FabSwingers.com forum: What's a guy (or woman) to do if their S.O no longer wants sex?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As the title says, we all know life happens and circumstances change but what are men (I use men as they're my target audience) to do if their significant other simply doesn't want sex anymore.

What if they still love their partners and have children and don't want to leave the family home. What if a person has done everything they can, tried talking about it, helped around the house, helped with taking care of children.

What if all options have been exhausted and the other party still doesn't want sex, or you try talking with them to the point you feel like a sex pest which creates more problems.

What are people in these situations supposed to do?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stuck around until it was the right time to go our separate ways.

Before I left, I had a couple of flings but I wasn't happy so walked out one night, after a particularly hurtful attack by him, and set the ball rolling.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I stuck around until it was the right time to go our separate ways.

Before I left, I had a couple of flings but I wasn't happy so walked out one night, after a particularly hurtful attack by him, and set the ball rolling. "

For the record, I didn't cheat on him, he cheated on me for years and didn't want me, but didn't want to leave the house.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But what if there's still love there and everything was perfect except the sex, still have young children etc. Does the party that isn't having the sex they want or even need just put up with it.

Always wondered about this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no easy answer. If everything else is perfect but the sex is lacking, then there is nothing left to do but watch porn and wank.

Easy to say that she has gone off sex because the bloke is a shit shag and he should put more effort in. We all know life isn't simple though.

Having affairs isn't the answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

They join a site like this.

Wank a lot.

Grin and bear the situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They join a site like this.

Wank a lot.

Grin and bear the situation. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

stay with her.

doesnt mean you still dont love someone.

you made a choice to be with that person so why does that need to change.

sure people split up and relationships end but for me it wouldnt be the end.

i dont think finding someone else to play with either helps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good question OP. Sex is a basic human want and need. If one partner ceases to want sex anymore, then can they really blame their partner for seeking it elsewhere?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what if there's still love there and everything was perfect except the sex, still have young children etc. Does the party that isn't having the sex they want or even need just put up with it.

Always wondered about this. "

So for about five years out of my seven and a half relationship (now marriage) I had an extremely low sex drive for a number of reasons. My husband is four years older and when it all went downhill, I expected him to leave. Thankfully, we have always been very open with each other and as soon as we noticed a decline, we spoke about it in-depth, and have continued to do so.

My husband stayed. Never once did he complain, he comforted me when I was upset (because fuck, I love sex and so wish I was having move) and never once told me it was my fault. He never tried to pressure me into sex, never threw it back in my face, and was wonderful. It got to the point where we had sex once every few months, and even then I had to build up to that moment for weeks.

It’s a lot better now, we’re having sex a few times a week. But he was there for me, loved/s me unconditionally and knew that I wanted to want sex, I just couldn’t.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what if there's still love there and everything was perfect except the sex, still have young children etc. Does the party that isn't having the sex they want or even need just put up with it.

Always wondered about this. "

Me and my ex husband still loved each other very much when we broke up but I couldn’t get my sexual desire back after some surgeries in a very delicate place. I pushed him away for 5 years but we cuddled all night. I felt so guilty not letting him touch me. We didn’t want to part but we had no choice. I wouldn’t cheat and nor would he so we separated. Broke my heart but I thank him now and we are still good friends. It was just torture to stay like that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"stay with her.

doesnt mean you still dont love someone.

you made a choice to be with that person so why does that need to change.

sure people split up and relationships end but for me it wouldnt be the end.

i dont think finding someone else to play with either helps.

Me either. There was another forum post the other day when someone said it wasn’t the sex they missed, it was the intimacy, and they wouldn’t get that from one night stands or escorts so they didn’t bother

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But what if there's still love there and everything was perfect except the sex, still have young children etc. Does the party that isn't having the sex they want or even need just put up with it.

Always wondered about this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my wife but if she dried up in the sex department I would be devastated I wouldn’t ever leave her she’s my reason for living but I would definitely talk to her about my options to get my needs dealt with

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Good question OP. Sex is a basic human want and need. If one partner ceases to want sex anymore, then can they really blame their partner for seeking it elsewhere?"

It's kind of a bum deal isn't it and I'm not talking about situations where an illness or disability makes it impossible, just when a perfectly healthy able bodied person just doesn't want sex anymore

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

"stay with her.

doesnt mean you still dont love someone.

you made a choice to be with that person so why does that need to change.

sure people split up and relationships end but for me it wouldnt be the end.

i dont think finding someone else to play with either helps.

This exactly.... it’s the little things that mean the most and always will

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

If me or my wife no longer wanted sex with each other the first thing we would do is ask why .

Assuming there was no physical reason , I guess we would just figure we no longer desired each other ( well at least the one who no longer wanted sex anyway ) . So why would that be ? Without desire the love is hard to define .

If I’m honest we would struggle to see the point of carrying on together if we no longer desired each other .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"stay with her.

doesnt mean you still dont love someone.

you made a choice to be with that person so why does that need to change.

sure people split up and relationships end but for me it wouldnt be the end.

i dont think finding someone else to play with either helps.

You can have intimacy without sex and you can have sex without intimacy if I was ever in a situation where she didn’t want sex any more wouldn’t mean I love her any less

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good question OP. Sex is a basic human want and need. If one partner ceases to want sex anymore, then can they really blame their partner for seeking it elsewhere?

Very raw deal. There's no easy solution.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I stayed and made the best of it til it was obvious that I had to leave...I now feel free and I can be honest with myself..and enjoy the rest of my life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If me or my wife no longer wanted sex with each other the first thing we would do is ask why .

If I’m honest we would struggle to see the point of carrying on together if we no longer desired each other . "

Exactly, that’s what it was like with my ex husband. He wanted me but I couldn’t get it back. We were like best mates and loved each other very much but it was not fair on each other to live as flat mates. It was a hard decision. He’s now happy with a lovely lady and I’m still searching.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If me or my wife no longer wanted sex with each other the first thing we would do is ask why .

If I’m honest we would struggle to see the point of carrying on together if we no longer desired each other .

"
brave but I do understand

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP is this thread linked to your friend who wants to shag The attached guy she’s known for years.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

The problem is that when that intimacy isn't there anymore you normally find that you start arguing about other stuff as well. I dont believe one person can be happy in a relationship the other not.

Personally I wouldnt stay for any reason if I wasn't happy because lifes is just to short to waste.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"If me or my wife no longer wanted sex with each other the first thing we would do is ask why .

If I’m honest we would struggle to see the point of carrying on together if we no longer desired each other .

Good luck in finding that man you truly desire .

Anyone who says they still love someone without desiring intimacy with them is kidding themselves in my opinion . There are many definitions of love , but the definition of love in a relationship surely defines itself from the sharing of the desire the two parties have for each other . Without that you are just good friends rather than lovers .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Good question OP. Sex is a basic human want and need. If one partner ceases to want sex anymore, then can they really blame their partner for seeking it elsewhere?

There could be underlying hormone or other medical conditions that ya just can't see.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Good question OP. Sex is a basic human want and need. If one partner ceases to want sex anymore, then can they really blame their partner for seeking it elsewhere?

There could be underlying hormone or other medical conditions that ya just can't see."

I think she means when there really isn’t a hormonal or medical reason . At least that’s how I read it .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread