FabSwingers.com forum: Why cheat?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“The general thinking about why people cheat on a committed relationship partner is that there is a problem with either the cheater or the relationship. Often, we assume that cheaters have a pathology, some unresolved trauma/dysfunction, or at best a form of emotional immaturity that pushes them into infidelity. Other times, we assume that the primary relationship is flawed in some significant way that creates a perceived need for external sex and intimacy. Either way, we tend to view infidelity as symptomatic of underlying problems. The cheater and/or the relationship is troubled, and cheating is the result.

And guess what, more often than not, this is the case. Sometimes the cheater has an attachment deficit disorder. Sometimes the cheater has unresolved childhood trauma and uses the excitement of illicit sex and romance as a distraction from painful feelings. Sometimes the cheater knows that he or she is in a lousy relationship and uses those feelings to justify the infidelity or to locate a new partner before abandoning the old one. Sometimes the primary relationship lacks sexual fire or emotional intimacy, so the cheater has a one-night stand or an affair to fill the void. And so it goes.

That said, the cause and effect model described above doesn’t fully explain all infidelity. Over the years, I’ve had countless clients tell me that they love their spouse, they have a great relationship, they enjoy each other’s company, they respect each other, they’re attracted to each other, the sex is good, and there are no money or family or other obvious relationship problems. The only real issue is that they’re cheating and they can’t, or don’t, want to stop.

So there the cheater sits, happy in his or her relationship but still cheating and wondering why. “Surely,” the cheater says, “there must be something wrong with me or with my relationship, or I wouldn’t be doing this.” And typically, a therapist will start to explore those possibilities with them, searching for an obvious underlying problem to explore and address.

What I have learned over the course of nearly three decades as a therapist specializing in sex and intimacy issues is that infidelity is often a symptom of a flawed personality or relationship, but not always. Some people are reasonably emotionally healthy and in a wonderful primary relationship, and they still choose to cheat. And this is true for both men and women.

Esther Perel, who verbalizes this idea in her book The State of Affairs, suggests four reasons why people who are generally well adjusted and happy in their primary relationship might nevertheless engage in infidelity, risking their marriage, their home, their family, their standing in their community, and more.

1. Self-exploration

2. The seductive nature of transgression

3. The allure of lives not lived

4. Feeling new (or exiled) emotions”

The article goes on to explain each of the four reasons. Apologies for the long posting but I think the context and acknowledgment of the first part needs to be understood before a real discussion can be had on the second idea of these *other* reasons.

I’m not advocating or excusing or chastising those that do cheat; I’m interested in your view of the other reasons, and if you hold them separately, as the article does, or not?

I’ll post the detail on each below.

Apologies for the TLDR brigade, I’m sure there’s a more apt thread for you elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“Self-Exploration

Searching for a new sense of self is likely the most powerful of these reasons (and it may encompass the other three). About this, Perel writes:

"People stray for a multitude of reasons, and every time I think I have heard them all, a new variation emerges. But one theme comes up repeatedly: affairs as a form of self-discovery, a quest for a new (or a lost) identity. For these seekers, infidelity is less likely to be a symptom of a problem, and is more often described as an expansive experience that involves growth, exploration, and transformation."

For these cheaters, infidelity is an exploration of never experienced or long-repressed parts of the self. It is freedom from who they have been and currently are. Interestingly, they usually don’t want to change who they are, they simply want to escape those constraints for a short while—to feel young again, to feel unburdened, to explore and grow and experience life. When these individuals cheat, they’re not looking for another person, they’re looking for themselves (or, at the very least, for a lost or long-ignored aspect of themselves.)“

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“The Seductive Nature of Transgression

Sometimes happy people who cheat say they feel like a teenager when they’re sneaking around and having sex or an affair. It’s exciting and forbidden and they get a kick out of breaking the rules. It’s like a five-year-old sneaking a cookie that his mother said he couldn’t have. The forbidden cookie just tastes extra sweet.

In his book, The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin discusses this phenomenon from a sexual perspective with his erotic equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement. That is the seductive nature of transgression. Because the cheater is not supposed to have extracurricular sex and romance, he or she wants it even more. For children and teens, pushing limits in this way is a natural exploration of self and the world. As an adult, infidelity can feel like more of the same.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“The Allure of Lives Not Lived

Here, instead of transgression, it’s missed opportunities that draw cheaters in. They think about the one that got away, or the one that never was, or the life they could have had if only… This may cause them to feel limited and fenced in by the life and relationship they’ve chosen—regardless of how much they enjoy that life and relationship. So, they indulge their curiosity. They use extracurricular sex to see who they might have been if they’d opted for a different path. Again, this is a form of self-exploration, where infidelity introduces the individual to the stranger within.”

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By *ooliganMan
over a year ago

Preston

5. Greed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The reasons are really complex and unique to everyone who does this. I was cheated on in both marriages but I don't judge my ex-husbands nor blame myself, and wouldn't do the same to others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“Feeling New or Exiled Emotions

Lastly, happy people who cheat may do so to experience new or exiled emotions. Again, this is a form of self-exploration. Men can be especially vulnerable to this, as they are often told, as they grow up, to repress and not express their emotions. Over time, they learn to “cowboy up” and not feel. Unfortunately, in so doing they often stifle joy as well as sorrow, pleasure as well as pain. For these individuals, regardless of gender, infidelity is more of an emotional release than a sexual release. And once again, these cheaters are exploring their inner-self.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex cheated on me

I was attractive...funny...laid back... sociable...enjoyed sex...house was immaculate and could cook

He had an affair with someone that was nothing like me (more career

driven) She was more like him tho. I put it down to they were more compatible x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“The Allure of Lives Not Lived

I guess this is why some people see an ex still as well as their current partner or hook up with someone they knew from the past.

Maybe it’s as simple as some people can cheat so they do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a train of thought with some married men that if they have a liason with someone of their own sex they don't see that as cheating.. ? (Which is codswallop in my humble)..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?"

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?"

It’s addressed in the OP, have a read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning.

So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

You apologise to the TLDR brigade then cut and paste more 2/3 times.

Suffice to say didn't read.

However to answer your question, don't know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You apologise to the TLDR brigade then cut and paste more 2/3 times.

Suffice to say didn't read.

However to answer your question, don't know. "

That’s fine, it was four more times as was the detail of the four points. And you misunderstand what I was apologising for and why.

But glad you commented

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

6. Lack of true commitment. They had not actually decided not to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning.

So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?"

You’re forgiven.

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

"You apologise to the TLDR brigade then cut and paste more 2/3 times.

Suffice to say didn't read.

However to answer your question, don't know.

That’s fine, it was four more times as was the detail of the four points. And you misunderstand what I was apologising for and why.

But glad you commented

You're right I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning.

So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?

You’re forgiven.

I wasn't apologising.

I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion.

So?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are one of very few species who conform to monogamy when all the evidence would suggest our animal instincts lend more to multiple partners

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Interesting article OP

I certainly identify with 1

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I can't pinpoint if cheats have any of the same traits etc,but what I have seen is that some will cheat no matter how good they have it at home.Whilst others won't cheat even if they are unhappy in their relationship/lives.

One poster said Greed and I have seen profiles here, saying they get sex enough at home just want more .

I used to know a lass who was a prolific cheat ,she had alcohol issues and self esteem problems ,so that I think was more for attention that she had lacked at some point in life .

Interesting post Estella.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can identify with a couple of the points, I may digress later which ones.

I watched an interesting TED Talk called Rethinking Infidelty, would recommend it to both those that cheat and have been cheated on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cheated because I married someone I loved and admired and I thought our sexual differences would disappear over time. They didn’t and I found myself in a very unhappy place which with some therapy and a lot of wild sex made me focus on the future and allowed me to see that I was with the wrong person - we should have remained friends and not become lovers. I’m happier now but I had a shit childhood so maybe that’s why I ended up here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning.

So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?

You’re forgiven.

I wasn't apologising.

I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion.

So?"

My answer is I don’t know. I don’t know because it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in. And not knowing is the reason for reading about it and posing the question.

What’s your thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think all four of those reasons applied at different times for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and welcome back again OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is this another cut n paste from Psychology Today?

You talk about 'I' and "we" and "clents"- is it Your finding?

Yes, it is. Hence I say “the article” and use apostrophes. I’ve always done this.

I just didn't see where the quote ended although I saw the speech marks at the beginning.

So what is Your opinion on why people cheat then?

You’re forgiven.

I wasn't apologising.

I have nothing to appologise for. I was asking the OP her opinion.

So?

My answer is I don’t know. I don’t know because it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in. And not knowing is the reason for reading about it and posing the question.

What’s your thoughts?"

I used to be very black and white about it. Not something I have done.

Experience has made me more understanding and consequently tolerant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t know the answer, my ex cheated on me numerous times throughout our marriage, what his reasoning for doing so I can’t say. Perhaps it was our lack of a sex life but he was responsible for that, I’d tried to say it was needing some work for me but he was selfish and didn’t see that I wasn’t enjoying it. We also had a lot of stress with 2 very poorly children that I had to spend periods of time in isolation at hospital for. So I don’t think it was any one thing. X

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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago

nr Bradford

Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!"

Why? I think you’ve missed the thrust of the thread. Also as someone who is single, I’m not sure how any other comments or opinions can be personalised to me either that might require me having luck to cope. Perhaps you only read the thread title...?

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly? "

Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly?

Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall..."

Or just a desire to win.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?"

That’s kinda what the article is saying though!

Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly?

Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall...

Or just a desire to win. "

Is that your motivation? To win?

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"OP do the insights in the article apply to other areas of cheating. E.g playing monopoly?

Undoubtedly; the lives not lived as a hotel owner on Pall Mall...

Or just a desire to win.

Is that your motivation? To win?"

Well maybe better expressed as the other side of the coin of not losing.

In my case I started cheating after an existential crisis where I confronted my mortality. The idea that I only have one life and that monogamy would mean denying a whole range of options and experiences felt like a huge loss that I wanted to avoid.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. "

Then don't enter into a monogomous relationship!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?

That’s kinda what the article is saying though!

Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise).

Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling?

It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?

That’s kinda what the article is saying though!

Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise).

Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling?

It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel?

What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Quite often the person we meet changes and then it's time to move on. Mating is a competitive environment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because it is the only way I can win a game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. "

Studies have shown that male and female rates of cheating are roughly equal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your a serial 'cheater' or having a long standing 'affair' are you not ultimately cheating yourself ? When you look at the person in the mirror you must see your living a lie ? Oh what tangled webs we weave .... springs to mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?

That’s kinda what the article is saying though!

Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise).

Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling?

It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel?

What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense."

We can rationalise feelings cheating love lust friendship until we reach the point that the emotions themselves are something we no longer feel. They are just abstract concepts divorced from whatever relationships we may enter, because we are always trying to find the understanding rather than just getting in with living.

I don't have an answer I just have the questions. But I would rather feel, it's part of being alive, instead of trying to analyse why I feelm

Maybe I like to think we are sentient organic irrational complex and all totally unique. All the things that make us human. Too much analysis to many attempts to unravel why we feel why we may cheat, perhaps takes us a little away from our humanity and the need to connect with others at all levels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature.

Studies have shown that male and female rates of cheating are roughly equal."

Studies have also shown that men lie more

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Most men I know have cheated. Especially if working away. They just need the opportunity

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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago

nr Bradford

"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!

Not at all, just suggesting that not all replies you get might be in the same constructive spirit as your own, based on previous threads I have followed. Perhaps you missed my point? But good luck and I'll follow the debate with interest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?

That’s kinda what the article is saying though!

Also I think it is important to try and understand (you may call it rationalise).

Perhaps the understanding is less important than the feeling?

It sort of begs the question when we question everything do we lose the capacity to just accept those emotions we may feel?

What do you mean? That doesn’t make sense.

I don't have an answer I just have the questions. But I would rather feel, it's part of being alive, instead of trying to analyse why I feelm

But understanding doesn’t have to remove feeling. Hence that makes no sense. It might be what happens for you, but that doesn’t make it universal. Understanding something and feeling something are not mutually exclusive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!

Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most men I know have cheated. Especially if working away. They just need the opportunity "

Shurrup man ffs !!

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

Best not to overanalyze it. If you are cheated on and want to move on then just park it and move on...

This is not a science it's just sex.. it cannot be fixed. Men will always cheat.. who cares and does it matter ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has!

It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Best not to overanalyze it. If you are cheated on and want to move on then just park it and move on...

This is not a science it's just sex.. it cannot be fixed. Men will always cheat.. who cares and does it matter ? "

I haven’t, but thanks for your concern!

I’d need to get a partner first!

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has!

It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships. "

I rest my case ...

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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago

nr Bradford

"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!

Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another. "

Luck with the posts, not the thread itself. So hopefully a meaningful and enlightened discussion can take place, not a witch hunt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Was that a can of worms I heard being opened?!

Good luck OP, you're going to need it!

Oh I understand that, just didn’t follow why that meant I needed luck. That’s making an assumption I need the thread to be one thing or another.

Luck with the posts, not the thread itself. So hopefully a meaningful and enlightened discussion can take place, not a witch hunt."

Right. So you going to join in with some meaning and enlightening?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/08/18 15:51:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature. "

I don’t really think it’s just “nature”.

Every boyfriend of mine has cheated, I believe they not only were c*nts they were also very insecure, if I got looked at by another guy or I mentioned a guy tried to chat me up and I declined they’d be seething with jealousy.

From my experience it seems men are happy to cheat, lie and deceive themselves but when it’s done to them it’s the crime of the century.

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By *ymaleMan
over a year ago

nr Bradford

"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has!

It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships. "

Their loss, whatever their excuse.

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By *ssex_tomMan
over a year ago

Chelmsford

"The male species does not exist to be faithful to one. Not even make swans are faithful. It's a myth. It's just nature.

I don’t really think it’s just “nature”.

From my experience it seems men are happy to cheat, lie and deceive themselves but when it’s done to them it’s the crime of the century. "

And that is a case study I recognise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The cheating I’ve known of and sometimes witnessed tends to be a male ego type thing, look what I can pull or who’s gonna have a bash at her usually by the guys who’s wives are great nest builders and have lost their focus on looking as good as they once did. It’s all a big game until they get caught and then they wind their necks in because their nest builder is the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not all men cheat, but every single boyfriend I’ve had has!

It does make you very wary and takes you longer to trust anyone when it comes to dating/relationships.

Their loss, whatever their excuse.

Ha thank you!

It sure is their loss, every single one of them except one attempted to beg me back, still to this day I have one following me on social media liking my photos!

I’ve never cheated or had the temptation to. In my opinion you can’t be truly happy in the relationship nor can you truly love someone if you’re willing to do one of the most hurtful things that can be done to them.

A lot of people try to justify their cheating, in my opinion they try to justify it because they know its wrong.

It’s like a thief who’s been caught trying to justify why he stole. You’re still a thief! Haha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I came. I read. I wonder if human emotions can ever be tied up quite so neatly in boxes and theory?

Humans are complex messy don't follow the same pattern all the time and each of the above theses could I think apply to any one person at different times for different reasons.

Do we try to rationalise emotional responses too much?"

I’d agree as I cheated at various times during my life and there were different reasons that came into play at different times. I had a disposition to cheat from an early stage. I have fancied lots of girls and women from an early age I ‘lost’ the first love of my life, as a teenager, because my best friend told her I danced with another girl at a disco, that she wasn’t at, and she dumped me. As a result I got a reputation as a ‘Lothario’ via the grape vine. Ever since that I have cheated in relationships. I’d fall in lust easily and was reasonably capable of charming and captivating those I desired. I found lust intoxicating and every so often for a variety of different reasons at different times, I’d stray when in a relationship. I guess the only thing I couldn’t resist was temptation.

As I grew older and shed my inhibitions and allowed myself to explore my sexual curiosities I continued to find my predilections couldn’t be satisfied. I haven’t had physical sex outside of my marriage for over 4 years and have tried to curb my exploits.

But infidelity for me is not just the physical act it is also in the mind and can be played out in the cyber world, in lots of different ways. I find myself still on this site despite a part of me deeply wishing I could just leave and be faithful in thought and deed for the rest of my life.

If only there was a simple root cause that I could find and fix, but the complexity of it and the dilemmas potential solutions create for me, leave me caught on the horns of them frequently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting topic OP

From observing some of my best mates throughout the years who cheat on their partners all the time it's clear they just do not have the balls to look at them in the face and say it's over.

It's an awful alternative to literally go behind someones back and do this on d*unken nights out where drink is then blamed but the try reality is they want out of the relationship.

From what I can see, the majority of these situations from people I know are in long term relationships where they may have started at 18 and after about 5yrs it started. Having talked to them about it, they would rather live this lie than act upon it. As I said before-they just do not have the balls.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good old Esther Perel. I found her previous book fascinating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The introduction started out very interesting however for masturbatory content I was left disappointed and will have to mark as a 3/10

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“The Allure of Lives Not Lived

Ohhh dear. I know someone who's this to a T.

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