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Why can’t I get a meet? The Anti-advice thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

There’s always a steady turnover of “why can’t I get a meet” or profile advice request threads on here (and a top tip for anyone with a legitimate query is to use the forum search function to seek out the excellent advice already out there!) but this is the thread for the ANTI advice - the guidance that’ll guarantee you no responses whatsoever!

What bogus / dubious advice can you give to anyone seeking to get a Fab meet or improve their profile?

What hints and tricks can you give to prove to be an instant turn-off!

For avoidance of doubt, this is a tongue in cheek thread so keep it light hearted!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For starters, ladies like their men to masculine and in control.

So choose a profile name wisely - one that indicates to them exactly what they can expect - something like CuntDestroyer* or BitchMaster69* will have you fighting them off with shitty-sticks!

(* and yes I did check to make sure nobody already had these names - that would have been awkward, right? )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men have to send women pics of their cock from as many angles as possible with their first message with the question do you want me to smash your back doors in with this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they don't reply or don't even read your message, they are just playing hard to get.

Persistence is key. Send 100 more messages as quickly as possible to get their attention and show that you really want to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If they don't reply or don't even read your message, they are just playing hard to get.

Persistence is key. Send 100 more messages as quickly as possible to get their attention and show that you really want to meet them. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Subtly wait a week , within that week Fab every pic they have add to your hotlist and send a friend invite then message again

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Definitely have no pics. Women love surprises or having to waste their time asking for them.

Or if you really want to have pics only take pics of your dick from multiple angles because you know that is all we're interested in.

Also only go on about what you want in your initial message, whether the recipient finds you attractive or not, and definitely don't consider that she wants anything.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Cut n paste a “gizzashagyabitch” messages to all the women in your local area cos they’re gagging for it but too frigid to ask so do that and if you don’t get a reply they are lezzers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman posts they only want a BBC that is capable of knocking a wall down.

That really means she is glad to hear off white males that possess a penis capable of acting as a thimble warmer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You absolutely must post a photo of your dick next to a sky remote.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

Messages that just say "Hi" (along with the aforementioned cock picks from every angle) will immediately have women dropping their knickers for you.

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex


"Men have to send women pics of their cock from as many angles as possible with their first message with the question do you want me to smash your back doors in with this x "

Hahahahaha, I've had those

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have as many cock pics has you can, with a sky remote or tin of Lynx next to it..always a sure winner

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Don't give too many details away. In fact words are a distraction in most cases. Women have a lot of messages to get through so keep them brief. Keep pics to a minimum if possible also. Cock pics are the exception. You need to strike a fine balance between piquing their curiosity and leave them wanting more. If you show your face pic you run the risk of ruining the mysterious persona you have worked so hard to create.

And married men...you are the holy grail of Fab. You are in a most fortuitous situation as women love to have what isn't truly theirs and everyone loves a bit of a bad boy. Maximise the situation. Fuck the manners. Tell them to go fuck themselves til the cows come home. They'll be putty in your hands you lucky devils. Go get that clunge!

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By *olfAndKittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

A nice opening message like

Iz it k if iz cums ov nd fks ur azz ard soz uz shit a foontin of me man fatz bb?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When sending a message use a completely different name than the one they have put on their profile

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

The cock pic deluge never EVER fails.

This can also be transposed to the club scene where you should approach your target (preferably in a gang) and wank your cock furiously as close as you can get to the target without touching.

A bonus technique is to make the thwap thwap sounds as louds as you can. Nature has taught us that these visual and sound displays work.

You can’t argue with science

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By *olfAndKittenCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Measuring your cock again household appliences like your sky tv remote, lynx can of deodrant.

Dont forget it is important not to tidy anything in your house for a month before taking said photo because those skid marks and cum stains on the boxers really sell that

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By *mp411Man
over a year ago

chester

Most men on here can just be themselves instant block material lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be sure to use your status to let people get to know you. Possible topics include how manky everyone who doesn't reply to you is, how bored you are and where you're parked while waiting to be 'sucked dry'

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire


"Have a poo and once its landed take a pic of your flaccid cock over the bowl...niche and will get the real dirty biatches running to your bed. For real.

Peach x"

Ooh yes, i like those ones.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Pheromones are a subconscious erotic sensation for both sexes. So, no need to bother showering, shaving or even putting clean clothes on. Your date will jump on you as soon as catch a whiff of your body odour....

'tis true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want ruined. Not enough men want to ruin my cunt. Ruin away boys, ruin away

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By *rsSBWoman
over a year ago

toy town

[Removed by poster at 03/10/18 15:55:08]

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By *rsSBWoman
over a year ago

toy town

Dan , you can't get meet because you are in the stupid South instead of the stupid North where I live

I HATE GEOGRAPHY

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Also, another tried and trusted method is to pretend that you are in a couple. However, the secret is not to let 'the female' actually do any chatting. This is going to destroy another carefully crafted illusion. You need to use your intelligence and really come up with wonderful excuses as to why it is you that is doing all the communicating. This not only shows male dominance but also, in the unlikely event that the person can see through your ruse, they will undoubtedly be impressed by your imagination and initiative which all girls know translates to being a demon in the sack.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Ask them , ‘do you want more, cock’.

Well unless its a Sheffield lass, because cock is a term of endearment round those parts.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Try the classics..

If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.

I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.

In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.

Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.

I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.

I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.

It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss.

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

30 pictures of different penises you’ve downloaded from the internet should work.

And a mention on your profile that you voted Liberal Democrat at the last election in your profile.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Try the classics..

If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.

I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.

In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.

Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.

I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.

I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.

It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss."

brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.

Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.

Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex."

goes to rethink Friends only gallery content! ...

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Don't trim your pubic hair. It is fairly common knowledge that only pussies resort to such acts. And don't be afraid to splash the cash too. Her time is valuable. Reflect that in monetary terms. How much you want to pay is up to you. I would keep it at a sensible personally. Too low and they may mistaken your offer for a joke. Too high and similar may also apply. Somewhere in the £25-40 range would prove to the person that you are to be taken seriously.

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By *uteness69Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

[Removed by poster at 03/10/18 16:29:33]

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By *uteness69Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

Block everyone.

You're too good for them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let them know you get 'tested' once every five years whether you need it or not. Shows you are concerned for your health. Not like all your past meets who have never even heard of an 'sex clinic'. Its something kinky right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple 'Fancy a fuck?' message will work every time.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

All women are attracted to powerful men. So, have a portrait photo of Boris Johnson as your profile picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Remember if they do say no you should follow up with a "your loss" type message, sending an insult like you're too fat for me anyway you slag is sure to get her to change her mind.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds


"Oh wow wow. You are so sexy. Mmmmmmm!!!! I want to rim your arse and pound your pussy till you scream

*actual message just received"

Tut tut.. you're not allowed to post private messages in the forum.. tut tut.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Anti advice 101 say you're straight ... when you're not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most men on here can just be themselves instant block material lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Can I ask you a question?”

Always guaranteed to pique our interest.

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

Copy my profile word for word, seems to work perfectly

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight


"Copy my profile word for word, seems to work perfectly "
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Action shots. We love pics of a naked woman with a couple of inches of you visible hanging out of the back of her.

Preserves the mystique of what you actually look like and proves you can actually have sex."

Yup!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Try the classics..

If you don't meet me in this car park in the next 20mins you are a fucking lesbian.

I want to impregnate a bitch tonight.

In case you missed the last 6 cock shots I sent you, here's another 5.

Here's 5 pictures of me unloading into "barebackgangbangcumdumpgrannie". Bet you are impressed now.

I see you got a veri from 'perfectgent8inch' last night. Why did you not respond to my 9 messages. I even did a tribute on all the Disney princesses. Frigid slag.

I am definitely uber straight alpha male. Just ignore the pic of me getting fisted by Steve.

It wasn't gay or bi. He wore a skirt and we didn't kiss."

Ha . Too funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The secret is to be polite like you would at a dinner party. When someone offers to meet it's always polite to decline the offer first. Then, when they insist, that's when you accept

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Patience is the key lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People need to know you are fun. Use the word ‘fun’ as much as possible in your three line profile. Preferably combine it with ‘guy’ and make a joke about mushrooms.

Other qualities we need to know are that you are laid back, ‘discrete’ (even when you are married), respectful (even as you are complaining about women in your status) and polite (as you send us that ‘fat cunt’ post-rejection message). Other qualities that might make you sound like an individual are of no interest to us whatsoever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The secret is to be polite like you would at a dinner party. When someone offers to meet it's always polite to decline the offer first. Then, when they insist, that's when you accept "

Making it clear how busy you are and dallying about when you can meet always sharpens our interest, especially after four weeks of daily ‘Good morning’ messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There’s always a steady turnover of “why can’t I get a meet” or profile advice request threads on here (and a top tip for anyone with a legitimate query is to use the forum search function to seek out the excellent advice already out there!) but this is the thread for the ANTI advice - the guidance that’ll guarantee you no responses whatsoever!

What bogus / dubious advice can you give to anyone seeking to get a Fab meet or improve their profile?

What hints and tricks can you give to prove to be an instant turn-off!

For avoidance of doubt, this is a tongue in cheek thread so keep it light hearted!

"

It’s those cheap nasty handcuffs

Hiat - accept no other brand. Abusive governments don’t

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

I made a post here that has been grating me and that doesn't reflect on what I or us as a couple are about. I missed the opportunity to delete it.

Sorry for any offence caused.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I made a post here that has been grating me and that doesn't reflect on what I or us as a couple are about. I missed the opportunity to delete it.

Sorry for any offence caused.

"

It’s a lighthearted thread and hopefully nobody has taken offence at what anyone else has written in jest, I certainly haven’t, but if you’re really unhappy report your own posting to admin and they might be able to remove it for you!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Hey I was wondering if you wanted to stir the porridge"

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Do you want to meet?

Yes, I'll bring my bag. Let me lay you down and turn your asshole inside out. Wank you until your skin is raw and then spank you with a bit of 2x2.

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By *ickygirl41Woman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Tell women you "need yer baws emptied" but combine it with a name like 'fannysmasher' or 'gods gift'

Guaranteed success-you WILL get your hole.

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Call yourself 'ultimatechristiangreydommaster'

Then tell women they are powerless under your spell. Have the audacity to cut and paste a particularly erotic paragraph or 2 from one of the 50 shades books and hope nobody notices..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just write Hey. It shows lots of thought and effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send her a cut and paste message with the previous recipients name in so she realises she's not the only one your after

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight


"I made a post here that has been grating me and that doesn't reflect on what I or us as a couple are about. I missed the opportunity to delete it.

Sorry for any offence caused.

It’s a lighthearted thread and hopefully nobody has taken offence at what anyone else has written in jest, I certainly haven’t, but if you’re really unhappy report your own posting to admin and they might be able to remove it for you! "

Great advice and they the mods did right by us, thanks so much.

Note to self, boredom and tasteless jokes don't always translate to being funny. Lesson learned and thanks again to the moderators. Sorry Mrs FGoS too.

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

Arrange lots of meets, don’t turn up to any of them and if you get challenged use your classic ‘period’ excuse

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