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Discretion

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Somebody who I had arranged to meet told somebody else when we were meeting and showed them my photos offline.

I cancelled the meeting. These are trust basics. If something is not yours or involves someone else then don't share. If I can't trust you with these type of things how can I trust you with bigger issues?

This is particularly hurtful as I am from a close knit community that makes it hard for me to play and be open about my sexuality. And in this community talk and reputations travel like wildfire and everyone knows someone who knows you. This person is also familiar with this.

I'm not looking for advice, thank you. I'm asking you to consider carefully before sharing anything that is not exclusively yours.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm sorry this happened to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm sorry this happened to you. "

Thanks my dear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks bang out of order as everyone deserves respect and discretion in all walks of life especially this one x

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

That’s kind of rule #1.

Don’t talk about fab club. To anyone. Ever!

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By *airyfatmanMan
over a year ago

by 'ere

Wow. I’m actually gobsmacked that someone really did this!! What a complete nob!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to me, too. A man I met on here has talked about me to two other individuals, who then told me.

I won't be meeting him again. It's a betrayal of trust.

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i

I’ve had this several times, usually locals on here realise where I work and try to ‘out’ me in front of customers on a busy night, a quick put down stops them in their tracks but the damage is done, I’ve since been more open when friends question now so it’s not as bad, it would have been nice to have the option to keep my private life to myself though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That’s kind of rule #1.

Don’t talk about fab club. To anyone. Ever! "

Exactly! And also I wish guys on dating sites would stop asking me if I'm on fab. They don't ask if I'm on other websites. Fab and dating sites are separate.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Firstly let me say I don't condone this in any way. However I feel its naive to assume that people on fab will respect your privacy. People talk, they always have and always will.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Firstly let me say I don't condone this in any way. However I feel its naive to assume that people on fab will respect your privacy. People talk, they always have and always will. "

I'm not interested in focusing on the victim here. I'm only talking about the perpetrator. I didn't assume anything. I offer complete discretion. I know not everyone has integrity, welcome to the world. Doesn't mean I'll stop calling out people's shitty behaviour. These kind of people rely on silence.

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

i'm so sorry this happened to you it's a had thing to be trusting of someone but one thing I learned on here is not to trust the whoever i'm meeting till after the meet has happened and alway be cautious of what you are sending in the first place. This might put a few people off but then you know in yourself that you are safe and that discretion is still there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There should be discretion and it should be respected if asked for. We can all talk about our experiences to other fabbers we meet, but their identity should be kept private at all times #fabcode x

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Never trust anyone .... then you won't get any surprises.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just say.

Chat rooms are clicky

Forums too.

Be careful full stop.

One thing I detest is bullies and those gossipers on here behind your backs.

Watch your own back and be careful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i'm so sorry this happened to you it's a had thing to be trusting of someone but one thing I learned on here is not to trust the whoever i'm meeting till after the meet has happened and alway be cautious of what you are sending in the first place. This might put a few people off but then you know in yourself that you are safe and that discretion is still there."

Sends you a bag of wine gums my discretion

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"It's happened to me, too. A man I met on here has talked about me to two other individuals, who then told me.

I won't be meeting him again. It's a betrayal of trust. "

Same thing here....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For many discreet isn't what they respect nor respond to.

That's why I never ever divulge anything on here.

Nor air dirty laundry

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Never trust anyone .... then you won't get any surprises.

"

Exactly, that's one reason why I do not post explicit pictures, I am sure pics on fab are bandied about on many a tea break, and anything on your profile is in the public domain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the reason I don't really meet local and rarely share a face pic with anyone from my home town or surrounding areas

People are cunts xx

Hope you're ok x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Firstly let me say I don't condone this in any way. However I feel its naive to assume that people on fab will respect your privacy. People talk, they always have and always will.

I'm not interested in focusing on the victim here. I'm only talking about the perpetrator. I didn't assume anything. I offer complete discretion. I know not everyone has integrity, welcome to the world. Doesn't mean I'll stop calling out people's shitty behaviour. These kind of people rely on silence."

I understood from your post that you assumed he would be discreet. I agree that these people should be called out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happens all the time.....

Wait until someone starts messaging your verifications to ask them things about you....

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"This happens all the time.....

Wait until someone starts messaging your verifications to ask them things about you....

"

I know that one...even though mine are not shown!!

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim


"i'm so sorry this happened to you it's a had thing to be trusting of someone but one thing I learned on here is not to trust the whoever i'm meeting till after the meet has happened and alway be cautious of what you are sending in the first place. This might put a few people off but then you know in yourself that you are safe and that discretion is still there.

Sends you a bag of wine gums my discretion "

aww hahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somebody who I had arranged to meet told somebody else when we were meeting and showed them my photos offline.

I cancelled the meeting. These are trust basics. If something is not yours or involves someone else then don't share. If I can't trust you with these type of things how can I trust you with bigger issues?

This is particularly hurtful as I am from a close knit community that makes it hard for me to play and be open about my sexuality. And in this community talk and reputations travel like wildfire and everyone knows someone who knows you. This person is also familiar with this.

I'm not looking for advice, thank you. I'm asking you to consider carefully before sharing anything that is not exclusively yours."

Discretion is a must I’m

Sorry this happened to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry OP that this has happened to you.

People break lots of rules on here, discretion being just one of them. People will always talk about others, it's nature. As long as people's names are never mentioned, or face photos shown to others, neither of which I would ever do, then it isn't a problem.

Unfortunately this place is full of people who are dishonest and disrespectful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your support.

Well I can't stop someone telling someone else I am meeting them unless I stop meeting people so the onus is on people to be discreet. Otherwise no one would meet

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"So sorry OP that this has happened to you.

People break lots of rules on here, discretion being just one of them. People will always talk about others, it's nature. As long as people's names are never mentioned, or face photos shown to others, neither of which I would ever do, then it isn't a problem.

Unfortunately this place is full of people who are dishonest and disrespectful. "

Thanks.

They could have shown my face pics and other pics that identify me. I don't know exactly what photos they showed the other person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sooo sorry hun!! On my life this happened to me a while ago and I was so distressed I came into the forums for some help.....

The site user is on here and frequently post in the forum. Even today he started a thread.

Cut a long story short,

When I said it’s not okay to show anyone my personal pics( they weren’t even explicit just a face which i keep private), he became really arsey.

He showed his work colleagues and was suggesting a threesome. In the heat of the moment I Told him to go eff himself and blocked him etc.

Obviously hes want to have the last word and play tit for tat, so he’s sent me a message off a random number in the evening, making out to be an anonymous person, calling me a hoe, saying things like I think I’m too nice, my family would be embarrassed of me etc etc..,And that my pic were all over Twitter, scaremongering!

He’s a frequent forum user! It’s not on. He doesn’t deserve to be on here imo.

Even today he’s posted that’s he’s paid his site supporter fee and moaning he’s not getting any meets and he did better off pof/tinder over fab?

A solution: write on your profile or making an agreement with that person not to show anyone before pic swapping??

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sooo sorry hun!! On my life this happened to me a while ago and I was so distressed I came into the forums for some help.....

The site user is on here and frequently post in the forum. Even today he started a thread.

Cut a long story short,

When I said it’s not okay to show anyone my personal pics( they weren’t even explicit just a face which i keep private), he became really arsey.

He showed his work colleagues and was suggesting a threesome. In the heat of the moment I Told him to go eff himself and blocked him etc.

Obviously hes want to have the last word and play tit for tat, so he’s sent me a message off a random number in the evening, making out to be an anonymous person, calling me a hoe, saying things like I think I’m too nice, my family would be embarrassed of me etc etc..,And that my pic were all over Twitter, scaremongering!

He’s a frequent forum user! It’s not on. He doesn’t deserve to be on here imo.

Even today he’s posted that’s he’s paid his site supporter fee and moaning he’s not getting any meets and he did better off pof/tinder over fab?

A solution: write on your profile or making an agreement with that person not to show anyone before pic swapping??

Good luck x"

I'm sorry that's awful. I hope you get a resolution

About my pics he could've shown my public pics or my friends only pics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sooo sorry hun!! On my life this happened to me a while ago and I was so distressed I came into the forums for some help.....

The site user is on here and frequently post in the forum. Even today he started a thread.

Cut a long story short,

When I said it’s not okay to show anyone my personal pics( they weren’t even explicit just a face which i keep private), he became really arsey.

He showed his work colleagues and was suggesting a threesome. In the heat of the moment I Told him to go eff himself and blocked him etc.

Obviously hes want to have the last word and play tit for tat, so he’s sent me a message off a random number in the evening, making out to be an anonymous person, calling me a hoe, saying things like I think I’m too nice, my family would be embarrassed of me etc etc..,And that my pic were all over Twitter, scaremongering!

He’s a frequent forum user! It’s not on. He doesn’t deserve to be on here imo.

Even today he’s posted that’s he’s paid his site supporter fee and moaning he’s not getting any meets and he did better off pof/tinder over fab?

A solution: write on your profile or making an agreement with that person not to show anyone before pic swapping??

Good luck x

I'm sorry that's awful. I hope you get a resolution

About my pics he could've shown my public pics or my friends only pics."

Thanks and good luck

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By *Cocksucker84Man
over a year ago

newcastle

I was recently chatting to a lad on kik who out of nowhere sent me a video of a lass he'd been chatting to playing with herself. I instantly blocked him. Discretion is paramount on this site and once people start violating that it ruins it for everyone. I've had several meets and only leave veris if they're wanted and I always ask first. I'd never break a trust by even giving usernames of anyone I've chatted to on here. Don't get why people don't see a break in privacy is wrong?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was recently chatting to a lad on kik who out of nowhere sent me a video of a lass he'd been chatting to playing with herself. I instantly blocked him. Discretion is paramount on this site and once people start violating that it ruins it for everyone. I've had several meets and only leave veris if they're wanted and I always ask first. I'd never break a trust by even giving usernames of anyone I've chatted to on here. Don't get why people don't see a break in privacy is wrong? "

I really appreciate that you did that. People need to know they can't get away with stuff. We all need to help keep this community as safe as possible

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

Problem is though you can’t stop them all it’s impossible but just be aware of the warning signs

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By *verageguy123Man
over a year ago

Selby

I agree with you, whatever goes on between two people should always stay between them only and anything sent in private should be for the recipriants eyes only. I’m sure if the sender wanted it broadcasting they would upload it to an appropriate site

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By *Cocksucker84Man
over a year ago

newcastle

It's a decency thing. If I hadn't done that and made out that I was OK with his behaviour it sends the message that I'd think it was ok for him to share anything I might have sent him. I was gutted because he is an attractive guy but his actions either came out of a lack of common sense or he really is just an immoral person. I mean that video could have been of a relative or someone close to me. I hope your situation sorts itself. There's some shitbags out there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Problem is though you can’t stop them all it’s impossible but just be aware of the warning signs"

I'm not sure what a warning sign for this would be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/08/18 01:48:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can trace the breakdown in respect and discretion pretty much to when cams were allowed in chat rooms. This attracted people who were not Swingers who paid no attention to accepted etiquettes and basically couldn't care less as long as they knocked one out.

Add in the general 'anything goes' attitude in Social Media where you get your phone out and film someone injured in a road to post on YT rather than run to help them and you have a perfect storm of abuse and lack of respect.

All this clever technology just makes it easier for certain people to be bigger pricks then they would have been

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim


"Problem is though you can’t stop them all it’s impossible but just be aware of the warning signs

I'm not sure what a warning sign for this would be"

them asking for more

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim


"Problem is though you can’t stop them all it’s impossible but just be aware of the warning signs

I'm not sure what a warning sign for this would be

them asking for more"

Pictures or your private number

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Problem is though you can’t stop them all it’s impossible but just be aware of the warning signs

I'm not sure what a warning sign for this would be

them asking for more

Pictures or your private number"

I have no idea what you are on about. My photos are on fab and we spoke on the phone to see if we has chemistry with a view arranging a meet.

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Last guy I met for a social obviously thought I’d make a good partner in crime for him and messaged a couple he’d played with to discuss me. Even though I’m part of a couple, I was inundated with messages from this couple he’d told me he’d played with recently and a random friend request from them.

A block from me, fortunately he’s no longer on the site either.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

That was such a crap thing to do!

Some people just have no thoughts outside themselves these days.

I hope you put them straight and it’s a shame you can’t just put them so other women here have less chance to experience that too.

Hope it turns out ok x

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Last guy I met for a social obviously thought I’d make a good partner in crime for him and messaged a couple he’d played with to discuss me. Even though I’m part of a couple, I was inundated with messages from this couple he’d told me he’d played with recently and a random friend request from them.

A block from me, fortunately he’s no longer on the site either. "

He was lucky to escape with all his body parts!!

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland


"Last guy I met for a social obviously thought I’d make a good partner in crime for him and messaged a couple he’d played with to discuss me. Even though I’m part of a couple, I was inundated with messages from this couple he’d told me he’d played with recently and a random friend request from them.

A block from me, fortunately he’s no longer on the site either.

He was lucky to escape with all his body parts!! "

Well I have this little box under my pillow.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somebody who I had arranged to meet told somebody else when we were meeting and showed them my photos offline.

I cancelled the meeting. These are trust basics. If something is not yours or involves someone else then don't share. If I can't trust you with these type of things how can I trust you with bigger issues?

This is particularly hurtful as I am from a close knit community that makes it hard for me to play and be open about my sexuality. And in this community talk and reputations travel like wildfire and everyone knows someone who knows you. This person is also familiar with this.

I'm not looking for advice, thank you. I'm asking you to consider carefully before sharing anything that is not exclusively yours."
I'm sorry I have respect for what you are wanting and I wouldn't share but your veris are out there advertising you your 35 public pics are to and many people guys anybody can download your pics and post and send them anywhere, I think you're being a little naive if you think you can maintain the privacy you want with the public profile you have

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Somebody who I had arranged to meet told somebody else when we were meeting and showed them my photos offline.

I cancelled the meeting. These are trust basics. If something is not yours or involves someone else then don't share. If I can't trust you with these type of things how can I trust you with bigger issues?

This is particularly hurtful as I am from a close knit community that makes it hard for me to play and be open about my sexuality. And in this community talk and reputations travel like wildfire and everyone knows someone who knows you. This person is also familiar with this.

I'm not looking for advice, thank you. I'm asking you to consider carefully before sharing anything that is not exclusively yours.I'm sorry I have respect for what you are wanting and I wouldn't share but your veris are out there advertising you your 35 public pics are to and many people guys anybody can download your pics and post and send them anywhere, I think you're being a little naive if you think you can maintain the privacy you want with the public profile you have "

Anyone can r*pe me If I meet them. I am not asking for you to give me a reality check. I wrote a post for people to act with integrity. It's the difference between the law and morality. Thanks for your unsolicited advice when you literally quoted me saying 'im not asking for advice). If you want to help the you should have stopped at 'but'. If you want to help, reinforce my message, amplify my voice. Don't other yourself the victim blame. This is not a race to the bottom.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

I totally agree that it's wrong for someone to show your pictures around telling others you are meeting.

What I find a bit difficult to understand is you saying you want to be discrete but you have a full face picture on your profile with a cock in your mouth. Girl power and all that no judgement in the slightest , but it just seems that could cause more problems than the guy down the pub ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I totally agree that it's wrong for someone to show your pictures around telling others you are meeting.

What I find a bit difficult to understand is you saying you want to be discrete but you have a full face picture on your profile with a cock in your mouth. Girl power and all that no judgement in the slightest , but it just seems that could cause more problems than the guy down the pub ? "

Even if I did have a full front on face photo which I don't it's irrelevant. I don't want any part of my body being shown when photos belong to me except for someone who comes on the site and views me the through their profile. That's why the pic is on there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I totally agree that it's wrong for someone to show your pictures around telling others you are meeting.

What I find a bit difficult to understand is you saying you want to be discrete but you have a full face picture on your profile with a cock in your mouth. Girl power and all that no judgement in the slightest , but it just seems that could cause more problems than the guy down the pub ?

Even if I did have a full front on face photo which I don't it's irrelevant. I don't want any part of my body being shown when photos belong to me except for someone who comes on the site and views me the through their profile. That's why the pic is on there."

Also I have removed that photo on and off over the years. One guy recognised me from 15 years back from my body only. It's not just about being identified it's about right to privacy and sharing my images with my autonomy. You cannot even do CCTV without people's knowledge.

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By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds


"I totally agree that it's wrong for someone to show your pictures around telling others you are meeting.

What I find a bit difficult to understand is you saying you want to be discrete but you have a full face picture on your profile with a cock in your mouth. Girl power and all that no judgement in the slightest , but it just seems that could cause more problems than the guy down the pub ?

Even if I did have a full front on face photo which I don't it's irrelevant. I don't want any part of my body being shown when photos belong to me except for someone who comes on the site and views me the through their profile. That's why the pic is on there.

Also I have removed that photo on and off over the years. One guy recognised me from 15 years back from my body only. It's not just about being identified it's about right to privacy and sharing my images with my autonomy. You cannot even do CCTV without people's knowledge."

Yeah I agreed sharing your pics was wrong in my post x

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