FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Men and domestic violence

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Whilst it is more common women report it, how come not so many men do it? Is it to taboo to talk about in general for both sexes, whats your view?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men don’t report because it’s not the manly thing to do.. same goes for groping

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

Having been the subject of domestic violence for several years the banana is spot on, and it's embarrassing, not because I couldn't defend myself, but just wouldn't against a women quite literally 2/3 my size. But certainly having to sit and pick broken glass out of your chest a couple of times, while your daughter watches does count as domestic violence. as well as all the mental abuse and other physical acts.

But who on earth would I go and tell that to, when I could quite clearly physically do something about it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ndtheswingersMan
over a year ago

colchester


"Having been the subject of domestic violence for several years the banana is spot on, and it's embarrassing, not because I couldn't defend myself, but just wouldn't against a women quite literally 2/3 my size. But certainly having to sit and pick broken glass out of your chest a couple of times, while your daughter watches does count as domestic violence. as well as all the mental abuse and other physical acts.

But who on earth would I go and tell that to, when I could quite clearly physically do something about it?"

You go and tell the police, physically doing something about it will cause you to be the arsehole not the victim.

Imagine if you were picking the glass out of your daughter. She needs protecting as much as you.

Good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pride

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough


"Pride"

Exactly pride, and what I did about it was leave her taking my daughter with me, all in the past now, but I'm pretty sure the police wouldn't have taken it too seriously. But as I didn't go to them I can't be sure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

I think like it has with talking about mental health ,the stigma needs to be removed, and that only happens if people talk about it.

The more men that see others speaking up, saying no it's not acceptable or shameful the more it will be reported.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham


"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve. "

Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men.

I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would feel so ashamed and too proud to speak out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pride"

And embarrassment for women.

Being judged for both.

Maybe it’s the victim’s love; wanting to fix things / make them right. Maybe it’s not reported because there’s the sense that things will get better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pride and shame I think. I also think that due to mainly social media acting like possessiveness and jealousy from women is cute or desirable, that kind of behaviour from a woman isn't always taken seriously. It's neither cute nor desirable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires

As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires

As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of "

I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread. Men need to be able to talk. But it often goes unsaid because we are expected in society to be strong, manly and tough - Able to provide and strong enough to treat it like water off a ducks back. - not always the case...

It can lead to a whole heap of metal health issues and yes, sometimes we all (men and women) do stay because our love is unequivocal and that we are able to fix things. Not always. But yes when Love is there you do not want to put the partner through the stigma and punishment associated with it.

We are just as vulnerable as a species too men.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women generally endure domestic violence through fear and security. Men generally endure domestic violence because they are ashamed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve.

Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men.

I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported."

The statistics I've seen (sorry, I can't remember the source!) also show that even within the proportion of incidents with male victims, the majority of perpetrators were men.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men don’t report because it’s not the manly thing to do.. same goes for groping "
very true and some men would be scared to admit that it’s happening because it would be seen as weak but that isn’t the case and there’s a lot more mentally than physically.It shouldn’t happen either way regardless of what way round it is and karma comes around.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is as well who would people believe? The female who wouldn’t hurt a fly or the guy? People would soon be quick to say who’s lying and who’s not without solid evidence.Until your in that situation yourself you never know what goes on behind goes on behind closed doors,we all know there’s good and bad in box sexes let’s just keep happy and enjoy life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are men who try to be the best men they can - be the good guy who believe Love will conquer all. Wear our hearts on our sleeves and trust and forgive and believe that their love is strong enough to endure. Ashamedness doesn’t always come into it. But those guys hurt in silence and private. It takes a brave man to realise wearing that heart on a sleeve means loving yourself enough to speak up too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's also the strong sense of not wanting to betray the woman, of being a gentleman and just putting up with it. I wouldn't want the woman who abused me to get a reputation. The male is the protector. It goes completely against the grain to betray that and admit the truth. It's like I'm being a snitch

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires

As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of "

Actually I support men and women who have mental issues due to the fact of abuse. I've worked with children who have been abused by family. Also I have been abused my last relationship was narcissistic. Normally those who been abused turn into abusers themselves..

The way we treat animals is enough for me to see abuse made by humans done by humans.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires

As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of

I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now. "

I don’t think any of it is funny, but I do think speaking out is a strength and needs to be done more. Having met a few men in these relationships you can see how they have been destroyed by it all, heartbreaking. They said it was the emotional abusive that hurt the most.

More light on the male side does need to be shed.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was a victim of domestic violence and was actually stabbed by an ex partner.

I spoke out and the police were involved but it was clear that the assumption was I had provoked the attack and must have done something to deserve it.

I was constantly harassed and accused by people who didn’t know what happened but just assumed that because I was a man and played rugby that I was physically incapable of allowing a woman to attack me.

It is hard for a man to come forward as it is everything else that goes with it. The jokes from other men, the sly comments from people you don’t know but somehow know you.

I do not condone any form of abuse and it is terrible for both men and women. I will always have time for anyone who asks me about my experiences and for my advice.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough


"I have no shame in admitting I've been abused by a woman before. But I know women will just giggle at it as funny and think I'm a pussy because I should be a man and, so, be able to take domestic abuse. Plus, most women will assume it was my fault and give their sister in arms the benefit of the doubt. So there's no point talking about it as it only backfires

As the previous poster said, it was a situation I could easily have physically resolved at any moment. But obviously that's not something we do with someone who's close to us. So whether you've got muscles to defend yourself or not is irrelevant. You shouldn't need to defend yourself from a friend. Your guard is down. That's what abusers of either gender make use of

I don't think it's funny at all and it's shocking that women end up defending other women over it. Equally as shocking if men would defend other men over being abusive to women. One of my old friends had a girlfriend who was incredibly degrading towards men and she was mentally and emotionally abusive to my friend, her actions almost ended up in her going to prison and she ended up with a restricting order. But she's far in the past now. "

But they do, sadly, the very same women who I classed as my friends and advised me to leave her as it would be easier being a 1 parent family and she didn't deserve me, when push came to shove, with one excpetion, sided with my ex, even though they had told me oh so many times how they didn't like her and were only friends because of me, lol. My first big exposure to real human loyalty. I learnt a hell of a lot from that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently back in the 70s feminists took over the whole domestic violence issue and turned it into a female-only thing. Women who were working in the shelters at the time who didn't agree with this were marginalised.

I can imagine that stats of extreme physical violence definitely support the feminist narrative. But I wouldn't be surprised if stats on emotional abuse tell the opposite story. Clearly the former needs stopping the most. But it has historically been done at the expense of brushing the latter under the rug.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iv been with a good few women who hit me and a few of my friends have had violent girlfriends aswell, when you tell someone they usually assume that you did something dickish to deserved it but flip the situation and they say that women dont deserve to be hit. Women do it because they know they can get away with it, no woman would punch another woman twice their size and expect to get away with that shit but they happily beat on men twice their size. Same when in clubs, iv had women throw themselves on me, grabbing at my ass and crotch and its all just good fun but again if you flip the situation then that would get me thrown out, beaten up and my name put on the list of sex offenders.

If we want an equal world where men and women get treated the same then next time she raises her fist just knock her the fuck out, you wouldnt allow another man to punch away would you? But try not to hit eachother folks, its just childish.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s always 2 sides to a story but it is a sad fact that the law always favours the side of the woman.

But abuse comes in all shapes and sizes. Not always physical. Not always apparent to the victim or to the abuser just how serious things have become.

Hotheaded and wicked tongues are personality traits that some people just have. A cycle of regret and forgiveness can kill the purest of all love. I know. And we both have scars.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough


"There's also the strong sense of not wanting to betray the woman, of being a gentleman and just putting up with it. I wouldn't want the woman who abused me to get a reputation. The male is the protector. It goes completely against the grain to betray that and admit the truth. It's like I'm being a snitch "

That is also true, the second time it happened to me (do I attract them, maybe, I like to help people) I let it go first time, then second time finsished the relationship, which hurt badly, but mentally did me a lot less harm than a painful and nasty long term abuse and marriage.

And yes the mental abuse is by far the hardest to deal with, I've played a LOT of physical sports and injured myself 100s of times, all more painful than the actual physical injury, but the thought that somebody you love and you though loved you is able to deliberately try and harm you physically and emotionally is almost unbearable. At the time I had some very dark thoughts.

Since then I've met two wonderful women, one I spent years with, without massivepassion but is still one of my best froends and fixed a lot, and now I'm with the most understanding, wonderful kind person I've ever known. And she does suffer from insecurity and doubt I've collected, but understands and forgives.

I've spoken to friends about it in the past, and my female friends have been generally understanding, without exception all male friends find it funny, when I weigh 18-19 stone and should have sorted her out, it couldn't really have been a problem.

So another example of the double standards that apply. At a fairly well known midlands club I got myself fairly d*unk and needed to sleep it off. a supposed female friend offered to take me to a private room and make sure I had a quick sleep. I woke up 30 minutes or so later to find I had a condom on and she was having sex with me. many times previously I had made it clear I had no interest in her, and I did have a reputation for having sex with quite a few women, of my choice. EVERYBODY I have mentioned it to since think it's hilarious, comments from, wow you still got hard, bet that was great and good for her, she took her chance.

Well you know what, as far as I'm concerned I was physically abused (site won;t let me put the real world), and if it had been the other way round I would expect to be in prison. I am still not happy about it, it hasn't affected my life or mentality tremendously, not compared to the abuse, and I can genuinely see how it is less intrusive than for a woman.

Was it my fault for getting d*unk, well yes I guess it was, but not only my fault and I didn't commit the offence.

Well there's a whole lot of mind dumping, lol. can't imagine the typos.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *igJandTheBlondeCouple
over a year ago

Kings Hill


"Whilst it is more common women report it, how come not so many men do it? Is it to taboo to talk about in general for both sexes, whats your view?"

My best male friend was domestically abused by his alcoholic wife for almost two years and he never breathed a word, I had absolutely no idea. I’d known them both for fifteen years and one random Saturday she turned up at the gym at 11am blind d*unk; he broke down in front of me and it all came tumbling out! Never seen anything like it and to be fair, don’t want to again; but would encourage anyone (male, female or rainbow) to seek out the person you trust the most and just talk!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve.

Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men.

I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported."

Nothing you said would contradict what I'm saying. Serious DV is overwhelmingly male perpetrated, hence the DV that's get reported reflects that. I wouldn't report a girlfriend for slapping me, nor would most men. Nor do I think a woman slapping me is on par with what normally has happened by the time the police are getting involved in a case.

But look at any survey where they ask 'women have you ever hit a male partner?' And 'men have you ever hit a female partner?' And you'll find it's more women. I found stats under a telegraph article called "Women: hitting your man is not cute; it's abuse". 1 in 7 women said they'd hit a partner. 1 in 20 men admitted to it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Iv been with a good few women who hit me and a few of my friends have had violent girlfriends aswell, when you tell someone they usually assume that you did something dickish to deserved it but flip the situation and they say that women dont deserve to be hit. Women do it because they know they can get away with it, no woman would punch another woman twice their size and expect to get away with that shit but they happily beat on men twice their size. Same when in clubs, iv had women throw themselves on me, grabbing at my ass and crotch and its all just good fun but again if you flip the situation then that would get me thrown out, beaten up and my name put on the list of sex offenders.

If we want an equal world where men and women get treated the same then next time she raises her fist just knock her the fuck out, you wouldnt allow another man to punch away would you? But try not to hit eachother folks, its just childish."

We all know that if a woman turns up to meet a bunch of friends and says she just punched her boyfriend in the face because she caught him cheating, she'll get sympathy or cheers. Not so if a man punches his girlfriend in the face if he catches her cheating...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Apparently back in the 70s feminists took over the whole domestic violence issue and turned it into a female-only thing. Women who were working in the shelters at the time who didn't agree with this were marginalised.

I can imagine that stats of extreme physical violence definitely support the feminist narrative. But I wouldn't be surprised if stats on emotional abuse tell the opposite story. Clearly the former needs stopping the most. But it has historically been done at the expense of brushing the latter under the rug. "

So a while back the police released some CCTV footage of a severe DV case. You know it's going to be bad when the guy has such a history that the police set up CCTV in your house. Anyway, it turns your stomach to watch it. But part of it was that he pushed her down some stairs, then dragged her limp body back up the stairs and pushed her down again. Now that's something that biologically, most women can't do to most men. So i do get where the feminists are coming from. Women needed a weapon for most the serious DV against men. It definately happens both ways, but I'm won't pretend it's a 50:50 problem.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

[Removed by poster at 23/08/18 12:19:54]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *WKinkMan
over a year ago

Bury


"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve.

Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men.

I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported."

Tends to be 50/50 for lower level DV;

“Another 2011 review published in the journal of Aggression and Violent Behavior also found that although minor domestic violence was equal, more severe violence was perpetrated by men. It was also found that men were more likely to beat up, ch*ke or str*ngle their partners, while women were more likely to throw things at their partner, slap, kick, bite, punch, or hit with an object.”

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The prevalence in society of the awful term 'man up' probably reveals the pressures upon men that discourage them from being more open about their problems.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The prevalence in society of the awful term 'man up' probably reveals the pressures upon men that discourage them from being more open about their problems."

not forgetting the ubiquitous "grow a pair".

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men love to play the victim card!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"The facts are that in the category of any domestic violence, women do it more than men. That's because there's a misguided culture that female to male violence is funny and women have the right to lose their shit when they get emotional. Biologically, the average male is about 30% stronger in their upper body than the average female and since we primarily punch / slap then the fact of the matter is, that serious injury is far more a male-inflicted-on-female problem.

In that sense, I can understand why feminists don't like to compare the two. A lot less women would slap their male partner if the culture told them it's not funny or clever. The men that are still hitting women are very much going against the culture and it's a harder, more complex problem to solve.

Please can you provide a source for your assertion that women are the perpetrators of DV more than men.

I have some personal knowledge of DV and this is a claim I have never come across before. The most widely quoted statistic is that in 90% of reported cases the victim is female at the hands of a male perpetrator. Another widely quoted fact is that a third of victims are male but that it is vastly under reported."

This what the thread is on about.

Reported cases!

At the moment women report more cases of DV, then men do. So essentially all the figures used on this subject, could be classed as skewed as not many men will report that they are being subjected to DV.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk. "

Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk.

Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things."

It’s not the manly thing to do

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From an victims perspective it really doesn’t matter if it’s 50/50 all they know is it’s happwning to them.

Men are physically stronger it’s is true but it’s not always about physical strength.

One time my ex attacked me, normally she would throw things at me but this time she decided to try to repeatedly punch me in the face. I ended up having to restrain her. Afterwards she accused me of trying to str@ngle her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"Great thread. Men need to be able to talk.

Here lies the problem wirh so many male issues, they won't talk to someone or report things.

It’s not the manly thing to do "

Or necessarily the best thing to do. If I'd reported every ex-girlfriend that had slapped me, to the police, then it wouldn't have made anything better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My only experience of domestic violence was at a swingers party.

A woman viciously assaulted her male partner while others just watched and smirked.

She wasn't even banned from future parties.

Still angers me to think about it now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Been the victim. All I can say is it does not start abusive, it starts with little controlling things, till it grows and grows.

You think I can cope with this, it can't get worse, but it does. And then you adjust, thinking I can manage. Repeat until you have mental health issues.

Funnily enough, eventually threw me out, think I was meant to go sleep in the shed as I had before but I was in therapy by then (her idea as there was apparently something wrong with me!) But the therapist had made me realise that perhaps it was not me.

At the divorce was told by lawyer that what she was claiming as unreasonable behaviour might not be judged as such by the court!

Friends sided with her stories.

Over time, most have apologised as they have come to realise her true nature.

Her civil partnership has just ended amidst accusations of more DV from her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Men love to play the victim card! "

I don't know if that was just a joke but I wouldn't be surprised if it was the opposite. Lash out at a woman with a feigned slapping motion and she'll quickly accuse you of domestic violence and tell all her friends as much. But guys always have this niggling doubt that maybe it's not really abuse. Maybe they're over egging it. It's only when there's a blade in your chest that you start to think "hmm yeah I reckon this probably would be classified as domestic abuse"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great thread, because this is a bigger issue than many realise.

As a poster above said each incident of itself is trivial, but cumulatively really destructive.

Kudos to to the OP for raising the subject.

Q

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

For me I just didn't take it seriously when my ex was being physically abusive to me. She had a bit of a temper on her. She would on occation fly off the handle, hit me, throw crockery/glass/heavy objects at me in her rage. I would have bruises, cuts and in hindsight if one of those objects hit me in the head it could have been deadly (They were all aimed to hit me). On the plus side I got good at dodging flying objects. But at the time I didn't take it seriously, like it was just normal. I was bigger than her and stronger than her. If I had have reacted in the same way back I would have done her some damage, we both knew that I guess. I would never lay a finger on her and she knew that. I was just there to vent her anger on. I have always played contact sports and was used to a few hits, I never feared her attacks or felt in mortal danger because I knew if I wanted to I could physically overpower her. For me it just felt normal, part of married life. Now I'm out of that relationship I realised it was not ok for hef to be violent with me and attack me.

But DV is different for everyone. As much as what my ex did was not ok there is a difference when it comes to DV against someone who is weaker, more fragile and unable to defend them self than DV against someone who is stronger and choses not to retaliate. The difference being I had the phycial power to fight back. We need to talk about and expose DV against men but we shouldn't let it distract or be used to kind of discredit the huge societal problem we have in terms of DV against women and how women are treated in general in our society.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

No one should be ashamed to say they are victims of abuse. Problem these days is that there are too many people still putting others down for opening up about emotions, feelings and domestic violence, especially when men experience it. They turn their backs and ignore it whilst others make fun of it and turn it into some kind of joke rather than except the seriousness behind it all possibly because they find it hard to handle emotional situations themselves.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There's also the strong sense of not wanting to betray the woman, of being a gentleman and just putting up with it. I wouldn't want the woman who abused me to get a reputation. The male is the protector. It goes completely against the grain to betray that and admit the truth. It's like I'm being a snitch

That is also true, the second time it happened to me (do I attract them, maybe, I like to help people) I let it go first time, then second time finsished the relationship, which hurt badly, but mentally did me a lot less harm than a painful and nasty long term abuse and marriage.

And yes the mental abuse is by far the hardest to deal with, I've played a LOT of physical sports and injured myself 100s of times, all more painful than the actual physical injury, but the thought that somebody you love and you though loved you is able to deliberately try and harm you physically and emotionally is almost unbearable. At the time I had some very dark thoughts.

Since then I've met two wonderful women, one I spent years with, without massivepassion but is still one of my best froends and fixed a lot, and now I'm with the most understanding, wonderful kind person I've ever known. And she does suffer from insecurity and doubt I've collected, but understands and forgives.

I've spoken to friends about it in the past, and my female friends have been generally understanding, without exception all male friends find it funny, when I weigh 18-19 stone and should have sorted her out, it couldn't really have been a problem.

So another example of the double standards that apply. At a fairly well known midlands club I got myself fairly d*unk and needed to sleep it off. a supposed female friend offered to take me to a private room and make sure I had a quick sleep. I woke up 30 minutes or so later to find I had a condom on and she was having sex with me. many times previously I had made it clear I had no interest in her, and I did have a reputation for having sex with quite a few women, of my choice. EVERYBODY I have mentioned it to since think it's hilarious, comments from, wow you still got hard, bet that was great and good for her, she took her chance.

Well you know what, as far as I'm concerned I was physically abused (site won;t let me put the real world), and if it had been the other way round I would expect to be in prison. I am still not happy about it, it hasn't affected my life or mentality tremendously, not compared to the abuse, and I can genuinely see how it is less intrusive than for a woman.

Was it my fault for getting d*unk, well yes I guess it was, but not only my fault and I didn't commit the offence.

Well there's a whole lot of mind dumping, lol. can't imagine the typos."

No it's not your fault for getting d*unk. You trusted a friend to look after you and she did the opposite. Really glad your story had a happy ending and you've found someone you trust.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pride"

(In the name of love)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 male friends of mine both commit suicide due to the female being violent towards them.

1 was a female police officer. She physicaly scaleped him with buckle from a belt whilst beating him with it on one occassion. And used her mace spray directmy in his eyes in the same attack.

He was nearly blinded. The hospitail reported that.

He was t worried about repercusions with her being in the police force to report it.

He hung himself 2 days after the hospital had reported it to the same police his partner worked for.

There is only 1 male refugee and thats in Wales. Its not good enough.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Pride"
That is right

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Interesting points everyone

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria


"Whilst it is more common women report it, how come not so many men do it? Is it to taboo to talk about in general for both sexes, whats your view?"

Exactly the same way as hundreds of women do not report it fear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have been at the receiving end of DV and included 4 days in hospital due to concussion , I lied to cover up the incident and agree it’s a shame thing. As previously mentioned it’s starts out controlling then escalated to physical, very difficult to talk to friends and family as the guy isn’t meant to be the victim of DV

Jeez lots of heavy subjects on here tonight

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top