FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list

Back to The Lounge

Light bulbs - don't chance them

Jump to newest

By *rFunBoy OP Man
over a year ago

Longridge

So, here goes the story..

3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.

Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.

She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).

Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.

So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.

The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.

They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.

So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.

Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.

Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.

At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.

There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.

So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This post is too long hence boring

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

And it is a story, as I've heard it before. 100 stitches, lol. About 10-20* more than women have if they need then from child birth.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, here goes the story..

3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.

Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.

She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).

Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.

So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.

The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.

They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.

So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.

Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.

Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.

At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.

There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.

So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!

"

Or stick to tulips.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First it's the girl you're seeing then it's your ex.

Junk.

All of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bonynivoryCouple
over a year ago

market harborough

Is it a girl you've been seeing or your ex?

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, here goes the story..

3am, all quiet then the landline rings. Curiously answering the phone it's the girl I'm currently seeing on the phone who appears to be struggling to breath.

Eventually I calm her down from her hysterical grunts where she starts to talk more coherently.

She's at work on bank in A&E in a hospital (which I won't mention the name).

Around 1am a guy appeared at the check in desk and when asked what was up he was very shy and said that it wasn't him but for his friend outside. After explaining that they won't treat him outside and he would have to come in.

So in he came, and asked to speak to someone in confidence. My ex steps up and takes them both to a cubicle and asks what's wrong where the first guy explained that they had been experimenting and had managed to insert a light bulb into the rectum of his partner.

The problem was that it was well lubricated and pushed in thin end first meaning it was impossible to grip to pull out.

They decided that this would be best handed over to a surgeon as it would be delicate at best.

So an hour or so later they have the poor guy on all 4's trying to grip the bulb. Surgeon decided that the best tool for the job would be forceps as it would be just like delivering a baby.

Forceps semt for and promptly arrives lubed up and inserted in said back-end. All going good, bulb gripped and on it's way back to the outside world where at just the point the anus is at its widest point the bulb shatters.

Rectum and anus immediately contract trapping the forceps along with many pieces of broken glass shredding everything flesh around it.

At this point her break was over so needed to get back to continue. In the morning it turned out that over 100 stitches were needed both internally and externally with a large quantity of transfusion.

There were numerous 'bright spark' jokes going around plus many others.

So the moral of the story is next time you want to stick a bulb up the bum... make sure its thick end first!!!!

"

Utter bollocks!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rFunBoy OP Man
over a year ago

Longridge

"Is it a girl you've been seeing or your ex?

Mrs"

Dear dear..

She wouldn't have been an ex at the time I was seeing, her as I doubt she be phoning me at 3am.

As it was 15 or so years ago she later became an ex!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First it's the girl you're seeing then it's your ex.

Junk.

All of it."

You aren't allowed to mention junk on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a shame, I have loads of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

This needs one of those seventies public information films,

"Lightbulbs... DON'T CHANCE IT!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"This needs one of those seventies public information films,

"Lightbulbs... DON'T CHANCE IT!""

That was not good, Joe & Petunia were better, Ohh look, now he's waving to us o/

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBc02FPSvXc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

I'm sure that light bulbs are built stronger nowadays - precisely to prevent this type of mishap

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

So many different designs though, the traditional bulb type, the curly pigtail type, the stick that's been folded over and over like your grandadss old measuring stick type... I wonder if a new type has to pass an asshole test before it can go on sale?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ulfilthmentMan
over a year ago

Just around the corner

They should have used a screw fitting and not bayonet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

"They should have used a screw fitting and not bayonet."

Bum bum ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"This post is too long hence boring

"

Like your cock.........

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a bright idea that was

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watt was the reason it broke

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must have been a shock

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Might have to reconsider my weekend plans now...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread

back to top