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Would you speak up for a friend?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Friend at work. They've been feeling crap due to really bad Management. Their job appears to be at risk of redundancy. Their partner is being made redundant in 6 weeks.

But lately their mood has taken a worse dive. They feel worthless, so much they think they won't get another job elsewhere because they're so bad. (Not true, they're great at their job.)

Would you speak up for your friend and tell a (decent) manager that you're worried about them? Or is it none of your business?

How would you feel if this person was you, and your friend had spoken to a manager on your behalf without you knowing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did. It started a string if rumours and scoffing by some people.

I watched them get bullied, lose confidence and become ill.

I'm no shining knight or hero but I would it again. They never knew I had.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done before, and I’d do it again. I’d try and do anything to help my friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes doing good can offend and the person may view it as interference.

Before you do anything be sure they would appreciate it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would, and I have done. It did help x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes i go to war for my friends

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Yes I did for my Manager to the district manager

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Yes I would and have done unfortunately the same bully still works there she just moves on to other people, it's currently my turn!

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By *iscean MaleMan
over a year ago

Darlaston

Not always.. sometimes a bit of tough love is needed for people to get up again on their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always. You should always have the back of your friends, especially at a time when they're clearly feeling very vulnerable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone did it for me when I went through a bad patch 4 years ago, I'm grateful they did.

You should definitely mention it, occupational health would be a good start if you have one, if not HR.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I would probably talk to the friend first.

And work out how best to help them

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd definitely mention it in confidence to the manager. We have a great boss, he would notice change a in behaviour I'm sure and would talk to whoever it was

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

I've kind of got a similar but different problem. Have found out a colleague is medically unfit to do the job- its a condition that should have been picked up before training but they managed to blag it- but it means they're potentially very dangerous.

They've recently had a lot of personal hassle and seem like a decent person...but i can't ignore the fact they could petentailly cause a fatality if their fudge method fails them- letting the boss know will probably get them sacked- kind of wish i didn't know about it now as i'm not sure which way to jump

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've kind of got a similar but different problem. Have found out a colleague is medically unfit to do the job- its a condition that should have been picked up before training but they managed to blag it- but it means they're potentially very dangerous.

They've recently had a lot of personal hassle and seem like a decent person...but i can't ignore the fact they could petentailly cause a fatality if their fudge method fails them- letting the boss know will probably get them sacked- kind of wish i didn't know about it now as i'm not sure which way to jump "

How would you feel if someone died because of them?

It's a horrible situation to be in. I think I'd tell the person I knew their secret and hope they'd own up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just as you would criticise a team members performance, privately to management..you do the same. It's something management should really pick up on IMo though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Someone did it for me when I went through a bad patch 4 years ago, I'm grateful they did.

You should definitely mention it, occupational health would be a good start if you have one, if not HR."

I mentioned it to the manager and he was great. He helped but didn't say that he knew anything.

My friend is doing much better now since speaking to the manager. I'm glad I said something and I'd do it again.

I asked the OP because another friend made me feel bad for saying something.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes I would and have done unfortunately the same bully still works there she just moves on to other people, it's currently my turn! "

Hope you can sort it. Smile and don't react. Bullies love the reaction.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/10/18 20:00:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% anyone who I see struggling in such a way I'd speak up for them and see what I could do to help. As little things like that can do an awful lot for a person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sometimes doing good can offend and the person may view it as interference.

Before you do anything be sure they would appreciate it.

"

Yep I had this with another friend. I tried to do something nice and it backfired badly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes doing good can offend and the person may view it as interference.

Before you do anything be sure they would appreciate it.

Yep I had this with another friend. I tried to do something nice and it backfired badly. "

I opened a thread on it remember. To say that backfired is an understatement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have done

Will continue to do

We all need an interfering twat in our lives from time to time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely I would, doesn't matter if they returned the favour or notI couldn't stay silent and have it on my conscience

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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago

Camberley/Middleton


"Friend at work. They've been feeling crap due to really bad Management. Their job appears to be at risk of redundancy. Their partner is being made redundant in 6 weeks.

But lately their mood has taken a worse dive. They feel worthless, so much they think they won't get another job elsewhere because they're so bad. (Not true, they're great at their job.)

Would you speak up for your friend and tell a (decent) manager that you're worried about them? Or is it none of your business?

How would you feel if this person was you, and your friend had spoken to a manager on your behalf without you knowing?"

Advise her/him to go to the doctor sighting work related stress. Its VERY important the sick note says WORK related that should stop any redundancy in the imminent future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id pull the manager to the side and ask if they had noticed a change in the friend and ask them to have a chat to see if all is, good

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