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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1.What’s the dirtiest thought you’ve ever had about a total stranger?
I'd love to see them go arse over tip into a pile of horse manure
2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW?
Not now, I'm filling in your questionnaire 
3. What’s your favorite way to be seduced?
Bottle of pop and some scampi fries
4. What’s the dirtiest fantasy you’ve had at work?
I'd love to shit all over these orders then chuck them in the sensitive waste
5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance?
Fuck no, I don't do women
6. What do you do when you get horny in public?
Put it back on the shelf and walk round the sanitary section
7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom?
Masturbated what?
8. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve thought about while touching yourself?
I didn't see that bruise there before
9. What’s the strangest prop you’ve used to get yourself off?
The rotary wing of a Chinook, but they then insisted if I was getting off to get a move on or to get in and buckle up
10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused?
A roused what?
11. Who gave you your first orgasm?
Father Christmas in a cute little red box
12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like?
Yes, when I tried space dust in 1975
13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?
I've never had sex
14. What’s your favorite thing about a quickie?
The coffee doesn't go cold
15. What the most sexually daring thing you’ve ever done?
Opened a condom and filled it with water over the bath
16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?
I don't have teachers, I left school in 1953, or was that at 19:53
17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?
Strip strangers what?
18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to rock them to sleep?
FTFY
19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
My nan, my mum ...
20. What inspires you to make the first move?
If the pub's on fire
21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?
Sleep for 6 full hours ...
22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn’t help yourself?
I always cheat at Trivial Pursuit
23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush?
I never used to watch Fame
24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?
The Odeon cinema?
25. What kind of porn turns you on?
Turns me on what ?
26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?
I repeat, I've never had sex
27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?
Yes, but I can't talk about previous employment in a public forum
28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?
Especially if we are talking about putting salt in someone's tea...
29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex goddess?
Can someone translate this...it's a bit peculiar
30. What’s the dirtiest thing someone’s ever said to you during sex?
I haven't ever had sex
31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?
Getting on the bus? Quite often back in the day
32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?
Is this similar to a son or daughter?
33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their “third”?
Third what? Leg?
34. What’s the most flattering thing someone’s said about your naked body?
That poor whale needs helping back in the sea
35. When’s the last time you had a vivid sex dream?
Sex of potatoes, or sex of coal?
36. What do you think an orgy would be like?
Saturday night just before closing at the bar of The Frustrated Nun
37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?
To do what?
38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?
Is that similar to a coat stand?
39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?
Are we talking the toilet, a horse, it something even higher?
40. What’s the weirdest thing that turns you on?
Turns me on what?
41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?
Yeah, I dreamt me and my cousins nicked some curly wurleys from Woolworths pick n mix
42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?
Is that like hugging it?
43. When’s the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?
I don't know, I was sleeping
44. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you while hooking up?
I got my necklace caught in the hook and eye
45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?
I don't sleep with anyone else
46. What’s the dirtiest text you’ve ever sent or received?
"why did you leave that turd floating in my toilet?" (It wasn't even me  )
47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?
They're mostly amateurs aren't they?
48. What’s your favorite blowjob technique?
Straws and ping pong ball football
49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?
I'd rather pick my fingernails out because I hate dirty nails
50. Is there anything you won’t do in bed
Fart. It makes such an awful smell in the bedroom
**********
Tongue in cheek ... I was having a bit of fun  Do I win a prize for answering every question though?  |
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