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Deciding about kids

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Im feeling like im at the point right now where i have no idea if i want kids. Id always say to exes, i want kids later in life. My friends and brother have kids. I love my niece. But i dont see the day to day effort that goes into everything.

Its a major shift in lifestyle and theres a huge cost involvement. Hence wanting to put myself in a good position before deciding too. Would enjoy hearing from people of all stages in life kids or not. Thanks

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Having kids has been the most rewarding experience of my life bar none. They are both young adults now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea how I know I want children and that I’m ready for them. I just know that I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like kids but I’ve never wanted my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will know when the time is right...

My son changed my world. Waking up each morning and knowing he's in the world is a feeling it's impossible to describe or beat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 4. Had my first when I was 21. He's now 15 coming 16 and I couldn't be prouder of the fine young man he is becoming. Becoming a parent is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, and it's probably also been the hardest thing I have ever done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always wanted children, was not able to have them for one reason or another when I was with my ex....now I’m too old and missed the chance to do anything about it!

If it’s meant to be you will have them someday and if not then I guess you won’t!

Men can at least do these things later in life!!

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Meh, don't ask me.

15 year relationship came crashing down because she did and I didn't...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (we) lost two

It's a shitter

We'd have been great parents

I sometimes wonder 'what if' and how life would have been with them

Then 'rational' me kicks in and thinks that my life has been full of twists, turns, fun, excitement and love anyway so I am already richer than some

It's better not to ponder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 2 smashing children aged 15 & 16 you can't beat the feeling of being a parent , even when they are being little shitbags lol

The cost can never be bought into the decision of having children.

Believe me your life changes in so many ways and so much for the better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our kids have brought us so much happiness - we definetely wouldn't be without them. Yes they can be hard work, a big pain in the arse lol but they are a part of both of us - they're teenagers now and I still look at them and think "we made them".

We have friends / work colleagues who can't have children and count our blessings that we can x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I (we) lost two

It's a shitter

We'd have been great parents

I sometimes wonder 'what if' and how life would have been with them

Then 'rational' me kicks in and thinks that my life has been full of twists, turns, fun, excitement and love anyway so I am already richer than some

It's better not to ponder "

I'm so sorry to hear that

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

I so miss those early years, enjoy them as they soon pass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best thing to come out of my marriage are my 3 children. I wouldn’t change anything for the world. X

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I (we) lost two

It's a shitter

We'd have been great parents

I sometimes wonder 'what if' and how life would have been with them

Then 'rational' me kicks in and thinks that my life has been full of twists, turns, fun, excitement and love anyway so I am already richer than some

It's better not to ponder "

Just knowing you can give unconditional love certainly would’ve made you a great parent

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Im feeling like im at the point right now where i have no idea if i want kids. Id always say to exes, i want kids later in life. My friends and brother have kids. I love my niece. But i dont see the day to day effort that goes into everything.

Its a major shift in lifestyle and theres a huge cost involvement. Hence wanting to put myself in a good position before deciding too. Would enjoy hearing from people of all stages in life kids or not. Thanks "

'When' is a great question to ask. As a man, you are the primary provider because you cannot breast feed, nor is it very likely you have the right personality mix to be the primary care giver for the essential first years. You're 28 and frankly the economy has been shit your entire working life. The probability that you've established yourself enough for it to be a good time to have kids is very low and that's not your fault.

This is of course all probability based and maybe your individual circumstances are such that you inherited a castle and a trust fund when you graduated and never have to work another day. But I'm just saying that in general, most men your age would benefit enormously by waiting until their early thirties.

Saying you don't love your kids is probably one of the biggest taboos imaginable. But listen carefully to the words of many parents and you hear resentment. The kids cries too much, shits too much, won't sleep properly. I want to bitch slap these parents, this is what kids do. Yes, kids are inconvinient. Don't introduce inconvenience into your life until everything else is running smoothly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I know is that it's not a decision you should go into lightly. It genuinely can turn your life upside down and bring everything crashing down. Then afterwards you wake up and you've got this vulnerable little soul who you've got to look after for at least 18 years.

It's nice to get dewey eyed over it. But if you don't think you're in a good situation or you don't think you'd be a good parent maybe wait

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I had my first at 29, then 32 & 33. It was blooming hard work looking back but I wouldn't change a thing. I always knew I wanted to be a mum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted kids. I'm not a natural mother. I've 2. I wouldn't be without them but I don't think I'm winning any awards for mother of the year. I'm winging it big style!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have kids and step kids, ages 14 for the oldest, 6 the youngest.

I love them all, but boy they can be hard work at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im feeling like im at the point right now where i have no idea if i want kids. Id always say to exes, i want kids later in life. My friends and brother have kids. I love my niece. But i dont see the day to day effort that goes into everything.

Its a major shift in lifestyle and theres a huge cost involvement. Hence wanting to put myself in a good position before deciding too. Would enjoy hearing from people of all stages in life kids or not. Thanks

'When' is a great question to ask. As a man, you are the primary provider because you cannot breast feed, nor is it very likely you have the right personality mix to be the primary care giver for the essential first years. You're 28 and frankly the economy has been shit your entire working life. The probability that you've established yourself enough for it to be a good time to have kids is very low and that's not your fault.

This is of course all probability based and maybe your individual circumstances are such that you inherited a castle and a trust fund when you graduated and never have to work another day. But I'm just saying that in general, most men your age would benefit enormously by waiting until their early thirties.

Saying you don't love your kids is probably one of the biggest taboos imaginable. But listen carefully to the words of many parents and you hear resentment. The kids cries too much, shits too much, won't sleep properly. I want to bitch slap these parents, this is what kids do. Yes, kids are inconvinient. Don't introduce inconvenience into your life until everything else is running smoothly. "

Sometimes I read posts on here and know it's just time to walk away

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Kids aren’t for everyone, I wasn’t interested until I reached 30. I left my partner of 9 years because I knew he wasn’t the Dad. Just to clarify it was his idea to break up I merely agreed. Unfortunately he changed his mind, I didn’t. In case you’re wondering the actual father turned out to be a knob, we agreed over a year ago we’d separate this summer. We have and it’s great!!! My point being make sure you find the right person before embarking on fatherhood, even then there are no guarantees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter is my world. Only.Good thing that came out of that relationship. But its the best thing that ever happened to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve decided children don’t feature in my future- without divulging things over an open forum It’d be a hugely selfish risk on my part with what I know.

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By *ommyxyzMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Two brilliant kids 4 soon to be 5 grandsons, and my new partner has 3 kids too. The youngest only 8. They fill my heart. The best most amazing part of life. And we still live a full life.

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was like you, I knew I wanted kids but not when. My ex was ready and we went for it and now I wouldn't change it for the world.

My daughter has given me a whole new reason for living and I didn't think it was possible to feel so much love.

I still don't feel grown up enough though

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's not for me. More power to those who want to or do, but I shouldn't for health reasons and don't feel that way inclined.

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By *sylockeWoman
over a year ago

East Anglia

Have three kids and adopted one of them. It’s a rocky road but I wouldn’t change anything. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a thought, a solid relationship is a huge advantage to child rearing......

Assuming you're single and not cheating I'd give it 5 years to see where the relationship goes.

I've married twice, 1x 18yr old son. Being an occasional dad is crap. It's even harder than full time as you both have to relearn each other every time.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I have two fantastic sons who I love with all my heart but I have to say if I had my time again I wouldn’t have children because the world isn’t the way it used to be, everything is a struggle these days, it makes me wonder how the next generation will get on, it’s rather a sad outlook but it’s the one I have

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Wasn't a big fan of kids before having them. But absolutely adore my kids. Bloody hard work but they make my life special.

Cliche but you don't get it until you have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I'd had kids

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By *ueballpaulMan
over a year ago

North Derbyshire

I have none of my own timing never seemed right but acquired one at age 4 and he’s now 15 and one of my greatest accomplishments that he’s grown up into a well rounded young man

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By *ySweetLadyWoman
over a year ago

London

Kids can be amazing, fantastic... Yes, they can bring endless happiness to your life despite the hard work involved and the long hours.

BUT you must have in mind that in this world sometimes things do not go “as planned” and your wonderful child(ren) might have a serious health condition or life-long learning disabilities which not only will affect him/her/them very day of their life but the whole family unit too.

I am not trying to be a “party pooper” but it is something to seriously think about... especially if you are not 100% sure you want kids or if you are planning to have them on your own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I had kids, I was in a loving stable relationship and I knew I wanted them.

Fast forward 6 years and i’m now a single parent struggling just to get through the day sometimes.

Kids are rewarding, they are beautiful amazing little creatures that will make your heart feel like it’s going to explode.

But they are also very tiring, hard work & turn into the weirdest monsters at the flick of a switch

wouldn’t be without mine though xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're 28 OP you've got time.

I chose not to have children - I'm not a fan.

I loved my nieces and nephews when they were little - but I'm glad they didn't live with me!

I don't feel love when I see kids I see inconvenience and boredom.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"You're 28 OP you've got time.

I chose not to have children - I'm not a fan.

I loved my nieces and nephews when they were little - but I'm glad they didn't live with me!

I don't feel love when I see kids I see inconvenience and boredom."

There's a lot of inconvenience to see. Nothing wrong with not wanting them if you don't feel a burning urge to have them. You gotta really want them or they will annoy the shit out of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my first when I was 30 and had been with my partner about 10 yrs. I think I just sort of woke up one day deciding it was the right time. He would never have made that decision.

No regrets at all,and went on to have a second. Looking back now I would have probably chosen to do it all earlier so by the time they fly the nest I would still have some youth left in me. But who knows, it may all have ended up very differently if I had, so just happy to have the 2 wonderful kids I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have one child and always thought I'd have two, I want another one but I've been single for years and I'm 35 now.

I had to make quite a hard choice quite recently, I was offered medication that would make a superficial condition better but the side effects were that you couldn't conceive for 5 years after taking the drug. Even though I'm single and could never have a partner to have a child with, I didn't want to make that decision which is essentially doing away with my chance for another child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not for me.

I've thought about it long and hard over the last decade and I just can't envisage a life where I'd be happy having one.

At the end of the day I'd rather not be a parent than be a crappy one.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I put off having kids... Then found out I can't. Sometimes life has the last laugh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing that strikes me is how many people DON’T think about it beforehand-

They just have children because ‘that’s what you do’.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

I decided at a very young age (teenage years) that I didn't want kids. No maternal instinct in me at all.

Love my niece to pieces, but I'd never want to inflict me on a small child 24/7.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine are my life. Can’t imagine being without them. It’s bloody hard but the ups far outweigh the downs.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"I decided at a very young age (teenage years) that I didn't want kids. No maternal instinct in me at all.

Love my niece to pieces, but I'd never want to inflict me on a small child 24/7."

Same here and I've got nephews as well.

I did the stepfather thing for 9 years, but it wasn't for me. Parenting is bloody hard, being a step is even harder...

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

"

You can get that from a cat or dog without getting a round of tutts when you leave them home all day with a bowl of food on the floor and a flap in the door.

Having the snip was an awesome decision as i know there's pretty much zero chance of any accidents- So i can do what i want, when i want- have a tidy and quiet house, spare cash to enjoy myself, stay up late, lie in when i'm tired, have 2-3 fab holidays most years and the only thing i need to worry about is feeding the cat twice a day and booking the catery or making sure the cat fan club are available while i'm away- its utter bliss!

If it wasn't for bloody work getting in the way it would be perfect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just do it .Youll enjoy it .Go replicate ,it's the biological reason you are here.I have 2 awesome kids .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly.

You will regret your loss of freedom and possibly sanity. But not enough to not do it.

you will regret not doing it.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

You can get that from a cat or dog without getting a round of tutts when you leave them home all day with a bowl of food on the floor and a flap in the door.

Having the snip was an awesome decision as i know there's pretty much zero chance of any accidents- So i can do what i want, when i want- have a tidy and quiet house, spare cash to enjoy myself, stay up late, lie in when i'm tired, have 2-3 fab holidays most years and the only thing i need to worry about is feeding the cat twice a day and booking the catery or making sure the cat fan club are available while i'm away- its utter bliss!

If it wasn't for bloody work getting in the way it would be perfect "

Amen

It's so taboo to even suggest that you would have been better off without kids after you've had them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world that feel like this - but just can't or won't admit it even to themselves!

I have met a few people that have said that they love their kids dearly - but given the choice again they wouldn't have had any.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire


"Honestly.

You will regret your loss of freedom and possibly sanity. But not enough to not do it.

you will regret not doing it.

Good luck.

"

Not everyone who doesn't have children regrets not having children.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Just do it .Youll enjoy it .Go replicate ,it's the biological reason you are here.I have 2 awesome kids . "

Wouldn't it be better for the planet if we all had 1 or 0 children?

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

You can get that from a cat or dog without getting a round of tutts when you leave them home all day with a bowl of food on the floor and a flap in the door.

Having the snip was an awesome decision as i know there's pretty much zero chance of any accidents- So i can do what i want, when i want- have a tidy and quiet house, spare cash to enjoy myself, stay up late, lie in when i'm tired, have 2-3 fab holidays most years and the only thing i need to worry about is feeding the cat twice a day and booking the catery or making sure the cat fan club are available while i'm away- its utter bliss!

If it wasn't for bloody work getting in the way it would be perfect

Amen

It's so taboo to even suggest that you would have been better off without kids after you've had them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world that feel like this - but just can't or won't admit it even to themselves!

I have met a few people that have said that they love their kids dearly - but given the choice again they wouldn't have had any."

I often think that the people who say this type of thing are extremely selfish and to some degree, ignorant. The reason being is that it’s often said to those who desperately want children but can’t. It makes me think, if only you knew what it’s like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never written about this before in the forum. I (we) lost our first son, still born at full term. Even before he was born my life was changed completely. The all consuming love sense of wonder elation and fear that somehow I would never be good enough as a Dad takes over completely. That feeling of excitement and that this new person is the one you really would give your own life to protect, I don't have the words to ever describe.

Yet it was taken away in the blink of an eye.

I'm blessed, unbelievablely lucky, our second son survived, just. He's now finished Uni, has his own life, and is both my son and my best friend.

No matter what any of us think before we have kids, it will never come close to the pure joy they bring to our lives, even with all the sometimes difficult things life may throw at us.

I have only one regret, that my son does not have his brother with him...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a tough role being a parent.

My hat goes off to anyone who goes without so their children have what they need.

Btw soon it's Christmas

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

If you wait to be financially stable ... you will never have any ....everyone struggles but hey ho .... its your choice OP .

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Resist having children unless you KNOW why you want them.

They are never yours. They are people in their own right.

I had three children. Twins and a single. I believe I had them as I was following suit as in ..... had the boy, the engagement ,the man, the wedding , the house ........ yada yada yada....

It went well for me but in hindsight there has to be better reasons for wanting to have children.

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field


"Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

You can get that from a cat or dog without getting a round of tutts when you leave them home all day with a bowl of food on the floor and a flap in the door.

Having the snip was an awesome decision as i know there's pretty much zero chance of any accidents- So i can do what i want, when i want- have a tidy and quiet house, spare cash to enjoy myself, stay up late, lie in when i'm tired, have 2-3 fab holidays most years and the only thing i need to worry about is feeding the cat twice a day and booking the catery or making sure the cat fan club are available while i'm away- its utter bliss!

If it wasn't for bloody work getting in the way it would be perfect

Amen

It's so taboo to even suggest that you would have been better off without kids after you've had them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world that feel like this - but just can't or won't admit it even to themselves!

I have met a few people that have said that they love their kids dearly - but given the choice again they wouldn't have had any.

I often think that the people who say this type of thing are extremely selfish and to some degree, ignorant. The reason being is that it’s often said to those who desperately want children but can’t. It makes me think, if only you knew what it’s like"

I have nieces and nephews, friends with kids, neighbours with a bloody rugby team and i grew up with two pain in the arse siblings...all just reinforcing that i don't like kids at all. You don't need to have kids to know what they're like to be round and once you have one to find out, you can't push it back up if its not what you hoped for.

Its no more selfish to not have any than it is to have them.

Some parents are the most entitled people i've come across- expecting the world to bend over backwards to accomodate them and their kids and they really shouldn't be parents. I'd be a shit parent myself, so i decided years ago it wasn't going to happen- not selfish, just the most sensible decision i've ever made.

As for it being said insensitively to people who want but can't have kids, unless you're wearing a T-shirt proclaming that, how would anyone know...bit like people expecting and qustioning me why i'm not married with several offspring- just because its assumed that thats what everyone does?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just do it .Youll enjoy it .Go replicate ,it's the biological reason you are here.I have 2 awesome kids .

Wouldn't it be better for the planet if we all had 1 or 0 children? "

Fertility rates are rapidly declining relax.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire


"Imagine getting up at 3am and feeling absolute love to the person who woke you. Those little eyes that watch you as you feed them, their need for you, for their basic needs. To clean,feed and comfort them when they’re at their most vulnerable.

You can get that from a cat or dog without getting a round of tutts when you leave them home all day with a bowl of food on the floor and a flap in the door.

Having the snip was an awesome decision as i know there's pretty much zero chance of any accidents- So i can do what i want, when i want- have a tidy and quiet house, spare cash to enjoy myself, stay up late, lie in when i'm tired, have 2-3 fab holidays most years and the only thing i need to worry about is feeding the cat twice a day and booking the catery or making sure the cat fan club are available while i'm away- its utter bliss!

If it wasn't for bloody work getting in the way it would be perfect

Amen

It's so taboo to even suggest that you would have been better off without kids after you've had them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world that feel like this - but just can't or won't admit it even to themselves!

I have met a few people that have said that they love their kids dearly - but given the choice again they wouldn't have had any.

I often think that the people who say this type of thing are extremely selfish and to some degree, ignorant. The reason being is that it’s often said to those who desperately want children but can’t. It makes me think, if only you knew what it’s like

I have nieces and nephews, friends with kids, neighbours with a bloody rugby team and i grew up with two pain in the arse siblings...all just reinforcing that i don't like kids at all. You don't need to have kids to know what they're like to be round and once you have one to find out, you can't push it back up if its not what you hoped for.

Its no more selfish to not have any than it is to have them.

Some parents are the most entitled people i've come across- expecting the world to bend over backwards to accomodate them and their kids and they really shouldn't be parents. I'd be a shit parent myself, so i decided years ago it wasn't going to happen- not selfish, just the most sensible decision i've ever made.

As for it being said insensitively to people who want but can't have kids, unless you're wearing a T-shirt proclaming that, how would anyone know...bit like people expecting and qustioning me why i'm not married with several offspring- just because its assumed that thats what everyone does?"

I almost replied in the same vein. I'm hoping that the poster wasn't calling those people who decide not to have any children ignorant and selfish, just the people who do and complain and say that they wished they didn't have them.

If it is the former, I will get on my high horse and say how dare you judge me and my decision.

If the latter, how is someone truly going to know what type of parent they are going to be until they have kids?

I am sorry to hear that you are/were having difficulties. But please don't judge others for their decisions.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

One thing I will say, not sure if I'm repeating anything, is when you meet someone who you think could be your soul mate have the chat about whether you want kids or not. A lot of my friends split up after a few years being married because they didn't and then realised that one of them didn't want children.

It's a massive decision, life changing but if you do it with the right person nothing beats it.

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

I was not a good father to my 3 kids but I loved them dearly. When I got divorced from there mother they decided or should I say there grandmother decided they should not be involved with me. At first I saw them regularly then they stopped wanting to come out with me and we drifted apart. 1 day I got a call to say my son who was 21 had been in a car accident and was on life support before I could ask which hospital he was in they hung up he died the next day that was 13 years ago and now I have only spoken to my 2 daughters twice since but I still miss them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't have them, don't know how I truly feel. We are a big Italian/Irish family and family is everything. Think it will break my parents heart, just can't bring myself to tell them

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By *r MoriartyMan
over a year ago

The Land that time forgot (Norfolk)

I kept waiting for the day I thought I had grown up enough to have children but it never came. Concluded that being grown up enough probably has nothing to do with it I just hadn't been with the right person.

I still can't honestly say I want children, I'm far too selfish and honestly don't think I would be a good father. When I think about having children all that enters my head is how much it will cost me and how much it will negatively affect my life style. Kids are probably not meant for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't have them, don't know how I truly feel. We are a big Italian/Irish family and family is everything. Think it will break my parents heart, just can't bring myself to tell them "

xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d like to have children very much. I think it’s unlikely it will happen though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never written about this before in the forum. I (we) lost our first son, still born at full term. Even before he was born my life was changed completely. The all consuming love sense of wonder elation and fear that somehow I would never be good enough as a Dad takes over completely. That feeling of excitement and that this new person is the one you really would give your own life to protect, I don't have the words to ever describe.

Yet it was taken away in the blink of an eye.

I'm blessed, unbelievablely lucky, our second son survived, just. He's now finished Uni, has his own life, and is both my son and my best friend.

No matter what any of us think before we have kids, it will never come close to the pure joy they bring to our lives, even with all the sometimes difficult things life may throw at us.

I have only one regret, that my son does not have his brother with him...

"

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

First time I had sex, I got pregnant, sort of made the decision for me, although at the time I thought I had a stomach bug...

Also had to organise a wedding....

33 years later, fuckwit is playing golf as I’m packing all his crap...

Fun times..

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

If you enjoy your freedom, being able to meet people for sex whenever you like then dont have any kids, just one reason not to.

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By *iss.RedWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I always wanted to be a mum but not enough to settle in a relationship that wasn't right for me. Time isn't on my side now but I've not given up completely

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"I was not a good father to my 3 kids but I loved them dearly. When I got divorced from there mother they decided or should I say there grandmother decided they should not be involved with me. At first I saw them regularly then they stopped wanting to come out with me and we drifted apart. 1 day I got a call to say my son who was 21 had been in a car accident and was on life support before I could ask which hospital he was in they hung up he died the next day that was 13 years ago and now I have only spoken to my 2 daughters twice since but I still miss them"

That is just heart breaking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I kept waiting for the day I thought I had grown up enough to have children but it never came. Concluded that being grown up enough probably has nothing to do with it I just hadn't been with the right person.

I still can't honestly say I want children, I'm far too selfish and honestly don't think I would be a good father. When I think about having children all that enters my head is how much it will cost me and how much it will negatively affect my life style. Kids are probably not meant for me."

I disagree.

You have all the ingredients needed to be an excellent father figure from my observations.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"I have no idea how I know I want children and that I’m ready for them. I just know that I am. "

When you can't have your own biological children you quickly realise it's not just a simple case of deciding to have children,you may decide when is the right time,but it's part of most people's makeup the need to have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't have them, don't know how I truly feel. We are a big Italian/Irish family and family is everything. Think it will break my parents heart, just can't bring myself to tell them "

I totally apologise if I’m reading into this statement wrong but you’ve got to put yourself first in this situation and decide what’s best for you- and then proceed. It might break their hearts but it’s your life.

I have pushy parents and everyone in a large family expects me to continue the family line by default, but I don’t see it as anyone else’s business and sometimes too aggressively I defend my own space after they tried to dictate my life to me.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

For me it was simply marriage then start a family. Getting married and having kids was never on my "to do" list...it just did.

I think you can over think things, which can lead to disappointment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Amen

It's so taboo to even suggest that you would have been better off without kids after you've had them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world that feel like this - but just can't or won't admit it even to themselves!

I have met a few people that have said that they love their kids dearly - but given the choice again they wouldn't have had any.

I often think that the people who say this type of thing are extremely selfish and to some degree, ignorant. The reason being is that it’s often said to those who desperately want children but can’t. It makes me think, if only you knew what it’s like"

How is it selfish and ignorant to bring an unwanted life into the world?

There are enough unwanted babies / children in the world already that could be adopted by people that can't have them.

There are many things that I want that I can't have - but I don't throw insults at the people that have them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not to bring *

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By *hocoholicWoman
over a year ago

The big D

Unconditional love can be felt by lots of things so it’s not just children plus it’s not really unconditional, there are so many relationships that can be toxic incl parent/child (they do have to grow up). Iv children & im very very lucky to have a great relationship with them but it was hard tearing them & the responsibility of moulding & teaching them hoping that they’ll be well mannered & caring adults is huge. Would I go back & change anything, absol not but if I could start over again, maybe I’d of put extra thought into how many, my age etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If anyone starts a thread entitled 'the last thread to make you cry' then this one will be up there

Jeebs there are parts that make for tough reading

I do love how there is the odd thread where the fucking gets laid to one side and people open up about the most personal things

It is so easy to forget about the person behind a few risque photos and sometimes, through threads like this, the shared experience just brings out the basic humanity in us all

It's almost cathartic

It's Fab x

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It’s hard work and a huge commitment in time and money but I would never ever change anything. My kids are one of the main reasons I’m here, ironically.

I’m rather glad there was no such thing as baby showers and naming parties and gender socials and such americanisms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If anyone starts a thread entitled 'the last thread to make you cry' then this one will be up there

Jeebs there are parts that make for tough reading

I do love how there is the odd thread where the fucking gets laid to one side and people open up about the most personal things

It is so easy to forget about the person behind a few risque photos and sometimes, through threads like this, the shared experience just brings out the basic humanity in us all

It's almost cathartic

It's Fab x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't have them, don't know how I truly feel. We are a big Italian/Irish family and family is everything. Think it will break my parents heart, just can't bring myself to tell them

I totally apologise if I’m reading into this statement wrong but you’ve got to put yourself first in this situation and decide what’s best for you- and then proceed. It might break their hearts but it’s your life.

I have pushy parents and everyone in a large family expects me to continue the family line by default, but I don’t see it as anyone else’s business and sometimes too aggressively I defend my own space after they tried to dictate my life to me.

"

No apology needed

They aren't pushy, quite the opposite infact. Just see my dad with all the grandkids round him and he's a big softie and know he'll just want that for me

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