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Ladies, gentlemen and officers of the Royal Navy, I give you..

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury

My joke of the week!

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank alot and his wife said "if you ever come home d*unk again, I'm going to leave you".

Anyway, He went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".

He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants".

As told by Sir Clement Freud.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shoulda quit whilst you were ahead!!

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My joke of the week!

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank alot and his wife said "if you ever come home d*unk again, I'm going to leave you".

Anyway, He went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".

He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants".

As told by Sir Clement Freud."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My joke of the week!

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank alot and his wife said "if you ever come home d*unk again, I'm going to leave you".

Anyway, He went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".

He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants".

As told by Sir Clement Freud."

It was Oliver Reed on parky wasn’t it, I think the clip is on YouTube, very funny.

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By *ogerNesszonesMan
over a year ago

Northern England

It's a belter. I posted it the other week on the "shit jokes" - thread along with the YouTube clip.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a belter. I posted it the other week on the "shit jokes" - thread along with the YouTube clip. "

It’s brilliant, it’s all in the delivery

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Well done Clem and errrr Clem

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP   Man
over a year ago

salisbury


"Well done Clem and errrr Clem "

Glad you liked it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha love that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got it wrong, I’ve always thought it was Oliver Reed who told that joke. I must have just heard the audio and put his face to the voice. Soz, my mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/10/18 13:45:04]

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