FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling Meh ..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I'm there except for the wine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's called depression. See a doctor.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I took up running (that didn't last long) but it gave me the confidence boost I needed to get out and mingle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I took up running (that didn't last long) but it gave me the confidence boost I needed to get out and mingle

Xx"

Yes I need to start socialising again - if I'm not at work I'm on my own all the time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's called depression. See a doctor."

I did - she tried to send me to group therapy

No thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the outside looking in and reading your recent forum posts, the root cause of your woes *appears* (and I appreciate it’s all probably a lot more complex than this!) to be a job that you really don’t seem happy in!

From my simplistic and largely uninformed viewpoint if you can fix that, get out and get a vocation that inspires you, I think you’ll notice a whole world of difference.

Easy for me to say, of course, less easy to do but shout if you need a sounding or ranting board to scream at anytime!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, I'm there except for the wine

I wish I could look like you and be miserable though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

The key is to decide what you want to do about it. Once you’ve decided your brain will kick into gear and change your motivation. The last few years I’ve made great progress by taking the time to write down what i want to change e.g weight, fitness job, goals for future, then take each one and write how you will do it. Keep a diary (monthly works best) then review it and write down your progress. Might sound lame but it works. You can’t change if you don’t make changes. I could recommend some really good books. Pm me if your interested. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's called depression. See a doctor."

Not necessarily. She might just need to make changes in some areas of her life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s me today for sure

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x"

The thought of going to the gym gives me anxiety lol

I'm far too overweight- I'd feel like everyone was judging me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

X"
3 years ago I dumped the TV and drinking I get out there now and socialise

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I took up running (that didn't last long) but it gave me the confidence boost I needed to get out and mingle

Yes I need to start socialising again - if I'm not at work I'm on my own all the time

Made a massive difference to me.

I also had therapy, don't be afraid of it.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x"

I agree,take one issue at a time and hopefully that will make you feel a bit better.

My gym has just been taken over ny another group. It used to be finger recognition to get in,now it's an 8 digit number I have to remember,talk about one step back!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From the outside looking in and reading your recent forum posts, the root cause of your woes *appears* (and I appreciate it’s all probably a lot more complex than this!) to be a job that you really don’t seem happy in!

From my simplistic and largely uninformed viewpoint if you can fix that, get out and get a vocation that inspires you, I think you’ll notice a whole world of difference.

Easy for me to say, of course, less easy to do but shout if you need a sounding or ranting board to scream at anytime!

Thanks x

Yes you're right - the job has to go!

I'm dying inside

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By *im L FuckitMan
over a year ago

Dumfriesshire

If you don't have one already, get yourself a pet. Animals are great therapy. Obviously would have to be one that could cope in the house on its own while you're absent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x

I agree,take one issue at a time and hopefully that will make you feel a bit better.

My gym has just been taken over ny another group. It used to be finger recognition to get in,now it's an 8 digit number I have to remember,talk about one step back!"
bloody hell i have trouble remembering my pin number and it's only 4 digits

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I’ve been there and the only thing for it is to be brave and shake things up.

One step at a time. In 18 months I left a job that was making me miserable and got rid of the husband that was draining me. I got a gym membership so I always have somewhere to go when the temptation to mope gets too much - even with the 8 digit pin stress! As a result I’m much closer to my daughter and a much happier person. Things aren’t perfect but they rarely are.

Only you can be the best you. Good luck MaryEffin’P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exercise, socialise and eat healthy will help. To socialise Meetup is a local socialising group who run all sorts of activities around the country check out what's on offer and get out there before the winter sets in, which is always harder to cope with when feeling down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been there.

We moved to the new city over 2 months ago, I still don't have a job and the only person I know here is Cute, so I'm sitting at home almost 24/7, watching TV and eating crap.

I pushed away most of the important people in my life, but one good friend of mine told me it is a test of my relationship, that he understand it must be hard, but I should control my feelings and shouldn't make it harder for Cute and that he should show me that he's willing to be there for me because of his love for me.At first I was kind of offended, it was like he had slapped me and told me to stop moaning, but it's really helped.

I would say you should give it a thought. Think about what you could change to feel better in your own life. Think about your closest people too, try to spend more time with them and think positive, if something really bother you tell them, but don't make their life harder just because you are unhappy in your job. Find a hobby, instead of wine attend a dance class or go to the gym, whatever will make you feel better

good luck

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By *bsolutebeginnersCouple
over a year ago

Planet Ork

Get out at least once a week doing something different. If it’s not the gym then see if there’s a running club for beginners. Try a nightschool class at something totally different just to get you out regularly.

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By *naquest321Man
over a year ago

Carlisle

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

“Cor blimey Mary” Get yourself back in the game.

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sod the fussy stuff.

Sneek off 1pm for 1st glass

I can easly convince myself thejobs great the people dont suck by 3pm.and by 5pm the boss.....is still a twat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

I sympathise and feel very similar, I struggle as I can’t get out much due to having to care for my disabled sons so haven’t even got a job to escape too. So even though I’m overweight I go to the gym, nobody judges me there especially as I go at quiet times. But talk to friends that helps a lot. X

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x

I agree,take one issue at a time and hopefully that will make you feel a bit better.

My gym has just been taken over ny another group. It used to be finger recognition to get in,now it's an 8 digit number I have to remember,talk about one step back! bloody hell i have trouble remembering my pin number and it's only 4 digits

I know it's stupid isn't it,I'm going to have to write the damn thing on my hand as nowadays I can walk into a room and forget why the heck I went in there. If I can't change it I'll have a moan at them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You aren't the only one - I'm in a bit pf a rut at the moment.

I guess you just need to indentify the things that are causing you to feel this way and begin taking steps to change them.

Sounds overly simplistic, I know, but it seems the most sensible course of action.

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By *apmanMan
over a year ago

Harpenden

All good advice. Exercise & fresh air helped me a lot. Simply going for a walk is a good place to start, especially at work. Even 10 minutes away can make a difference. I'm nearby but cannot message you direct. Get in touch if you fancy a natter - no agenda, but happy to hold your hand. ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

To be honest that sounds like 90% of the human race.

You already have a head start on most. You call it being alone but look at it as being free.. you aren't trapped in a lifeless marriage, kids to worry about.take it slowly.1 step add a time. Go to a pub alone for 1 drink, start looking at new jobs, u said u r putting on weight so join slimming world or similar, lose weight and socialise in one..x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice and lovely messages

You have all made some really good points.

I just left work early and I already feel better

I'm going to look at gyms nearby - it still fills me with anxiety but something has to change!

I think if I feel better about myself then things will start to change.

Thanks again xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im stuck on a bit of a never ending cycle of wanting to retrain for something but at every turn it costs fortunes to return to education or you need to do a course before you can take the one you want. Everything always seem just out of grasp so I crawl back to where I came from.

I hate the gym too so even that wouldnt help my motivation

Hope it works for you. Xx

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

You don’t have to start at a gym with everyone else who’s been doing it for years and has a body like a catalogue model. Most gyms will run beginners classes for aerobics or stuff like that. It’ll get you more active and less anxious.

For the job, start asking your friends if they know of a job going, get your CV up on the job sites.

Good luck

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"The gym . Every part of my body is saying " dont go today just chill out " but I go and there is no better feeling after you have done a gym session x

The thought of going to the gym gives me anxiety lol

I'm far too overweight- I'd feel like everyone was judging me

I'm far from a twig and I love my zumba classes. All shapes and sizes shaking their booties. Great fun even for someone like me with zero coordination!

And the buzz lasts all day.

Find a form of exercise you enjoy...it ain't all muscle marys admiring their six packs in the mirror!

Good luck x

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

Take a class, change jobs, No one can change your life but YOU. I know how you feel, I felt like that, still do at times,but take a little step towards change,and hopefully you will feel the benefits soon X good luck

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I've been like that for a good few weeks now. My normal go to ie ringing my bikes neck just isn't doing it for me this time and quite honestly I don't know what to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand the job part as for well over a year I felt stuck and unmotivated in a job and got to the point of thinking I'd struggle to do anything else.

I took the plunge put my cv together and had a few interviews which actually perked up my mood. I managed to get a new job and haven't looked back.

It's easy to get side tracked socially also so get in touch with friends and reach out. Even start just walking for 30 minutes fresh air and exercise all help.

I wish you the best for the future

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I feel ridiculously lonely at the moment - but am doing everything to avoid being around people

I don't have a partner or children, no close family and few friends left - as all I do is cancel on them and if I'm honest with myself - a shit friend!

It's a sad day when you look up and your over 40 and you have nothing.

I used to blame my lack of everything on being fat - but It's actually because I've become bitter.

This is a complete overshare on a swingers website

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I took up running (that didn't last long) but it gave me the confidence boost I needed to get out and mingle

Yes I need to start socialising again - if I'm not at work I'm on my own all the time

Made a massive difference to me.

I also had therapy, don't be afraid of it. "

I agree, people are so afraid of therapy but the benefits can be amazing. It can really kick start your life again. Just depends on how much you want to make a change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel ridiculously lonely at the moment - but am doing everything to avoid being around people

I don't have a partner or children, no close family and few friends left - as all I do is cancel on them and if I'm honest with myself - a shit friend!

It's a sad day when you look up and your over 40 and you have nothing.

I used to blame my lack of everything on being fat - but It's actually because I've become bitter.

This is a complete overshare on a swingers website

You could look at all that as having no ties so a good thing. Sell up everything, buy a camper van and travel the world.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I feel ridiculously lonely at the moment - but am doing everything to avoid being around people

I don't have a partner or children, no close family and few friends left - as all I do is cancel on them and if I'm honest with myself - a shit friend!

It's a sad day when you look up and your over 40 and you have nothing.

I used to blame my lack of everything on being fat - but It's actually because I've become bitter.

This is a complete overshare on a swingers website

Stop right there.

Write yourself a list of all the things in your life you are grateful for and I mean everything from a roof over your head, clean water in your taps, the friends you have, freedom to travel,the right to vote etc etc etc. Everything.

It's easy to concentrate on what you don't have.

Reset your thinking so you can recognise what you do have.

Sounds a bit Pollyanna but it does work.

Go get a pen now....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

I left fab! Drastic i know but it worked..

With me it wasn't a job bringing me down it was the realisation that i would have to live with a condition longterm..

I came back when i had got my head around it and lost some weight, and in doing so found my mojo again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel ridiculously lonely at the moment - but am doing everything to avoid being around people

I don't have a partner or children, no close family and few friends left - as all I do is cancel on them and if I'm honest with myself - a shit friend!

It's a sad day when you look up and your over 40 and you have nothing.

I used to blame my lack of everything on being fat - but It's actually because I've become bitter.

This is a complete overshare on a swingers website

Sometimes it's good to share stuff like that with strangers. It's less daunting than opening up to people we know well.

Try and make some small changes. Concentrate on doing things that make you happy or at least happier. Try and see what you do have as a positive, and not a negative. Please try and spend some time with friends, even if you don't really feel like it. Think seriously about seeing a therapist one on one if you don't like the idea of group therapy.

Feel free to drop me a pm if you ever feel like offloading on a stranger.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

Me too but vodka in my case ....can't seem to get out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel ridiculously lonely at the moment - but am doing everything to avoid being around people

I don't have a partner or children, no close family and few friends left - as all I do is cancel on them and if I'm honest with myself - a shit friend!

It's a sad day when you look up and your over 40 and you have nothing.

I used to blame my lack of everything on being fat - but It's actually because I've become bitter.

This is a complete overshare on a swingers website

Definitely not an overshare on here. Anyone here would be happy to chat with you as a problem shared is a problem halved.

Everyone has moments of doubt and loneliness but by reaching out here it's all part of the cure.

Everyone is able to change but it's just about realisation that you can change things. Pigeon steps is what's required and set yourself personal targets like meet up with a friend to chat to over coffee, walk twice a week save money each month etc. It's whatever you want to do.

Sometimes talking with strangers will offer you a different perspective on things compared to a friend that might say what they think you want to hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a difficult situation when you feel the way you do, it's a vicious circle.

The positive thing is that you know and have admited it to yourself that things don't feel right and you realise you need to make changes.

Try going out more with your friends, join a club that you would enjoy, go for a walk, try and find things you'd enjoy. Join an excercise class for beginners then you won't feel like everyone else is a gym fit bunny when you feel you aren't.k

Hope you can make some changes to make yourself feel better about your life OP. Good luck.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Sounds like you need the dukes nine point plan !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you need the dukes nine point plan !"

All hail the Duke.

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By *horecruxCouple
over a year ago

SE4

Try doing a mind map or someone once told me if you find ten great things about yourself by the time you've found all ten you'll feel better

I'm on 3 so far...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feel it sometimes start a chat group make some new friends meet for coffee and get your beautiful self out and start to enjoy your life again xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haven’t had time to read everyone’s response to apologies of his has already been said.

OP you’ve made a giant stride by being honest about how you feel and opening up about it. Often that’s the hardest stage so a lot of respect to you.

You also seem to have identified the issues that are contributing to why you feel the way you do which is also a great step forward. Changes aren’t always easy to make but I sense a great deal of determination in you.

I get your point about telling strangers on a swingers site but we represent a wide variety of society in age and life experience and some on here will have experienced similar to what you are going through just now and will be happy to listen and help where they can.

We wish you all the best

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

M-Fucking-P, in one of your posts you said that the GP recommend group therapy which put you off (and would do for me too) but you can go back and ask for individual therapy. The waiting list is longer but it is available and it was life changing for me.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

The job was my main bug bear but just finished CBT (6 week course) and no not cock and ball torture.. haha..

Have a brighter mind set. Sometimes, you have to do what needs to be done. Mine was to change. I died a bit every day in my last work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need a kick up the arse!

I'm stuck in a job that's boring the life out of me, drinking wine most evenings to numb the boredom and eating loads of crap

I've gained a fair bit of weight recently and my mojo has run away screaming

I have no idea how to stop complaining and do something about it - I just don't have any oompf anymore

Has anyone else felt similar and what did you do to change It?

Meh.

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