FabSwingers.com forum: Casual sex and self-esteem

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?

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By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues. "

Really. That’s interesting. I’ve heard that from another female recently.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

No I haven't had self esteem issues

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

To be honest with you a social should always be on the cards first to make sure she feels comfortable and free, if a woman has low self esteem it wouldn't put me off personally, I'd always try to make her as comfortable as can be then see how it goes from there....

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't really meet when my self esteem issues flare up - I work on bettering myself so they aren't so prevalent in my thoughts. I think most people have self esteem wibbles, it's not really a specific gender thing as a poster said above.

As far as meeting others go? I have to admit, I like it when someone can relax around me and I can relax around them. If I am meeting someone (f or m) I want them to enjoy themselves wobbles and wibbles and all. Sex is meant to be fun and if it's overclouded with loads of hesitation, I might not enjoy it as much.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I’m happy to say I’ve never regretted anything I’ve done on Fab. I have been less confident at times but I have become more body confident and confident in what I wants which helps in other ways too.

Yes, I’d agree some guys have confidence issues too and won’t turn up or they’ll cancel meets.

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By *uteness69Woman
over a year ago

Walthamstow

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

I used to have really low self esteem.

Fab actually helped me.

I fucked my way to confidence.

No, not really.

Well, kinda.

Along with other thing like body positivity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't really meet when my self esteem issues flare up - I work on bettering myself so they aren't so prevalent in my thoughts. I think most people have self esteem wibbles, it's not really a specific gender thing as a poster said above.

Wobbles and wobbles make it all the more worth it, very well put

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues. "

Which are made worse by being on here. With the ratio of women to men...

Women with low self esteem can feel bad because they know that everyone throwing cock pics at them are just after a fuck.

Men with low esteem beat themselves up as they feel they cannot compete. There are only so many times you can get turned down before you either give up or get twattish.

My profile gives an insight on the low self esteem male if you care to look.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?

I used to have really low self esteem.

Fab actually helped me.

I fucked my way to confidence.

No, not really.

Well, kinda.

Along with other thing like body positivity. "

The only esteem that should be felt is off those wonderful curves

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By *he rover returnedWoman
over a year ago

xxx

Im finding more and more that the women here are confident and self assured. Ive messaged guys and been turned down...its ok im not for everyone. A guy nessages and gets rejected and i get called a slut, prick tease,cunt,fat .... its not me with the issues. Just an observation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im finding more and more that the women here are confident and self assured. Ive messaged guys and been turned down...its ok im not for everyone. A guy nessages and gets rejected and i get called a slut, prick tease,cunt,fat .... its not me with the issues. Just an observation

To be honest with you it's idiots like that who make it a tougher time for the genuine ones, if they can name call they are not worthy of your time let alone company....an observation all to familiar on here these days unfortunately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to help people learn to love their bodies. Everyone has hold ups, u less you’re some kind of god/goddess?

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

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By *he rover returnedWoman
over a year ago

xxx

Fortunately im a very confident women .. i know my worth. They get none of me .. I'll reserve my engergy for someone that deserves it

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By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

"Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues.

Really. That’s interesting. I’ve heard that from another female recently. "

It is sadly true and It would be better if women could let many of these guys down in a nice way but unfortunately if you do you are seen as a confidant or with some lashed out at.

In the work place women have been made feel inadequate for decades and paid less to reinforce this only in the last decade achieving acknowledgement and appreciation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues.

Which are made worse by being on here. With the ratio of women to men...

Women with low self esteem can feel bad because they know that everyone throwing cock pics at them are just after a fuck.

Men with low esteem beat themselves up as they feel they cannot compete. There are only so many times you can get turned down before you either give up or get twattish.

My profile gives an insight on the low self esteem male if you care to look."

Do you really have low self esteem? I think you should give yourself more credit. You seem really self assured- I mean that in a nice way.

I feel like I can't compete with the women on here so I don't. No point in me having pics.

To answer the OP I think my self esteem is ok, I'm just realistic.

I don't find mail on here an ego boost because it's all bollocks. I know exactly how to get my inbox full but it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to help people learn to love their bodies. Everyone has hold ups, u less you’re some kind of god/goddess? "

Even supermodels have some things they worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have self esteem issues at times and having a meet can make me feel good about myself

It makes me feel in control and desired

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fortunately im a very confident women .. i know my worth. They get none of me .. I'll reserve my engergy for someone that deserves it

Indeed and oh so worth it, an absolute pleasure as I can only imagine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

Yeah but not for aaaaages. Casual sex doesn’t affect it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole. "

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

Be it men or women who only see it as you put it "a warm wet hole" are in my opinion vermin with zero Morales or scruples for another human

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to help people learn to love their bodies. Everyone has hold ups, u less you’re some kind of god/goddess?

Even supermodels have some things they worry about. "

I don’t doubt that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

I'm kind of in awe of people that can do meaningless fucks. I bet it would be great. No guilt, no feeling bad, just fucking people and having fun together. Warm wet holes and hard cocks go well together if they're after the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

Be it men or women who only see it as you put it "a warm wet hole" are in my opinion vermin with zero Morales or scruples for another human"

Only if they lie about it. If they're both happy then it's fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

Yeah. I can’t do it. Some can and good luck to them though. Plenty can. Male and female.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I don't particularly have self esteem issues unless some one else instigates a sense of such, although very rare. I'm fairly confident so it's pretty much ' this is what I am, take it or leave it'

I tend to go for those who are more than 'just a fcuk' and I prefer repeat meets, hence a good time is had by all and self esteem doesn't come into it.

I can understand some ladies may not be so confident

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My self esteem has significant ups and downs. This place has helped, alongside other things. Not because I've got hordes of people who may (want to) send me meaningless flattery. But a) the friends I've made here, and b) being able to accept my love of sex as normal and within a social group.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

I don't have self-esteem issues, I know my worth even if I feel rough because I am feeling down or carrying more weight than normal or something.

I would say be very, very careful having casual sex if you do - it cannot affirm you in the deeper way you need, it can only give you some kicks, a bit of superficial 'feel good'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men love it when women have self-esteem issues. It usually means that they are generally easier to get into bed. If it was the other way around, however, it wouldn't work as women generally expect men to be sexy and confident.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

It does slightly put me off. I like the woman to be able to trust that if I'm with her, then i fancy her. And I wanna see all her curves l

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

They do, it's a bit like that saying of 'I cried all the way to the bank...'

The first time I let some fit young man seduce me I was howling with laughter - 30 years ago when I met my ex-husband I was dating fit young men in their 20's, and 30 years later I was bedding exactly the same, it was hilarious!

That's one big advantage of having sex with someone totally unsuitable for dating, you can just have fun for the hell of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men love it when women have self-esteem issues. It usually means that they are generally easier to get into bed. If it was the other way around, however, it wouldn't work as women generally expect men to be sexy and confident. "

Are you speaking for all men there then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"
not for me I'm good at building self-esteem and confidence in people I like

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Mrs T had self esteem issues and Fab plus another hobby have been fantastic as raising her opinion to the level that I was always telling her it was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Argghhh, my self esteem has taken a battering and I know it's off putting but it's how I feel. I loved meeting, loved casual sex, loved different sexual experiences but, a combination of different things on here has ruined it for me and I feel there is no way back now.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Really? I think most women on this site can spot a bloke playing that game a mile away, we don’t all fall for looks, fake compliments or the six pack sort you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After a while of casual meets I do get a burnt out feeling (no pun intended!) I start to feel like I’m only worth casual sex and not dateable despite how nice the meets are so yes my self esteem can get low. I usually walk away for a few months then. I seem to go through cycles of it but get drawn back like a moth to a flame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really? I think most women on this site can spot a bloke playing that game a mile away, we don’t all fall for looks, fake compliments or the six pack sort you know

Some of us have to fake it til we make it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends how deep the issues are i can only do so much to lift it

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Really? I think most women on this site can spot a bloke playing that game a mile away, we don’t all fall for looks, fake compliments or the six pack sort you know

Some of us have to fake it til we make it. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suffered from low self esteem when I was younger. It would never determine with whom or when I had sex though. You can't look to someone else to "fix" you.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

it's just fake. They don't want *me*, they want a wet hole.

I would like to think that this isn't true but it is

I don't think this is the place for anyone with low self esteem.

Meaningless fucks are just that - meaningless.

And can leave you feeling empty and even worse if you're on here for anything other than fucking people that don't want you in their lives.

They want a warm wet hole.

It's a fuck site - I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks of you on here.

You have a vagina so you're already a winner

That's it in a nut shell...this place is battering me after you give trust try and treat people how you would like to be treated. I'm trying so hard to understand the extremes people will go to. Investing a lot of time into what who knows because I really dont.

So you are left feeling nothing at all in the end. Then you just become more sinical more distrusting and more oh yes Ive heard it all before.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"After a while of casual meets I do get a burnt out feeling (no pun intended!) I start to feel like I’m only worth casual sex and not dateable....."

It's funny I feel the opposite at times.

I saw a really revealing meme on fb recently - 'Some people walk in a room and think 'Will they like me?' whereas I walk into a room and think 'Will I like them?''

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

As a male yeah a lack of confidence in yourself is a put off and having your intentions second guessed is also a put off a lot of this is projection and usually ruins any form of connection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

guys have self esteem issues too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

It would put my me off unfortunately to say.

Confidence is a great attractive trait to me. I would try and figure out why they felt seeing as i like them enough to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been fat all my life

Throughout school I was the fat kid and, even worse, I was clever too. Bullying was the norm.

Despte this, I lost my virginity early and had several sexual partners before I actually had any meaningful sex

I never felt good enough and self-identified as a receptacle

Having sex with someone did, however, provide the positive attention I craved

I had my first 'serious' relationship in my mid 20's and whilst happy, it was for a period fraught with periods of unhappiness and periods where we were more companions than lovers

My bi-sexuality always seemed to raise it's head and when things didn't go too well, was always thrown in my face

An understanding did develop over time, however, and we found a way to make it work.

Again, I was free to explore and explore I did

I used to meet a lot (invariably guys cos it was easier, but sometimes women too)

The meets always left me elated, only to be followed by periods of despair at how hollow it all was

Nothing - euphoria - nothing became a pretty constant cycle

I was well into my 30's before I recognised that there are people who like the bigger guy and, more importantly, there are people who like me for me

It was only then that I started to celebrate and market my short arse chunkyness and again, many meets followed only this time, I had some confidence that they actually liked me

That, in itself, is liberating

Nowadays, meets don't really figure.

My sex life is pretty non-existant, but that is through choice.

If I'd still been so inclined, for example, I could have had 10-15 meets this weekend alone

I'm just not all that interested in 95% of people, they don't bring anything new or original to the table.

I am so much better than getting back on the treadmill of meets, just because I can

So, in answering the OP, self esteem has had detrimental effects on my sex life for years (and vice versa, my sex life had detrimental effects on my self esteem)

Now though, self esteem has become something empowering for me. I love me more now than I have ever done. I know me more. I understand me more. I am more in control. I know my worth. I can embrace my past. It isn't put in a box. It has been something to learn from.

So, if you are feeling low or down on yourself, learn to love you, all of you and the rest will follow.

As cliche as that sounds, only by knowing and understanding yourself can you expect to have any sense of self esteem. You aren't going to be given it by others.

---

In answer to your second question, yes, I would meet someone with outwardly obvious self esteem as long as we got to know each other a bit first and actually addressed the white elephant.

If I sensed it and thought the other person was fucking me to feel better about themselves, however, it would get nipped in the bud pretty quickly.

I hope my candidly honest answer helps in some way

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita"

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that."

I think finding friendships can be great for that. People that want to know the you, not the contents of your knickers can be great for the soul

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that.

I think finding friendships can be great for that. People that want to know the you, not the contents of your knickers can be great for the soul "

+1 ××

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that."

Im not far behind you on this one hah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that.

Im not far behind you on this one hah

And I’m right behind you!

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that.

Im not far behind you on this one hah

And I’m right behind you!"

Slip skip away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only losers go for girls with low self esteem.

It's a complete turn off for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I haven't.

I feel great after sex and don't care about undressing in front of any many.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I'm fortunate to have never had self esteem issues. I have always been happy being me.

As to how casual sex could impact on those with low self esteem, I would imagine it dependable the individual.

It could make them feel better being desired or worse if they feel used...

Nita

Between feeling like a piece of meat (as a woman), or constantly being rejected (as a man)... Fab isn't the healthiest place for those lacking confidence.

That is why I have abandoned all hope and am only here to commit acts of twattery in the forum. It's a coping mechanism. A shit one at that.

I think finding friendships can be great for that. People that want to know the you, not the contents of your knickers can be great for the soul "

Yup, most of us get bored with nsa and seek people who actually want to know us.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I didn't actually realise how little I thought of myself until two things happened - firstly not long after my 50th when trying on an XL shirt that wouldn't do up properly due to the size of my stomach made me realise how little I'd come to care about or think of my body - and that moment made me realise I needed to do something and prompted action to be taken that saw me she'd three and a half stone in 18 months and feel a lot better about myself as a result.

The second thing was stepping into *this* world and the realisation that despite what I thought about myself there were others that thought more of me.

I still don't think I'm all that, but grudgingly admit I'm not as bad as maybe I thought.

As for others that have low self-esteem and similar - I know from personal experience (see above) how difficult it is for someone in that position to see themselves as actually better than they are and that telling them they are won't actually change the way they think, and can actually in some instances make it worse. It wouldn't however put me off though - if I like someone I like them regardless of any personal self-doubts they may have and would hope that by demonstrating that, through meeting them, spending time with them etc that over time it would in some way help their self-perception in some small way.

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"

Sometimes it seems like the majority of women I know have got self-esteem issues; which doesn't particularly surprise me (not because they are ugly or horrible people) but rather because there us a multi-billion dollar a year industry all based upon making women feel shit and inferior and insecure so they can be manipulated into buying clothes and products and make-up and fad diets to try and make them feel better about themselves...and this industry has indoctrinated them from such an early age that it's been imprinted upon them at a formative stage and they've essential had a lifetime of not feeling good enough.

In fact, it's so good at doing this mindfuckery, sometimes it even manages to get the Mums of these girls to do its job for them, by imprinting all of the hang ups and insecurities they developed onto their kids.

It's monetising misery and it's fucking dark as you like.

If they feel ugly or horrible but they're not, it wouldn't put me off in the slightest, because I can see them for what they really are, and having had enough of my own self-esteem issues in the past, I just don't have it in me to be quite *that* much of a hypocrite...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?

It's monetising misery and it's fucking dark as you like.

Toxic feminity

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm not sure about self-esteem issues - it's natural for us all to have ups and downs on many of our personality dimensions, rather than be static. I tend not to be my fuller sexual self if something is amis on the inside and so focus my energy on that and not casual sex.

I accept people for who they are and would take greater care of someone if I thought they were very sensitive - but I don't rescue people and may not engage with them for a shag if it didn't seem right for both.

We all have a duty of care for each other, which is particularly important when people are vulnerable

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?

It's monetising misery and it's fucking dark as you like.

Toxic feminity "

I'm not sure I quite understand what you're saying? The Mums doing that to their kids? Or something else?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I'm not sure about self-esteem issues - it's natural for us all to have ups and downs on many of our personality dimensions, rather than be static. I tend not to be my fuller sexual self if something is amis on the inside and so focus my energy on that and not casual sex.

We all have a duty of care for each other, which is particularly important when people are vulnerable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can only work with what you've got

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been fat all my life

Throughout school I was the fat kid and, even worse, I was clever too. Bullying was the norm.

Despte this, I lost my virginity early and had several sexual partners before I actually had any meaningful sex

I never felt good enough and self-identified as a receptacle

Having sex with someone did, however, provide the positive attention I craved

I had my first 'serious' relationship in my mid 20's and whilst happy, it was for a period fraught with periods of unhappiness and periods where we were more companions than lovers

My bi-sexuality always seemed to raise it's head and when things didn't go too well, was always thrown in my face

An understanding did develop over time, however, and we found a way to make it work.

Again, I was free to explore and explore I did

I used to meet a lot (invariably guys cos it was easier, but sometimes women too)

The meets always left me elated, only to be followed by periods of despair at how hollow it all was

Nothing - euphoria - nothing became a pretty constant cycle

I was well into my 30's before I recognised that there are people who like the bigger guy and, more importantly, there are people who like me for me

It was only then that I started to celebrate and market my short arse chunkyness and again, many meets followed only this time, I had some confidence that they actually liked me

That, in itself, is liberating

Nowadays, meets don't really figure.

My sex life is pretty non-existant, but that is through choice.

If I'd still been so inclined, for example, I could have had 10-15 meets this weekend alone

I'm just not all that interested in 95% of people, they don't bring anything new or original to the table.

I am so much better than getting back on the treadmill of meets, just because I can

So, in answering the OP, self esteem has had detrimental effects on my sex life for years (and vice versa, my sex life had detrimental effects on my self esteem)

So, if you are feeling low or down on yourself, learn to love you, all of you and the rest will follow.

As cliche as that sounds, only by knowing and understanding yourself can you expect to have any sense of self esteem. You aren't going to be given it by others.

---

In answer to your second question, yes, I would meet someone with outwardly obvious self esteem as long as we got to know each other a bit first and actually addressed the white elephant.

If I sensed it and thought the other person was fucking me to feel better about themselves, however, it would get nipped in the bud pretty quickly.

I hope my candidly honest answer helps in some way

It helped me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldn't put me off, but I would be careful to let her know that I didn't share her views of herself and the fact we had met was because I found her attractive in the first place

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

The first time i went to a swingers club my self esteem was pretty low. I wasnt on Fab then and had had many bad years with my ex. It only took a couple of months of swinging for me to realise that i was actually ok and i have not looked back since.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have pretty crap self esteem.

Fab has its positives and negatives for me.

I have realised there are plenty of men who are attracted to bigger girls and me being fat has sometimes even been the attraction.

However it has confirmed to me that whilst it's ok to fuck a fat bird, anything else is still off the table. Finding a relationship through vanilla means is near on impossible at my size, so I feel in a way I'm stuck in the NSA world of Fab.

Not sure if that makes sense, I hope it does x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does make sense but surprises me to be honest. Do you mean finding a relationship on here or in the “real world?” You’re not exactly huge, well you don’t look it from your pics. Not all men want stick thin women x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It does make sense but surprises me to be honest. Do you mean finding a relationship on here or in the “real world?” You’re not exactly huge, well you don’t look it from your pics. Not all men want stick thin women x"

In the real world!

I learnt the hard way that Fab is not the place to even think about that!

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Sounds like you have given up on yourself which i find sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the real world!

I learnt the hard way that Fab is not the place to even think about that! "

I know, that’s why I asked. I read it that you could have meant finding a relationship on here. Probably not the best place. Still surprises me though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have two questions. One for the ladies and one for the gents.

For the ladies: have you ever had self-esteem issues? Casual sex makes it better or worse for you?

For the gents: if you meet a lady with self-esteem issues (she feels ugly, she thinks is worthless), does this put you off?"
too much confidence can seem like arrogance to some so transversely lack of it could appear very unattractive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not really I am here for a bit of fun now and again nothing more nothing less.

Interesting you pitched it this way though as there a huge number of guys on here with self esteem issues. "

That's true.

And in answer to the question. It can be off putting yes.

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