monica Lewinski recently. She was a young woman when she entered the world's eye, and she identified that she hadn't really identified who she was personality wise and character wise. As such she believed everything the internet described her to be, as opposed to shaping who she wanted to be. Having a clear identity shaped by yourself, is important to avoid letting others shaping who you are, by virtue of their opinions?" Absolutely, I know who I am. I know I'm a decent human, and visually some will like me, others won't. I do agree completely with posts above that the "nurturing" of our caregivers at a young age has masses to do with how we are shaped. I firmly believe the nit picking our caregivers have a tendency to do at critical times in our development can be extremely detrimental to our self esteem. I know I'm worth far more than I give myself credit for at times, I know I'm fucking good at my job. I know I'm excellent at the sex stuff. I also known in a good friend and someone others can rely on. As far as that side of things go, I've got life nailed. But what I do find myself wondering, is will that ever be enough? I'm afraid to change jobs to something that may offer better pay and more sociable hours in case I fail. I'm scared of failure. I stayed in an abusive relationship for years, because I saw ending that relationship as failing getting it right! In fact it was quite the opposite obviously, and I knew that, but it took years to believe I was worth more than being mentally and sometimes physically beaten. | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself. Yes, I was going to say it's about self-belief. If you do not have that core self-belief you are vulnerable, always at the mercy of 'the opinion of others'. Like this passage sums up well: "They are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self and are always comparing themselves, their status, their possessions and their lives to other people to determine their sense of worth and self-esteem (in a way, they outsource their sense of self)" Fab and Fb is full of people trying to outsource self-worth with likes and fabs but it will never do the trick, there is a need to attend to something deeper." So much this! I barely do FB anymore as every one seems to have fantastic jobs, beautiful houses and wonderful holidays! | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself. Yes, I was going to say it's about self-belief. If you do not have that core self-belief you are vulnerable, always at the mercy of 'the opinion of others'. Like this passage sums up well: "They are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self and are always comparing themselves, their status, their possessions and their lives to other people to determine their sense of worth and self-esteem (in a way, they outsource their sense of self)" Fab and Fb is full of people trying to outsource self-worth with likes and fabs but it will never do the trick, there is a need to attend to something deeper. So much this! I barely do FB anymore as every one seems to have fantastic jobs, beautiful houses and wonderful holidays! " If any of my friends are a bit too keen on selfies I turn them off anyway lol! | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x " This is me | |||
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"the lack of confidence can stem from anywhere, bullies at school, a sports coach who doesn't believe you can be better then what you are, a father who abandons you, a mother whose only way of showing affection is by picking holes in you "in a loving way" (yeah I am still trying to get my head around that 30 years later), a (now ex) husband who mentally and emotionally abused you for years until you managed to get out of it. What people have to recognise is the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have confidence, I can talk to people I do not know etc but I lack self-esteem and unfortunately that is one of the hardest things to change. Yes all this for me as well, I’m always told I’m confident, but my self esteem is poor and it’s that battle raging inside me that’s hard to win x Yep, that's it exactly. I can be exceptionally confident, especially when it comes to something I believe in. Problem is, I don't always believe in myself. Yes, I was going to say it's about self-belief. If you do not have that core self-belief you are vulnerable, always at the mercy of 'the opinion of others'. Like this passage sums up well: "They are chronically reliant on the opinions of others to form their own sense of self and are always comparing themselves, their status, their possessions and their lives to other people to determine their sense of worth and self-esteem (in a way, they outsource their sense of self)" Fab and Fb is full of people trying to outsource self-worth with likes and fabs but it will never do the trick, there is a need to attend to something deeper. So much this! I barely do FB anymore as every one seems to have fantastic jobs, beautiful houses and wonderful holidays! " FB is hilarious. The ones posting about fantastic lives are usually divorced within a month. It's just a smokescreen. The happy ones are too busy enjoying life to post pics. | |||
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"You’ve shared a lot on here " I'm very generous that's why | |||
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" I see frequent comments by women in the forums about their lack of confidence, and how this profoundly affects their enjoyment and choices on this site and life in general. I'm wondering how instrumental males have been in causing such emotions? We're all aware of the affect of abusive and mysoginist figures in the press, but what about everyday life? For example, an article I read, dispelled the myth that ladies can't read maps or navigate. It simply showed that in other countries men didn't naturally take that responsibility and allowed women to learn and they were as adept as anyone else. So are men greatly responsible for lack of confidence in women or are they more prone to feeling it? And I read of many a man that lacks confidence,so are women greatly responsible for that? Anyone can lack confidence,it's not gender exclusive. Likewise anyone can learn how to build and develop their confidence if only they take the time and make the effort" Yeah- lack of confidence is just laziness- make more effort! | |||
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