FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Are you ashamed?

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

To admit you are a swinger?

My curiosity was sparked from answers on a thread in swingers chat

Personally ive never been ashamed to admit to anyone that I was

Although I dont go shouting about it exactly if sex or swinging came into any conversation I will and have openly admitted to anyone that im a swinger or Bi and most people I know including family know

Is it because of the perceived stigma of it or is there other reasons?

I have seen answers to similar before and do actually understand peoples reluctance to admit

But whats your particular reason?? xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

My children,although they are 31 and 27 respectivly they still think Mummys a virgin haha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ashamed? no

concerned as to how my children might react,or how others may react towards my children,yes of course

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im only on here to explore my bi side and would not admit to being on a site looking to suck cock

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we were chatting about this just the other day.

Both our parents are gone now, and to be honest, they were the people we would be more concerned of finding out.

Our kids are adults now, and I don't think they'd be too surprised, in fact we think they already know given some of the comments and knowing smiles they give us, lol

So, no, we're not really bothered who knows what we do

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/12/11 10:08:46]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No... I am single, so I can do what the hell I like.

When I do contract work, it is for blue chip companies so I hide my profile out of respect for that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

"

yeh we heard u the first time

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What..... Pearl's a swinger?

There's a song in there somewhere

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

"

Agreed and I would hate my work colleagues to find out. Yes I am a closet swinger, none of my friends or family know.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

yeh we heard u the first time "

.

No need to be sarcastic!

My internet connection was off and I pressed the sent message button twice, that's all.

Duplicated post now deleted.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

Agreed and I would hate my work colleagues to find out. Yes I am a closet swinger, none of my friends or family know."

.

Some of my work colleagues know, and the my closest friends know.

My mum and bro and my ex-hubby whom I am in good terms with don't.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not ashamed, my older children and a couple of friends know.

However I still have a youngster at school, so out of respect for him and my parents I do not broadcast it.

None of my friends or family have the need to discuss their sex lives with me, therefore I see no need to discuss what I do in mine with them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think children are alot smarter than given credit for and u hav to be extra careful when juggling a private life around them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its the ones that only imagine and assume what goes on in the swinging/dogging/sexual side of life that put a stigma on the people that indulge.

We don't go broadcasting what we do but we won't lie about it either, we are selective of who we tell though.

Its the ones that are uneducated that go blabbing about what others do that cause the problems

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working in a sector where everyone knows every one I keep it secret. It could affect my carreer. Also keep it sway from my son. Don't want ex to have any cause to hold against me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not ashamed of the things I have done, but there are some things I'd not repeat now.

It's a little like rites of passage.

We all do things in our youth we loved but chalk it up to experiences not to be repeated in our later years.

Fekk who'd have thought, is this me growing up?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

I dont discuss my 'vanilla' sex life with friends, family or work colleagues so I dont see any reason to discuss what I do on here with them either...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

there are definitely things I would not do again within the swinging world...

but not ashamed.

all is a learning experience.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Several people, including my daughter, know what I get up to. But I don't discuss it unless asked.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

am i ashamed... not in the slightest,

I wouldn't lie if someone was to ask me straight out, but is isn't something that I shout out from the rooftops.... (that kind of stuff is on a need to know basis!!)

I think my mum knew... my dad would probably laugh.. and my sister would probably be in shock for about 10 minutes but would get over it....

is it something i would discuss over the dinner table... again no...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of our friends know and we are not ashamed of what we do, but conversely we don't tell people we met on a swinging site either!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was brought up by older, religious, staid parents who, whilst the most loving and adoring, caring parents you could wish for, were very judgemental in relation to sexuality.

Sex was to be endured for reproduction and not for pleasure, that was the message I grew up with. I was not allowed to wear just a nightie at home, had to cover up with a long dressing gown. I was not allowed to have boyfriends before 18 or dress in provocative clothing. Sex was not spoken about. Funny really that my mum was a really glamorous lady who loved clothes and shoes. But inside she was very prim and proper.

Of course I rebelled. They knew that my friends and I went to clubs and came in at 3am , we did this three times a week. They didn't like it but as long as we were all together they accepted it. They didn't know I was changing into tiny leather skirts with fishnet tights, studded 6inch heeled boots and punk tshirts with backcombed hair and thick eyeliner at my friends house. And they didn't know that we were snogging boys in the club. Snogging was all it was though.

So from this upbringing, whilst I did rebel and am certainly more relaxed about sexuality, those deep rooted lessons from my upbringing are lurking in the background.

Before swinging the number of men I had sex with was 6.

But I've always enjoyed sex, had an interest in seedy dark sex clubs, love hearing stories about BDSM clubs (love to go and see, wouldn't participate). Have always felt the pull of seeing all this blatent sexuality, a voyeur looking in.

Since swinging I am able to explore sexuality in a fairly safe arena. I'm able to explore my exhibitionist and creative side which I always knew was there but kept it hidden like a dirty secret. I am ecstatic that I've experienced the threesome and moresome, attended parties and clubs, witnessed bisexual sex, feel more at ease with nudity and acceptance of my body. I love talking and being around people who have always been upfront about sex, proud of the lifestyle, liberated and free. Love the stories, why else am I on the forums so often.

But for all my loving prancing round the clubs, indulging in sex with strangers, I can't entirely shake off my upbringing.

That's why to me swinging is always _iewed as my secret life. There are almost two real 'me's', the hard working, ambitious woman and mother with strong family values and a set agenda of right and wrong and the liberated, exhibitionist, creative, teasing, flirting, sexy diva who wants to experience and see all aspects of sexuality.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

"

+1

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Live and let live I say,

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Live and let live I say,

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing "

+ 1

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

our daughter thinks she knows, we have never said we do or we don't, but she happened to see a brocure for Chameleons jewlery a few years ago and started asking questions but finished by saying if you both get your fair share and enjoy it I suppose it doesn't matter. But here's the funny bit, she added if you fall out over it don't come running to me pmsl

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my mum knows and a few work colleages, but like the rest of the comments its not exactly dinner table conversation material! and besides which that is half the fun of the swinging world, its the buzz of meeting other people in clubs and knowing they are on the same wave lengh as you xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not ashamed. But can i be open and up front with family etc about it? Nope, just a generation thing i think.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont discuss my 'vanilla' sex life with friends, family or work colleagues so I dont see any reason to discuss what I do on here with them either..."

My point of _iew too.

I don't discuss my clients, my bank balance etc with all and sundry so my sex life is no ones business.

I'm single, my friends and family know I meet men off the net but they assume I'm on eharmony...why shatter their (de)illusions?!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it's more fun if it's a secret

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not give out gory details of what I get up to during one of my naughty weekends, a naughty grin on my face is a dead giveaway when I walk into work!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't class myself as a swinger but I enjoy the lifestyle of a swinger and no I am not ashamed of what I do and if some one asks then I will tell them most of my friends know. But what I do in my own private time is my business and has nothing to do with anyone else. The amount of bottles of wine I have won i have won in a raffle coming back from chams though I must be very lucky.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I have just recently told my mum and dad about it I was fed up of having to make excuses of why I was going away for a weekend when they babysit which is not very often the last one being in the summer would rather be honest than to lie which I had been doing. And to be honest they don't want to know the details. We had one main rule growing up we could go out and have a drink I could smoke if I wanted I could go and have sex but if we bought drugs home we would be disowned and out the door.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Live and let live I say,

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing "

You make a very good point there. I think train spotting, standing on railway platforms writing down numbers of trains in a notebook more disturbing than swinging

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Not ashamed at all...i just value my privacy full stop

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing "

I keep reading that as Fisting... I need new contact lens

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing

I keep reading that as Fisting... I need new contact lens"

.

Nah, you just have a filthy mind!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing

I keep reading that as Fisting... I need new contact lens

.

Nah, you just have a filthy mind! "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Personally I think I would be much more ashamed of having a hobby such as fishing

I keep reading that as Fisting... I need new contact lens"

*Giggles*...you are a one!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *waymanMan
over a year ago

newcastle

There have been times in my life when my security clearance would have been withdrawn if my sex life had been public property, irrespective of whether it could actually be used to blackmail me.

Nowadays there are people in the tabloids who would claim that my work makes it in the public interest to discuss my sexuality. So I keep it private.

Ashamed? No. Pragmatic? Yes. And I have family who would blush for me, and who might be hurt.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

dont connect the word ashamed with this aspect of our sex life..

surely if someone feels ashamed then its not for them?

as has been said there are many parts of our 'personal' life we dont discuss in public..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!


"

You make a very good point there. I think train spotting, standing on railway platforms writing down numbers of trains in a notebook more disturbing than swinging "

Proud RAILWAY ENTHUSIAST here! Yes, I did the spotting bit but I now concentrate on railway history and travel. Some proffessor has equated train spotting to hunting and many train spotters will travel great distances to "hunt out and bag" the ones they`re missing! So don`t you go dissin` us gricers!

Anyway, I didn`t use a notebook1 I used a dictaphone! (cue smutty joke!)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You make a very good point there. I think train spotting, standing on railway platforms writing down numbers of trains in a notebook more disturbing than swinging

Proud RAILWAY ENTHUSIAST here! Yes, I did the spotting bit but I now concentrate on railway history and travel. Some proffessor has equated train spotting to hunting and many train spotters will travel great distances to "hunt out and bag" the ones they`re missing! So don`t you go dissin` us gricers!

Anyway, I didn`t use a notebook1 I used a dictaphone! (cue smutty joke!)"

Ooo Bumpy I feel bad now that I made that flippant comment, am very sorry

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

Ashamed isn't the most appropriate word to use for how I feel. Nobody in my vanilla world knows what I get up to on here - apart from my ex, but I don't talk to her about it.

I don't think my family would necessarily understand initially, and I don't particularly fancy having that conversation with them. It's easier if I just don't mention it... it's never come up in conversation, fortunately, but if they ever do ask me then I'd not lie to them but I ain't gonna volunteer it. Similarly, they don't know what my ex and I used to get up to when I was still married.

Friends who asked would get a different response depending upon how close a friend they were and whether I thought they were trustworthy and judgemental.

Colleagues who asked me if I was a swinger (which strictly speaking I'm probably not) would get lied to... even though I have previously been told that some people who work for the same company as me are on here.

To be honest, since becoming single again some people think I go out into town on a Friday or Saturday and go home with a different girl each time... and that's apparently something to be proud of, whereas meeting strangers from the internet or at a club purely for sex is somehow frowned upon.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

[Removed by poster at 18/12/11 19:10:22]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope, a couple of my "real" friends know, if im going to meet a guy i havnt met before i ensure one of them knows where im going and who im meeting, they have my log in details for here, i text them to let them know im ok and call them when i am on my way home

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Not ashamed at all - I feel being a swinger is a far more honest lifestyle than living out some fantasies in secret at the risk of hurting somebody when found out. That said I understand there are circumstances where for the benefit of others secrecy is a must. Going back to the OP - my kids, my collegues and my friends "know" and there is not a problem. If it were... they would not be my friends if that makes sense?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

Ashamed..no, we dont swing, If we did im sure neither of us would be ashamed about it..its not illegal (yet!!)..I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful...but we still wouldn't want people knowing that we even used a site like this..living in a small village it would invariably get back to our kids..and thats not on, theres enough shit going down in this bad ol world, kids need to be protected from as much of it as possible.

Plus given peoples general blinkered narrow mindedness we would end up being branded as 'dirty sex perverts' or such like...not good in the jobs we do..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Ashamed..no, we dont swing, If we did im sure neither of us would be ashamed about it..its not illegal (yet!!)..I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful...but we still wouldn't want people knowing that we even used a site like this..living in a small village it would invariably get back to our kids..and thats not on, theres enough shit going down in this bad ol world, kids need to be protected from as much of it as possible.

Plus given peoples general blinkered narrow mindedness we would end up being branded as 'dirty sex perverts' or such like...not good in the jobs we do.."

I totally agree with what you are saying about protecting kids and I would have protected mine if they were still young.My kids also realise that it is a chosen lifestyle possibly more suitable for those who have a grown up family.

I also agree with what you say about other people's blinkered _iew of the world. Dont get me wrong, I am not walking round with a poster declaring my passion for swinging for those very reasons - but my mates etc do know and accept it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *riendlyfunfemWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I am not a swinger and initially joined fabs for nsa fun. I am now a one man woman but i dont think anyone should be ashamed about being a swinger, bi, gay or whatever. If you are honest, and not hurting anyone etc, it shouldn't matter but it does.

As its been said, there are so many judgemental and narrow minded people out there and some employers would frown upon it. I would probably be sacked because of my role in the local community.

A close friend and my daughter know im on here and have met people and a few have socialised via here. My daughter recently admitted to being Bi and in a relationship with a girl, she was terrified of other peoples (family and friends reactions). No one should be ashamed of there sexuality, way of life etc as I said as long as it doesnt hurt anyone

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

i am not ashamed...i wouldnt see it as appropriate to share my sex life with all and sundry were i the most boring nilla going.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I am just wondering - looking at the various posts above - if the choice for disclosure of being a swinger depends a bit on what your family and friends and colleagues are used to. What I mean by that is that if you are a bit of a bubbly extrovert and maybe rebellious kind of person, perhaps they would be more likely to expect you to be a swinger and therefore it would be easier for them to accept it? Consequently it would be more "natural" I guess for you to disclose... if this makes sense? Just a thought...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham


"I am just wondering - looking at the various posts above - if the choice for disclosure of being a swinger depends a bit on what your family and friends and colleagues are used to. What I mean by that is that if you are a bit of a bubbly extrovert and maybe rebellious kind of person, perhaps they would be more likely to expect you to be a swinger and therefore it would be easier for them to accept it? Consequently it would be more "natural" I guess for you to disclose... if this makes sense? Just a thought..."

i agree,my uni friends,the close ones, all knew me and kev had a longstanding 3 way relationship ,they couldnt not know i'm a bit loud

A couple know we are swingers...and as u imagine,they are not at all surprised.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks


"ashamed? no

concerned as to how my children might react,or how others may react towards my children,yes of course"

ditto

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ustyAngelWoman
over a year ago

gloucester


"To some, I am not really a swinger, just a woman of a certain age who has a liberal _iew about sex etc., and is confident enough to go to swingers club to have fun, and meet gents on a 1-1 basis for casual sex from time to time.

Some that are uptight and narrow-minded would call me a slag.

Agreed and I would hate my work colleagues to find out. Yes I am a closet swinger, none of my friends or family know."

some1 knows cause your mot on cam alone

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful..."

Bit judgemental and unfair I think. Game playing single males are far from uncommon on the swinging scene.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not ashamed of it, just cautious as some just cannot get their heads round it and just do not understand, and sometimes see it as a character flaw.... their narrow mindedness, not mine, but sometimes discretion really seems to be the better part of valour.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not ashamed of it but my kids don't know and neither does anyone else, judging by comments made at work, its best kept that way

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful...

Bit judgemental and unfair I think. Game playing single males are far from uncommon on the swinging scene. "

Agreed and also, who has the right to judge anybody?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful...

Bit judgemental and unfair I think. Game playing single males are far from uncommon on the swinging scene.

Agreed and also, who has the right to judge anybody? "

Did you rate the shags too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West


"I would be more ashamed if I was a single guy who went out and pulled a different woman every week, led them on screwed them then dropped them and moved on to the next one...now thats shameful...

Bit judgemental and unfair I think. Game playing single males are far from uncommon on the swinging scene. "

No Boho...I didnt mean on the swinging scene..I meant out there in vanilla land...even as a single fun loving stud in my twenties, I never treated women like that...and I stick by what I said I think its shameful to screw women, give em the 'ill give you a ring routine' boast about it to your mates and have another one the following week..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ashamed no

but wouldnt want my son to find out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not ashamed at all just dont want my famiy to know as they are stuck up hehe

all my friends are well aware of what i do and i have even recomended a few to the site x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We'd never mention it straight off soaps, but if someone started talking about it with us, we'd talk about it without batting an eyelid - we've both got no quarms about talking about it with people, but so often people are led up the garden path by the media and the scare stories that we don't consider them 'ready' enough to openly chat about stuff like swinging, without preconceived opinions...

Must admit that we've seen many on our travels who have the swinger 'look', but not struck up any sort of dialogue - not really the sort of thing to discuss around the frozen food in Tescos...

Wolf

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At first, reading various threads, we too wondered if some people were ashamed of swinging.

However, in retrospect ashamed seems to be the wrong word, embarrassed would seem to be a more accurate description.

If we ever thought we'd be ashamed or embarrassed by swinging we'd never have done it, much less repeated it.

All our friends know what we do, we don't broadcast it but are open if the subject comes up.

We both work with the public but have never had any negative reactions.

Most swingers problems are probably not with their jobs, or even their children, but with their own embarrassment when trying to explain their swinging to others.

XXXX

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

it has nothing to do with shame.

more to do with other peoples perception of swinging.

if they dont know,they cant judge.

makes for an easy life.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few good mates know but i dont broadcast it, what happens in my bedroom (or anywhere else)is my business and no one elses

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"To admit you are a swinger?

My curiosity was sparked from answers on a thread in swingers chat

Personally ive never been ashamed to admit to anyone that I was

Although I dont go shouting about it exactly if sex or swinging came into any conversation I will and have openly admitted to anyone that im a swinger or Bi and most people I know including family know

Is it because of the perceived stigma of it or is there other reasons?

I have seen answers to similar before and do actually understand peoples reluctance to admit

But whats your particular reason?? xx

"

We are pretty private people in general and don't like everybody knowing all our business. (that includes family & friends) So to answer your question, no we would never admit we are swingers.

I (Mrs) grew up in a very strict and straight laced household. Sex wasn't spoken about and was only something you were supposed to do when married.

My family are still very much like that so if they knew would really upset them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I am not ashamed of what I do and have done, nor am I embarrassed by it. I always have been and always will be honest about the skeletons in my closet to perspective real life partners. My close friends and work colleagues know I have an unorthodox sex life… they don’t need to know all the details of it just as I don’t know all the details of theirs.

Whilst I have no guilt related feelings, I don’t feel the need to announce my choice of recreational activity to the world. I appreciate not everyone I know or encounter will have an open mind to recreational sex and so do not discuss it with them, as it would not be appropriate…. and quite frankly too much hassle…. much in the same way as not thinking it appropriate to tell my work colleagues who have close connections to the church that I believe God does not exist.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not ashamed of what I do and have done, nor am I embarrassed by it. I always have been and always will be honest about the skeletons in my closet to perspective real life partners. My close friends and work colleagues know I have an unorthodox sex life… they don’t need to know all the details of it just as I don’t know all the details of theirs.

Whilst I have no guilt related feelings, I don’t feel the need to announce my choice of recreational activity to the world. I appreciate not everyone I know or encounter will have an open mind to recreational sex and so do not discuss it with them, as it would not be appropriate…. and quite frankly too much hassle…. much in the same way as not thinking it appropriate to tell my work colleagues who have close connections to the church that I believe God does not exist.

"

+ 1

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not ashamed of what I do and have done, nor am I embarrassed by it. I always have been and always will be honest about the skeletons in my closet to perspective real life partners. My close friends and work colleagues know I have an unorthodox sex life… they don’t need to know all the details of it just as I don’t know all the details of theirs.

Whilst I have no guilt related feelings, I don’t feel the need to announce my choice of recreational activity to the world. I appreciate not everyone I know or encounter will have an open mind to recreational sex and so do not discuss it with them, as it would not be appropriate…. and quite frankly too much hassle…. much in the same way as not thinking it appropriate to tell my work colleagues who have close connections to the church that I believe God does not exist.

"

are you a writer? you should be, you have a way of putting things into words ........

totally agree

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a swinger and proud, and whilst i am also on a date site, i do be honest on first date and let them know that it is my 'hobby' and that im not prepared to give it up, but i may adapt what i am looking for if we worked out and they were interested in embrasing lifestyle alongside me. To be honest ive only had a couple of negative comments said but not in a rude way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"

are you a writer? you should be, you have a way of putting things into words ........

totally agree"

Sadly not... I'm a photographer. Would you like me to etch-a-sketch your genitals?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

are you a writer? you should be, you have a way of putting things into words ........

totally agree

Sadly not... I'm a photographer. Would you like me to etch-a-sketch your genitals?"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

are you a writer? you should be, you have a way of putting things into words ........

totally agree

Sadly not... I'm a photographer. Would you like me to etch-a-sketch your genitals?"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"At first, reading various threads, we too wondered if some people were ashamed of swinging.

However, in retrospect ashamed seems to be the wrong word, embarrassed would seem to be a more accurate description.

If we ever thought we'd be ashamed or embarrassed by swinging we'd never have done it, much less repeated it.

All our friends know what we do, we don't broadcast it but are open if the subject comes up.

We both work with the public but have never had any negative reactions.

Most swingers problems are probably not with their jobs, or even their children, but with their own embarrassment when trying to explain their swinging to others.

XXXX "

I do understand that a swinger's job prospects could be affected by his/her indulging in the scene so to speak. Personally, I think that's a shame for I would never discriminate against anybody on the grounds of their beliefs, behaviours and way of life if those dont affect me, I would for example not judge somebody for being a freemason or a member of some occult group.

There is something to be said for the ability to let some (clearly not the entire village or town where you live) know - nobody will ever try to blackmail you on the grounds that you have a libertine lifestyle. A local businessman, who is known for his acitivities in the scene, recently made a public statement along those lines...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

In my previous post I mentioned I would not hide what I do and have done sexually from a perspective partner, so as not to try to hide any skeletons…. I could not share my life with anyone who judged me for it and certainly not with anyone who had use for the word ‘slag’.

Over the years I have (as I am sure many of you have) seen plenty of singles post how they would hide the time they have spent on sites like this from their future partners…. deleting the account and putting it all behind them. Fair enough on the change in lifestyle, but it has made me wonder….

Once something is on the internet, it is out there and out of your control… profile text, face pics, tit shots, the classic flange spreader shot… the archives of the internet hold them all. Add to that the ol’ degrees of separation and sooner or later…… hmmmmm.

Do those who think they can deny their own actions and forget they were every sleeping around with folk off the internet (no matter how much you call them friends first) really believe it will make your wardrobe bone free if you delete your account? I would not like to live with that time bomb ticking away. The thought that one day I’d be coming home to a previously clueless partner, sitting in a livingroom with their laptop….. and more bones than Fred West’s patio clattering to the floor.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my previous post I mentioned I would not hide what I do and have done sexually from a perspective partner, so as not to try to hide any skeletons…. I could not share my life with anyone who judged me for it and certainly not with anyone who had use for the word ‘slag’.

Over the years I have (as I am sure many of you have) seen plenty of singles post how they would hide the time they have spent on sites like this from their future partners…. deleting the account and putting it all behind them. Fair enough on the change in lifestyle, but it has made me wonder….

Once something is on the internet, it is out there and out of your control… profile text, face pics, tit shots, the classic flange spreader shot… the archives of the internet hold them all. Add to that the ol’ degrees of separation and sooner or later…… hmmmmm.

Do those who think they can deny their own actions and forget they were every sleeping around with folk off the internet (no matter how much you call them friends first) really believe it will make your wardrobe bone free if you delete your account? I would not like to live with that time bomb ticking away. The thought that one day I’d be coming home to a previously clueless partner, sitting in a livingroom with their laptop….. and more bones than Fred West’s patio clattering to the floor.

"

Great post and exactly why we're open about what we do and have done.

We'd hate to live with a "Sword of Damocles" hanging over us.

Imagine being at a party or gathering in a pub and some d*unk from the past outing you

No thank you, we would rather be honest beforehand instead of waiting for the hammer to fall.

XXXX

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

No thank you, we would rather be honest beforehand instead of waiting for the hammer to fall.

XXXX"

Precisely xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In my previous post I mentioned I would not hide what I do and have done sexually from a perspective partner, so as not to try to hide any skeletons…. I could not share my life with anyone who judged me for it and certainly not with anyone who had use for the word ‘slag’.

Over the years I have (as I am sure many of you have) seen plenty of singles post how they would hide the time they have spent on sites like this

from their future partners…. deleting the account and putting it all behind them. Fair enough on the change in lifestyle, but it has made me wonder….

Once something is on the internet, it is out there and out of your control… profile text, face pics, tit shots, the classic flange spreader shot… the archives of the internet hold them all. Add to that

the ol’ degrees of separation and sooner or later…… hmmmmm.

Do those who think they can deny their own actions and forget they were every sleeping around with folk off the internet (no matter how much you call them friends first) really believe it will make your wardrobe bone free if you delete your account? I would not like to live with that time bomb ticking away. The thought that one

day I’d be coming home to a previously clueless partner, sitting in a livingroom with their laptop….. and more bones than Fred West’s patio clattering to the floor.

"

As I've said many times the truth always outs

And I've always been open and honest bout it fa that very reason xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To admit you are a swinger?

My curiosity was sparked from answers on a thread in swingers chat

Personally ive never been ashamed to admit to anyone that I was

Although I dont go shouting about it exactly if sex or swinging came into any conversation I will and have openly admitted to anyone that im a swinger or Bi and most people I know including family know

Is it because of the perceived stigma of it or is there other reasons?

I have seen answers to similar before and do actually understand peoples reluctance to admit

But whats your particular reason?? xx

"

There's certain people I wouldn't want to know.

My kids being at the top of that list. I wouldn't want them to be the victims of gossip or bullying because of us having a little fun.

Then my mum, she would freak and I'd never hear the last of it till I promised I was never having sex again.

then there's other people like work colleagues and neighbours that I wouldn't be too hot about them finding out. Mainly because they would form their own opinions about what we got up to, make assumptions about our relationship and I wouldn't want to open a dialogue with them about it to tell them their assumptions are a load of bollox!

But most of our friends know and they couldn't care less and are actually quite intrigued by it all. These people know and love us for who we are and I would't hide away any aspect of my life from them xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *landPeggyCouple
over a year ago

Holland !

[Removed by poster at 19/12/11 20:42:58]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *eaboMan
over a year ago

marden

i would rather my children didn't find out, but am quite honest with most people, apart from the god freak at work who i will tell one day if he keeps bloody asking me what i did at the weekend.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top