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Opening healing wounds

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have you done this before?

Why do we do such things to ourselves?

I was really getting there and for some reason I chose to "pick the scab" of my healing wound and its sent me reeling.

I'm trying so hard to rationalise with myself and get back to where I was but it's really difficult.

To be honest, I don't really have a right to feel the way I do.

I think I feel jealous and that's not an emotion I'm used to!! Maybe that's why I'm struggling to deal with it??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you! "

Thank you.

I just can't unsee what I saw and my mind is going crazy!!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you!

Thank you.

I just can't unsee what I saw and my mind is going crazy!! "

What did you see?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you!

Thank you.

I just can't unsee what I saw and my mind is going crazy!!

What did you see?"

A picture in the dreaded faceache!!!!

I shouldn't have looked and I don't know why the hell I did??

I think I thought I was okay, now I know I'm not!

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you!

Thank you.

I just can't unsee what I saw and my mind is going crazy!!

What did you see?

A picture in the dreaded faceache!!!!

I shouldn't have looked and I don't know why the hell I did??

I think I thought I was okay, now I know I'm not! "

Ah! Ok.

I’ve been there! Try to look back and be grateful for what ever it was, but try to accept it’s something that happened.

You’re meeting a new person on Friday by the looks of things. Focus on the present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes we do that to see how far we have come or to see if we are over it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to hear that but learn from it: all that happens is you start to bleed again and you’re back to square one! Hope things get better for you!

Thank you.

I just can't unsee what I saw and my mind is going crazy!!

What did you see?

A picture in the dreaded faceache!!!!

I shouldn't have looked and I don't know why the hell I did??

I think I thought I was okay, now I know I'm not!

Ah! Ok.

I’ve been there! Try to look back and be grateful for what ever it was, but try to accept it’s something that happened.

You’re meeting a new person on Friday by the looks of things. Focus on the present.

"

I am, and I'm looking forward to it.

I think I've just shocked myself by the emotions it has bought out in me.

I didn't need to look. It came up as "someone you may know", like it has loads of times but this time I looked!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you. It can be really hard OP. You’re not alone though. My scabs are constantly picked at. My circumstances and where I was working at the weekend have been a permenant reminder of everything. It will get better i’m told. But it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Stick in there though. And do like me come of Mugbook.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

A picture in the dreaded faceache!!!!

I shouldn't have looked and I don't know why the hell I did??

I think I thought I was okay, now I know I'm not! "

I felt this pain, it hurts. Just be kind to yourself, cry if you need too.

I did my crying... Then last week he messages me late asking to meet. When I arrived he told me they'd split up, weirdly I felt gutted for him, encouraged him to sort it.

Nope

So here I am back to square one lol.

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk

It’s hard... so very hard, good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not block on faceache to remove the temptation. Cold Turkey is the best thing in my opinion. Then just live in the present.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Careful..you keep picking scabs they become infected and leave really nasty scars.

Best just to leave them to drop off and go away and then you will forget you ever had the injury

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Been there. He married the woman he left me for. Like you op I looked when his name came up on Facebook and I felt a moments sadness as she was living the life in Spain we'd talked about.

I'm a "oh well...onwards and upwards" type of person but I can empathise op.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Right in the happyness

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Use the hurt to re-evaluate why.

After months of being figuratively kicked in the cunt I changed my life. Some of it was changed for me and despite current set backs I couldn’t be happier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree get off social media it can destroy people, I’ve seen friends get obsessed. Good luck and I hope you heal soon hun

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone.

Blocked on social media, it's the first thing I did.

I think the really stupid thing is that I never wanted a proper relationship with him. I think I just want the happiness he appears to have now, that I can't have!

I just wish I'd had someone to talk to at the time to help me get it sorted.

Now I'm scared that I've haemorrhaged all this emotion and it's going to ruin anything I'm planning for the future!!

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4


"Thanks everyone.

Blocked on social media, it's the first thing I did.

I think the really stupid thing is that I never wanted a proper relationship with him. I think I just want the happiness he appears to have now, that I can't have!

I just wish I'd had someone to talk to at the time to help me get it sorted.

Now I'm scared that I've haemorrhaged all this emotion and it's going to ruin anything I'm planning for the future!! "

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Then you hadn't really healed - time had just made it easier to live with. Perhaps you need to look at what it is that made you feel this way, what it is you're really dealing with, and heal that Sometimes the thing we think is the problem is just a symptom of something else x

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

You’re going through a grieving process and you must remember that the feelings you have are normal. Give yourself a new focus and allow time for the pain to go away. Take up a new hobby or something that preoccupies your mind and enjoy doing. Stay strong and keep moving forward. The dark clouds will soon pass. You can do this.

Ed

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"You’re going through a grieving process and you must remember that the feelings you have are normal. Give yourself a new focus and allow time for the pain to go away. Take up a new hobby or something that preoccupies your mind and enjoy doing. Stay strong and keep moving forward. The dark clouds will soon pass. You can do this.

Ed"

I agree 100% about the grieving. People don't realise it doesn't have to be someone who's died that we grieve for, we also grieve for broken dreams and the ideas and hopes in our heads.

I hated my ex yet still grieved, for the life I was promised, yet never got.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Then you hadn't really healed - time had just made it easier to live with. Perhaps you need to look at what it is that made you feel this way, what it is you're really dealing with, and heal that Sometimes the thing we think is the problem is just a symptom of something else x"

You are completely right!! Thank you.

The only problem is, the massive problem (that's at the root of all this) is not going anywhere anytime soon. He was my escape from my problem and now he's moved on and looks happy?

I guess seeing that bought it home to me.

I'm totally happy for him and it's the way it should be.

My reaction was what took me by surprise. And now I'm having to face up to my reality and it's pretty Grimm!!!

I just wish we could have remained friends because I sure as hell could do with his support right now.

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

Sometimes we don't deal with the full scope of the fallout at the time. Rather we deal with what we can and sweep the rest under the carpet.

My relationship ended in October-November 2017. I was not given any closure but as she was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks I thought I will leave her be as she needs to be able to function for her children and I didn't want to put her under stress. For 9 months I avoided all contact and for several of these months I felt I was able to just move on without having all of my questions answered. In the end I was going crazy and I simply needed to find some answers. I met her 2 weeks ago and we had a chat on the phone after the meet and I explained what and why I needed to know some things which did not make sense to me. None of her answers made sense and in fact just made me think she was just lying to protect herself and her new life with a new person.

But now I know that I have tried everything and there really is no going back. I have deleted her again and even though I am back at square one of my recovery process, I am back on my journey at least. I think it was always important to not focus on negative emotions towards the person even if they wronged you. I think that just consumes you whereas focusing positive energy towards them will help you forget them faster. My feelings for my ex won't disappear, they just take on a different form now. Even though it is tinged with feelings of regret, sadness, longing etc, ultimately I do want her to be happy even if it is not with me. That is pure love.

EDIT: Just got a voodoo doll. Gonna stab the bitch to death and set it on fire!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sometimes we don't deal with the full scope of the fallout at the time. Rather we deal with what we can and sweep the rest under the carpet.

My relationship ended in October-November 2017. I was not given any closure but as she was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks I thought I will leave her be as she needs to be able to function for her children and I didn't want to put her under stress. For 9 months I avoided all contact and for several of these months I felt I was able to just move on without having all of my questions answered. In the end I was going crazy and I simply needed to find some answers. I met her 2 weeks ago and we had a chat on the phone after the meet and I explained what and why I needed to know some things which did not make sense to me. None of her answers made sense and in fact just made me think she was just lying to protect herself and her new life with a new person.

But now I know that I have tried everything and there really is no going back. I have deleted her again and even though I am back at square one of my recovery process, I am back on my journey at least. I think it was always important to not focus on negative emotions towards the person even if they wronged you. I think that just consumes you whereas focusing positive energy towards them will help you forget them faster. My feelings for my ex won't disappear, they just take on a different form now. Even though it is tinged with feelings of regret, sadness, longing etc, ultimately I do want her to be happy even if it is not with me. That is pure love.

EDIT: Just got a voodoo doll. Gonna stab the bitch to death and set it on fire!"

Thank you! That last bit had me in fits.

I feel you.

Our friendship was based totally on lies and sex!! Great sex!! And one massive lie (on my part anyway) and god knows how many on his part?

I don't do jealousy or regrets as a general rule but I think I'm having these feelings also served up with a big fat dose of guilt!

I blocked on faceache and deleted all of our messages (all 3 years worth!). That killed me. I then went onto whatsapp before removing his number and he was online!! at that point I felt so close to him and really just wanted to say hi!

The thoughts run through my mind.... What if he misses me? What if he's not really happy? Should I just message to apologise for my part in the awful way it ended and wish him luck?

Fuck this shit! I didn't do it, can't take the rejection right now.

I have no idea what the hell im doing? I'm probably just hormonal and I'll be laughing about this in a couple of days time.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Fuck his happyness message him and get some closure

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

OP having gone through similar situations several times now (I am bad at picking partners, I totally realise) I would say that unresolved issues make it harder to move on. Sometimes we don't have a choice as it is not within our control. But the next best thing is to remove all reminders and cut off all contact. Then the temptation is taken away from us. Also I would add that by making that conscious decision it offers some form of empowerment. It is OUR choice to take this form of action and not theirs.

At least you have got meet(s) to help take your mind off things and get some comfort. Hopefully. All the best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Then you hadn't really healed - time had just made it easier to live with. Perhaps you need to look at what it is that made you feel this way, what it is you're really dealing with, and heal that Sometimes the thing we think is the problem is just a symptom of something else x

You are completely right!! Thank you.

The only problem is, the massive problem (that's at the root of all this) is not going anywhere anytime soon. He was my escape from my problem and now he's moved on and looks happy?

I guess seeing that bought it home to me.

I'm totally happy for him and it's the way it should be.

My reaction was what took me by surprise. And now I'm having to face up to my reality and it's pretty Grimm!!!

I just wish we could have remained friends because I sure as hell could do with his support right now. "

I'm in the same situation. It's crap. There's so much I'd like to say but he won't meet me. Now I'm thinking well I certainly wouldn't do it all again so why am I still trying to sort things out if he's such a childish person. That's helping for now. Hope you get closure somehow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes we don't deal with the full scope of the fallout at the time. Rather we deal with what we can and sweep the rest under the carpet.

My relationship ended in October-November 2017. I was not given any closure but as she was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks I thought I will leave her be as she needs to be able to function for her children and I didn't want to put her under stress. For 9 months I avoided all contact and for several of these months I felt I was able to just move on without having all of my questions answered. In the end I was going crazy and I simply needed to find some answers. I met her 2 weeks ago and we had a chat on the phone after the meet and I explained what and why I needed to know some things which did not make sense to me. None of her answers made sense and in fact just made me think she was just lying to protect herself and her new life with a new person.

But now I know that I have tried everything and there really is no going back. I have deleted her again and even though I am back at square one of my recovery process, I am back on my journey at least. I think it was always important to not focus on negative emotions towards the person even if they wronged you. I think that just consumes you whereas focusing positive energy towards them will help you forget them faster. My feelings for my ex won't disappear, they just take on a different form now. Even though it is tinged with feelings of regret, sadness, longing etc, ultimately I do want her to be happy even if it is not with me. That is pure love.

EDIT: Just got a voodoo doll. Gonna stab the bitch to death and set it on fire!

Thank you! That last bit had me in fits.

I feel you.

Our friendship was based totally on lies and sex!! Great sex!! And one massive lie (on my part anyway) and god knows how many on his part?

I don't do jealousy or regrets as a general rule but I think I'm having these feelings also served up with a big fat dose of guilt!

I blocked on faceache and deleted all of our messages (all 3 years worth!). That killed me. I then went onto whatsapp before removing his number and he was online!! at that point I felt so close to him and really just wanted to say hi!

The thoughts run through my mind.... What if he misses me? What if he's not really happy? Should I just message to apologise for my part in the awful way it ended and wish him luck?

Fuck this shit! I didn't do it, can't take the rejection right now.

I have no idea what the hell im doing? I'm probably just hormonal and I'll be laughing about this in a couple of days time. "

Both of you hit some nerves. I’ve done the ‘clear the air’, ‘just sex’ and reconnecting stuff too. Some things never stop, will never disperse, never go away... it’s not necessarily wrong or means you’re meant to be together.

Sometimes timing, circumstances, and a whole load of shite life gets in the way and it goes up. Sometimes it just hurts too much to be with someone.

Be kind to yourself; one day at a time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in a similar situation and it's not nice when you feel you've had the piss taken out of you...but fuck this bit about wishing a happy life for the counts. ..I just now see that as they are mixed up fucker who get a kick for building you up to knock you down...ang yeah I believe in karma and only feel contempt for the fuckers.. over the fucker and wish the no good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but when you spend your days smiling because that person made you feel incredible. Found you, lost you and helped you find yourself again it’s impossible not to scratch or in fact tear the scabs off and live with the scars. Because the scars are worth it for what you had.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4


"Yes but when you spend your days smiling because that person made you feel incredible. Found you, lost you and helped you find yourself again it’s impossible not to scratch or in fact tear the scabs off and live with the scars. Because the scars are worth it for what you had."

Boom this guy gets it !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes but when you spend your days smiling because that person made you feel incredible. Found you, lost you and helped you find yourself again it’s impossible not to scratch or in fact tear the scabs off and live with the scars. Because the scars are worth it for what you had."

That's almost poetic and so apt

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"You’re going through a grieving process and you must remember that the feelings you have are normal. Give yourself a new focus and allow time for the pain to go away. Take up a new hobby or something that preoccupies your mind and enjoy doing. Stay strong and keep moving forward. The dark clouds will soon pass. You can do this.

Ed

I agree 100% about the grieving. People don't realise it doesn't have to be someone who's died that this we grieve for, we also grieve for broken dreams and the ideas and hopes in our heads.

I hated my ex yet still grieved, for the life I was promised, yet never got."

Yes I totally get this, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

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