FabSwingers.com forum: The power and consequence of rejection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

I understand there are the faf merchants who message anyone with a clunge and a pulse, and I know a lot of people get arsey about rejection and say "I didn't want a fuck anyway", but how much thought do you put into it.

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t sadly.

There are only a few I’d respond to with that anyway most I do just delete.

I’ve carried on and become fab friends with people I’m not going to meet but have a great chat with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along. "

This..

Although these days i just tend not to reply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/09/18 11:54:24]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Depends for me, if someone has clearly read my profile they'll know I rarely read messages anyway. However, I do read some and those who I feel have made an effort will get a "hope you find what you're looking for" from me, thanked for the effort and well wishes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Just leave them unread in the inbox.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We just say no thanks you’re not what we’re looking for. Rip it off like a plaster. Can’t be writing out long winded messages of rejection. If they get arsey, we block them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends for me, if someone has clearly read my profile they'll know I rarely read messages anyway. However, I do read some and those who I feel have made an effort will get a "hope you find what you're looking for" from me, thanked for the effort and well wishes"

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just leave them unread in the inbox."

You are harsh...

Good work.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My standard rejection message is 'thanks for your message but I'm not interested', which I do think is quite harsh. Most times people appreciate a response, sometimes people ask why which I ignore.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just leave them unread in the inbox."

Then they come on here and moan

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you're beating women off with a stick like I am, saying thanks but no thanks is just a huge time saver

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Just leave them unread in the inbox.

Then they come on here and moan

I do love a moaner! But for different reasons.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say that I am not going to waste their time by pretending that we would meet. It's less cruel than letting them believe it's on the cards and stringing them along.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"I say that I am not going to waste their time by pretending that we would meet. It's less cruel than letting them believe it's on the cards and stringing them along."

If they have been pleasant in their messages I say that too. Then if they carry on chatting for any reason (it does happen that they just appreciate the reply and want advice or something) at least they know where they stand

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky kissersCouple
over a year ago

South East

Always try to reply to the single guys as I know what it's like and be polite. If they read the profile however, it would save time.

Unsolicited friends invites from single guys is an instant block. It is amazing though how many single guys have a fb who is not on fab after we have politely said no thanks. As for how it makes them feel ;a poorly written one line message shows how little they think of who they are messaging I feel

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thought whatsoever. We’re quite blunt with just saying no.

Somebody’s fragile ego isn’t our problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We say no thank you in a variety of ways unless they haven't read our profile in which case we just block.

We wouldn't be rude or unkind but if someone can't weather rejection fab isn't the place for them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all first nessages. I respect that they are a real live person.

I don't really care if they've read my profile or not, we can chat like human beings and figure out if we're compatible or not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uicy Lucy and percyCouple
over a year ago

wales

Normally give them thankyou for your intrest in us unfortunately your are not what we are looking for at the moment

The 1’s who have obviously not read our profile and are vulgar get a straight f**k off and blocked simples

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I reply to all first nessages. I respect that they are a real live person.

I don't really care if they've read my profile or not, we can chat like human beings and figure out if we're compatible or not. "

You're right

Sometimes though a first message makes it clear that we're so not what they're looking for.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"I reply to all first nessages. I respect that they are a real live person.

I don't really care if they've read my profile or not, we can chat like human beings and figure out if we're compatible or not. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

"We just say no thanks you’re not what we’re looking for. Rip it off like a plaster. Can’t be writing out long winded messages of rejection. If they get arsey, we block them. "

Precisely this. I take no offence to someone saying no thanks as that’s the way the world is. I thank them for the reply and bid them a happy search. No hard feelings at all, unless they were insulting in the reply, which I’ve had

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

When visible my profile is specific, absolutely no ambiguity, with regards the person I'm looking for. I also state I will not respond to anyone outwith what I'm looking for: and I don't!

If someone has obviously read my profile I'll thank them for their message, say something positive about their profile and wish them good luck on site.

Never had a nasty reply or someone being arsey because I have treated them with the same respect they've shown me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all messages that are two sentences or more. My filters are up a lot so it’s rare that single men can message. The ‘no thanks’ message is short and generic. Anything longer I found seemed to invite questioning responses.

Any first message under two sentences is just deleted. I require more effort, as per my profile.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndtheswingersMan
over a year ago

colchester

I would rather be told thanks but no thanks than not replied to but I do realise that my message maybe one of 50 or more a day.

My feelings won't be hurt by someone saying no thanks, and if yours are, maybe this is not the place for you !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection doesn't bother me. If I met someone offline and was rejected I think it might do but not in this way. It's all good fun. I can imagine it gets wearing for women though having to respond or not to lots of messages and a variety of comments.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Afraid not. It's not that I'm a bad person or unkind, but we're all adults and we all have to manage our own emotions. If someone on Fab struggles, they need to rely on an appropriate support system (which isn't strange women on the Internet).

It applies to me just as much as anyone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ot-AshMan
over a year ago

London

I always appreciate a thanks but no

thanks type reply and would never write

back to ask why i had been rejected and

you just have to take it on the chin

and move on. (double chin in my case!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

I’ve not been on FAB long but I would rather be given a frank reply that way you know...case closed. What really I don’t like is a non response surely if I ask the time would you just ignore me in all politeness being the case? We need a yes no maybe swipe that way sorts the meat from the chaff a crude term I know but at least I’ve acknowledged it .

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't say I do,if they can't handle being told "Thanks but no thanks" in whichever polite form I feel like using at the time then they probably shouldn't be trying to meet people online.Thinking about it,the same applies in the real world really,people like what they like and not everyone is going to fit into everyone else's "Yes please" category,so rejection is part and parcel of the entire meeting people game.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends really if they’ve clearly read my profile and taken the time to write something acknowledging that then I will always reply even if it’s a no, if it’s a faf or I think it’s a mass marketed scattergun approach then I just delete, replying with a reason 9 times out of ten gives them ammo to question you on your decision

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With me its usually other guys. If they want to chat I do, as it's usually a fairly howdy Doo greeting. Until it's obvious that I have to state my situation. If that isn't acknowledged it usually just gets rather unpleasant so blocking is inevitable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually just delete and block. As it says on the site FAQ this is just a way of saying ‘we’re not interested’.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I very rarely ask on the forum prefer to ask in person

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just leave them unread in the inbox.

Then they come on here and moan

"
....No don't leave them unread,delete them!...that confirms you're not interested without having to message someone!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to add, would much rather get a ‘thanks you’re not my type’ than some of the weird and winderful excuses I’ve had on here. They make me feel worse because the other party thinks I can’t cope with a straight rejection. I’m an emotional adult, I will deal with the fact that I won’t get a shag from a random stranger. As the proud possessor of a vagina, I know there will be more men coming along.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I reply to all first nessages. I respect that they are a real live person.

I don't really care if they've read my profile or not, we can chat like human beings and figure out if we're compatible or not.

You're right

Sometimes though a first message makes it clear that we're so not what they're looking for."

I'm not right though. The majority of people think it's ok to treat strangers on the internet like crap. I can tell by the messages that I get.

I can also often tell in the first message if I'm not what they're looking for....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uuLuuWoman
over a year ago

Watford

If someone is that fragile they can't take a no thanks then they shouldn't be on here. Maybe nobody should ever give a negative reply on here if that's the case. Alternatively if someone is that fragile then maybe we should have a disclaimer akin to the Sydney university one that states not to mail if you have a fragile constitution and can't handle rejection.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I very rarely ask on the forum prefer to ask in person

I suspect that's a better approach

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone is that fragile they can't take a no thanks then they shouldn't be on here. Maybe nobody should ever give a negative reply on here if that's the case. Alternatively if someone is that fragile then maybe we should have a disclaimer akin to the Sydney university one that states not to mail if you have a fragile constitution and can't handle rejection. "

Harsh but true. The internet is not for the weak of constitution.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No thought whatsoever. We’re quite blunt with just saying no.

Somebody’s fragile ego isn’t our problem. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't feel any power rejecting someone, I just feel entitled to my preferences.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don't feel any power rejecting someone, I just feel entitled to my preferences. "

I only did once. Dude told me I had to jump through his hoops because he was so hot he could have anyone. I didn't want to, so I told him "go on, then". He got abusive at that point, and I felt pretty good hitting the block button.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it must feel a bit awful to have sent a cheery message to then get a blunt repsonse and an instant block. It would have me disheartened after a short time to.

I try and respond to pleasant messages, some do slip the net or I forget but others I tend to not open. Assuming a passed òver response is less brutal than an outright 'bog off' message. I don't know that it is but that's how I do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Nicely put.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along. "

Now you see I do this... ‘sorry but you’re not for me’ or ‘sorry you’re not my type’... annoyingly this is either followed by... ‘well I just checked out your veris and I look a lot like xyz bloke you met’ or ‘ok so what is your type then?’

So by trying to be decent, a lengthy conversation then ensues.

I try really hard to be nice but then I’m plagued with messages asking me to clarify / change my decision.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along.

So by trying to be decent, a lengthy conversation then ensues.

I try really hard to be nice but then I’m plagued with messages asking me to clarify / change my decision.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!"

I sometimes get "you met X, therefore you should meet me, I'm better!"

Err, I'll be the judge of that, and the fact that you tried that line means that you're in fact not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along.

So by trying to be decent, a lengthy conversation then ensues.

I try really hard to be nice but then I’m plagued with messages asking me to clarify / change my decision.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!

I sometimes get "you met X, therefore you should meet me, I'm better!"

Err, I'll be the judge of that, and the fact that you tried that line means that you're in fact not. "

Yep I get that too! Or my body is way better than his or whatever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along.

So by trying to be decent, a lengthy conversation then ensues.

I try really hard to be nice but then I’m plagued with messages asking me to clarify / change my decision.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!"

Most decent guys won’t but unfortunately there are ALOT that are not decent in that way. If I ever get a “thanks but no thanks message” that is politely done I’ll either just move on or send a polite “thanks for the reply. Wish you the best of luck” kind of response. You know, be civil

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

My usual response is "Thanks, but I'm straight-straight, not Fab-straight"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I’ve started to just delete without reply if I’m not interested. If they have read my profile they will have seen that that’s what I’m going to do because it says so.

I’ve tried replying to say I’m not interested because I’m polite and genuinely flattered by anyone who’s interested. But I find it tedious when people challenge my reply and try to change my mind and/or turn a bit nasty. So I’ve stoppped doing it and don’t reply at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

As my dear old dad used to tell me, don’t ask the question if you’re not prepared to hear the answer.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently."

What does sting, is when you read their profile, write a decent coherent message with pics and then it just gets deleted instantly. Ladies get 100's of messages true but equally guys can send a dozen/more messages and be completely ignored.

It does make you wonder sometimes what's the point writing a decent message, just write a general template and then just copy and paste it. Sounds bad I know but there really is nothing worse than trying to really personalise a message just to see it rejected instantly as your not to their tastes.

It's a tough one but yeah I think some women are slightly ignorant to the fact that the rejection on here can stig sometimes as a guy.

Having said that if it's a lazy one liner message with a dic pick by all means just delete it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

"Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently.

It's a tough one but yeah I think some women are slightly ignorant to the fact that the rejection on here can stig sometimes as a guy.

Having said that if it's a lazy one liner message with a dic pick by all means just delete it. "

Surely by reading their profile, you'd know if you match what their looking for though? If you don't match, it really doesn't matter what your message is - it's not going to change anything.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently.

It's a tough one but yeah I think some women are slightly ignorant to the fact that the rejection on here can stig sometimes as a guy.

Having said that if it's a lazy one liner message with a dic pick by all means just delete it.

Surely by reading their profile, you'd know if you match what their looking for though? If you don't match, it really doesn't matter what your message is - it's not going to change anything."

What if you do match in general what it says on a women profile. For example let's say their looking for someone in between 20 and 30,athletic build who can hold a convo.

As a guy you read it and think, well that sounds like me. Then you get ignored and you think we'll maybe I just have an awful face.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to add, would much rather get a ‘thanks you’re not my type’ than some of the weird and winderful excuses I’ve had on here. They make me feel worse because the other party thinks I can’t cope with a straight rejection. I’m an emotional adult, I will deal with the fact that I won’t get a shag from a random stranger. As the proud possessor of a vagina, I know there will be more men coming along."

This hit the nail on the head. As a women you know there's another guy around the corner. Thus it's easy for you to be so confident about it as you your in a position of strength.

Not so easy to be so causal about it when your a single guy looking for a lady here. I'll be honest if I was that way inclined I could find myself a muscular gay/bisexual man on here. Its not exactly hard.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve started to just delete without reply if I’m not interested. If they have read my profile they will have seen that that’s what I’m going to do because it says so.

ditto

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along. "

It's not horrible at all I think. After all there's no way everyone could fancy everyone else, that would be impossible!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I just delete their messages unread.

It says I have no intention of meeting on my profile.

I don't feel bad or empowered just sticking by what I've written

Some fuckers are entitled though

How dare we refuse them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its disappointing but I do prefer a polite rejection but that’s mainly because I try to make every message I send personal and if I just get an instant block or delete it feels a bit heartless. I do completely understand the odds are stacked against me both in looks and age but I’m a nice thoughtful funny and filthy guy so what’s not to like....I’ll put my helmet on and take cover now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

"It’s always horrible to have to say ‘I’m sorry but you’re not for me’ but it’s better than stringing people along. "

Absolutely this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tormexexexMan
over a year ago

LEEDS

It's disappointing sure but speaking as both a rejected and a slight gaming nerd I fund myself accustomed to a lack of manners in the way its done these days

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whenever you say a thanks but no thanks, do you consider the self esteem of the individual you respond to?

And yes, I know no answer is a no thanks and all the usual stuff.

I just wonder what makes people tick?

Oh and if you are curious... If someone messages me and they haven't read my profile, they get a huge fuck off. If they aren't for me, I let them down gently."
your profile name and the "if you havnt read my profile" thing suggests you to can be brutal so the thread subject is about the moment and about that persons mood, you can't win ' no reply ' is rude and ' no thanks not for us / me ' that also hits a bone with some seems you can't win , coming to a decision about who you reply to or who you delete and block is very easy for some because you don't know or want to know that person based on very little, a few words that you didn't have time to read or a comment made in forums but the bottom line is you didn’t know them either so does it matter, not really, just enjoy what you do here and sod the negative people

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread