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"I’d like to banish . . . . . . Room 101" Ooooo. I see what you did there! Request denied! | |||
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"I would banish Donald trump" For what reason? I mean he’s good at... erm... I mean he’s very skilled at... oh fuck it... BANISHED! | |||
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"Cancer" The illness - you got it. The zodiac sign - since horoscopes are bollocks, let’s banish that too. | |||
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"Green starburst  "Just give them to me, the green ones are the best! | |||
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"Parking wardens " I too have lived through the horror of a yellow plastic envelope stuck to my windscreen outlining my misdemeanour but, while I want to be able to park wherever I like, I don’t want anyone else to be able to. Request denied* * You may appeal my decision in writing within seven days. | |||
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"People who abuse children ..." Request agreed. | |||
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"Green starburst "Now we’re talking. Green sweets FFS. Sweets should be red or purple only. The rest are just a bridge to the reds and purples. Request allowed. | |||
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"Criminals and religion. " And religious criminals? | |||
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"Criminals and religion. And religious criminals? " Sounds good | |||
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"Green starburst
Just give them to me, the green ones are the best! "That’s just weird. There are probably other websites for the likes of you. | |||
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"Pigeons ... big flappy things leaving mess and feathers all over my garden. " But then we’d have to banish the kids’ show Pigeon Street including Long Distance Clara and that would never do. Request denied. | |||
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"People that drive on long single lane roads at 30mph or less when the speed limit is 50/60. So selfish to make huge queues of traffic go at their pace! Riles me. Rant over" You profile picture suggests you’re on a racing track. Your perspective may be a little skewed. Request denied. | |||
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"People that talk about nothing other than their kids and reality TV! Please banish them before I die of boredom!" I asked my kids what I should do about your request and they said I should approach it in the manor of an X Factor contestant. Request 110% denied. | |||
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"People that drive on long single lane roads at 30mph or less when the speed limit is 50/60. So selfish to make huge queues of traffic go at their pace! Riles me. Rant over You profile picture suggests you’re on a racing track. Your perspective may be a little skewed. Request denied. " At the beach actually but on the motorbike so fair enough  | |||
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"Shiny pink leggings on men.... And ballons unless they're helium Peach x" But imagine a man in shiny pink leggings into which you shove a load of balloons. That’s a prime time TV show right there. Denied. | |||
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"Idiotic drivers...." Why not? Request agreed. | |||
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"Rats. Specifically the ones that live with my neighbour's ducks. "You’d break up the cross species polyamourous community of rats and ducks? Are you quackers? Denied. | |||
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"Rats. Specifically the ones that live with my neighbour's ducks.
You’d break up the cross species polyamourous community of rats and ducks?
Are you quackers?
Denied. "But they shit in my shed! Not fair, I demand a second opinion! | |||
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"People that drive on long single lane roads at 30mph or less when the speed limit is 50/60. So selfish to make huge queues of traffic go at their pace! Riles me. Rant over You profile picture suggests you’re on a racing track. Your perspective may be a little skewed. Request denied. At the beach actually but on the motorbike so fair enough "I see that now! Due to my error I will allow it. Especially if I can add the drivers looking for the nearest National Trust property who brake sharply at every fucking gateway for the mile preceding the actual entrance. Request agreed on appeal. | |||
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"People that drive on long single lane roads at 30mph or less when the speed limit is 50/60. So selfish to make huge queues of traffic go at their pace! Riles me. Rant over You profile picture suggests you’re on a racing track. Your perspective may be a little skewed. Request denied. At the beach actually but on the motorbike so fair enough
I see that now! Due to my error I will allow it. Especially if I can add the drivers looking for the nearest National Trust property who brake sharply at every fucking gateway for the mile preceding the actual entrance.
Request agreed on appeal. "Much appreciated Madam Gatekeeper | |||
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"Apart from all the obvious ones that get an automatic pass (abuse of any kind, racial/homophobic intolerance, hate crime, Donald Trump, reality TV, people who "borrow" pics for their profile etc)... People with wheeled items who have no awareness of them Examples being: People in supermarkets who park their trolleys *across* the aisle while looking on the shelves/catching up with Mabel across the road who they bumped into. People at airports/railway stations with wheeled suitcases that get under your feet." Antisocial trolley use - definitely. They should be clamped as a lesson. Wheeled suitcases - tricky. Remember the days of having to carry your stuff??? Nightmare. Request agreed in part. | |||
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"Alcohol Just to watch the world burn before it inevitable gets better without it "I think if I threw alcohol into Room 101, a stampede of most of my friends would follow. I’d miss them, the d*unken bums, so for selfish reasons, request denied. | |||
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"Negative "isms" but that's too easy and obvious an answer. Ooo! I know. I'd like to banish nuts. Before I was allergic they were disgusting and now they are deadly. So yes. Nuts." Request agreed. You don’t want your mates all sniggering “she died while gobbling nuts”. | |||
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"Rats. Specifically the ones that live with my neighbour's ducks.
You’d break up the cross species polyamourous community of rats and ducks?
Are you quackers?
Denied.
But they shit in my shed! Not fair, I demand a second opinion!"The shed shitting is valid new information. Request agreed on appeal. | |||
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"Please please get rid of dust, it gets everywhere, you clean it, it comes back. Its a never ending cycle of annoyance. It makes things smell, it makes you sneeze and it serves no purpose" That dust is your shed skin. If it didn’t come off as dust you’d have to peel it off like a snake and good luck picking up women on Fab during the peeling phase. Denied. | |||
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"Please please get rid of dust, it gets everywhere, you clean it, it comes back. Its a never ending cycle of annoyance. It makes things smell, it makes you sneeze and it serves no purpose That dust is your shed skin. If it didn’t come off as dust you’d have to peel it off like a snake and good luck picking up women on Fab during the peeling phase. Denied. " Harsh what if someone posts you a tonne of dust, you could have avoided all that | |||
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"Age restriction for messaging on here. "A controversial request. Tinkering with filters and allowing unrestricted measaging could drown the women of Fab and without the women of Fab, there would be no men of Fab. It’s a slippery slope I tell you. Request denied. | |||
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"Rats. Specifically the ones that live with my neighbour's ducks.
You’d break up the cross species polyamourous community of rats and ducks?
Are you quackers?
Denied.
But they shit in my shed! Not fair, I demand a second opinion!
The shed shitting is valid new information.
Request agreed on appeal. "You are a fair and wise judge. I'm considering nominating the dog for ignoring the little furry bastard that ran in through the kitchen door last summer. | |||
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"Please please get rid of dust, it gets everywhere, you clean it, it comes back. Its a never ending cycle of annoyance. It makes things smell, it makes you sneeze and it serves no purpose That dust is your shed skin. If it didn’t come off as dust you’d have to peel it off like a snake and good luck picking up women on Fab during the peeling phase. Denied. Harsh what if someone posts you a tonne of dust, you could have avoided all that" This is true. Call me fussy but I prefer to meet men who are neither peeling nor made of dust. Free exfoliation on the NHS is the answer. | |||
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"Those ridiculous snapchat filters, especially when men use them. Have some dignity, for fucks sake!!" A sound request which I will apply equally to men and women. Bunny ears do not enhance sexual attractiveness. Request agreed. | |||
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"Rats. Specifically the ones that live with my neighbour's ducks.
You’d break up the cross species polyamourous community of rats and ducks?
Are you quackers?
Denied.
But they shit in my shed! Not fair, I demand a second opinion!
The shed shitting is valid new information.
Request agreed on appeal.
You are a fair and wise judge.
I'm considering nominating the dog for ignoring the little furry bastard that ran in through the kitchen door last summer.
"Formal warning to the dog for failing in dog duties. | |||
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"Those ridiculous snapchat filters, especially when men use them. Have some dignity, for fucks sake!! A sound request which I will apply equally to men and women. Bunny ears do not enhance sexual attractiveness. Request agreed. " Well, ta very much | |||
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"automated call centre software designed to stop you actually talking to a member of staff . Put forward as a means of dealing with queries efficiently but actually to reduce call centre staff costs to the point where not answering your call at all is acceptable corporate behaviour " Your request is very important to me. Please hold the line... | |||
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"Vegans " I second this and if the judge does not agree there'll be mutiny!! | |||
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"Old people who stop suddenly in front of you because they've forgotten how their bloody legs work, then turn round and moan at you cos you walked into the back of the miserable old gits!!! " Now, now, you’ll be them soon enough. A huge smile and a gracious apology and a few words about the weather. Or point them in the direction of the people on Fab who are looking to meet a 99 year old. | |||
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"Vegans " But... they’re my people... I’m a veggie... you’re asking my to banish my kin... they wouldn’t harm a fly... literally... Denied! | |||
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"Apart from all the obvious ones that get an automatic pass (abuse of any kind, racial/homophobic intolerance, hate crime, Donald Trump, reality TV, people who "borrow" pics for their profile etc)... People with wheeled items who have no awareness of them Examples being: People in supermarkets who park their trolleys *across* the aisle while looking on the shelves/catching up with Mabel across the road who they bumped into. People at airports/railway stations with wheeled suitcases that get under your feet. Antisocial trolley use - definitely. They should be clamped as a lesson. Wheeled suitcases - tricky. Remember the days of having to carry your stuff??? Nightmare. Request agreed in part. " Appeal!! I didn't say wheeled suitcases should be consigned to the room just people that use them that have no awareness of them and others around them that may be tripped up by them. Mind you I did once see two such people get their cases tangled in each other as a result of their spatial ignorance and that was quite funny!! | |||
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"Timewasters and women that don't swallow xx "Speaking for the women who don’t swallow... I have to say that a sudden explosion of warm, salty goo delivered directly into the back of your mouth is a big ask. Just be glad she’s sucked you off to conclusion and don’t worry about what she does with your output.
Denied. | |||
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"Apart from all the obvious ones that get an automatic pass (abuse of any kind, racial/homophobic intolerance, hate crime, Donald Trump, reality TV, people who "borrow" pics for their profile etc)... People with wheeled items who have no awareness of them Examples being: People in supermarkets who park their trolleys *across* the aisle while looking on the shelves/catching up with Mabel across the road who they bumped into. People at airports/railway stations with wheeled suitcases that get under your feet. Antisocial trolley use - definitely. They should be clamped as a lesson. Wheeled suitcases - tricky. Remember the days of having to carry your stuff??? Nightmare. Request agreed in part. Appeal!! I didn't say wheeled suitcases should be consigned to the room just people that use them that have no awareness of them and others around them that may be tripped up by them. Mind you I did once see two such people get their cases tangled in each other as a result of their spatial ignorance and that was quite funny!!" Then, since your requesting is for the banishment of people incapable of courteously operating wheeled suitcases, your request is agreed on appeal. You may visit room 101 to mock their entanglement. | |||
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"Apart from all the obvious ones that get an automatic pass (abuse of any kind, racial/homophobic intolerance, hate crime, Donald Trump, reality TV, people who "borrow" pics for their profile etc)... People with wheeled items who have no awareness of them Examples being: People in supermarkets who park their trolleys *across* the aisle while looking on the shelves/catching up with Mabel across the road who they bumped into. People at airports/railway stations with wheeled suitcases that get under your feet. Antisocial trolley use - definitely. They should be clamped as a lesson. Wheeled suitcases - tricky. Remember the days of having to carry your stuff??? Nightmare. Request agreed in part. Appeal!! I didn't say wheeled suitcases should be consigned to the room just people that use them that have no awareness of them and others around them that may be tripped up by them. Mind you I did once see two such people get their cases tangled in each other as a result of their spatial ignorance and that was quite funny!! Then, since your requesting is for the banishment of people incapable of courteously operating wheeled suitcases, your request is agreed on appeal. You may visit room 101 to mock their entanglement. " You're sending me to Room 101?! 
Well I guess at least I got a rejection message of sorts - even if it was publically | |||
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"Old people who stop suddenly in front of you because they've forgotten how their bloody legs work, then turn round and moan at you cos you walked into the back of the miserable old gits!!! Now, now, you’ll be them soon enough. A huge smile and a gracious apology and a few words about the weather. Or point them in the direction of the people on Fab who are looking to meet a 99 year old. " Nope, I'll go full Eskimo by that time and take myself out to the snow to releive the burden on society. Has anyone ever found the elusive 99 year old fabber? | |||
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"Mould. I was really looking forward to my toast then I saw the dreaded green spots "Good call. Yes - horrid mould. Especially when you spot it after you’ve eaten the thing. Request agreed. | |||
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"I think you may need to move room 101 to bigger premises " Knock through into Room 102? | |||
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"Apart from all the obvious ones that get an automatic pass (abuse of any kind, racial/homophobic intolerance, hate crime, Donald Trump, reality TV, people who "borrow" pics for their profile etc)... People with wheeled items who have no awareness of them Examples being: People in supermarkets who park their trolleys *across* the aisle while looking on the shelves/catching up with Mabel across the road who they bumped into. People at airports/railway stations with wheeled suitcases that get under your feet. Antisocial trolley use - definitely. They should be clamped as a lesson. Wheeled suitcases - tricky. Remember the days of having to carry your stuff??? Nightmare. Request agreed in part. Appeal!! I didn't say wheeled suitcases should be consigned to the room just people that use them that have no awareness of them and others around them that may be tripped up by them. Mind you I did once see two such people get their cases tangled in each other as a result of their spatial ignorance and that was quite funny!! Then, since your requesting is for the banishment of people incapable of courteously operating wheeled suitcases, your request is agreed on appeal. You may visit room 101 to mock their entanglement. You're sending me to Room 101?!
Well I guess at least I got a rejection message of sorts - even if it was publically "I can’t send you to Room 101 until we’ve had a filthy bisexual sexfest. After that you’re a goner. | |||
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"Keyboard warriors of Fab " Those who goad and provoke - banished! Those who challenge and debate and listen - safe! | |||
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"Old people who stop suddenly in front of you because they've forgotten how their bloody legs work, then turn round and moan at you cos you walked into the back of the miserable old gits!!! Now, now, you’ll be them soon enough. A huge smile and a gracious apology and a few words about the weather. Or point them in the direction of the people on Fab who are looking to meet a 99 year old. Nope, I'll go full Eskimo by that time and take myself out to the snow to releive the burden on society. Has anyone ever found the elusive 99 year old fabber? " I hope it’s me one day! “No I can’t babysit for the great great grandchildren, I’m going to the club to get DPed”. | |||
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"I would like to banish dramatic music" Such an interesting idea. Let’s discuss it in this room here. After you... [Door slams, dramatic music] Mwa ha ha ha. | |||
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"Profiles without a profile picture or public pictures " Yes! Good call! And while we’re at it “will fill in later” can go in as well! Banished! | |||
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"Corruption" Ok. If you slip me a fiver. | |||
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"Parking wardens People who park badly" Maybe we should just agree we all want “all drivers who are not me” in Room 101. | |||
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"Age restriction for messaging on here.
A controversial request. Tinkering with filters and allowing unrestricted measaging could drown the women of Fab and without the women of Fab, there would be no men of Fab. It’s a slippery slope I tell you.
Request denied. "It was said tongue in cheek. | |||
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"Age restriction for messaging on here.
A controversial request. Tinkering with filters and allowing unrestricted measaging could drown the women of Fab and without the women of Fab, there would be no men of Fab. It’s a slippery slope I tell you.
Request denied.
It was said tongue in cheek. "Tongue in cheek.  | |||
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"The awful fashion that has taken hold lately of men wearing half-mast dress trousers which stop above the ankle and are accompanied by slip-ons with tassles similar to the types your nana would buy for casual dress in C&A back in 1971. Looks awful. " I’ve never seen that. Sounds fucking awful. Banished! | |||
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"I'd like to banish work can't we just be given money to circumnavigate the world " I think that was a thing two centuries ago. You need a time machine. | |||
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"Olly Murs please I beg you. " Ok - I’m not cool enough to be entirely sure whether he is cool or not. (I’m not 100% sure it’s a he rather than a group or a woman. I think it’s a man). Soooooo... what if he (they/she) is kind to animals and picks up litter? It would be a loss to the world. Denied. | |||
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"I'd like to banish work can't we just be given money to circumnavigate the world I think that was a thing two centuries ago. You need a time machine. " Dr who has one can I use his | |||
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"Narrow minded cunts " Good call. In they go! | |||
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"Piers Morgan Jeremy Kyle X factor and any other talent related reality tv All soaps on TV Katie Hopkins" Agreed unless you’re including Bake Off. Banished! | |||
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"The top 6 inches of Princess Peaches five head" Can we agree this please, well, cms rather than inches. I'm sick of having a Tefal head.  | |||
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"The top 6 inches of Princess Peaches five head Can we agree this please, well, cms rather than inches. I'm sick of having a Tefal head. " I still would though | |||
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"Parking wardens " Speed bumps And potholes (Bloody roads are shocking state.) | |||
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"My neighbours cat that keeps shitting in my garden, which then my dog rolls in "omg | |||
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"Green starburst
Now we’re talking. Green sweets FFS. Sweets should be red or purple only. The rest are just a bridge to the reds and purples.
Request allowed. "Whaaaaaaat?!? that’s a bit greenist, (secretly eats the green ones on the sly” | |||
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"Middle lane drivers. If you're doing under 60 move the fuck over! " Drivers who are on suicide mode, go from on ramp straight across into fast lane, no indication. Then do the opposite going off motorway. Believe me, seen this many times. Crazy | |||
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"The top 6 inches of Princess Peaches five head" That’s fair. I will replace it with an Elvis quiff. | |||
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"Pork scratchings. Only sold in pubs to make you drink more! Racism. Picked up from another thread on here but no place for it. Anywhere. Ever. Rats. Eek! Make my skin crawl just thinking about them "Pork scratchings - I would have agreed but then I tasted Mike Evans’ West Country pork puffs and they were better than sex. And I’m meant to be a vegetarian. Racism - you bet. Rats - but they’re intelligent. And I bet they like pork scratchings. So it’s a no - yes - no! | |||
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"Wasps. And people who spit in the street. And TOWIE." You should be Prime Minister. All banished! | |||
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"Parking wardens Speed bumps And potholes (Bloody roads are shocking state.)" Potholes are naturally occurring speed bumps. If we stop maintaining the roads, the potholes will form and we’ll all slow down. A perfect solution. Not banished. | |||
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"My neighbours cat that keeps shitting in my garden, which then my dog rolls in "It seems fair. The cat is banished! | |||
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"Middle lane drivers. If you're doing under 60 move the fuck over! " Totally reasonable. In they go! | |||
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"Can I ban all the pics of sexy arses they are so distracting "A world without sexy arses would be a sad world indeed. Request denied. | |||
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"Green starburst
Now we’re talking. Green sweets FFS. Sweets should be red or purple only. The rest are just a bridge to the reds and purples.
Request allowed.
Whaaaaaaat?!? that’s a bit greenist, (secretly eats the green ones on the sly” "Sicko. | |||
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"Caravans and caravan drivers" I think a lot of caravan folk are swingers (this is not based on scientific research). Not banished! | |||
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"Middle lane drivers. If you're doing under 60 move the fuck over! Drivers who are on suicide mode, go from on ramp straight across into fast lane, no indication. Then do the opposite going off motorway. Believe me, seen this many times. Crazy" They’re skidding straight into Room 101. | |||
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"People who are unable to see, acknowledge and deal with their own hypocrisy, but demand others to be hauled through hot coals for theirs. So not banning hypocrisy per se, for we are all hypocrites, but those who may say they are hypocrites and own it in the abstract, but can’t when it comes to a real life case, and are essentially being an arse. Ban them. " Ignorance I think that is | |||
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"Spiders - currently have the biggest fucker I've ever seen sat in the corner of my bedroom ceiling where I cannot reach to dispose of the bugger nor do I have anyone here to dispose of it and it is sending my stress levels through the roof "Spiders are lovely. Put up a meet “blow job in return for spider relocation”. Not banished. | |||
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"Gingers!" Now it’s possible I’m a little biased here but I think you’ll find ginger folk are, without exception, beautiful, intelligent and fucking awesome in bed. Not banished! | |||
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"People who are unable to see, acknowledge and deal with their own hypocrisy, but demand others to be hauled through hot coals for theirs. So not banning hypocrisy per se, for we are all hypocrites, but those who may say they are hypocrites and own it in the abstract, but can’t when it comes to a real life case, and are essentially being an arse. Ban them. Ignorance I think that is " Please ban them | |||
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"Olly Murs please I beg you. Ok - I’m not cool enough to be entirely sure whether he is cool or not. (I’m not 100% sure it’s a he rather than a group or a woman. I think it’s a man). Soooooo... what if he (they/she) is kind to animals and picks up litter? It would be a loss to the world. Denied. " . Watch him for 90 seconds he’ll be in. | |||
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"People who are unable to see, acknowledge and deal with their own hypocrisy, but demand others to be hauled through hot coals for theirs. So not banning hypocrisy per se, for we are all hypocrites, but those who may say they are hypocrites and own it in the abstract, but can’t when it comes to a real life case, and are essentially being an arse. Ban them. Ignorance I think that is " Nope, it’s not necessarily ignorance. | |||
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"People who are unable to see, acknowledge and deal with their own hypocrisy, but demand others to be hauled through hot coals for theirs. So not banning hypocrisy per se, for we are all hypocrites, but those who may say they are hypocrites and own it in the abstract, but can’t when it comes to a real life case, and are essentially being an arse. Ban them. " As a pork scratching-eating vegetarian, I’ll happily ban them. Banished! | |||
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"Gnats I’ve got a bite that’s got infected and I can’t believe how much pain it has caused. On antibiotics for it, which I don’t think are working. So, banish a totally pointless insect." In they go the bitey little bastards. | |||
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"Michael Gove... Because he's Michael Gove." Big time! In you pop Michael. | |||
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"Michael Gove... Because he's Michael Gove." Probably most politicians then | |||
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"Parking wardens Speed bumps And potholes (Bloody roads are shocking state.) Potholes are naturally occurring speed bumps. If we stop maintaining the roads, the potholes will form and we’ll all slow down. A perfect solution. Not banished. " I’m well in favour of maintaining roads. Just saying where are our road tax going to for there to be so many damn potholes. Sleeping policeman/speed bumps just damn annoying | |||
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"Michael Gove... Because he's Michael Gove. Probably most politicians then" Certainly any that are fuckwits... Oh wait... Yep. All of ‘em. | |||
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"the word slag or slut" Unless it’s a compliment
Banished! | |||
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"Aubergines... "Yes. And courgettes too. | |||
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"Drivers who choose a lane they’re happy with on a motorway and stay there. Drives me bonkers. There’s one lane to drive in, the rest are for overtaking! " You got it! | |||
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"Aubergines...
Yes. And courgettes too.
Yeyyy!"butternut squash | |||
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"Aubergines...
Yes. And courgettes too.
Yeyyy!butternut squash "Oooooo controversial. I’m sorry to say that, whereas aubergines are rubbery little buggers and courgettes are essential water held together by green stuff, butternut squash, roasted with chilli and halloumi is yummy. I won’t banish it but I’ll invite you round for dinner to eat it. | |||
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"Ok serious one now CYCLISTS.. I dont mind people cycling, but it's more the cyclists that think they are Chris froome and cycle past walkers and dogs on shared path ways at 100mph, when in reality they r just going to work" How about anyone who doesn’t consider more vulnerable travellers? So each traveller must look after the one beneath them or it’s room 101 for them. Truck drivers look out for... Van drivers who look out for... Car drivers who look out for... Motorbikes who look out for... Cyclists who look out for... Pedestrians who look out for... Slow pedestrians who look out for... Snails | |||
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"Ok serious one now CYCLISTS.. I dont mind people cycling, but it's more the cyclists that think they are Chris froome and cycle past walkers and dogs on shared path ways at 100mph, when in reality they r just going to work How about anyone who doesn’t consider more vulnerable travellers? So each traveller must look after the one beneath them or it’s room 101 for them. Truck drivers look out for... Van drivers who look out for... Car drivers who look out for... Motorbikes who look out for... Cyclists who look out for... Pedestrians who look out for... Slow pedestrians who look out for... Snails " U know best xx | |||
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"any Christmas goods in the shops before 6 November. There is a wall of tinned sweets in my Tesco in the first week of September!! " Probably won’t be long till John Lewis Xmas ad then. | |||
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"The awful fashion that has taken hold lately of men wearing half-mast dress trousers which stop above the ankle and are accompanied by slip-ons with tassles similar to the types your nana would buy for casual dress in C&A back in 1971. Looks awful. I’ve never seen that. Sounds fucking awful. Banished! "  | |||
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"any Christmas goods in the shops before 6 November. There is a wall of tinned sweets in my Tesco in the first week of September!! " I've bought two tubs | |||
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