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"It's difficult to tell. But there may also be the strong desire to be someone they aren't. I think we all get that from time to time. The desire to take a holiday from ourselves. As long as the promise of that was a legitimate possibility upon the horizon there was a hope. But getting there and, as we all do when we eventually get to such destinations that promised to be away from ourselves, finding themselves still there... then the realisation dawns that the whole thing has been a red herring Maybe? "I saw an interesting one, different documentary, the guy used to cross dress when he was a teenager. Now he's in his 60's and tried it again with a full on make over. He didn't like the look though, because in his head he was still a teenager and he realised that phase of his life was gone, with his facial wrinkles as a permanent reminder of that | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low." Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? | |||
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"I read an article recently about a man that became a woman, went back to being a man, became a woman again, and is now transitioning back to being a man again. I can understand how some people may be unhappy when they've transitoned because of how they look. Overweight people can sometimes experience the same when they lose a lot of weight. " The grass is never quite green enough! | |||
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"Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? " Maybe read a book, or try finding someone who accepts you for who you are so you're not constantly having to seek unattainable standards from yourself | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? " I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. | |||
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"I wonder if it's an addiction to the process of change that happens with some ... you know like those women that have breast implants then another nip tuck nip tuck.. constantly pursuing this ideal they have in their mind. " I think it's something like the illusion of pursing happiness through an external source. Like a guy who thinks he'll finally be complete if he can just add another £5k to his salary or get that car he wants. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk." All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? " I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are." Well I saw an unrelated video of a trans man and a trans woman who were married and wanted kids. Since both of them were pre-OP, this essentially meant that the man got pregnant. He said he absolutely hated those 9 months and didn't want to leave the house because his body looked nothing like his mind told him it should. Fortunately they had twins so he won't need to do it again. I can understand his logic. Ps: she was absolutely gorgeous. She can try and get me pregnant anytime. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are. Well I saw an unrelated video of a trans man and a trans woman who were married and wanted kids. Since both of them were pre-OP, this essentially meant that the man got pregnant. He said he absolutely hated those 9 months and didn't want to leave the house because his body looked nothing like his mind told him it should. Fortunately they had twins so he won't need to do it again. I can understand his logic. Ps: she was absolutely gorgeous. She can try and get me pregnant anytime. " I can only imagine that being pregnant while self identifying as male,fucked with his head in more profound ways than just a negative body image. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are. Well I saw an unrelated video of a trans man and a trans woman who were married and wanted kids. Since both of them were pre-OP, this essentially meant that the man got pregnant. He said he absolutely hated those 9 months and didn't want to leave the house because his body looked nothing like his mind told him it should. Fortunately they had twins so he won't need to do it again. I can understand his logic. Ps: she was absolutely gorgeous. She can try and get me pregnant anytime. I can only imagine that being pregnant while self identifying as male,fucked with his head in more profound ways than just a negative body image." Probably, but the end result is that the looked the picture of American family by the end. Two healthy kids and a stunning wife. She was hot. Like really really hot. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are. Well I saw an unrelated video of a trans man and a trans woman who were married and wanted kids. Since both of them were pre-OP, this essentially meant that the man got pregnant. He said he absolutely hated those 9 months and didn't want to leave the house because his body looked nothing like his mind told him it should. Fortunately they had twins so he won't need to do it again. I can understand his logic. Ps: she was absolutely gorgeous. She can try and get me pregnant anytime. I can only imagine that being pregnant while self identifying as male,fucked with his head in more profound ways than just a negative body image. Probably, but the end result is that the looked the picture of American family by the end. Two healthy kids and a stunning wife. She was hot. Like really really hot. " She has no desire to reverse the changes she made then,presumably? However,she quite possibly would still be happy and content whether she was a stunner or not. possibly the happy marriage and the twins are the cause of her happiness, at least as much as her looks. | |||
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"So i recently watched a documentary called "I want my sex back" by RT Documentary. It was about 3 trans people who were detransitioning. It was quite though provoking. The gist of it was that whilst they weren't happy before they transitioned, transitioning didn't make them feel any better. The common theme was they were all obsessed with the way they looked and "passing". Since they could always spot imperfections in how they looked, and spent half the day looking in the mirror, they were always "one surgery away" from happiness. I wondered if any trans people could educate me on this phenomenon? My gut feeling says that the reason they weren't happy was that they had a success criteria about looking a certain way, rather than they were going to actually enjoy living as the opposite sex they were born to. Sort of like, external validation as opposed to internal validation. Any thoughts? I'd find it very surprising if people had got through the in depth,soul searching and deeply introspective process (including being grilled by some very sceptical specialists) that is required,if all they were concerned with was their outward appearance. I'd also find it very surprising if anyone thought that changing one aspect of their life could somehow miraculously make them happy. (this also should have been discussed at length with their specialists). If the stories are true then it suggests to me that some people may be clutching at straws. I.e. ''if only I could be beautiful,all my problems would go away''. Needing to be accepted by others rather than accepting themselves the way they are. Well I saw an unrelated video of a trans man and a trans woman who were married and wanted kids. Since both of them were pre-OP, this essentially meant that the man got pregnant. He said he absolutely hated those 9 months and didn't want to leave the house because his body looked nothing like his mind told him it should. Fortunately they had twins so he won't need to do it again. I can understand his logic. Ps: she was absolutely gorgeous. She can try and get me pregnant anytime. I can only imagine that being pregnant while self identifying as male,fucked with his head in more profound ways than just a negative body image. Probably, but the end result is that the looked the picture of American family by the end. Two healthy kids and a stunning wife. She was hot. Like really really hot. She has no desire to reverse the changes she made then,presumably? However,she quite possibly would still be happy and content whether she was a stunner or not. possibly the happy marriage and the twins are the cause of her happiness, at least as much as her looks." No, they were both very happy. I was just saying that I can understand the importance of looks to a certain extent. I imagine their only issue is that she fucks him with her penis, in his pussy. But other than that, happy families. She can fuck me with that penis any day of the week. Just saying. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. " There is, and I think, a not unjustified degree of narcissism when transitioning. We spend so long in bodies that we hate that once we do begin to be the person we should be that we crave that, for lack of a better word, confirmation that we are doing t right and we look good. There is also the changes wrought by hrt on our bodies and selfies etc are a good way of "keeping track" of changes. But I think some go a bit too far down the rabbit hole with it and become obsessed with how they look. I know quite a few transgirls who have lost relationships for similar reasons to yours. So it seems to be something we all go through at one point or another. I know I did (about 1 year into my transition for about 12 months) but I passed out the other side. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. There is, and I think, a not unjustified degree of narcissism when transitioning. We spend so long in bodies that we hate that once we do begin to be the person we should be that we crave that, for lack of a better word, confirmation that we are doing t right and we look good. There is also the changes wrought by hrt on our bodies and selfies etc are a good way of "keeping track" of changes. But I think some go a bit too far down the rabbit hole with it and become obsessed with how they look. I know quite a few transgirls who have lost relationships for similar reasons to yours. So it seems to be something we all go through at one point or another. I know I did (about 1 year into my transition for about 12 months) but I passed out the other side." Fundamentally, wether you are trans or not, constantly seeking external validation of your self worth is an extremely unattractive trait. It's probably the most common thing that straight and fab-straight men do, which puts women off their personality. I know, because i used to do it and was pretty unsuccessful at dating when I did. With a few noticeable exceptions. As soon as i stopped doing it, my options opened up massively. This was within the space of a couple of years so my looks barely changed, income didn't change much, just didn't need other people telling me what I was worth. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. There is, and I think, a not unjustified degree of narcissism when transitioning. We spend so long in bodies that we hate that once we do begin to be the person we should be that we crave that, for lack of a better word, confirmation that we are doing t right and we look good. There is also the changes wrought by hrt on our bodies and selfies etc are a good way of "keeping track" of changes. But I think some go a bit too far down the rabbit hole with it and become obsessed with how they look. I know quite a few transgirls who have lost relationships for similar reasons to yours. So it seems to be something we all go through at one point or another. I know I did (about 1 year into my transition for about 12 months) but I passed out the other side. Fundamentally, wether you are trans or not, constantly seeking external validation of your self worth is an extremely unattractive trait. It's probably the most common thing that straight and fab-straight men do, which puts women off their personality. I know, because i used to do it and was pretty unsuccessful at dating when I did. With a few noticeable exceptions. As soon as i stopped doing it, my options opened up massively. This was within the space of a couple of years so my looks barely changed, income didn't change much, just didn't need other people telling me what I was worth. " Oh I agree it's an unattractive trait. That's why I'm glad I stopped being like that. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. There is, and I think, a not unjustified degree of narcissism when transitioning. We spend so long in bodies that we hate that once we do begin to be the person we should be that we crave that, for lack of a better word, confirmation that we are doing t right and we look good. There is also the changes wrought by hrt on our bodies and selfies etc are a good way of "keeping track" of changes. But I think some go a bit too far down the rabbit hole with it and become obsessed with how they look. I know quite a few transgirls who have lost relationships for similar reasons to yours. So it seems to be something we all go through at one point or another. I know I did (about 1 year into my transition for about 12 months) but I passed out the other side. Fundamentally, wether you are trans or not, constantly seeking external validation of your self worth is an extremely unattractive trait. It's probably the most common thing that straight and fab-straight men do, which puts women off their personality. I know, because i used to do it and was pretty unsuccessful at dating when I did. With a few noticeable exceptions. As soon as i stopped doing it, my options opened up massively. This was within the space of a couple of years so my looks barely changed, income didn't change much, just didn't need other people telling me what I was worth. Oh I agree it's an unattractive trait. That's why I'm glad I stopped being like that." I do sometimes wonder how my life would have been if she wasn't like that and just grew up a little. I was at an age where marriage wasn't off the cards and she was absolutely gorgeous. Did I mentioned the sex was good too. | |||
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"There's also I've heard a lot of us who suffer almost a post surgery depression, since full transition and grs have been our goal for such a big portion of our lives that once it's done we're almost left with a big hole in our life. The whole passing issue is a big mess of opinion in most of the trans groups I'm part of, it's definitely the kind of thing where you can ask three people and get your opinions. From what I have read, and anecdotally from the circles I socialise in, however the number of trans people who detransition after surgery is very low. Thanks for your input. What do you think is a healthy way for most trans people to fill that hole after transition? I think for everyone it will be different, I guess it's just making sure you have other goals and stuff in your life as well as your transition. It seems the best way to not feel bereft after it's all over. It's also about having a good support network round you as well I think. But that it's just good advice when transitioning generally as it's physically and emotionally gruelling at times. Or it has been for me at least. Personally I'm still a good 3-5 years off surgery dependant on wait times etc but in that time I want to save money to go to university, I want to travel more, I'm learning Japanese at night school and I want to move house. Some of those I'll maybe have finished by then but I'm going to try and keep a good list of things to aim for so that, hopefully, I don't fall into the post surgery funk. All sounds very sensible. I dated a trans woman once but not for very long. Firstly she told me what personality guys she likes and it was obvious we weren't a good fit from that. We had epic sex so we talked more. But every 5 fucking minutes the conversation would come back to how she looked. I felt like screaming at her "You look fucking fine, I wouldn't be sat here if you didn't. It's the lack of interesting conversation that's the problem, not your looks". To be fair, I've had the same problem with regular girlfriends who were addicted to social media / fucking selfies. So Japanese, travel and university are all very good ideas. There is, and I think, a not unjustified degree of narcissism when transitioning. We spend so long in bodies that we hate that once we do begin to be the person we should be that we crave that, for lack of a better word, confirmation that we are doing t right and we look good. There is also the changes wrought by hrt on our bodies and selfies etc are a good way of "keeping track" of changes. But I think some go a bit too far down the rabbit hole with it and become obsessed with how they look. I know quite a few transgirls who have lost relationships for similar reasons to yours. So it seems to be something we all go through at one point or another. I know I did (about 1 year into my transition for about 12 months) but I passed out the other side. Fundamentally, wether you are trans or not, constantly seeking external validation of your self worth is an extremely unattractive trait. It's probably the most common thing that straight and fab-straight men do, which puts women off their personality. I know, because i used to do it and was pretty unsuccessful at dating when I did. With a few noticeable exceptions. As soon as i stopped doing it, my options opened up massively. This was within the space of a couple of years so my looks barely changed, income didn't change much, just didn't need other people telling me what I was worth. Oh I agree it's an unattractive trait. That's why I'm glad I stopped being like that. I do sometimes wonder how my life would have been if she wasn't like that and just grew up a little. I was at an age where marriage wasn't off the cards and she was absolutely gorgeous. Did I mentioned the sex was good too. " Haha, yes, yes you did. There's a lot of what if's where we are involved I think. I often wonder what if I had come out earlier, what would be differently but ultimately we can't go back and change these things so it's better to look to the future. | |||
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