FabSwingers.com forum: Dominant Male

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So what actually defines a male domme? Been talking to my hubby as to whether this is something I might like to explore. But would want to know what I’m getting into first lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confused by the question. A domme is a female. A dom is a male. What do you actually want to know? A dominant usually has a natural dominant streak that they then develop the way they desire. Maybe check out the fetish site and read a lot of literature on the subject to understand it further

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So what actually defines a male domme? Been talking to my hubby as to whether this is something I might like to explore. But would want to know what I’m getting into first lol"

Do you mean you would like to dominate a man or you would like a man to dominate you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what kind of Dom you are looking for...

Do you want to be told what to do? Forced into something? Be subjected to pain? Being restrained?

Do you want something more sensual, someone whispering in your ear, telling you not to cum, eye contact, being played with.

There are many variations of Dom’s and being controlled....but for it to be successful there’s got to be trust.

You’ve got to decide where your boundaries are and what you’d enjoy.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I can play a mean game of Dominoes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Search through all the guys in the age range and area you want, and only message the ones called Dom or Dominic

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I disagree with the 'natural dom/mme theory' of domination. In my view it is merely peoples' excuse to justify their own style of domination.

The theory is no different from people talking about natural athletes or natural leaders. People discover their skills and styles at different times. Skills and styles can be practised and read about. However what can't be learnt is the desire to control and take responsibility (responsibility interpreted in its broadest sense of caring). How a person carries out the individual skills that can be learnt, the broader relationship can be informed by the submissive or bottom. The perfect dom/me is no more than the person that is perfect for the submissive or the bottom. Therefore being a dom/me comes in different styles and flavour. There is a wealth of information out there outside of the porn sites.

The question is what do you want out if it?

The rarely mentioned but completely honourable role is the Top. This can be a more skill based and limited role than being a dom/me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm confused by the question. A domme is a female. A dom is a male. What do you actually want to know? A dominant usually has a natural dominant streak that they then develop the way they desire. Maybe check out the fetish site and read a lot of literature on the subject to understand it further "
great piece of advice there about male dom female domme fetlife is the best thing to check out x your correct you need to know what your looking for, and I'm surprised that she doesn't know the difference between dom and domme x definitely fetlife x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

This! Alpha male but not Dom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can play a mean game of Dominoes. "

*Drumroll

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

Perfect

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By *parksAbiWoman
over a year ago

Anywhere I like

"What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

This! Alpha male but not Dom"

Yes all of this!

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

I firmly believe you can not become a dom any more than you can become a sub. It is either in you or it isn’t. Sure you can hone your skills through practice but the fundamental basics are in ones DNA. Without this you are simply learning to act a part. You may become a great actor but it’s never real.

Lots of guys are great at the talk but not so great at the do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I firmly believe you can not become a dom any more than you can become a sub. It is either in you or it isn’t. Sure you can hone your skills through practice but the fundamental basics are in ones DNA. Without this you are simply learning to act a part. You may become a great actor but it’s never real.

Lots of guys are great at the talk but not so great at the do

I agree, I believe its got to be in you. Your either naturally Dominant or your not. I dont think anyone could be submissive either if its not a huge part of them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So what actually defines a male domme? Been talking to my hubby as to whether this is something I might like to explore. But would want to know what I’m getting into first lol"

Somebody with a massive ego who likes to control people. The sort of thing in any other part of your life that would be flinging red flags everywhere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you be dom in day to day life and sub sexually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you be dom in day to day life and sub sexually"

Of course. I'm very strong and in charge day to day but sexually -I love being sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I disagree with the 'natural dom/mme theory' of domination. In my view it is merely peoples' excuse to justify their own style of domination.

The question is what do you want out if it?

The rarely mentioned but completely honourable role is the Top. This can be a more skill based and limited role than being a dom/me.

Well wrote x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you be dom in day to day life and sub sexually"

Yes I find that switch easy.....

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Lots of guys are great at the talk but not so great at the do

I agree to an extent but think for some those dominant traits may lie dormant and therefore have to be bought out or learned if that makes sense.

As a naturally submissive person, I can't "do" dominant - I've tried but am not comfortable or confident and that shows itself clearly.

I think to an extent it can be taught but requires a specific character type to be able to learn it in the first place.

Back to the OP though - there is no single thing that defines a Dom/me it's a unique thing to each person and indeed relationship and it's ultimately the person and relationship that defines it not the other way round.

My advice to the OP would be for *both* of you to sit down, both together and individually and think about/discuss what you are actually looking for and desire in a D/s relationship and that in itself could vary wildly from merely "playing kink" on occasion to a full on 24/7 D/s dynamic. So you need to define where you see yourselves on that spectrum and boundaries/limits etc within it.

I'd also recommend reading as much as you can on the subject on places like the other site and books such as Screw The Roses and SM101 which will help you decide what You're looking for and more importantly why.

Would also be worth hunting out a BDSM questionnaire and both of you completing it - the good ones will cover every aspect of BDSM you can think of, and a lot that you couldn't (!!) - will help you get your head round what you are looking for.

You could also do worse than getting along to local munches (sociald in the BDSM world) and talking to others.

Always remember (within the bounds of agreed consensual activity) there is no right or wrong way to D/s only your way

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

The answer is easy. A dominant male is any male that puts I'm a dom on their fab profile. If they put experianced dom/very dominant etc that is a gaureentee they are very good at it and will rock your world.

At least I think that's how it works

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for the advice

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can you be dom in day to day life and sub sexually

Of course. I'm very strong and in charge day to day but sexually -I love being sub

So it isn’t necessarily about giving control of every part of your life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lots of guys are great at the talk but not so great at the do

I agree to an extent but think for some those dominant traits may lie dormant and therefore have to be bought out or learned if that makes sense.

As a naturally submissive person, I can't "do" dominant - I've tried but am not comfortable or confident and that shows itself clearly.

I think to an extent it can be taught but requires a specific character type to be able to learn it in the first place.

You could also do worse than getting along to local munches (sociald in the BDSM world) and talking to others.

Always remember (within the bounds of agreed consensual activity) there is no right or wrong way to D/s only your way

Thanks I think a little more research is required for both of us

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By *olfAndKittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

In our relationship i am the Dom.

Kitten falls into various categories from slave to little.

She submitted to me, now i choose what she wears for the day, i set daily tasks, i tell her when to go to bed. We have a 24/7 bdsm relationship.

Whilst those are one aspect, we also enjoy aspects of impact play, rope play and more sides to bdsm.

Granted we are one extreme side of bdsm.

It also comes down to the "mental" space you and your partner are in... She could be domme too.

There are bdsm personality tests online, i would suggest starting there, answer honestly and see how it pans out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you be dom in day to day life and sub sexually"

Im in charge in my daily life but i need to give up total control in the bedroom. I become free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is Dominance/ Dom

To me its when a man can get into my head without trying. Its when he can get my body to react in an excited manner. I become nervous excited giggly and bashful.

Its when I willingly want to drop to my knees. Its when I powerfully want to please that person.

Its reacting to him telling me off with just a look. My eyes drop with embarressment.

Its smiling and blushing at his good girl comments.

Its not about hair pulling and face slaps and calling me slut all the way through the play. Or throwing me across the room exerting his dominance." I enjoy that btw lol"

Its about me wanting to please and him changing my mindset from normal to sub mode in seconds.

Its about someone who can make me feel free of the worlds worries when im with them, makes me feel helpless and vulnerable but in an erotic way.

Perfect

Thankyou

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Lots of guys are great at the talk but not so great at the do

I agree to an extent but think for some those dominant traits may lie dormant and therefore have to be bought out or learned if that makes sense.

As a naturally submissive person, I can't "do" dominant - I've tried but am not comfortable or confident and that shows itself clearly.

I think to an extent it can be taught but requires a specific character type to be able to learn it in the first place.

You could also do worse than getting along to local munches (sociald in the BDSM world) and talking to others.

Always remember (within the bounds of agreed consensual activity) there is no right or wrong way to D/s only your way

Thanks I think a little more research is required for both of us

For quick and dirty research on a number of topics I would recommend Xtreme Restraints University. They have a censored videos on YouTube plus they do podcasts on iTunes.

The uncensored versions are on the biggest porn site

This is on D/S Protocol. Those who believe in natural doms/Alphas will hate this stuff.

Those of us who believe in being the best dom we can be for the subs that we adore or for bottoms that we top, I suspect will like the programs. Personally I believe that relying on mind reading is a risky way to don or sub.