FabSwingers.com forum: Not what I'm looking for?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just had a odd experience with a lady that messaged me. I politely replied that she wasn't what I was looking for and wished her well on her search. She then asked what I was looking for and I said I'd rather not to say as I didn't want to upset anyone to which she replied that she was happy with herself and that she just wanted know. I again said I didn't want to be unkind and that's me and to leave it at that to which she said that not saying I her opinion was inkind and she blocked me! Was I wrong trying to be nice? And thoughts?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

You made your point with your first message. That should have been enough

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's what I thought, but then her response threw me a little.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were polite

Some people need to know the ins and out though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

From what I have heard, this happens a lot with women fabbers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

"You made your point with your first message. That should have been enough "

Agreed. I use the ‘not what I’m looking for’ phrase and it can go either way. The ones that respond with a question get ignored. I’ve done all I need to do. I wouldn’t have declined if I wanted to chat.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Finding out why you're not right for someone never ends well. Odd to ask.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair, you deciding on whether you wanted to tell her the reasoning behind her not being your type, is completely your business. You shouldn't have been made to feel like you owed her an explanation. If she took it as unkind, that is her issue, not yours. I would just think no more on it OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I understand that, but to me explaining why someone isn't my type isn't very nice

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Some don't know how to take no ,men and women.

You did nothing wrong op ,seems like she has problems with herself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You made your point with your first message. That should have been enough "

Agreed!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To be fair, you deciding on whether you wanted to tell her the reasoning behind her not being your type, is completely your business. You shouldn't have been made to feel like you owed her an explanation. If she took it as unkind, that is her issue, not yours. I would just think no more on it OP

That's a fair point

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RnMrsFreakCouple
over a year ago

Hull,England

"Just had a odd experience with a lady that messaged me. I politely replied that she wasn't what I was looking for and wished her well on her search. She then asked what I was looking for and I said I'd rather not to say as I didn't want to upset anyone to which she replied that she was happy with herself and that she just wanted know. I again said I didn't want to be unkind and that's me and to leave it at that to which she said that not saying I her opinion was inkind and she blocked me! Was I wrong trying to be nice? And thoughts? "

No means no, you aren't obliged to explain yourself. You did the right thing, the less said the better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asterofmaidsMan
over a year ago

Telford

It seems to be the Sunday afternoon special. People randomly msg insult then block

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aucyknickersWoman
over a year ago

Midlands ish

I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People who answer back...

Id rather not know if im not somebody's type

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Finding out why you're not right for someone never ends well. Odd to ask. "

That's what I was thinking, she would have only been offended if I'd told her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/08/18 15:07:38]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ast_And_CuriousMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

Some people are just butt hurt far too easily. Not your fault.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"People who answer back...

Id rather not know if im not somebody's type

Same here, no response is answer enough

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone asks what I am looking for I tell them it's someone I'm attracted to. That usually is enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finding out why you're not right for someone never ends well. Odd to ask.

That's what I was thinking, she would have only been offended if I'd told her."

You did the right thing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I understand that, but to me explaining why someone isn't my type isn't very nice "

I get guys asking me why I turn them down. Some block me because I said no thank you or not interested.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you where very polite OP, so don't worry about it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You weren’t wrong to be nice.

I would’ve left the conversation when she asked what you were looking for though, although I have answered like Sybarite and said someone I’m attracted to.

If you aren’t interested in someone you don’t necessarily need to give a reason why or tell them what it is you’re interested in.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

You did nothing at all wrong in my opinion.

I just say "thank you for your message but no thank you".

So it doesn't even give them anything to come back with, saying that they often find something anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why I don’t reply when I’m not interested, you try to be polite and some folks see it as a challenge

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

It just baffles me as I would never behave that way

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is why I don’t reply when I’m not interested, you try to be polite and some folks see it as a challenge"

I'm starting to see that now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I understand that, but to me explaining why someone isn't my type isn't very nice

I get guys asking me why I turn them down. Some block me because I said no thank you or not interested.

Seems to be a pattern forming

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

I was on another site and had this happen. He suggested Fab. I wish I could thank him!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Finding out why you're not right for someone never ends well. Odd to ask.

That's what I was thinking, she would have only been offended if I'd told her.

You did the right thing

Thanks it just makes you doubt yourself when you get an odd reaction

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had it on a few occasions on here over the years, ladies refusing to accept the polite ‘’not what I am looking for’ brush off. Some seem to think it’s a negotiation and once my flawed logic is challenged I’ll change my mind.

No amount of email negotiation is going to alter the fact I’m not looking to sleep with a Pat Butcher lookalike with dinner lady arms.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

I was on another site and had this happen. He suggested Fab. I wish I could thank him! "

We thank him too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You did nothing at all wrong in my opinion.

I just say "thank you for your message but no thank you".

So it doesn't even give them anything to come back with, saying that they often find something anyway."

I think that may be the way forward

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've replied very politely, in a very similar to how I do myself actually.

For some people though, they can't accept it and ask for more.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for your decision.

If people start to question too much I will end up saying the truth, which usually results in some abuse. You can't win, don't worry about it and move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's some great advice thank

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You made your point with your first message. That should have been enough

I'm too nice and it's my downfall sometimes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

I was on another site and had this happen. He suggested Fab. I wish I could thank him!

We thank him too

Why, thank you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have had it in my replies to men as well, and I have had it when sending my face pic to men.

It’s always a little ego dent but forcing it isn’t going to work, I wouldn’t dream of pushing it!

Essentially, you made a good call in your decision!

I was on another site and had this happen. He suggested Fab. I wish I could thank him!

We thank him too

Why, thank you!

You're very welcome

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You couldn’t of been more polite OP no means no and that’s the end of it if someone can’t take rejection they are def on the wrong site

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'd already said no thank you in a polite way, you did nothing wrong.

I don't reply when they ask why. If they keep mailing I sometimes say "I already said no thank you - I definitely won't ever meet anyone that won't take 'no' for an answer".

I think it's a ridiculous question: "Why don't you want to fuck me?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You'd already said no thank you in a polite way, you did nothing wrong.

I don't reply when they ask why. If they keep mailing I sometimes say "I already said no thank you - I definitely won't ever meet anyone that won't take 'no' for an answer".

I think it's a ridiculous question: "Why don't you want to fuck me?"

It's true., as the answer is irrelevant, you don't need to know why it's raining......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had this happen to me on dating sites. It’s never going to end well. Clearly if someone says no thanks it means they don’t find something about you attractive simple as that.

Sometimes if it’s a easy reason I will give it more often than not it’s worth the bother.

But nice of you to be polite. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve had this happen to me on dating sites. It’s never going to end well. Clearly if someone says no thanks it means they don’t find something about you attractive simple as that.

Sometimes if it’s a easy reason I will give it more often than not it’s worth the bother.

But nice of you to be polite. x"

But being nice can backfire so you just can't win

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve had this happen to me on dating sites. It’s never going to end well. Clearly if someone says no thanks it means they don’t find something about you attractive simple as that.

Sometimes if it’s a easy reason I will give it more often than not it’s worth the bother.

But nice of you to be polite. x

But being nice can backfire so you just can't win

So much!!! But I’d still be nice despite that. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I see this two ways:

1. She genuinely wanted to know, so that perhaps she could improve herself/profile.

2. She was going to feel hurt.

If I get these kind of replies after a "You're not my type" I tell them straight.

That way they either get their answer or feel hurt.

But THEY asked and their emotional state is theirs alone.

Not just in this type of scenario I detest it when a man lies to me because HE thinks I can't handle it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

One of the benefits of not replying to mails that don’t interest, you avoid this convo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I see this two ways:

1. She genuinely wanted to know, so that perhaps she could improve herself/profile.

2. She was going to feel hurt.

If I get these kind of replies after a "You're not my type" I tell them straight.

That way they either get their answer or feel hurt.

But THEY asked and their emotional state is theirs alone.

Not just in this type of scenario I detest it when a man lies to me because HE thinks I can't handle it

Another very good point

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One of the benefits of not replying to mails that don’t interest, you avoid this convo "

That could be the easiest solution

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adcat1961Woman
over a year ago

colchester

Some people can’t take rejection if you sakdwby you did not fancy her she would have not been happy with that I don’t understand it I would not push someone some strange people on here that’s for sure and you can’t win.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should have blocked after her not taking a no thanks when people pester it never goes well and if you are not interested that's what the block button is for.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You made your point with your first message. That should have been enough "

Pretty much

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You should have blocked after her not taking a no thanks when people pester it never goes well and if you are not interested that's what the block button is for. "

That might be the way to go

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From what I have heard, this happens a lot with women fabbers "

Not just women men ask too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From what I have heard, this happens a lot with women fabbers

Not just women men ask too "

Don't doubt it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From what I have heard, this happens a lot with women fabbers

Not just women men ask too

Don't doubt it

And they keep on messaging periodically for months when it’s bloody obvious you’re not interested. My block list is massive now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"From what I have heard, this happens a lot with women fabbers

Not just women men ask too

Don't doubt it

And they keep on messaging periodically for months when it’s bloody obvious you’re not interested. My block list is massive now

Thank goodness for the block button

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even when you politely say no, some people still question it. As people can see if their message was read, deleted etc. I have had someone even ask why I deleted their message.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Just goes to prove even us Ladies should read the profile first maybe?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just goes to prove even us Ladies should read the profile first maybe?

There is that lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

You were polite and remained so. Some people men/women can't handle rejection and feel the need to be given a reason. I would just have replied with a "Thank you anyway" and left it at that. You aren't always going to be someone's cup of tea x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

You said no thank you... she's blocked you... that's not going to be any bother to you cos you didn't want to meet her anyway ...move on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't even reply, just delete the message and smash the block button, they will get the hint

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You were polite and remained so. Some people men/women can't handle rejection and feel the need to be given a reason. I would just have replied with a "Thank you anyway" and left it at that. You aren't always going to be someone's cup of tea x"

As you say lots take rejection badly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

As you say lots take rejection badly

Hence why my block button is used regularly. Don't let her reaction bother you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As you say lots take rejection badly

Hence why my block button is used regularly. Don't let her reaction bother you

Thank you, I won't

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just as many others on this thread have said; you did everything that you possibly could, even to the point of bending over to be kind when you didn’t necessarily need to.

A kind ‘no’ is still no and you should never need to owe someone an explanation as to why you don’t find them attractive. Certainly you don’t owe a stranger an answer as to why they don’t meet what you’re looking for.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Just goes to prove even us Ladies should read the profile first maybe?

There is that lol

Well you do see a lot of threads where we moan that the guys should read ours so why should it be different the other way around?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learnt to ignore messages from girls that I wasn’t interest in, being polite and replying lets them think you’re interested. I still want to do it even now because I just want to be polite but I can’t be arsed with the grief that can sometimes come from it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

Quite a common reply after the polite "no thanks". To get out of it, either block them straight after your reply, or I usually tell them that I'm not sure, don't have a specific type I'd go for, I just know when I come across the right person x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

"Quite a common reply after the polite "no thanks". To get out of it, either block them straight after your reply, or I usually tell them that I'm not sure, don't have a specific type I'd go for, I just know when I come across the right person x"

And then block them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

She possinly thought she could convince you otherwise if she knew the reasons why

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *verageguy123Man
over a year ago

Selby

At least you had the decency to reply, most just delete the message if they’re not interested and don’t reply. Personally I respect you for what you did

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh how mortifying ! I will admit on occasion to reading someones profile, thinking I'm exactly what they're looking for but when I message them and hear nothing back or get a no thanks, I'd never dare ask why not. Even if I was curious.

You definately did the right thing in not explaining yourself. It wouldn't end well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I know I am not everyone’s type. I had it at the weekend, got on well laughing and joking. They were looking for single guys. I asked would they be interested in playing later on. They didn’t answer nor come back

Sometimes it just the way it is

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some don’t deal with rejection well. Do what a lot of women do, message and block

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was she big

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were polite and nobody can ask for more x I usually just say No thanks, or No sorry cos prefer to reply than just delete and the amount of men that come straight back with Why not? Is unreal.. no justification needed, its a no.. or another favourite male come back is Well I was doing you a favour anyway you’re fat... which depending on my mood either just gets blocked or a Yeah, and even the fat bird doesn’t want you.. some great people on here lol xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

You did the right thing the right way. Hats off to you.

The three golden rules in swinging are

1 No means no

2 if declined, never ask why

3 no one has to justify there decision or choice.

I think there maybe a forth about ‘cake’ but it’s variable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread