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Maths Test

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love you op

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Did his neighbours see him through the kitchen window

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Love you op "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

42?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Did his neighbours see him through the kitchen window "

Hmmm....this is a possible variable I didn’t factor into the proceedings; Indeed, if he performed his measurements in haste after being spotted, he may have invalidated his recorded findings.....

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"42? "

That sounds about right to me; I have no idea the answers myself as I only got an ‘E’ (for excellence obviously) in maths at GCSE level

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weight of bollocks 1.3 stone. A single bollock half of that.

As a percentage (12.4/13.7)*100=90, so the bollocks are approx 10%

With one bollock he weighs 13.7-0.65 = 13.35

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Weight of bollocks 1.3 stone. A single bollock half of that.

As a percentage (12.4/13.7)*100=90, so the bollocks are approx 10%

With one bollock he weighs 13.7-0.65 = 13.35

"

Great workings out

With his balls making up an approximate tenth of his total body weight, I think that the next digits Dave should seriously be considering, should be his Doctor’s phone number.....rather urgently...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

"

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c. "

For accuracy, shouldn't that be b+b-c or 2b-c ?

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c.

For accuracy, shouldn't that be b+b-c or 2b-c ? "

No it must be 2b+c=1.3 stone.

But who decimalised stones any way, 1.3 stone should actually be 1 stone 4 1/5 ounces.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c.

For accuracy, shouldn't that be b+b-c or 2b-c ?

No it must be 2b+c=1.3 stone.

But who decimalised stones any way, 1.3 stone should actually be 1 stone 4 1/5 ounces. "

I think it has been established that 2b+c =1.3 stones. So therefore to find the correct weight for 2 bollocks must be 2b-c ? Unless of course the cock was so small that it made no difference to the reading on the scales

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

So many questions. Did he shave his balls? Did he empty his sack beforehand? Is it balls plus sperm? What if he had an hard on? The mind boggles

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"

I think it has been established that 2b+c =1.3 stones. So therefore to find the correct weight for 2 bollocks must be 2b-c ? Unless of course the cock was so small that it made no difference to the reading on the scales "

But it would still need to be 2b=1.3-c

Tell Dave to go back and weigh his cock.

Cal

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By *ionicfingerMan
over a year ago

...

This is what 420 friendly does to your brain OP

Shouldn’t legalise it at all lol

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Strewth! There are more variables here than one can shake a shitty stick at

Thinking about it logically, Dave is also full of alcohol which may have added a small but certainly significant amount of liquid weight to his ultimate scale reading......unless of course he took the opportunity to piss in the sink whilst clutching his balls over the side in order to abate it (the augmented weight) back to normal.

Indeed, what with all this scrotum, balls and todger manipulation at the sinks edge going on, Dave may well have developed an excited hard on which could have conceivably, due to the blood rushing into and being trapped in the shaft, again altered (albeit ever so slightly) his balls and dick ultimate weight.

And....we’re assuming of course that Dave has an average endowment in all this.....he may have a cock like an African Bull Elephant which will likely carry some not inconsiderable weight in itself (and even more so when at full mast)

......I am thus myself, rendered highly discombobulated....

......So much so that I intend to go and fondle my own genetalia over my wash basin

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

If he dipped his balls into a tank of water and took note of how much he displaces, then take the density of balls (I'm sure there's a chart for that somewhere) he could work out how much they weighed

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"If he dipped his balls into a tank of water and took note of how much he displaces, then take the density of balls (I'm sure there's a chart for that somewhere) he could work out how much they weighed"

Eureka! Archimedes would indeed concur on this course of scientific action

We know that Dave’s balls are fairly sizeable so he’ll need to lower them into a bath tub of water (being simultaneously mindful not to lower any other part of himself in of course and equally as important, noting the exact volume of water introduced).

The good news is, the said technique will also give an accurate gauge as to his penile mass in addition from the water volume displacement

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By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark


"If he dipped his balls into a tank of water and took note of how much he displaces, then take the density of balls (I'm sure there's a chart for that somewhere) he could work out how much they weighed

Eureka! Archimedes would indeed concur on this course of scientific action

We know that Dave’s balls are fairly sizeable so he’ll need to lower them into a bath tub of water (being simultaneously mindful not to lower any other part of himself in of course and equally as important, noting the exact volume of water introduced).

The good news is, the said technique will also give an accurate gauge as to his penile mass in addition from the water volume displacement

"

And he'd have squeaky clean balls

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"Weight of bollocks 1.3 stone. A single bollock half of that.

As a percentage (12.4/13.7)*100=90, so the bollocks are approx 10%

With one bollock he weighs 13.7-0.65 = 13.35

"

The maths is right but the physics is wrong.

As soon as he touches anything, however lightly, the weight read by the scales is going to inaccurate. The only way you could this experiment properly be done would be to cut his balls of completely. Then, assuming no significant blood loss, he could weigh himself again and subtract it from the first to get the weight of his balls. Alternative, having cut his balls of, he could just weigh them directly (thus avoiding any errors caused by excessive blood loss).

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c.

For accuracy, shouldn't that be b+b-c or 2b-c ?

No it must be 2b+c=1.3 stone.

But who decimalised stones any way, 1.3 stone should actually be 1 stone 4 1/5 ounces. "

So b = (1.3 - c)/2

If it wasn't for the flaw in the Physics he could find the value of c by putting 2b below the sink lip.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

When Dave balanced his balls on the edge of the sink the weight of his penis was also lost regardless of how big his balls were.

The 1.3 stone therefore = b + b + c or 2b + c.

For accuracy, shouldn't that be b+b-c or 2b-c ?

No it must be 2b+c=1.3 stone.

But who decimalised stones any way, 1.3 stone should actually be 1 stone 4 1/5 ounces.

I think it has been established that 2b+c =1.3 stones. So therefore to find the correct weight for 2 bollocks must be 2b-c ? Unless of course the cock was so small that it made no difference to the reading on the scales "

No, the correct weight of 2b would be 1.3-c.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how many men are trying to weigh their balls now.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"I wonder how many men are trying to weigh their balls now."

I'm weighting for someone to weigh them for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His balls weigh 8.99% of his bodyweight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should have coverted in weight into pounds to get an accurate figure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just tried the same thing with my tits - and frightened myself half to death...

How much...???...!!!

Oh 'eck...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

18lb. 9lb per ball??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has my brain hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"18lb. 9lb per ball?? "

Sorry 8.5 per ball

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

Dave could have saved himself a whole load of aggro simply by whipping the balls out on his local greengrocers scales.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes


"18lb. 9lb per ball?? "

Very sexy pics for someone who says they're a geek. xx

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester


"Weight of bollocks 1.3 stone. A single bollock half of that.

As a percentage (12.4/13.7)*100=90, so the bollocks are approx 10%

With one bollock he weighs 13.7-0.65 = 13.35

"

If his balls were in the sink where is his dick ?

The weight of that has not been mentioned.

Don’t go to his house as just think you may end up washing your hands at some point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Weight of bollocks 1.3 stone. A single bollock half of that.

As a percentage (12.4/13.7)*100=90, so the bollocks are approx 10%

With one bollock he weighs 13.7-0.65 = 13.35

If his balls were in the sink where is his dick ?

The weight of that has not been mentioned.

Don’t go to his house as just think you may end up washing your hands at some point "

His dick is hanging unsupported, so it's part of the body weight. Unless he's laid it out over his bollocks, which would be supported.

But if he got a stiffy, it would again become part if the bodyweight.

So bearing that in mind, his cock had been excluded for such reasons.

If the sink is chilly, he'll suffer shriveled scrotum. Again a significant factor in bloodflow and subsequent weight changes.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Weight is measured in Newtons. Every one is using units of mass. You didn’t say what planet Dave was from and therefore what the acceleration due to gravity is!

As Dave doesn’t sound human, it’s good to check this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the interests of keeping your brains fit and functional.....

One evening Dave (whilst heavily inebriated) decides for reasons best known only unto himself, to measure exactly how much his bollocks weigh.

Being mindful of the correct scientific technique, he firstly stands himself on some bathroom scales and determines that he presently weighs in at 13.7 stones.

Next, rearranging the scales by his sink unit, Dave weighs himself again, this time carefully balancing his balls on the edge of the sink.

He notices that according to the scales, he now weighs 12.4 stones exactly (oh, I forgot to mention that Dave has extraordinarily large balls, possibly as a result of either a) Elephantiasis or b) Exposure to Gamma radiation or something.....but I digress)

Anyhoo, here is the question for you:

A) How much do Dave’s balls actually weigh.....as a percentage of his total body weight?

B) Assuming that each testicle is the same weight, if by some freak accident, one of Dave’s balls were to fall off, how much would he subsequently weigh?

Good luck

"
10% and 11.1 stone but this is ballox

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Maybe he could weigh himself again while I gently lift his balls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe he could weigh himself again while I gently lift his balls "
2stone 6pound ballox you'll have to use two hands

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By *unniebee1970Woman
over a year ago

The Hive

Dave's a knob..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dave's a knob.. "
door?

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester


"Dave's a knob.. "

And also a Repeater

Good old Dave

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By *unniebee1970Woman
over a year ago

The Hive

Three cheers for Dave..hip hip....

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Dave would fall over backwards

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Update: Due to the excessive weight of his almighty balls, Dave’s knees have subsequently given up the ghost.

In fact, a visit to his local GP and a follow up scan at the hospital reveal that Dave requires not only a double knee replacement but that his hips are additionally fucked to.

Determined to remain positive however, Dave decides to employ some maths to the situation;

Deciding to go for private healthcare, Dave calculates that the requisite operations will cost around £6000. He furthermore calculates his present bank balance which totals a whopping £237.

Dave realises that he doesn’t quite have enough to pay for his treatment...

Undeterred however, Dave promptly opts for a new found career as a porn star to garner in some quick cash.

If Dave is paid £125 per ‘money shot’, how many onscreen ejaculations will Dave need to let fly before he can afford his knee surgery?

Also, if Dave averages out an average of 900 million sperm per ejaculate, how many sperm will have been expended by the time Dave is able to afford his surgery?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder what sort of trousers Dave wears?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pass!!!

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Yeah but if train A leaves the station at a speed of 70kph and heads towards Daves bollocks 20miles away is he in a fit state and strong enough to pick them up off the track in time

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Yeah but if train A leaves the station at a speed of 70kph and heads towards Daves bollocks 20miles away is he in a fit state and strong enough to pick them up off the track in time"

You have a real thing for removing body parts!!

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland


"Yeah but if train A leaves the station at a speed of 70kph and heads towards Daves bollocks 20miles away is he in a fit state and strong enough to pick them up off the track in time

You have a real thing for removing body parts!! "

Haha have hobnob

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Yeah but if train A leaves the station at a speed of 70kph and heads towards Daves bollocks 20miles away is he in a fit state and strong enough to pick them up off the track in time

You have a real thing for removing body parts!!

Haha have hobnob "

I get scared when you’re nice to me

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