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What’s The Best Come Back Line You’ve Heard

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By *ancer2504 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester

Today I heard a guy say to a young girl wearing a mini skirt walking past him see you’ve got a ladder in the back of your tights.

To which she replied well you know what you can do ? He didn’t reply

Climb up it and kiss my arse she said.

The Guys face was a picture he just didn’t know what to say.

So made me think what’s the best ever come back lines other people have heard ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you look like Gollum with leukaemia" is a classic

But you never go far wrong with a simple "go fuck your mother"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy shouted "that's for kids" when my friend parked in a parent and child space.

"Kids can't drive" she said as she flicked him the finger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy asked me in a crowded canteen which had gone quiet as they were expecting him to deliver news, if I could smell spunk.

After looking at him with disgust, I asked him if he had farted.

He turned and walked out as the whole place was filled with men laughing at the burn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you sir are d*unk!"

"and you madam are ugly, but at least in the morning I will be sober!" ~ Winston Churchill to some ugly chick

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By *ay-89Woman
over a year ago

Norwich

Couple of weeks ago a young lad was rateing the nearby girls on how many beers he'd have to sleep with them. I walk passed and he said "uh, 100!" I turned round, looked him up an down and said "wouldn't fucking come near you in a million years" his mates were in bits that he'd been roasted by the fat girl. Serves the fucker right. Dont like it? I dont care! I am what I am and not changing for anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want my cum back you better scrape it of your moms teeth lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My brother - I'm the oldest and therefore the favourite child.

Me - at least I was planned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some years ago, one of the lads at work was taking this piss all day, he was still carrying on when we were signing out,so in front of everyone, i told him his mother's so f***ing ugly, even Cillit wouldn't bang her!!

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry


""you sir are d*unk!"

"and you madam are ugly, but at least in the morning I will be sober!" ~ Winston Churchill to some ugly chick"

Yes and as the day goes on the hangover will lessen but your face will be the same old face...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""you sir are d*unk!"

"and you madam are ugly, but at least in the morning I will be sober!" ~ Winston Churchill to some ugly chick"

That was Lady Astor who despised Churchill. On another occasion she said:

"Sir if you were my husband l would poison your brandy!"

To which he immediately replied:

"Madame if l were your husband l would drink it!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was behind a guy at Asda cigarette counter say to the woman. "Two scratch cards 20 Mayfair and your mobile number" she said no, so I said she's on contract,you need someone who is on pay as you go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want my comeback you can wipe it off your mams face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is being a particular fuckwit towards you...

"did your mum have any kids that lived"?

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Dunno about someone else's, but I can remember my greatest ever because it was like the one time I didn't think of it 10 minutes later and then curse about it.

This little rudeboy in my class was saying "I'm gonna go home and get my gun!" and I went "Mate - the closest thing that you've got to a gun is the 9mm you've got tucked in your trousers"

What was really annoying was that this little fucker was so dumb it sailed straight over his head. All the others were pissing themselves laughing, and he was just "What? What?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rather her not go in the first place

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Cricket.

How come your so fat and playing test cricket? (Words to that effect)

Every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Barman in a pub got called a cunt and replied with 'well you are what you eat'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cricket.

How come your so fat and playing test cricket? (Words to that effect)

Every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit. "

Glenn McGrath (Aus) to Eddo Brandes (Zim)

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"Cricket.

How come your so fat and playing test cricket? (Words to that effect)

Every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.

Glenn McGrath (Aus) to Eddo Brandes (Zim) "

I was certain it was Mcgrath who's wife died of cancer (I think).

She had cancer at the time (I think)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cricket.

How come your so fat and playing test cricket? (Words to that effect)

Every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.

Glenn McGrath (Aus) to Eddo Brandes (Zim)

I was certain it was Mcgrath who's wife died of cancer (I think).

She had cancer at the time (I think)"

Yes she died not sure if she was diagnosed at the time though pretty sure if it was known she had cancer nobody would say that and if so Glenn would have had freedom to insert as many stumps as he sees fit in any location of his choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A favourite from Frasier...

Frasier - You mean you haven't been pining for me since we slept together?

Roz - God no! Weren't you there?

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I heard someone say this to a guy with a goatee beard years ago during an argument

"Just because you've got hairs around your lips, there's no need to act like such a cunt"

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By *madeus999Man
over a year ago

Greater Manchester

Your level of sarcasm will depend on their degree of stupidity, a witty response is wasted on some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This one was directed at me but I thought it was pretty good. (nice one,S. you know who you are x )

''When you asked that Thai surgeon to make you a cunt,I think something was lost in translation''.

I can't remember what I'd said to deserve it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""you sir are d*unk!"

"and you madam are ugly, but at least in the morning I will be sober!" ~ Winston Churchill to some ugly chick

Yes and as the day goes on the hangover will lessen but your face will be the same old face..."

Boom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were that ugly when you were born the doctors threw you in the bin and kept the afterbirth.

Said by me to my brother regularly as we grew up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Casey Stoner to Valentino Rossi after an on rack dust up:

"Your ambition was far greater than your capability"

Good response on the spur of the moment but I bet he regretted it later ...

A grizzled RM Sergeant once said to a yank USMC corporal:

"Your arrogance is only exceeded by your ignorance"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They aren't come back lines but anything 'Gunnery Sergeant Hartman' fired out at the recruits were utter Gems:

"Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack in your Momma's arse and ended up a brown stain on the mattress! Son I think you been cheated!"

Search for 'Full Metal Jacket - The Opening Speech' on YT

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By *ankie303Woman
over a year ago

Weirdsville South Coast Dorset

I work either 10 hour day shift or 14 hour night shift, every night without fail someone will say "long night/shift?" I cant help but point out "same as the other 363 nights a year, the 2 exceptions being British summer time start and end of course"

I get a little kick out of the look of "my god i asked the most stupid question"! Its always older guys or mid 20s guys that ask....

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I'm adopted.

One of the school bullies found out, and started teasing me.

My reply

"Yeah I'm adopted, means my family actually wanted me. Yours didn't have a choice they just got lumbered with you, probably don't even like you"

She went home in tears!

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