FabSwingers.com forum: Things porn has taught us

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That women always look pleasantly surprised when they unzip a man’s trousers & a cock pops out

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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago

Cardiff

That you don't need lube for either vaginal or anal sex. Just force it in dry fellas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That men really can multi task. You watch how quick a laptop can be shut down and the tissues hidden when there's a knock at the door!

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

Leeds

That a man will always think women orgasm scream and squirt

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By *pforfun1234562016Couple
over a year ago

leamington spa

That bloke can fuck loads of women in pussy and arse one after another lasts for hours and no disease lol

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's okay to fuck the baby sitter, the estate agent, the fitness instructor and your sisters best friend.

Totally acceptable infact

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Women never have headaches or periods!

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"It's okay to fuck the baby sitter, the estate agent, the fitness instructor and your sisters best friend.

Totally acceptable infact"

All in the same scene

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

That all women want to be treated like a fuck toy.

That face fucking is better than a sensual blow job.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Women always wear high heels to bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They don't grow pubic hair

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

Washing machines are really unreliable

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Black guys if you play basketball it will increase your chances of a gangbang with your team mates when the skanky little blonde chic walks past the court

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Pizza delivery guys are hot as are plumbers

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

All milfs have plastic tits

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Every move has a label.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Men are always rock hard & ready to go

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Step mums will fuck anything under the same roof.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That BDSM consists purely of calling someone names, tieing them up, slapping them about a bit and generally treating them like sub-humans (no pun intended!!)

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

All women really love spunk in their faces

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That it's possible to go from 100% straight to fully bisexual in less than a minute with the right encouragement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How to have bad sex!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nurses suck patients cocks

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

That it's a great idea to finger and/or fist someone with inch long talons

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Women rarely take their shoes off.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That simply getting into the back of a taxi turns you into an instant porn star

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Nurses suck patients cocks"

Only if you go private

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

That shop assistants who offer to help you in the changing rooms have ulterior motives

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Nurses suck patients cocks

Only if you go private

Haha

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

That all aspiring actresses have to give a blow job / fuck the director on the casting couch to get the job!!!

(Wonder if Jennifer Anniston had to do that!))??

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"Nurses suck patients cocks

Only if you go private

Haha

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That all black men would make a horse gulp with envy in the cock department.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Nurses suck patients cocks

Only if you go private

So that's what BUPA stands for - Blowjobs Undertaken Penises Attended

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Women don't really mind if you rip their clothes apart

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By *lameroticTV/TS
over a year ago

London W1

That shemales are extremely popular and an object of fascination for innumerable straight men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That anything can be resolved with sex.

Late on rent? Sorted!

Step son going to reveal naughty secrets to hubby? Only one way to keep that schtum!

Driving instructor about to fail you? You know they'll soon overlook that near miss with the lady pushing the pram on a crossing.

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By *ubble ManMan
over a year ago

Sheppey

"Women always wear high heels to bed

I can never understand that one have you ever kept your shoes on when having sex

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"Women always wear high heels to bed

I can never understand that one have you ever kept your shoes on when having sex

Christ no!!! I’m worried I’ll poke em in the eye!!!

Infact, my clothes come off far to easily to!!

Whoops... my bad!

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By *rLucky777Man
over a year ago

Leeds

That women love to beg for cum in their mouth and face and aren’t satisfied until they have every last drop from multiple cocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That women don't need any foreplay other than sucking his cock

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country

That cheesy music still isn't sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That all women are happy to pay gardeners 'in kind'.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Nobody pays for a taxi

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Wearing socks whilst shaving is a cool look....

Also remember that if you are in a mfm, give the other dude a “hi-five”

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Wearing socks whilst shaving is a cool look....

Also remember that if you are in a mfm, give the other dude a “hi-five”"

Shaving... meant bloody shaging!! Blooming auto correct

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All porn actresses can have screaming orgasms with no foreplay and simply by being ploughed and giving blow jobs.

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

An unannounced facial is always readily appreciated

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Arse to mouth is compulsory

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

If a woman stops and shits on your chest mid fuck, you should congratulate her rather than throw her out.

I presume we all watch that kind of thing.

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

Condoms are completely unnecessary and women really do want their anus’ to resemble road kill after being bonked!

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"If a woman stops and shits on your chest mid fuck, you should congratulate her rather than throw her out.

I presume we all watch that kind of thing."

Oh Jesus WHAT have you been watching!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That anyone who works for a service (plumbers, postmen, builder etc) is well up for it!

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"If a woman stops and shits on your chest mid fuck, you should congratulate her rather than throw her out.

I presume we all watch that kind of thing.

Oh Jesus WHAT have you been watching!!!!! "

Just normal stuff, my mate was telling me about this kind of behaviour. Naturally I was disgusted of course and didn't want to hear another word about it.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

That there's no need to even try to protect your sofa, carpet, rug etc from the most copious volumes of bodily fluids

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"That there's no need to even try to protect your sofa, carpet, rug etc from the most copious volumes of bodily fluids"

No need to clean the swimming pool either

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"If a woman stops and shits on your chest mid fuck, you should congratulate her rather than throw her out.

I presume we all watch that kind of thing.

Oh Jesus WHAT have you been watching!!!!!

Just normal stuff, my mate was telling me about this kind of behaviour. Naturally I was disgusted of course and didn't want to hear another word about it.

Lol. Time to find new friends? Lol

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By *all TroubleMan
over a year ago

Southampton

That if you get caught by your father/mother/brother/ sister they will automatically jump at the chance to join in the fun

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By *all TroubleMan
over a year ago

Southampton

Or worse try to get the filter clean on the hot tub

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

That all women squirt violently enough to put out a forest fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something always has to break down before you get sex.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That the only way to have sex is in a position that a camera can get a close up of all the gory detail

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

All women think Ron Jeremy is HOTT

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

Time flows differently during oral sex depending on the sex of the person receiving it;

Men = 15 minutes of deep throating and gagging.

Women = 2 seconds of licking that probably wouldn't even make a stamp stick.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That it's possible to go from being scared of anal to "shove it hard up my arse" in under a minute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That you can tie a jealous partner to a chair with just a handkerchief and he wont be able to break free as you work through the football team infront of him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All womem love being called milfs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The moment your hair is in pigtails you become a teen

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"The moment your hair is in pigtails you become a teen"

No schoolgirl looks under the age of 30

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That you can tie a jealous partner to a chair with just a handkerchief and he wont be able to break free as you work through the football team infront of him. "

This gave me a good laugh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women only love to be fucked to within an inch of their lives, and have to have the biggest cock in the world to gag on and stretch their homes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The moment your hair is in pigtails you become a teen"

And act like an idiot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That women's intuition is real - they know exactly the split second to jump up off their backs ready and drop to their knees for a facial.

"That BDSM consists purely of calling someone names, tieing them up, slapping them about a bit and generally treating them like sub-humans (no pun intended!!)"

There was a time where BDSM porn was the polar opposite. Simpler times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women only love to be fucked to within an inch of their lives, and have to have the biggest cock in the world to gag on and stretch their homes."

Never understood why directors have them 'gagging' with as little as an inch of cock in their mouths

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That you need to be wary of stepping on a train in Japan if your a lone woman .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It also teaches young guys not to clean there room because there (absolutely stunning stepmom) will come in kick off then shag the hell out of them

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

You should always 'high five' when spitroasting!

Men should always cum on the women's faces while they say "oh yes baby."

Women should always say "you're SO big"

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"That women always look pleasantly surprised when they unzip a man’s trousers & a cock pops out

Hahahahaha

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

7” heels are compulsory

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

People who fuck in kitchens do so in the most modern, up to date, sparkling clean kitchen you have ever seen.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"People who fuck in kitchens do so in the most modern, up to date, sparkling clean kitchen you have ever seen."

Except one of the items in it will have broke and need someone to come round with his "toolbox" and fix it

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That even ugly blokes can pull stunners....if they have a big cock!!

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

All taxi journeys finish at the end of the driveway behind the lockup’s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That your mates mum is dying to fuck you

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

That your mates mum is dying to fuck you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there an echo

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

Don’t copy it lol

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

That walking in on a couple having sex automatically means you'll get to join in. Either you'll be invited to join or just whip your trousers off and simply join in anyway. Apparently no one will mind and you'll probably be enjoying anal and dp within minutes.

That women like to be forcefully face fucked until they're making noises that sound like Donald Duck drowning in a bathtub.

That watersports can be enjoyed in all rooms of the house.

That female bosses apparently wear stockings and suspenders and all kinds of sexy underwear under their clothes every day.

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"Time flows differently during oral sex depending on the sex of the person receiving it;

Men = 15 minutes of deep throating and gagging.

Women = 2 seconds of licking that probably wouldn't even make a stamp stick."

Oh that’s very true! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spitting on genitals is hot.

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By *oftandGentle2Couple
over a year ago

leeds

“

That women like to be forcefully face fucked until they're making noises that sound like Donald Duck drowning in a bathtub”

I just spat out my Coke Zero at that one!!!!!! Pmsl

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Is there an echo"

That your mums mate is trying to fuck you too

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

All men are very handsome, toned and tanned and have big cocks

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That being called into the bosses office "for a quiet word" either means you're going to get fucked or spanked or possibly both!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying ‘Mmmmmm, not bad. Let’s fuck !’

Is often a good enough chat up line, to get down and dirty.

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

And on a practical note, it's taught a lot of young men to be very much more talented lovers than they were 20 yrs ago at that age haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That it’s okay to be a taxi driver and fuck your customers

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

That rubber/silicone/glass dildos are surprisingly tasty and ecstasy inducing given the enthusiasm with which they're so often chowed down on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That being called into the bosses office "for a quiet word" either means you're going to get fucked or spanked or possibly both!!"

*sighs* there are times I really hate being my own boss

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true "

I am howling at this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Broken electrical appliances immediately start working when the repair man turns up.

No repair man sucks his teeth says mmmmm you've got problem here...it's going to be expensive

Repair men turn up when They say they will

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

That the correct clothing for a woman inviting a repair man into the house is skimpy and must be designed to ride up as she bends over revealing that she has no knickers on underneath

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true

I am howling at this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true

I am howling at this one

Like seriously dying now - snorting,making seal noises,clapping hands,the whole shebang

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That all women are fine to take it bareback with strangers/people they know little about, and that if a woman does swallow or take a facial the only alternative is to take a risk and potentially knock her up.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true

I am howling at this one

Like seriously dying now - snorting,making seal noises,clapping hands,the whole shebang

Circus porn, you didn't think those cream pies in the face were squirt cream now did ya?

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

That if you frantically finger blast a woman she will eventually squirt

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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

How bad some interior decor is.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That going to prison will make your wildest fantasies come true

I am howling at this one

Like seriously dying now - snorting,making seal noises,clapping hands,the whole shebang

Circus porn, you didn't think those cream pies in the face were squirt cream now did ya?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That if you frantically finger blast a woman she will eventually squirt "

That's another - apparently all women squirt, and it takes no effort beyond mercilessly rubbing her pussy and finger stabbing her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That guys can jizz on comand x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That if you frantically finger blast a woman she will eventually squirt "

No hun, that’s not it. There’s a technique to making a woman squirt, rather than finger straight in, you need to actually finger up hitting the top wall of the pussy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That if you frantically finger blast a woman she will eventually squirt

No hun, that’s not it. There’s a technique to making a woman squirt, rather than finger straight in, you need to actually finger up hitting the top wall of the pussy xx"

The g spot x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

That all men have monster dicks that woman can just swallow up into their chomp chamber without complaint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That women are all like fountains, love to be fucked beyond hard and there are no limits

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

" That women like to be forcefully face fucked until they're making noises that sound like Donald Duck drowning in a bathtub."

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

That all women love a mouthful of come and we actually love it in our hair/eyes/nose

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That all men have monster dicks that woman can just swallow up into their chomp chamber without complaint."

Chomp chamber. I’m dead

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Porn has me thinking I CAN do the housework in those heels I can't walk in

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

That women don't sweat while fucking. Or the men for that matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one ever has slightly dodgy, seen better days underwear. And bosoms and bottoms always heave out of our everyday micro skirts and crop tops. Men spend their days topless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That I must have an enormous penis.

Oh hang on, scrap that reverse it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That women don't sweat while fucking. Or the men for that matter"

Omg

that is so true . . .

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Job interviews today are always just about having instant sex, sometimes with colleagues joining in, where the interviewee gets jack-hammered moments after a welcome.

Everyone loves cum in their eyes - to make you flatter your lashes more.

Tourists and people about town relish being ambushed by a guy with a camera, without concern for car parking running over, seeing the beauty of the city you are in etc, when flashing your genitals to a pushy stranger is compulsive in public spots, losing your anonymity for life, via streamed films. Said bloke will offer a fiver for bareback, which seems a great idea too.

Random young men will accept any similar proposal, especially in the Czech republic, UK and USA.

All pedestrians get into a bait bus, to relieve tired feet, eagerly have a blindfold put on them and have sex, getting surprised by who is really noshing them etc.

No electrical or mechanical appliance is ever reliable enough to justify purchase.

All bosses and lecturers are perverts.

Everyone loves cum

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Every woman can chug down on a dildo the size of a fire hydrant

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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago

the land of saints & sinners

Gave us the music genre Porn Groove....

I’ve got the box set of CD’s

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

No one ever farts on camera.

After the guy cream pies her and pulls out you never here that impression of a wet 'Bill and Ben'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one ever farts on camera.

After the guy cream pies her and pulls out you never here that impression of a wet 'Bill and Ben'

I beg to differ! Please see "Brazilian fart porn" for further info

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

That real women don't get full of air and queef after being pounded from behind.

I feel like such a failure

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"No one ever farts on camera.

After the guy cream pies her and pulls out you never here that impression of a wet 'Bill and Ben'

I beg to differ! Please see "Brazilian fart porn" for further info

Yeah seen it but I don't watch that shit. It's off the scale for me.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"That real women don't get full of air and queef after being pounded from behind.

I feel like such a failure "

Yeah that's what I just said. You never hear it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All Plumbers get jumped as soon as they go under kitchen sink to mend a leak,bugger if only I would love going to work much more lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one ever farts on camera.

After the guy cream pies her and pulls out you never here that impression of a wet 'Bill and Ben'

I beg to differ! Please see "Brazilian fart porn" for further info

Yeah seen it but I don't watch that shit. It's off the scale for me."

I think the "shit" part is a whole other genre

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By *oisisbackCouple
over a year ago

exeter

Anyone who owns a log cabin can shag for hours and his wife wont take any notice of him shagging the cleaning woman over the breakfast bar while she puts the wine in the cooler compartment for dinner later.

Any object from a cucumber to a bicycle pump can be used as a stand-in dildo.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Hot twins always want to fuck each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a pizza delivery man deffinately has its perks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That if you have kids you’ll get a hot young babysitter that the wife won’t mind you giving her a lift home on your own.

And the same babysitter will either fuck the husband, or will let the husband and wife join in if the babysitter is caught fucking her boyfriend.

Or that during the fucking of the babysitter at no time will all the yelling will wake the kid up and make them walk in on the sexfest

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By *idlandiaMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

It taught me a sexual technique which transcends all genres of porn and is the most done technique and applies to all positions. Where all partners concerned stop absolutely still for 2 to 5 minutes before continuing on and onto the happy ending. The almighty buffering!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

that women love gagging on a huge cock....

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

You don't have to wait in all day for the plumbers...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unrealistic expectations in the bedroom!

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By *icvon 69Man
over a year ago

glossop

That gaping asssholes should be banned ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That if you breakdown near a Monastery or a Nunnery the Monks/Nuns will be happy to fuck you senseless until the Mechanic gets there and joins in the fun before going on to also fix the car.

No matter what position you and your lover strike in the shower, you will not fall and break a leg/tile/curtain rail.

Fucking in the bath never causes a tidal wave.

High heels do not puncture sofas.

If someone walks past the window as you’re being rogered over the table, they’ll pretend to be shocked, do a double take and then furiously finger/wank themselves off in broad daylight, outside said window.

Nobody ever yells “ow!!! Get the fuck off my hair!!” when a hot stud kneels on it as he feeds them his cock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plumbers arrive on time

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By *imandHerNottsCouple
over a year ago

North Notts

A fair amount of German back in the RTL day’s

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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago

bristol

Plumbers never charge but always leave their tools.

Men like me stand a chance of pulling someone gorgeous and out of our league.

Ron jeremy is always around a corner somewhere!

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

The same video can be,

Her first time doing something,

Be someones sister, mother, wife's friend etc

and also be oblivious to a moving "hidden" camera

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Men never wear underwear

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

That in some cinemas it's best not to wear short skirts.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Things porn has taught us:

If your going to get caught wanking to it, you might as well be wanking to some real nasty shit rather than the lovers guide type porn.

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By *terling2017Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

"That men really can multi task. You watch how quick a laptop can be shut down and the tissues hidden when there's a knock at the door!

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

That Relatively Big By Ethnic Stereotypes But Decidedly Average In The Grand Scheme Of Things Chinese Cock is not a thing.

I think it's mainly down to the lack of a catchy acronym to be honest

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By *nnaandchrisCouple
over a year ago

loughton

"Women always wear high heels to bed

Don't they

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