FabSwingers.com forum: Depression and swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do many swingers suffer from depression? And do you use sex as a way to feel better if only for a short while?

Im battling this and seem to be losing the fight. Ive had counselling, hypnotherapy, meds and all the usual but my own self loathing and disappointment in myself never dwindles.

Ive become isolated from people and have no friends, work colleagues yes but they pack up and go home and thats it, ive tried socialising with them but it doesn't last long, clubs,sports etc ive tried but they dwindle away.

Lately ive developed severe pains and losing the ability to use my arms and legs without feeling exhausted or in pain.

So the question is whom else has this feeling? Or is it just me and am i destined to be that lonely old guy kids terrorise in the street?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hiya, sorry to hear that, I'm also a sufferer of bouts of depression and anxiety. This site doesn't help with your self worth mate you have to drip feed yourself on it because I honestly have a low self-esteem and that's why I love it when people say I look nice, however the" not for me" comments play more importantly in my mind. Basically mate take it all with a pinch of salt x take care, Darren

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hatterbox 2Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

I too suffer from the same have done for a few years but op i think if you are starting to feel like that with your body a visit to your gp may be a good idea xxxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too get depression and anxiety, but I step away from here when they get bad as this place can do my head in when I'm really down.

Take comfort in that you're not alone in this. Sometimes things might seem hopeless but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually. Keep on keeping on!

Mr B

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chin up mate, I am going through a lot of sh1t at the moment, but I try to stay on the positive side. Swinging can be a search for that perfect moment and all too quickly the moment is gone. And your then looking for the next perfect moment. From your profile it seems the ladies are very happy with the meets you have had. As others have recommended, if your not already seeing your GP, then you need to go.

Anyway what's wrong with being the grumpy old guy who terrorises the kids in the street.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Hiya, sorry to hear that, I'm also a sufferer of bouts of depression and anxiety. This site doesn't help with your self worth mate you have to drip feed yourself on it because I honestly have a low self-esteem and that's why I love it when people say I look nice, however the" not for me" comments play more importantly in my mind. Basically mate take it all with a pinch of salt x take care, Darren "

You sound too fragile for this kind of site imo.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are far from alone, especially on this site!

It isn't uncommon for people with depression to become obsessed by their physical health, after all no one can see the pain you are in in your mind but others see physical pain.

Pop to your gp and get an mot just to be on the safe side.

This probably isn't the best place to be when you are feeling really down.

Walking and exercise help mentally and physically. Pop some headphones on with some upbeat music and walk.

Good luck op, remember the lows don't last forever. Think positive.

Take care

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

Been on medication for the same thing for a few years now. It does help to visit your GP for help.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

With regard to the new physical symptoms go to the docs OP.

With regard to your mental health have a look at the MIND website, it's really user friendly and easy to negotiate. They also have blogs and forums from people with similar mental health challenges, which may be helpful.

A hug of support for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression is tough to beat but in regards to physical pain as my old coach used to say pain is just weakness leaving the body

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

A hug of support for you."

And from me, to all other fellow sufferers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depression is tough to beat but in regards to physical pain as my old coach used to say pain is just weakness leaving the body"

I suspect a fair few do suffer but then as a percentage of the population you would expect this.

Mental illness is under funded in the UK its an easy issue to ignore and depression can fall into this category. As a society we are only just getting to terms with it 100 years ago it was frowned upon at least now there is some help though not enough sadly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"Do many swingers suffer from depression? And do you use sex as a way to feel better if only for a short while?

Im battling this and seem to be losing the fight. Ive had counselling, hypnotherapy, meds and all the usual but my own self loathing and disappointment in myself never dwindles.

Lately ive developed severe pains and losing the ability to use my arms and legs without feeling exhausted or in pain.

So the question is whom else has this feeling? Or is it just me and am i destined to be that lonely old guy kids terrorise in the street?"

I have been battling depression for a few years, I take fluoxetine, it balances me out, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis late July, then on 6th of August, days before my birthday I have been diagnosed with cancer too

Despite all this I remain upbeat and positive..

I hope you cope and find a way through, I know it’s not easy as that dark hole takes you in and you can’t find a way out !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"With regard to the new physical symptoms go to the docs OP.

A hug of support for you."

Great post xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This makes me sad

I have suffered for 6 years since having my daughter and getting PND borderline PTSD, the trouble with depression is it’s a guessing game as to what medication works for you etc and sounds like yours isn’t helping so please please please see your gp or seek some form of support, be it online help or groups.

Sending big hugs op x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This makes me sad

Sending big hugs op x"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uteness69Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

I have borderline personality disorder.

Mood swings and chronic depression are just a few of my companions.

I had very low self esteem until about a year ago.

I practice self compassion.

Mindfulness.

Meditation.

It takes time to start liking you, to see what an amazing person you are but it will happen.

Persevere but be gentle in doing so.

I'm gonna dm you a few helpful things to look at if that's okay, specifically for men with mental illness.

Meanwhile, try to see your G.P. about the physical symptoms as mental illness is physical too.

There are healthier ways to distract yourself, if you feel you are using sex as a band aid.

*Cheesy line alert*

You're not alone.

You're being open and communicating which is important.

Never weak, depression is not a weakness.

It's wonderful to see so many honest and supportive messages here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the outside it looks like i have life all figured out. Because i dress well and look healthy i must not have a care in the world. As if it were expected to wear my demons pinned to my chest in scarlet letters. People assume that if you cannot see it its not really there. As if pain does not exist unless I'm bleeding or my leg is in a cast staggering with a limp, but the most powerful demons are the ones you cannot see.

So i learned how to smile and grin and bear it. Nobody likes to talk about the tough stuff. I don't like to talk about the tough stuff.

I have anxiety.

Sometimes it feels like every nerve in my body is moving so fast that my veins are blurry. That despite the constant metronome of my heartbeat in my ears its like listening to a constant drum line. It feels like bees in my head. Like a broken white noise machine playing all the noise at once and i don't even realise i'm gritting my teeth or cracking my knuckles or holding myself thinking I'm the only thing bridging reality on my own two feet and the constant load noises and the fleeting feeling of blood rushing through my body. I'm avoiding eye contact, not because I'm not listening but because I'm listening to myself, hoping you cannot hear that I'm speaking two octaves to high. On the verge of breaking because my palms are sweating and i forgot to speak without showing my insecurity.

My anxiety feels like fire hot and rash and frustrating as i bite the inside of my cheek as if the solution of this problem lays between my teeth and gum.

It feels like drowning in fire. It feels like forever. It feels like I'm running with a trail of dust behind me because i'm moving faster than the sixty seconds allowed in one minute. All the time playing catch up on a stopwatch.

I cannot add up the problem because there is no problem.

There's no life or death no rhyme or reason. There are just feelings and i'm feeling all of them at once.

Some days were , are better than others. Some are worse ,but they are just days. I've plenty more of them.

Get help I did. It took courage to admit my demons. I'm Ok now. Above was me ten years ago. You can't beat it on your own.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depression is tough to beat but in regards to physical pain as my old coach used to say pain is just weakness leaving the body"

Your coach sounds like a muscle bound gym queen who cry wanks himself to sleep at night when he finds his 18 hour a day regime leaves him no time for a social life.

Pain is not weakneas leaving the body. Pain is your body's way of saying something is wrong, either physically or mentally.

Was you coach an advocate of other tries and tested coping mechanisms such as "suck it up sweetcheeks", "Don't be a fanny" and "man up"?

OP. When this stops being fun,.stop.

When you get yourself into a spiral of depression, every knock back, every no show and every negative comment affirms your self belief that you are doomed to fail.

Take a break, find an activity you enjoy or are good at and find that little pocket of positive.

Fab can screw you over. Been there. Done that.

You have so much to give, don't let the self doubt get in the way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been battling depression for the last few years, what I found that helps me is music, walking, nature and my close family. It doesn't work for everyone but it might work for you. I dip in and out of mindfulness and yoga as they do help calm me when it gets too much, I've also watched the odd video on you tube called improvement pill, I'm sure you could find something of his to help. It's really good that you've opened up on here, don't keep things to yourself as that will only make you spiral down deeper into depression. Definitely get to you gp about those physical symptoms though and I hope you get through this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression is far more widespread than many people would like to admit and although it seems like the more we talk about it the more prevalent it is the good thing is it doesn’t get swept under the carpet anymore and sufferers don’t just get institutionalised as my grandfather was. I have had four serious bouts of depression and am still on medication to help control the mood swings but fortunately have found a pill that suits me (sertraline) and have had a lot of therapy (both group and one to one) over the last three years which helped enormously. Fab has been absolutely fabulous and godawfully brutal at times and the one thing I would say is don’t expect too much of anyone on here. The forums are great and the odd meet is too but much of it can make you feel sad and demeaned too so if it’s getting to you take some time out and be kind to yourself. Go see your gp because your symptoms sound like the feelings I got when my anxiety levels were going through the roof. Life is hard enough without subjecting your self to the flippant judgements of other people so try mindfulness, meditation, yoga, walking, get outdoors more, get a pet if you can fit it around your life, but most of all be kind to yourself. Best of luck my friend.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

October 1, 2018

Not Just a Motivation for Growth

"We learn that pain can be a motivating factor in recovery."

Basic Text, p. 30

"Pain - who needs it!" we think whenever we're in it. We see no good purpose for pain. It seems to be a pointless exercise in suffering. If someone happens to mention spiritual growth to us while we're in pain, we most likely snort in disgust and walk away, thinking we've never encountered a more insensitive person.

But what if human beings didn't feel pain-either physical or emotional? Sound like an ideal world? Not really. If we weren't capable of feeling physical pain, we wouldn't know when to blink foreign particles out of our eyes; we wouldn't know when to stop exercising; we wouldn't even know when to roll over in our sleep. We would simply abuse ourselves for lack of a natural warning system.

The same holds true for emotional pain. How would we have known that our lives had become unmanageable if we hadn't been in pain? Just like physical pain, emotional pain lets us know when to stop doing something that hurts.

But pain is not only a motivating factor. Emotional pain provides a basis for comparison when we are joyful. We couldn't appreciate joy without knowing pain.

Just for Today: I will accept pain as a necessary part of life. I know that to whatever level I can feel pain, I can also feel joy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread