Prompted by MorningtonCroissant’s Not My Type thread https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/794850
I got thinking about the problems with online dating.
When I first became single (after 24 years), I joined a ton of dating sites. Match, eHarmony, Elite Singles, OkCupid, Planet Rock Dating (which is a white label dating app with a shared database), Blendr, Zoosk and Tinder. What they all have in common is the notion that you make snap judgments about people based on a single, or often multiple photos.
I think by judging a book by it’s cover, we are potentially swiping away someone who could rock our life.
I’m firmly of the belief that the best way to get to know someone is via their personality first. Decide whether there is chemistry irrespective of what you both look like. It’s surely a better basis for a relationship, whether it’s long or short term.
But as MorningtonCroissant found out, (of course) looks matter and hence the ‘your not my type’ exit from the conversation.
That’s an element of FabSwingers that works, IMO. Photo discretion is usually the norm, so discovering someone’s (facial) appearance comes after getting acquainted.
Even using the mainstream sites', faster swiping method, online dating can be a full time job. More so if you’re female, where you’re inevitably inundated with messages from men. So who the hell has the time to get to know people first?
That’s why I think the method of inputting your preferences and having the website’s algorithm present you with people who match your personality/preferences is a great idea. The problem there, though, is that most of the sites are coy about sex. Only a couple ask questions related to sex, and only one goes in to, in my opinion, sufficient detail. It has about 1,000 optional questions on a vast spectrum of topics. Some of the questions are thought provoking. Some are hilarious. Like how are your teeth? Choose from: Perfect / Okay / Kinda Scraggly / Fucked Up.
Problem with that site is that there don’t appear to be many people on it. At least I don’t get many likes. Perhaps my thoroughly answered sexual preference questions are putting women off, who knows ??
So, my point is, I think maybe FabSwingers has a better way of matching people than the swiping a photo methodology. It could, however, be improved if there was a system for suggesting matches based on personality and preferences beyond the basic ones currently available. Like sexual and social preferences, ethical viewpoints and beliefs as well as the usual age and proximity etc.
How good would it be to have mutually matching people presented to you? At least then you can start a conversation knowing that they are a better match than picking someone out of a proverbial hat, based only on their location, gender and basic likes.
To many people, whether or not someone is religious or likes Donald Trump is irrelevant. But I think (and I’m guessing, here) to many people, while NSA sex might be the focus, a meeting of minds is important.
What do you think?
Oh and in my relatively short time online dating, I’ve come across some frustrating and hilarious profiles. I wish women would stop using those apps that add big eyes and rabbit ears to their selfies. And I wish they’d stop adding photos of their dog. I don’t want to date their dog.
The funniest profile photo was in a living room. Behind the (probably very nice) lady was a mirror over the fireplace and reflected in it was a grown man sitting on the sofa picking his nose.   |
