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However in a sexual situation I would be very unsure of how to approach you and wary of asking the wrong question.
Not cool to admit the above but there it is.
What questions would you feel comfortable being asked?
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"I think you've answered your own question in your post. In a social situation I would just chat to you as I would any other person although I'm not sure if I should refer to you as they or he (maybe you can enlighten me on that) .
However in a sexual situation I would be very unsure of how to approach you and wary of asking the wrong question.
Not cool to admit the above but there it is.
What questions would you feel comfortable being asked?
"Hey thanks for being honest . I don't mind they or he pronouns used. And thanks for asking instead of just assuming .
I think the usual type of questions that are good to ask to clear the air and to show respect for any trans person are: what type of sex are you into, what can I call and not call your parts and what pronouns do you like to use.
This way I don't feel like a fetish or simply a sexual object. I feel I'm respected. And that I'm actually seen as the correct gender. | |||
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"I don’t know any trans people so I’m watching this thread with interest. I wonder if it’s the worry/fear (not sure if those are the right words,sorry) of saying the wrong thing iykwim? Where I work there’s a m2f trans & people avoid her terribly & I feel awful for her (not in a patronizing way). I always say hello to her by name when I see her (I say hello to everyone) even though she seems ‘wary’ of me although I have no idea why? Guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter the gender or race,we all bleed the same colour & smile in the same language." Yep thank you . And I agree with you.
Trust me you won't offend a trans person by simply asking how they'd like to be referred as or by asking if they'd mind answering some questions about being trans.
For me I don't mind answering some questions if the guy seems genuinely curious/interested or/and genuinely clueless . But not if I can tell the guy is going to ask a question then argue about my answer, if I'm going to have to go over my whole trans life story (I'm just here for a fuck mate and there's more to me than being trans) or its a simple question he can just Google. Like what does ftm mean *facepalm*.
I think with the trans woman you mentioned she could just be nervous still of being out and fearful of you saying something personal/offensive; so still has her guard up.
I'm out as trans at my workplace (4 months since I started) and still a bit wary around the people in my office. | |||
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"I know the following isn’t really trans related but here goes. When I suffered the loss of my baby 8 years ago,people avoided me at all costs,as if they didn’t know what to say,like they were going to make things worse for me by mentioning it & that it would go away. I just wanted a bit of human kindness,that it was nothing to fear & that talking would be better than ignoring me. How can we learn about people if we don’t don’t ask about them,how they are feeling & how they are coping. People who are trans,people who suffer any kind of loss,are not to be feared. " Thanks for this . I sometimes wish my coworkers would just come up to me and ask me questions. I work somewhere very accepting but it'd make me feel a lot more at ease if people would just ask me a question about being trans | |||
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"I know the following isn’t really trans related but here goes. When I suffered the loss of my baby 8 years ago,people avoided me at all costs,as if they didn’t know what to say,like they were going to make things worse for me by mentioning it & that it would go away. I just wanted a bit of human kindness,that it was nothing to fear & that talking would be better than ignoring me. How can we learn about people if we don’t don’t ask about them,how they are feeling & how they are coping. People who are trans,people who suffer any kind of loss,are not to be feared. Thanks for this . I sometimes wish my coworkers would just come up to me and ask me questions. I work somewhere very accepting but it'd make me feel a lot more at ease if people would just ask me a question about being trans"I read so much about equality and diversity and the implication is (or so it seems to me) that we should all know how to address trans people without actually being told, but we don't. There are also *some* trans people who are very aggressive of you get it wrong. It's awkward, we don't know what to say so we say nothing. How can that gap be bridged? I have a relative who we have just learned is trans. This discussion will be useful for me. | |||
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"I know the following isn’t really trans related but here goes. When I suffered the loss of my baby 8 years ago,people avoided me at all costs,as if they didn’t know what to say,like they were going to make things worse for me by mentioning it & that it would go away. I just wanted a bit of human kindness,that it was nothing to fear & that talking would be better than ignoring me. How can we learn about people if we don’t don’t ask about them,how they are feeling & how they are coping. People who are trans,people who suffer any kind of loss,are not to be feared. Thanks for this . I sometimes wish my coworkers would just come up to me and ask me questions. I work somewhere very accepting but it'd make me feel a lot more at ease if people would just ask me a question about being trans
I read so much about equality and diversity and the implication is (or so it seems to me) that we should all know how to address trans people without actually being told, but we don't. There are also *some* trans people who are very aggressive of you get it wrong. It's awkward, we don't know what to say so we say nothing. How can that gap be bridged?
I have a relative who we have just learned is trans. This discussion will be useful for me."Yep I get it. I can sometimes be snappy with guys because I'm so tired of the ignorance and general not thinking before speaking. There are some useful sites out there to get more info. Gendered Intelligence is particularly good and has some useful resources on their webpage | |||
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"I think a lot is people being scared of being called out as homophobic or something if they start questioning what’s what. Ultimately it’s human nature to be unsure of things that are “different” and a lot of people react differently. Where I work is a m2f who has had a tiny bit of facial feminising surgery but other than that still looks like a man with long hair and dresses like a man. Uproar was caused a while ago when she had a letter from management where it addressed her as Mr instead of the Ms that it was supposed to be changed to. She thought it was hilarious but the union ripped the managers to shreds lol. Personally I see everyone as human regardless of gender, colour, religion, sexuality etc. I’m just the sort of person who finds it difficult to start a conversation with anyone I don’t know so could come across im standing off, but it’s really not the case. So am I right that you’re a f2m?? I read and reread your profile and confused myself lol "Cheers Just want to point out that it can seem a tad offensive saying a woman looks or dresses like a man. Another thing is clothes have no gender...
And I'll let you guess what I am; why would a woman call herself a dude | |||
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"I think a lot is people being scared of being called out as homophobic or something if they start questioning what’s what. Ultimately it’s human nature to be unsure of things that are “different” and a lot of people react differently. Where I work is a m2f who has had a tiny bit of facial feminising surgery but other than that still looks like a man with long hair and dresses like a man. Uproar was caused a while ago when she had a letter from management where it addressed her as Mr instead of the Ms that it was supposed to be changed to. She thought it was hilarious but the union ripped the managers to shreds lol. Personally I see everyone as human regardless of gender, colour, religion, sexuality etc. I’m just the sort of person who finds it difficult to start a conversation with anyone I don’t know so could come across im standing off, but it’s really not the case. So am I right that you’re a f2m?? I read and reread your profile and confused myself lol
Cheers Just want to point out that it can seem a tad offensive saying a woman looks or dresses like a man. Another thing is clothes have no gender...
And I'll let you guess what I am; why would a woman call herself a dude "Or a guy | |||
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"I think a lot is people being scared of being called out as homophobic or something if they start questioning what’s what. Ultimately it’s human nature to be unsure of things that are “different” and a lot of people react differently. Where I work is a m2f who has had a tiny bit of facial feminising surgery but other than that still looks like a man with long hair and dresses like a man. Uproar was caused a while ago when she had a letter from management where it addressed her as Mr instead of the Ms that it was supposed to be changed to. She thought it was hilarious but the union ripped the managers to shreds lol. Personally I see everyone as human regardless of gender, colour, religion, sexuality etc. I’m just the sort of person who finds it difficult to start a conversation with anyone I don’t know so could come across im standing off, but it’s really not the case. So am I right that you’re a f2m?? I read and reread your profile and confused myself lol
Cheers Just want to point out that it can seem a tad offensive saying a woman looks or dresses like a man. Another thing is clothes have no gender...
And I'll let you guess what I am; why would a woman call herself a dude "I completely get that about the offence thing, and it wasn’t intended that way, but you quite often overhear people (quite often members of the public) saying these things. As I said, makes no difference to me whether they male or female or trans or anything. I treat everyone the same. As for the woman calling herself a dude - I know a few lesbians who call themselves just that lol. And my guess as to what you are is........ a human being | |||
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" How can that gap be bridged? " That is really the million dollar question isn't it, not just in regard to this conversation. But for anyone outside what society deems as "normal" (of course the fact that normal is a myth doesn't matter). The answer is visibility and familiarity. Slowly but surely the barriers come down, and we can all help by talking to friends, family, work colleagues, (and even strangers on the bus) about all the marginalised groups in our communities. I remember how shocked my Uncle was when "The Gay Bloke" he worked with, turned out to be a huge football fan. Suddenly he was Dave the fellow U's fan... | |||
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" How can that gap be bridged? That is really the million dollar question isn't it, not just in regard to this conversation. But for anyone outside what society deems as "normal" (of course the fact that normal is a myth doesn't matter). The answer is visibility and familiarity. Slowly but surely the barriers come down, and we can all help by talking to friends, family, work colleagues, (and even strangers on the bus) about all the marginalised groups in our communities. I remember how shocked my Uncle was when "The Gay Bloke" he worked with, turned out to be a huge football fan. Suddenly he was Dave the fellow U's fan... " Yeah I find being trans is like how being gay was 10-15 yrs ago. Tolerated but not quite fully understood | |||
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"Your profile is very short. I am trans myself and i understand but a couple of lines in your profile would help just for clarity imo. Also lots of guys on fabguys are gay or just really like cock. With your original plumbing this may not be what they are lookig for. " Yeah I thought it best to keep it brief and get straight to the point. I find no guy reads long descriptions and I didn't want to seem bossy 
Interestingly I've found a lot of gay guys prefer what I have over cock | |||
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"Your profile is very short. I am trans myself and i understand but a couple of lines in your profile would help just for clarity imo. Also lots of guys on fabguys are gay or just really like cock. With your original plumbing this may not be what they are lookig for. Yeah I thought it best to keep it brief and get straight to the point. I find no guy reads long descriptions and I didn't want to seem bossy
Interestingly I've found a lot of gay guys prefer what I have over cock "So what was the point of your topic again? I thoughy you wanted help... Sounds like you are doing fine
I do very well when not hidden and i have a long profile description so just trying to help. | |||
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