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"Is this one of those PUA pretending something you're not in order to get laid threads? "I don't think so | |||
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"Is this one of those PUA pretending something you're not in order to get laid threads?
I don't think so "Phew! That's a relief
Well while we're at it then... what act do I have to put on to pretend I'm a nice wholesome guy?
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"People should love others for who they are, not who they are trying to be." 
OP if you need to pretend to be something different they don't deserve you. xx | |||
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"Is this one of those PUA pretending something you're not in order to get laid threads?
I don't think so
Phew! That's a relief
Well while we're at it then... what act do I have to put on to pretend I'm a nice wholesome guy?
"Don’t know, we all know you aren’t ‘wholesome’  | |||
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"OP you can't come across as anything other than the person you are. You would need to change your whole personality to do that. Just be yourself!"  | |||
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"Is this one of those PUA pretending something you're not in order to get laid threads?
I don't think so
Phew! That's a relief
Well while we're at it then... what act do I have to put on to pretend I'm a nice wholesome guy?
Don’t know, we all know you aren’t ‘wholesome’ "Well wankstains seldom are | |||
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Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff | |||
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff "What does PUA stand for? I’m sleepy | |||
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"Stop giving a shit what anyone think you'll live a damn sight longer and a shit load happier. X" This | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " Why? He's either interested or he isn't. Find out, it isn't hard. | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " Nah. Either he accepts you as you are, or fuck it, it ain't worth it. What are you looking for out of this scenario, something serious or just a bit of fun? | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " Don't play false. It will just make you unhappy in the long run.. | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " But then that wouldn't be you and that couldn't last. I think you'd be suprised what a bloke outside of here would think about you and probably what they want come to that. | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " Is it that same guy? | |||
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"Join the girl guides. set up a cup cake stall. Learn to play the recorder. Help the elderly cross roads. Change your name to ~ ‘Constance Mary Clearwater’ Oh and... Stop putting your tongue in men’s bum holes." This place is only big enough for one Constance Mary Clearwater! | |||
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff "I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. | |||
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"Sorry op. But you know the grief I've been through on here for mentioning this stuff " Possibly people have questioned it because you yourself led with talking about all the PUA things you were reading/reviewing and learning about. But yes, it’s true that people have referenced it again since too. I’ve been one of them, as I’ve tried to discuss with you on and off forum. And Annie, just be you. Although interestingly the negative vibe part of the PUA scene is more geared towards those that manipulate to get the sex rather than the relationship. So if you’re looking to bluff him into bed by being a good girl than I guess that’s PUA-ey, I’ve just not come across the PUA teaching that strategy yet. But hey, there’s bound to be one somewhere! | |||
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff
I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques.
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff
I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques.
"I don't think its right though. | |||
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff
I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques.
I don't think its right though."Me neither! | |||
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"So let's get this straight... You're a good girl really but you're afraid you may be coming across wrong to men. So you want to know what sorts of behaviours you might be doing which are undermining yourself. And what things you could do to try and help yourself come across as the quality girl you really are. Is that right? And this isn't a request for PUA style advice?
Of course it is. This is *exactly* the kind of stuff I've been roasted for bringing up in the past. But apparently it's ok because you're a woman. Who would've thunked it
Luckily the advice is the same even if the outrage and questioning of your character and motives isn't. People are telling you to just be you and if that puts him off, he wasn't right for you. If somehow that doesn't really answer the problem for you because actually you do want the guy and you do think you'd be right for each other but you're merely worried that you might be coming across wrong... it might be time to check out some PUA stuff
I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques.
I don't think its right though."I don't either. I don't think anyone can be comfortable being someone they aren't. | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques." I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? | |||
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"I'm talking wholesome, clean cut, non smutty. I don't want to be known as being funny or one who can be relied on to lower the tone. " You can be non smutty and still funny. Both don't go hand in hand. I've never done sex chat in here. Still had convos that's made me laugh till I cry x | |||
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"Personally, I think just be yourself advice is incredibly practical. It removes the game playing, and brings things back to good old straightforward, honest, clear communication. Like a guy/gal - talk to them, and express an interest. If it’s reciprocated, great. If not, onwards as it’s not going to happen. " I think this binary vision of you're either just being yourself or you're playing games is dumb. In between there's a whole world of awareness about body language, ways you maybe phrasing things, clothing choices, etc that have nothing to do with either. They're about studying and grasping how you're coming across and modifying this to come across the way you want to. That needn't be game play at all. You may merely be coming across in a way which isn't really you (like I do on here alot lol) and in need of adjusting things to better reflect who you think you really are | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? " Without getting in to the pua argument. There is no practical advice that will improve your chances with someone who isn't interested (if indeed this guy isn't). | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? Without getting in to the pua argument. There is no practical advice that will improve your chances with someone who isn't interested (if indeed this guy isn't). " I agree on ignoring PUA. But there is absolutely practical advice. For example, I might come to you asking how I can stand out and attract a certain woman. This shoulder shrug "nothing you can do" "just be yourself" talk is just such a waste of space it needn't even be expressed. If we were talking business advice we'd be wanting to know how I'm presenting my product, whether it's getting noticed, and how to really turn that woman's head with what I've got. It turns out I'm an ok singer songwriter. So maybe I should get gigging and invite her to a gig. Asking questions and figuring out what an individuals best way to attract a person is clearly much more helpful than the blanket advice of "just be yourself" | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? Without getting in to the pua argument. There is no practical advice that will improve your chances with someone who isn't interested (if indeed this guy isn't). I agree on ignoring PUA. But there is absolutely practical advice. For example, I might come to you asking how I can stand out and attract a certain woman. This shoulder shrug "nothing you can do" "just be yourself" talk is just such a waste of space it needn't even be expressed. If we were talking business advice we'd be wanting to know how I'm presenting my product, whether it's getting noticed, and how to really turn that woman's head with what I've got. It turns out I'm an ok singer songwriter. So maybe I should get gigging and invite her to a gig. Asking questions and figuring out what an individuals best way to attract a person is clearly much more helpful than the blanket advice of "just be yourself" " Working with what you've got eg inviting to a gig is a different thing to presenting yourself as a different personality. If you came to me asking for advice on attracting a certain woman I would still advise you to be yourself but to be your *best* self. If I thought you had attributes that I knew she was attracted to and weren't making the most of them I would say so. However I wouldn't and couldn't advise you to behave contrary to your true nature. | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? Without getting in to the pua argument. There is no practical advice that will improve your chances with someone who isn't interested (if indeed this guy isn't). I agree on ignoring PUA. But there is absolutely practical advice. For example, I might come to you asking how I can stand out and attract a certain woman. This shoulder shrug "nothing you can do" "just be yourself" talk is just such a waste of space it needn't even be expressed. If we were talking business advice we'd be wanting to know how I'm presenting my product, whether it's getting noticed, and how to really turn that woman's head with what I've got. It turns out I'm an ok singer songwriter. So maybe I should get gigging and invite her to a gig. Asking questions and figuring out what an individuals best way to attract a person is clearly much more helpful than the blanket advice of "just be yourself" Working with what you've got eg inviting to a gig is a different thing to presenting yourself as a different personality. If you came to me asking for advice on attracting a certain woman I would still advise you to be yourself but to be your *best* self. If I thought you had attributes that I knew she was attracted to and weren't making the most of them I would say so. However I wouldn't and couldn't advise you to behave contrary to your true nature." But can you see how "just be yourself" closes down the conversation whilst "what's going wrong? How are you coming across? What could you do differently?" etc is all far more practically helpful. Whether you like it or not PUA and dating advice exists in that other world of trying to offer more constructive analytic advice in the case that "just be yourself" ain't helping. "Just be yourself" is, after all, just advising someone to carry on doing whatever they're doing, regardless of whether it's working for them or not | |||
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"I think it's Ok for her to be on her best behaviour to start with and let the full glory of her warped sexual deviance come out slowly, no need to frighten the poor guy off by revealing all too quickly!" Haha this sounds like advice for me too Frisky after being on here too long then looking to go vanilla dating Sometimes I think to myself "you poor naive thing. You have no idea what you may be getting into" | |||
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"People should love others for who they are, not who they are trying to be.
OP if you need to pretend to be something different they don't deserve you. xx"Nor do they deserve to be deceived. | |||
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"People tend to see strangers as fitting into their lives like background noise. Re engineer who you are to that person and suddenly they'll imagine you in a very different light and as playing a very different role in their life. " It's weird how people are so against the PUA yet they happily tell people- sorry 'give advice'- on what they should put on their profiles. Surely that is exactly the same as PUA! They tell the person (usually a man) the type of text and pics to put on their profile that will gain them interest. They are telling the person how to appear a certain way to get them a fuck!! | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. " What are your intentions towards this guy? Are you just looking to lure him into bed, or is he relationship material? | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. What are your intentions towards this guy? Are you just looking to lure him into bed, or is he relationship material?" He's relationship material, he's a very nice person, has good morals, is very kind. I'd just want him to know that I have many sides to my personality and that if anything happened with us, he wouldn't have to take me to working mans clubs and that I could actually behave and be pleasant. | |||
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"Why? He's either interested or he isn't. Find out, it isn't hard. " . | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. What are your intentions towards this guy? Are you just looking to lure him into bed, or is he relationship material? He's relationship material, he's a very nice person, has good morals, is very kind. I'd just want him to know that I have many sides to my personality and that if anything happened with us, he wouldn't have to take me to working mans clubs and that I could actually behave and be pleasant. " Hmmm...well if it was the former I was gonna go with just rub your boobs in his face, but seeing as it's not 
Is there some common interest you both share? Something that perhaps takes you out of the sort of environment that naturally lends itself to rowdy behaviour?
So for instance rather than a gig or out drinking or something, do you both like art exhibitions, or museums or I dunno? Something you could casually invite him along to so it didn't seem like a date - "there's this thing I've really been fancying going to, wanna come along?" type affair, but would give the opportunity to reveal a different side to you?
What's he like? Is he shy? | |||
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"Shit, fucked up on the title, never done at before. Come across it was meant to say!! "Annie what's the question again hun? | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. What are your intentions towards this guy? Are you just looking to lure him into bed, or is he relationship material? He's relationship material, he's a very nice person, has good morals, is very kind. I'd just want him to know that I have many sides to my personality and that if anything happened with us, he wouldn't have to take me to working mans clubs and that I could actually behave and be pleasant. Hmmm...well if it was the former I was gonna go with just rub your boobs in his face, but seeing as it's not
Is there some common interest you both share? Something that perhaps takes you out of the sort of environment that naturally lends itself to rowdy behaviour?
So for instance rather than a gig or out drinking or something, do you both like art exhibitions, or museums or I dunno? Something you could casually invite him along to so it didn't seem like a date - "there's this thing I've really been fancying going to, wanna come along?" type affair, but would give the opportunity to reveal a different side to you?
What's he like? Is he shy?"Yeah common interest is that we're work colleagues, makes things slightly more awkward. Doesn't help that the blokes seem to congregate in my work space and talk to me and will say stuff which leads to me saying something that lowers the tone but is funny and then he catches the tail end of it. Have no problems getting laughs but I don't want to be seen as too fiesty that I'm scary kind of thing. Have some social events coming up in the next 4 weeks, the only chance I'll have of seeing him in a non work environment. | |||
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"Im lost before its begun 
Breakfast calls me thinks... "I'm seen as the funny one, I make everyone laugh, I've kind of been labelled now as the one who is guaranteed to say something inappropriate. I don't want just that label, but smutty innuendo stuff makes me laugh and passes the time. I'm also know as very intelligent as well which I like, but I want to be seen as sweet and virginal as well. | |||
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"Im lost before its begun
Breakfast calls me thinks...
I'm seen as the funny one, I make everyone laugh, I've kind of been labelled now as the one who is guaranteed to say something inappropriate. I don't want just that label, but smutty innuendo stuff makes me laugh and passes the time. I'm also know as very intelligent as well which I like, but I want to be seen as sweet and virginal as well. "But why if that's not who you are? Why be fake? | |||
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"Personally, I think just be yourself advice is incredibly practical. It removes the game playing, and brings things back to good old straightforward, honest, clear communication. Like a guy/gal - talk to them, and express an interest. If it’s reciprocated, great. If not, onwards as it’s not going to happen. I think this binary vision of you're either just being yourself or you're playing games is dumb. In between there's a whole world of awareness about body language, ways you maybe phrasing things, clothing choices, etc that have nothing to do with either. They're about studying and grasping how you're coming across and modifying this to come across the way you want to. That needn't be game play at all. You may merely be coming across in a way which isn't really you (like I do on here alot lol) and in need of adjusting things to better reflect who you think you really are " You’re making huge assumptions about my meaning there, actually. | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. What are your intentions towards this guy? Are you just looking to lure him into bed, or is he relationship material? He's relationship material, he's a very nice person, has good morals, is very kind. I'd just want him to know that I have many sides to my personality and that if anything happened with us, he wouldn't have to take me to working mans clubs and that I could actually behave and be pleasant. Hmmm...well if it was the former I was gonna go with just rub your boobs in his face, but seeing as it's not
Is there some common interest you both share? Something that perhaps takes you out of the sort of environment that naturally lends itself to rowdy behaviour?
So for instance rather than a gig or out drinking or something, do you both like art exhibitions, or museums or I dunno? Something you could casually invite him along to so it didn't seem like a date - "there's this thing I've really been fancying going to, wanna come along?" type affair, but would give the opportunity to reveal a different side to you?
What's he like? Is he shy?
Yeah common interest is that we're work colleagues, makes things slightly more awkward. Doesn't help that the blokes seem to congregate in my work space and talk to me and will say stuff which leads to me saying something that lowers the tone but is funny and then he catches the tail end of it. Have no problems getting laughs but I don't want to be seen as too fiesty that I'm scary kind of thing.
Have some social events coming up in the next 4 weeks, the only chance I'll have of seeing him in a non work environment. "Do you think he's the kind of guy that would be scared off by that though? Is he a nice boy looking for a girl next door, or can he get bawdy with the best of them? If it's the former (and I don't know you, so I'm basing this assumption purely off what you've said rather than any personal thoughts of what you're like) then perhaps you're just not that compatible, because if he's looking for meek and demure, then by your account that ain't really you. If it's the latter, then it shouldn't really be an issue, unless... What if he's a "don't shit on your own doorstep" kinda guy? By which I mean the fact you work together might be a blocker. Some people avoid that shit due to the potential for things to go wrong...it might be that he's into you but doesn't want to get involved with someone at work maybe? I dunno...has he given you any intimation that he's interested? Do you socialise outside of work, or are there work doos that you're both out at? Does he act differently towards you outside of work? | |||
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"I don't think this really compares to the goals of PUA techniques. I'm not too sure there are any goals to PUA techniques besides helping guys overcome their fears and inadequacies and getting it on with women they fancy. And even if their goals were more dubious than this, using the techniques for different more noble goals... that should be ok right? As long as the techniques don't involve deception. I wonder if the op is finding all this "just be yourself" and "he's not worth it" advice useful for her. Whilst it's right. For many who find themselves in a situation like the op's it doesn't really offer much in the way of practical advice to help improve her chances. You brought up schooling op. What class are you and what class is he? Without getting in to the pua argument. There is no practical advice that will improve your chances with someone who isn't interested (if indeed this guy isn't). I agree on ignoring PUA. But there is absolutely practical advice. For example, I might come to you asking how I can stand out and attract a certain woman. This shoulder shrug "nothing you can do" "just be yourself" talk is just such a waste of space it needn't even be expressed. If we were talking business advice we'd be wanting to know how I'm presenting my product, whether it's getting noticed, and how to really turn that woman's head with what I've got. It turns out I'm an ok singer songwriter. So maybe I should get gigging and invite her to a gig. Asking questions and figuring out what an individuals best way to attract a person is clearly much more helpful than the blanket advice of "just be yourself" Working with what you've got eg inviting to a gig is a different thing to presenting yourself as a different personality. If you came to me asking for advice on attracting a certain woman I would still advise you to be yourself but to be your *best* self. If I thought you had attributes that I knew she was attracted to and weren't making the most of them I would say so. However I wouldn't and couldn't advise you to behave contrary to your true nature." Yes!! | |||
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"Im lost before its begun
Breakfast calls me thinks...
I'm seen as the funny one, I make everyone laugh, I've kind of been labelled now as the one who is guaranteed to say something inappropriate. I don't want just that label, but smutty innuendo stuff makes me laugh and passes the time. I'm also know as very intelligent as well which I like, but I want to be seen as sweet and virginal as well. "You can't be both,just be you. | |||
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"Im lost before its begun
Breakfast calls me thinks...
I'm seen as the funny one, I make everyone laugh, I've kind of been labelled now as the one who is guaranteed to say something inappropriate. I don't want just that label, but smutty innuendo stuff makes me laugh and passes the time. I'm also know as very intelligent as well which I like, but I want to be seen as sweet and virginal as well. "Reign it in a little then. See if you like yourself and feel comfortable with the new you. It doesn't sound too difficult to conquer. Whatever you decide get back to us on this thread. I'll be interested to know how you managed. BTW - I changed this way! It feels great, I'm happier and people around me are too! | |||
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"Im lost before its begun
Breakfast calls me thinks...
I'm seen as the funny one, I make everyone laugh, I've kind of been labelled now as the one who is guaranteed to say something inappropriate. I don't want just that label, but smutty innuendo stuff makes me laugh and passes the time. I'm also know as very intelligent as well which I like, but I want to be seen as sweet and virginal as well. "You can be sweet and dirty at the same time... But at the risk of jumping to some massive assumptions...virginal? But you're on here? Ummm...is there not some inherent contradiction in that? Why would you want to be seen as virginal anyway? That's kind of an odd thing to aspire to, no? Is it because you think (or perhaps rather - you think that he might think) that virginal equates to 'unspoilt'? Because fuck that shit, and fuck him if that's his outlook on things...just because a woman is sexually experienced, adventurous or whatever, that doesn't mean she's somehow 'damaged goods' and therefore only quick fuck material, not girlfriend material. Fuck that bullshit | |||
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" Do you think he's the kind of guy that would be scared off by that though? Is he a nice boy looking for a girl next door, or can he get bawdy with the best of them? If it's the former (and I don't know you, so I'm basing this assumption purely off what you've said rather than any personal thoughts of what you're like) then perhaps you're just not that compatible, because if he's looking for meek and demure, then by your account that ain't really you. If it's the latter, then it shouldn't really be an issue, unless... What if he's a "don't shit on your own doorstep" kinda guy? By which I mean the fact you work together might be a blocker. Some people avoid that shit due to the potential for things to go wrong...it might be that he's into you but doesn't want to get involved with someone at work maybe? I dunno...has he given you any intimation that he's interested? Do you socialise outside of work, or are there work doos that you're both out at? Does he act differently towards you outside of work?" Gonna pm, I can be more factual then! | |||
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" Do you think he's the kind of guy that would be scared off by that though? Is he a nice boy looking for a girl next door, or can he get bawdy with the best of them? If it's the former (and I don't know you, so I'm basing this assumption purely off what you've said rather than any personal thoughts of what you're like) then perhaps you're just not that compatible, because if he's looking for meek and demure, then by your account that ain't really you. If it's the latter, then it shouldn't really be an issue, unless... What if he's a "don't shit on your own doorstep" kinda guy? By which I mean the fact you work together might be a blocker. Some people avoid that shit due to the potential for things to go wrong...it might be that he's into you but doesn't want to get involved with someone at work maybe? I dunno...has he given you any intimation that he's interested? Do you socialise outside of work, or are there work doos that you're both out at? Does he act differently towards you outside of work? Gonna pm, I can be more factual then!" Okey dokey. Might not reply for a bit as it's time to get up and go to work, but I'll get back to you later | |||
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"People tend to see strangers as fitting into their lives like background noise. Re engineer who you are to that person and suddenly they'll imagine you in a very different light and as playing a very different role in their life. It's weird how people are so against the PUA yet they happily tell people- sorry 'give advice'- on what they should put on their profiles. Surely that is exactly the same as PUA! They tell the person (usually a man) the type of text and pics to put on their profile that will gain them interest. They are telling the person how to appear a certain way to get them a fuck!!" I think this is where people are confusing PUA outright manipulation, with the being your best you that Soulful assumes everyone who says ‘be you’ aren’t meaning. There’s a difference. Mostly those threads of advice are people saying to be the best you - describe more what you’re looking for, what you bring to the mix, use pics that are nicely shot, perhaps don’t lead with multiple cock shots etc but they’re also people expressing opinions of what they might like, or encouragement to show “who you are” and there’s always comments to actually just be you too as don’t be something you’re not. PUA has included, and these are the aspects that cause me concern, recommended behaviours such as grabbing women by the throat, and forcing their heads towards the man’s crotch. | |||
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"People should love others for who they are, not who they are trying to be.
OP if you need to pretend to be something different they don't deserve you. xx"If you feel the need to pretend to be something you're not who doesn't deserve whom? | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " OP, you are stunning, there's no denying that, you should just be your out spoken, crude self.. I am and over time been noticed been yourself will attract people more like yourself.. think of it this way, if your not yourself then the other person dont actully like you for you do they... Have you actually spoke to this person? Try talking to him and you never know the out come May surprise you. All the best OP. X | |||
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"People tend to see strangers as fitting into their lives like background noise. Re engineer who you are to that person and suddenly they'll imagine you in a very different light and as playing a very different role in their life. It's weird how people are so against the PUA yet they happily tell people- sorry 'give advice'- on what they should put on their profiles. Surely that is exactly the same as PUA! They tell the person (usually a man) the type of text and pics to put on their profile that will gain them interest. They are telling the person how to appear a certain way to get them a fuck!! I think this is where people are confusing PUA outright manipulation, with the being your best you that Soulful assumes everyone who says ‘be you’ aren’t meaning. There’s a difference. Mostly those threads of advice are people saying to be the best you - describe more what you’re looking for, what you bring to the mix, use pics that are nicely shot, perhaps don’t lead with multiple cock shots etc but they’re also people expressing opinions of what they might like, or encouragement to show “who you are” and there’s always comments to actually just be you too as don’t be something you’re not. PUA has included, and these are the aspects that cause me concern, recommended behaviours such as grabbing women by the throat, and forcing their heads towards the man’s crotch." Neil Strauss had admitted the pua community has gone down a 'rat hole' with this dark side of the community that you've alluded to. There's always been those creepy elements like using NLP but there's been some good confidence building stuff too that has helped many. Like most things though, you get extreme elements ruining things. | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " ...because everyone is the same...honestly. My mate said opinions should end in the playground. As we make our way in the world we discover not all boys are made from snips and snails and puppy dog tails, blondes don't all have fun, diamonds aren't a girls best friend and a posh education doesn't mean you don't appreciate a bit of rough. None of us has universal appeal: none! So just be yourself, you'll be happier than trying to front. | |||
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"People tend to see strangers as fitting into their lives like background noise. Re engineer who you are to that person and suddenly they'll imagine you in a very different light and as playing a very different role in their life. It's weird how people are so against the PUA yet they happily tell people- sorry 'give advice'- on what they should put on their profiles. Surely that is exactly the same as PUA! They tell the person (usually a man) the type of text and pics to put on their profile that will gain them interest. They are telling the person how to appear a certain way to get them a fuck!! I think this is where people are confusing PUA outright manipulation, with the being your best you that Soulful assumes everyone who says ‘be you’ aren’t meaning. There’s a difference. Mostly those threads of advice are people saying to be the best you - describe more what you’re looking for, what you bring to the mix, use pics that are nicely shot, perhaps don’t lead with multiple cock shots etc but they’re also people expressing opinions of what they might like, or encouragement to show “who you are” and there’s always comments to actually just be you too as don’t be something you’re not. PUA has included, and these are the aspects that cause me concern, recommended behaviours such as grabbing women by the throat, and forcing their heads towards the man’s crotch. Neil Strauss had admitted the pua community has gone down a 'rat hole' with this dark side of the community that you've alluded to. There's always been those creepy elements like using NLP but there's been some good confidence building stuff too that has helped many. Like most things though, you get extreme elements ruining things. " I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. To be learning strategies to boost your confidence etc is great, I think even just the subtle shift in focus on what would be building *you* up and make you feel better about you, rather than perhaps the focal point being the emphasis on the “do this to attract/convince them” locus. | |||
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"I like a throat grab and I like guys to hold my head and feed me their penis. But only when I fancy the guy and want to do sexual things with him in the first place. " And if this man doesn't enjoy any of that, what then? | |||
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"I like a throat grab and I like guys to hold my head and feed me their penis. But only when I fancy the guy and want to do sexual things with him in the first place. " Well gosh, yes. That’s another matter.  | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. " I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? | |||
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"I like a throat grab and I like guys to hold my head and feed me their penis. But only when I fancy the guy and want to do sexual things with him in the first place. " I’d rough the fuck out of you. | |||
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" I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. To be learning strategies to boost your confidence etc is great, I think even just the subtle shift in focus on what would be building *you* up and make you feel better about you, rather than perhaps the focal point being the emphasis on the “do this to attract/convince them” locus." That's true. Many blokes would not have been receptive if it was labelled simply under the self help section, but the pick up women term feeds into ego and makes it ok. Sorry to be off topic op. | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. " You don't have to change who you are. You should however adjust the level of crudeness to the company your in. If your not doing that already that's your problem x | |||
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"I don’t understand
Pull ?
Still don’t understand "Don't be lazy read the thread, I insist | |||
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"I don't want to change my entire personality just not be brash and a little more lady like. Also it wouldn't be changing my personality it would just be showing my calm side. " But that is your personality and one you have been fiercely defensive and proud of in the past. | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes?" I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. | |||
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" I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. To be learning strategies to boost your confidence etc is great, I think even just the subtle shift in focus on what would be building *you* up and make you feel better about you, rather than perhaps the focal point being the emphasis on the “do this to attract/convince them” locus. That's true. Many blokes would not have been receptive if it was labelled simply under the self help section, but the pick up women term feeds into ego and makes it ok. Sorry to be off topic op. " Well, that’s another topic entirely - interesting though!! Oh ego! | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. " That’s an awesome combination. Embrace who you are. We are all shaped by our experiences and choices. Everyone has many side to their personality, it’s part of the joy of getting to know people. | |||
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"Embrace who you are. We are all shaped by our experiences and choices. Everyone has many side to their personality, it’s part of the joy of getting to know people." . | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. " I've worked with 33 guys in one of my jobs...worked in a hardware environment and always been around guys. Can hold my own in male company and could put guys on their arse with my wit. Still know how to conduct myself in company and not always make it smutty. I don't think you can change x | |||
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"People tend to see strangers as fitting into their lives like background noise. Re engineer who you are to that person and suddenly they'll imagine you in a very different light and as playing a very different role in their life. It's weird how people are so against the PUA yet they happily tell people- sorry 'give advice'- on what they should put on their profiles. Surely that is exactly the same as PUA! They tell the person (usually a man) the type of text and pics to put on their profile that will gain them interest. They are telling the person how to appear a certain way to get them a fuck!!" I don't see that as exactly the same as pua. I would never advise a guy to keep touching a woman he'd just met in non sexual then more sexual places until they said stop. Or kinoing and sexual dialling as pua puts it. Telling a guy to put a couple of more interesting photos, write a bit about what he wants and to wear a clean shirt to a meet is telling him to show the best side of himself. All in my opinion. | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. I've worked with 33 guys in one of my jobs...worked in a hardware environment and always been around guys. Can hold my own in male company and could put guys on their arse with my wit. Still know how to conduct myself in company and not always make it smutty. I don't think you can change x" I can do it because I have grandparents who I converse with easily enough, I can talk with the organic mothers and not be smutty, it's just when someone else is encouraging me or the tone has already gone that way through other people's conversations I join in cos it's the easiest kind of chat. I'm going to have a day of just being polite and talk about the things I would talk about if a customer was in ear shot, so normal topics and polite conversation. | |||
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"I like a throat grab and I like guys to hold my head and feed me their penis. But only when I fancy the guy and want to do sexual things with him in the first place. " Good God woman. If only I was 20 years younger and obviously not quite such an ugmo | |||
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"It's just something my friend and I were discussing earlier. She went to quite a posh school, same school as someone I like and she was asking how things were. She said I might have to change tact with this one. She said she knows I shouldn't have to change any part of my personality cos I have a wicked personality just have to reign it in a bit. " If someone couldn't accept me or want me exactly the way I am, then they wouldn't be right for me. Just saying. | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. I've worked with 33 guys in one of my jobs...worked in a hardware environment and always been around guys. Can hold my own in male company and could put guys on their arse with my wit. Still know how to conduct myself in company and not always make it smutty. I don't think you can change x I can do it because I have grandparents who I converse with easily enough, I can talk with the organic mothers and not be smutty, it's just when someone else is encouraging me or the tone has already gone that way through other people's conversations I join in cos it's the easiest kind of chat. I'm going to have a day of just being polite and talk about the things I would talk about if a customer was in ear shot, so normal topics and polite conversation. " The 'organic mothers' made me smile | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. I've worked with 33 guys in one of my jobs...worked in a hardware environment and always been around guys. Can hold my own in male company and could put guys on their arse with my wit. Still know how to conduct myself in company and not always make it smutty. I don't think you can change x I can do it because I have grandparents who I converse with easily enough, I can talk with the organic mothers and not be smutty, it's just when someone else is encouraging me or the tone has already gone that way through other people's conversations I join in cos it's the easiest kind of chat. I'm going to have a day of just being polite and talk about the things I would talk about if a customer was in ear shot, so normal topics and polite conversation. " That's nothing to do with you then that's your environment. And there's no need to go from one extreme to the other. Just be normal and play each situation as the company changes x | |||
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"As a rule it's very easy for white paint to get muddy and dirty but it's nigh on impossible for muddy dirty paint to get white and virginal. A long while back you got advice on here just to ask the guy for a drink. I suspect that instead you've flirted and laid on smutty jokes with the guy in order to signpost your sexual availability. Now you add the vital piece of information that he's possibly from a higher class than you and is perhaps more refined and vanilla... You may have to come to terms with the possibility that you've fucked this one up good and proper. We've probably all been there before. No big loss. Don't do the same next time. Plenty more fish and all that "Can always slosh on a coat of gloss | |||
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"Stop giving a shit what anyone think you'll live a damn sight longer and a shit load happier. X" And most likely die lonely. Worst advice to give anyone IMO. It is important what others think. In general other people who know us make good constructive comments about who we are, what we mean and say. It can be a good gauge for us as to how we treat others. In my experience those who don't GAF are generally the most unhappy sad lonely individuals because all they ever cared about was themselves. Human nature displays the need to love, share, give and support. Without offering those we gave little to offer others and so become unattractive as a partner, mate or friend.... leaving up overlooked to be loved, cared fore and supported. Just saying what I think. Those who are happiest are often those who think.less of themselves and more of others, and ironically are often the ones best supported when they need it. | |||
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"As a rule it's very easy for white paint to get muddy and dirty but it's nigh on impossible for muddy dirty paint to get white and virginal. Can always slosh on a coat of gloss "Haha That about sums this thread up | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. " Annie. I’m just curious here so bear with me At the age of 35? You seem to have packed in a lifetimes worth of experiences from a very early age? That being said with all that experience comes knowledge and understanding yet from your post you are still looking for answers. What is it you are looking for. Yes you are clearly a very attractive woman and must have men falling at your feet but as you’ve said in this post and others you want someone you can connect with both mentally and sexually. I think the amount of life experiences you have listed may smoke screen an underlying question that maybe some of us are not getting ?? | |||
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"As a rule it's very easy for white paint to get muddy and dirty but it's nigh on impossible for muddy dirty paint to get white and virginal. A long while back you got advice on here just to ask the guy for a drink. I suspect that instead you've flirted and laid on smutty jokes with the guy in order to signpost your sexual availability. Now you add the vital piece of information that he's possibly from a higher class than you and is perhaps more refined and vanilla... You may have to come to terms with the possibility that you've fucked this one up good and proper. We've probably all been there before. No big loss. Don't do the same next time. Plenty more fish and all that "I wouldn't ask a guy out. I'm firmly of the belief that it should be the guy that asks. Also he's not a higher class than me, I really dislike classes and people that rank others as a certain class. He went to a mainstream school just like me only his was slightly posher due to the area. I could have gone to that school as where I lived actually was the catchment area for that school, I had to use my Nans friends address to attend my school as that's where all my friends were going. | |||
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"I wish this guy knew how much you liked him." Think I’m gonna tell him, just so that we can get on with the rest of our lives. | |||
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"I agree, but I do think a lot of the good stuff was out there before being grouped into PUA scene and honestly, the term PUA, IMO, is one I’d probably want to distance myself from. I'd agree with this. Most PUA business is about exploiting chinks in others as a means to get what you want, often in the most-immediate sense. Sorry to be blunt with the question OP, but are you happy with the 'you' you are now? If we took this work colleague out of the equation would you still be wanting to make changes? I've always been comfortable in male company and that's from childhood and teens when kickboxing didn't have many girls and I would spend my time training with other boys my age, going away and staying in hotels for competitions, it was the 90's so things were slightly relaxed. To working in Bosch engine plant where I was the only female for years working 10/12 hour shifts with all men, listening to weekend exploits, being able to hold my own in male company and not be offended by stuff they say and being equally as offensive and shocking as the other men. Working in a cat b all male prison as a custody officer, couldn't be girly or a shrinking violet. Had to bolshy and aggressive and stern. Male locker room 'banter' is my niche. I'm just like this attractive woman with a good body that has the mind and personality of a man. But then I also bake and make nice cakes and roast dinners. Annie. I’m just curious here so bear with me At the age of 35? You seem to have packed in a lifetimes worth of experiences from a very early age? That being said with all that experience comes knowledge and understanding yet from your post you are still looking for answers. What is it you are looking for. Yes you are clearly a very attractive woman and must have men falling at your feet but as you’ve said in this post and others you want someone you can connect with both mentally and sexually. I think the amount of life experiences you have listed may smoke screen an underlying question that maybe some of us are not getting ??" What's the underlying question? As for life experiences I've had a few. I've worked in various employments and I have colourful friends with colourful lives. My best friend is from the traveller community so I've seen a lot of goings on with that lifestyle. I've worked I've worked in a prison so seen a lot of things from that side. I've given birth to a child. Everybody has life experience so I don't quite understand what you mean | |||
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"The question. Are you happy with who you are? If so they good on you It’s not for anyone to tell you who you should be Ok yes you may , have pissed people off in the past. Who hasn’t but I think it’s because the majority of your threads are just about you asking questions about yourself " But me pissing people off on here doesn't really have anything to do with this situation. All my threads will be about myself, I'm not going to ask questions on behalf of other people, I ask for opinions on things that I want to know so obviously it's going to be things related to myself. | |||
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"As a rule it's very easy for white paint to get muddy and dirty but it's nigh on impossible for muddy dirty paint to get white and virginal. A long while back you got advice on here just to ask the guy for a drink. I suspect that instead you've flirted and laid on smutty jokes with the guy in order to signpost your sexual availability. Now you add the vital piece of information that he's possibly from a higher class than you and is perhaps more refined and vanilla... You may have to come to terms with the possibility that you've fucked this one up good and proper. We've probably all been there before. No big loss. Don't do the same next time. Plenty more fish and all that
I wouldn't ask a guy out. "I never get that. Ask him and he will say yes or no. Then you know where you stand. | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo. "I honestly think she's just too intense and in your face A lot to be said for someone who's easy going x | |||
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"As a rule it's very easy for white paint to get muddy and dirty but it's nigh on impossible for muddy dirty paint to get white and virginal. A long while back you got advice on here just to ask the guy for a drink. I suspect that instead you've flirted and laid on smutty jokes with the guy in order to signpost your sexual availability. Now you add the vital piece of information that he's possibly from a higher class than you and is perhaps more refined and vanilla... You may have to come to terms with the possibility that you've fucked this one up good and proper. We've probably all been there before. No big loss. Don't do the same next time. Plenty more fish and all that
I wouldn't ask a guy out.
I never get that. Ask him and he will say yes or no. Then you know where you stand. " | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I honestly think she's just too intense and in your face A lot to be said for someone who's easy going x"I'm wracking my brain to think of someone, anyone, I've come across in my life who might be like the op. The only thing I can come up with is a woman who was at art school with me. She was pretty good looking, probably a pretty sexy figure much like the op's, and was sometimes a bit crude... hinting at enjoying bjs etc. But... She was also madly into taxidermy. Her place was filled with sticking corpses of dead animals. She'd light up when someone mentioned seeing road kill and jet off to scoop it up and put it in her fridge. I'm afraid in her case her weirdness just overshadowed everything else and nobody wanted to touch her with a barge pole. I hope that's not the op's issue. But I can't help but think it might be | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I honestly think she's just too intense and in your face A lot to be said for someone who's easy going x
I'm wracking my brain to think of someone, anyone, I've come across in my life who might be like the op. The only thing I can come up with is a woman who was at art school with me. She was pretty good looking, probably a pretty sexy figure much like the op's, and was sometimes a bit crude... hinting at enjoying bjs etc. But... She was also madly into taxidermy. Her place was filled with sticking corpses of dead animals. She'd light up when someone mentioned seeing road kill and jet off to scoop it up and put it in her fridge.
I'm afraid in her case her weirdness just overshadowed everything else and nobody wanted to touch her with a barge pole. I hope that's not the op's issue. But I can't help but think it might be "Aww jeaus christ hahaha You into art and roadkill OP x | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo. "I don't think his parents are together and have no idea what his ex was like. Yes there's obviously a reason why he hasn't made a move. I'm hoping it's because we only see each other at work and when there's people around us all the time. The social events that are coming up are when I will know for sure. After I've seen him outside of work that's when I'll know, he'll have nothing stopping him making a move if that's what he wants. If he doesn't I'm going to put this to bed. | |||
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"OP you can't come across as anything other than the person you are. You would need to change your whole personality to do that. Just be yourself!" The con artist population of the world would probably disagree with this. | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I don't think his parents are together and have no idea what his ex was like. Yes there's obviously a reason why he hasn't made a move. I'm hoping it's because we only see each other at work and when there's people around us all the time. The social events that are coming up are when I will know for sure. After I've seen him outside of work that's when I'll know, he'll have nothing stopping him making a move if that's what he wants. If he doesn't I'm going to put this to bed. "Did he go to the Xmas night out x | |||
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"Shit, fucked up on the title, never done at before. Come across it was meant to say!! "Are you still going on about the guy at work? If he doesn’t like you for being you then let him pass by. You should change who you are for another person because the real you will always resurface down the line and you’ll find you were only compatible when you were pretending to be someone you’re not. | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I don't think his parents are together and have no idea what his ex was like. Yes there's obviously a reason why he hasn't made a move. I'm hoping it's because we only see each other at work and when there's people around us all the time. The social events that are coming up are when I will know for sure. After I've seen him outside of work that's when I'll know, he'll have nothing stopping him making a move if that's what he wants. If he doesn't I'm going to put this to bed. "Not being unkind, but has it occurred to you that he might not want to? You'll screw your self up whittling about one bloke who probably isn't remotely interested and you could let others pass by while you are bothering about him. | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I don't think his parents are together and have no idea what his ex was like. Yes there's obviously a reason why he hasn't made a move. I'm hoping it's because we only see each other at work and when there's people around us all the time. The social events that are coming up are when I will know for sure. After I've seen him outside of work that's when I'll know, he'll have nothing stopping him making a move if that's what he wants. If he doesn't I'm going to put this to bed.
Did he go to the Xmas night out x"It hasn't happened yet. | |||
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"Does he strike you as the kind of guy who'd go for a dried up vanilla prude woman to take home to his mummy and daddy? Was his previous girlfriend a bit un sexual? I think the big mystery here is why this guy hasn't moved on you for all these months. There must be something putting him off imo.
I don't think his parents are together and have no idea what his ex was like. Yes there's obviously a reason why he hasn't made a move. I'm hoping it's because we only see each other at work and when there's people around us all the time. The social events that are coming up are when I will know for sure. After I've seen him outside of work that's when I'll know, he'll have nothing stopping him making a move if that's what he wants. If he doesn't I'm going to put this to bed.
Not being unkind, but has it occurred to you that he might not want to?
You'll screw your self up whittling about one bloke who probably isn't remotely interested and you could let others pass by while you are bothering about him."Course it has and I mind my own business and won't initiate conversations and will look purposely busy on the computer. It's those days where he will come and stand right infront of me or sit next to me and start a conversation with me. | |||
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"I'm talking wholesome, clean cut, non smutty. I don't want to be known as being funny or one who can be relied on to lower the tone. " He already knows that is who you are though, you work with him, can you really come across as being demure all of a sudden? You can’t be a fake you, it doesnt work for long, if you rein it in then do it all the time not just when he is around, be the person you want to be all the time regardless of who you are taking to | |||
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"Is this cos of that bloke you work with who you fancy but he just wants a laugh ?" Yeah but I'll laugh him into spooning with me. I will. | |||
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"Is this cos of that bloke you work with who you fancy but he just wants a laugh ? Yeah but I'll laugh him into spooning with me. I will. " You never know your luck. He may even squeeze a little turd in there for you to squish up against
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"People should love others for who they are, not who they are trying to be." Fantastic response! Completely agree. You couldn’t keep up an act for long anyways... just be yourself.. the best version! For you. In my country we have a saying ‘every bread has it’s cheese’ | |||
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"Re PUA. Go onto YouTube and you'll find a plethora of videos under this acronym offering everything from confidence building meditation techniques, standing on your own two feet without needing a woman to validate you, to terrible pranks played on women with woeful attitudes and others played on more innocent unsuspecting women. Excessive feminists once advocated castrating all the men on the planet, claimed all men are potential rapists, and advocated fucking men over. I don't judge feminism by this standard. Some men do. But I prefer to see the good in it and recognise extreme and ugly feminism for what it was... extreme and ugly. Whenever a guy asks "where am I going wrong?" there are two options; tell him to just carry on and hope or play the numbers; or explore his issues, internally and externally, and see what can be done to help him come across better. Whether you like it or not that dating advice, self help advice, whatever, has become entwined with PUA advice... indeed it has largely ousted the old nasty PUA advice of negging and deceiving. Almost everyone on this thread is forwarding a sentiment you'll now see over and over again in the videos on YouTube; just be yourself because if you aren't yourself the relationship is doomed. The real issue that PUA is now focused on is precisely that... how to be yourself. Or rather, as someone wise said earlier in the thread, how to be your *best* self. That's what the PUA I've been referring to from the start is concerned with. I agree the motives of PUA remain dubious. But, as I said in that very first post on the subject, I've been pleasantly surprised with some of the advice given in it "Or just look for the good stuff not under the more dubious tag of PUA. *shrugs* | |||
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"I've removed some posts. If a thread has been removed because it was about a banned subject its not a great idea to start discussing it again " x | |||
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"I've removed some posts. If a thread has been removed because it was about a banned subject its not a great idea to start discussing it again "My posts | |||
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