FabSwingers.com forum: Is happiness fleeting ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To me as soon as you acknowledge it, it’s gone, like those floating things in your eye, once you focus on them, they drift off. I think the best we can hope for is contentment and the big calm, but that in its self can lead to boredom and routine.

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have happy moments in my life. The rest of the time i dont really have any emotions

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"To me as soon as you acknowledge it, it’s gone, like those floating things in your eye, once you focus on them, they drift off. I think the best we can hope for is contentment and the big calm, but that in its self can lead to boredom and routine.

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

For me it depends on your outlook.

I try where possible to have a cheery disposition and for a time I lost my happy. I've worked hard, done some reflection, added a few more positive thoughts and am much happier again.

Now 90% cheerful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think happiness as in the overwhelming feeling of total awesome happiness comes and goes with life's ups and downs, but as long as deep down your generally happy, that's what matters. I do believe that happiness comes from within. It has its peaks and troughs in life as you deal with situations that life throws at you, but if you can be happy with what you have and where you're at in life, then all is good.

Hope that makes some sort of sense

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think happiness as in the overwhelming feeling of total awesome happiness comes and goes with life's ups and downs, but as long as deep down your generally happy, that's what matters. I do believe that happiness comes from within. It has its peaks and troughs in life as you deal with situations that life throws at you, but if you can be happy with what you have and where you're at in life, then all is good.

Hope that makes some sort of sense

Yeah, I think I was thinking about those blissfully happy moments, that a few and far between. Usually helps when the sun is out and the brain is basking in serotonin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was happy as a child, I just didn't know it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happiness cannot be a permanent state. Sadness and joy go hand in hand, as do boredom and excitement, fear and courage, to separate one from the other denies the human condition. We can change our centre of gravity so we feel more content more of the time, we can practise radical acceptance and love that can overcome self-loathing and hatred and increase our compassion, but to be permanently happy I don’t believe that is possible nor desirable. Transforming darkness into light is a moment to moment challenge for each human being. Some will succeed more often than others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness "

Yes it’s a state of mind, but you’re not in control of it I don’t think. Well I’m not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness "

Not entirely true.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

Hope that makes some sort of sense

I like this description ruby.. and yeah starting to find that happy, so i am largely happy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was happy as a child, I just didn't know it."

Yeah, me too. I took it for granted, cause I thought that’s what life is always going to be like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness

Yes it’s a state of mind, but you’re not in control of it I don’t think. Well I’m not."

Imo no one else can control the things that make you happy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Happiness cannot be a permanent state. Sadness and joy go hand in hand, as do boredom and excitement, fear and courage, to separate one from the other denies the human condition. We can change our centre of gravity so we feel more content more of the time, we can practise radical acceptance and love that can overcome self-loathing and hatred and increase our compassion, but to be permanently happy I don’t believe that is possible nor desirable. Transforming darkness into light is a moment to moment challenge for each human being. Some will succeed more often than others."

Appreciate you can’t be blissfully happy all the time, just would be nice if it lasted a bit longer for me.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Everything passes, the good times and the bad.

Something to hang on to when going through shit in life, and something to bear in mind in the good times.

Enjoy them while you can, be in the moment, and take nothing for granted.

So tender the Minx sermon for today .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness

Yes it’s a state of mind, but you’re not in control of it I don’t think. Well I’m not.

Imo no one else can control the things that make you happy. "

It starts and ends with you I agree, I don’t rely on anyone else to make me happy. But you can’t put everything into place, somethings our out of our hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Appreciate you can’t be blissfully happy all the time, just would be nice if it lasted a bit longer for me. "

I guess practising those things that create ‘happy’ states for you will increase the amount of time you feel it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The longer a happy phase lasts the more it hurts when it's over. Something always comes along to spoil it for sure

But I guess life can't be all hearts n flowers the whole time eh? Then that wouldn't be enough after a while and we would grow tired of that too, like we do the normal time now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thingsssssss can only get better......the ups make the downs disappear,being in a good happy positive mindset makes life so much better! The last 4 months is the happiest I’ve been in ages and roll on 2019 and the 4 months of snow starting in November

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

I’m not sure it has to be fleeting, no. I think contentment is easier to maintain ongoing though. The floating things in your eye comment made me smile, do you mean the dot/colour patch type thing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thingsssssss can only get better......the ups make the downs disappear,being in a good happy positive mindset makes life so much better! The last 4 months is the happiest I’ve been in ages and roll on 2019 and the 4 months of snow starting in November

4 months, I’m lucky if I get 4 hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't happiness just a state of mind. Everyone is in control of their own happiness

Yes it’s a state of mind, but you’re not in control of it I don’t think. Well I’m not.

Imo no one else can control the things that make you happy.

It starts and ends with you I agree, I don’t rely on anyone else to make me happy. But you can’t put everything into place, somethings our out of our hands. "

So concentrate on the things that make you happy. Just simple things that put a smile on your face each day. The bad things will pass they always do. Life is a cycle we don't get day without night we also don't get happiness without sadness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all relative. My happiness may be someone else's misery.

Happiness can be that gorgeous smell of a sunny autumn day. Or a donut. Or sleeping through the night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

For me it depends on your outlook.

I try where possible to have a cheery disposition and for a time I lost my happy. I've worked hard, done some reflection, added a few more positive thoughts and am much happier again.

Now 90% cheerful.

Me too happy nearly all.of the time I just don't get involved in negative stuff, life is too short to be unhappy

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I'm genuinely happy all the time.

Even when things aren't going quite the way I want, there is always a positive side, you just need to look for it.

I spent far too long, in a bad situation, constantly negative.

I won't ever be that person again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm genuinely happy all the time.

Even when things aren't going quite the way I want, there is always a positive side, you just need to look for it.

I spent far too long, in a bad situation, constantly negative.

I won't ever be that person again. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try very hard to keep a positive attitude, some days it’s harder others but I always try to remember that there’s always someone worse off out there

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

The happiest time of my life was when I was 17, I used to wake up everyday, jump out of bed and feel lucky to be alive.

Probably because it came off the back of trying to kill myself and realising I just couldn't do it, so I guess in many senses I *was* lucky to be alive.

It was also the first time I could *ever* remember being happy. It took me until I was about 15 or 16 until I realised I was depressed; I didn't realise other people didn't find life a never-ending struggle or spent inordinate amounts of time fantasising about jumping out of windows or in front of cars.

I suppose in some respects when you peer over the edge of the abyss it makes you appreciate the little things more. I also think that when you hit rock bottom you either break or bounce. I came so close to breaking that day, but my fingers froze and I just couldn't turn the keys. I just sat there and bawled my eyes out instead.

Afterwards, it was like a fog had lifted - the air smelt fresher, the birds chirped more mellifluously, food was more flavoursome...life had been brought into sharp relief, like upgrading from low-res to 4K, I suppose I'd nailed my colours to the mast - I'd chosen to carry on, to live life and so I was determined to live it to the fullest...I went from being introverted and gauche to being gregarious, effusive and tactile - I was a completely changed person, nearly everyone commented on it.

I yo-yo'd throughout my 20s, with the occasional highs but mostly lows and finally stabilised around 30.

I wouldn't say I was happy as such, but I've been content...and you know what - content is fucking well good enough.

I'd rather be a 6 everyday than a 9 one day and a 2 the next...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I try very hard to keep a positive attitude, some days it’s harder others but I always try to remember that there’s always someone worse off out there "

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to decide to be happy. It's a muscle. If you don't exercise it it wastes away.

For me, my spirituality tells me that absolutely everything in my life is a joy, no matter how bad it seems. Sometimes this outlook can be hard to live with. But I'm thoroughly convinced that all lived experience, no matter how bad, is beautiful, and that only numb non-existence is truly bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enjoy what you've got while you have it.

Nothing is forever.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You have to decide to be happy. It's a muscle. If you don't exercise it it wastes away.

Happiness is a muscle, that’s a new one. Sure it’s not a chemical in the brain, or electrical impulses ?

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I try very hard to keep a positive attitude, some days it’s harder others but I always try to remember that there’s always someone worse off out there "

Also, keep in mind that it's okay to not be okay...

You do not have to try and find a reason or justification for feeling shit; sometimes you just *do*

I think it's one of the biggest misconceptions and - probably - stigmatising factors is that conversation with someone who just doesn't get it and keeps on asking "but why do you feel like this? What's happened?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

I’m not sure it has to be fleeting, no. I think contentment is easier to maintain ongoing though. The floating things in your eye comment made me smile, do you mean the dot/colour patch type thing?"

Mine if I focus on it looks like bacteria, apparently they are caused by clumps or specks of undissolved vitreous gel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

No, happiness is a journey, not a destination

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think our own perceptions and experiences of what happiness is are very unique to us. Each of our emotional states, if they could be matched with that same one in other people, would likely reveal that we each have them upon different continuum - perhaps some of us with greater ranges as well as how we relate with them. Maybe some of us feel a greater diversity of emotions too - I feel it's somewhat likely that we do.

As the result of evolutionary processes, it's also likely that they serve a purpose to help perpetrate the species - they do help us to make greater meaning of our existence and experiences.

The Buddhist approach would be (from the tiny fragment that I think I know of) to just be and to accept, rather than to pursue fleeting emotional gold at the ends of rainbows - my poetic license.

Perhaps rather than almost trying to pin down and capture happiness, it may be more healthy to expand our own awareness of all that is. It's perhaps a richer life that is still and simply accepts with peace and grace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perception is 90% deception

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Perpetuate, not perpetrate -

Late night tired eyes at work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happiness can change at the drop of a hat.

Don't ever count on someone to give it to you.

I need to learn that lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Perception is 90% deception "

How ironic !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Troughs and peaks.

One minute you're high, the next you're low.

I guess it's equilibrium and without sadness there can be no happiness.

Right now I'm going through a low time but I try not to see it as all doom and gloom. I know there'll be better times ahead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perception is 90% deception

How ironic !"

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Happiness is that brief moment between the rest of the shite things in ypur life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happiness is moments. I've spent the last year unhappy due to a lot of loss in my life but I spent yesterday happy so I'll just take the happiness when it arrives

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Happiness occurs when the body floods the brain with serotonin and other substances.

Unfortunately for us, the tap doesn't stay on for long.

The trick, I think, is to be content, to be at ease with one's self.

That is a longer lasting feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on your source of happiness .If it's pleasure and gratification then yes.

I would suggest you research positive psychology and the science of happiness .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure that happiness is a realistic expectation,or that it is really even possible.

We may have moments of joy,such as being offered a nice piece of cake.Or moments of satisfaction,such as after an intense orgasm but,to claim to be truly happy is surely to be missing the point.

Take a look around the world and tell me,can you really be happy with it?

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Take a look around the world and tell me,can you really be happy with it?"

Happiness comes from things under your own control,, things you can do or change.

Worrying about things not under your control, things you cannot change, is a prescription for stress and depression.

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"Perception is 90% deception "

Is that like when someone uses profile pics taken from the internet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this! So well described

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contentment and the big calm generally makes me happy. Everything on an even keel. Add the odd spike of happiness and deny all the bad stuff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're all on fab so something must be wrong

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By *ewbieCouple400Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

I was just about to do a pelvic thrust, then remembered that it’s ‘time is fleeting’!!

Sorry!! Had to be done

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Perception is 90% deception

Is that like when someone uses profile pics taken from the internet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Happiness occurs when the body floods the brain with serotonin and other substances.

Unfortunately for us, the tap doesn't stay on for long.

The trick, I think, is to be content, to be at ease with one's self.

That is a longer lasting feeling.

It's worse when your body absorbs the serotonin before it's used for happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aaaaaah bistoooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

I’d be quite happy just with calm and contentment and routine! Can’t remember what bored feels like although I’d quite like to be bored every now and then.

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By *ommyxyzMan
over a year ago

Crawley

Bi bi polar, when your happy it’s great, when your not, not so good. Knackering either way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

I've had several long periods of happiness, one for months, one. For several years and current one 18 months plus. So not fleeting at all, you just have to be prepared to accept happiness rather than fight it and look for problems.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I generally have at least one happy moment every day - there's always something to my day that lifts my mood.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"I was happy as a child, I just didn't know it."

I expect you just forgot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Aaaaaah bistoooo

Anyone ?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure if constant happiness is real, or even a good thing. I think how you feel between those fleeting moments is more significant than the fleeting moments - some people have a generally positive outlook on life, and therefore seem to find no, or little effort in finding happiness everywhere. Others have a less positive attitude, and the effort to find happiness in yet another bad day can seem too much. I agree - to an extent - that we all have the capacity to be happier by 'thinking' ourselves happier, but this strategy is not successful for everyone.

All feelings are subjective, and as such we may never appreciate them for want they mean in the present, for example "This is even better than the time I got a good old fashioned hand job from my neighbour who looked like a young Debbie Harry" or alternatively, "It was good, but not as good as the time I got a good old fashioned hand job from my neighbour who looked like a young Debbie Harry."

I'd be for grateful for consistent contentment with fleeting moments of true happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aaaaaah bistoooo

Anyone ?!

Gravy advert! You're probably too young to remember....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope that makes some sort of sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It ebbs and flows I guess. When the happiness happens I intend to live for that moment and make the most of it while it lasts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess what I was trying to say is... If you're waiting for something external to you to make you happy then you may be waiting a long time. And you have an unhealthy dependence on other things for your own contentment. Happiness comes from within. It comes about when you decide "you know what... fuck everything else... I'm going to be happy". Sometimes that's easier said than done. But my piano and the canopy of the heavens help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd love to live a life of never ending bliss, but unfortunately the difficulties in my life make my happiness fluctuate massively. I'm quite happy today, tomorrow, who knows!

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Just wondering if anyone’s experienced long periods of happiness or do you think it’s fleeting and elusive too ?

Fleeting and very elusive. I always end up self sabotaging if things seem to be going too well I expect something to go wrong. I guess it spoils the happy stuff and I should try to be less pessimistic. It’s difficult when you’re conditioned to not expect happiness or nice things without some form of payback though.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I’m as happy as Larry! - whoosh! ......and there it goes again

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I think happiness is fleeting but also you don't realise how happy some times in your life are when you're in the moment, it's something you realise when you look back on them later.

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By *bsolutebeginnersCouple
over a year ago

Planet Ork

Everyone has different perceptions of happiness and in everyday life most happiness is taken for granted and forgotten. There are different degrees of happiness, I remember with joy the birth of my children, our wedding day, my football team winning a cup final etc but like most people I take for granted the little moments of happiness like the hug from my half asleep son this morning telling me he loves me. It’s the little moments of happiness that matter the most because they lead to contentment. Most people who feel contented will say that they are happy overall. Appreciate the little moments of happiness and recognise them, the big moments will always be extra special and the sad times will always be around the corner but overall contentment will lead to a happier disposition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a look around the world and tell me,can you really be happy with it?

Happiness comes from things under your own control,, things you can do or change.

Worrying about things not under your control, things you cannot change, is a prescription for stress and depression.

Good point but I may not have expressed myself very clearly. I certainly don't worry about things beyond my control,I simply mean that striving for total happiness is a hiding to nothing.Ever since I stopped looking for happiness and settled for contentment and satsfaction I became a lot more happy or at least more content and satisfied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone has different perceptions of happiness and in everyday life most happiness is taken for granted and forgotten. There are different degrees of happiness, I remember with joy the birth of my children, our wedding day, my football team winning a cup final etc but like most people I take for granted the little moments of happiness like the hug from my half asleep son this morning telling me he loves me. It’s the little moments of happiness that matter the most because they lead to contentment. Most people who feel contented will say that they are happy overall. Appreciate the little moments of happiness and recognise them, the big moments will always be extra special and the sad times will always be around the corner but overall contentment will lead to a happier disposition."

I love that. They all add up to something bigger.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I spent years chasing happiness only to realise I already am

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