FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

I have a problem.....

Jump to newest
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

So, after being abducted by aliens over the weekend I am finding myself in a rather sensitive predicament.....

.....They forgot to remove the anal probe from my arse before returning me.

What should I do? Has anyone else here suffered similarly from alien absentmindedness?

If so, could you please advise me if it is safe to pass the probe out via a natural bowel movement or else will it cause some catastrophic chain reaction resulting in me being vaporised or else spontaneously imploding/exploding or some such similar calamity?

Please help! Any advice is greatly appreciated

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Leave it in and wiggle it about x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out"

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this the line your gonna use when yu visit A+E....? 'I was abducted by aliens nurse and they have inserted a phallic shaped object up my bum'...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along) "
your lucky i have small hands

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x"

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Is this the line your gonna use when yu visit A+E....? 'I was abducted by aliens nurse and they have inserted a phallic shaped object up my bum'... "

I did try that one once......but the nurses many subsequently derisory jokes about not knowing that aliens used Dyson components made me suspect that they were not entirely convinced of my stories veracity....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Straight down to A&E. You never know you may get on to a reality show of embarrassing insertions.

Failing that stand by the TV and see if you get satellite tv for free

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?"

Do you have a tin bath and a shed close by ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?"

All that I can visualise and hear now is the last few seconds of the countdown clock noise x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along) your lucky i have small hands"

Oh....well.....go on then. I used to love All Creatures Great And Small on TV. It surely can’t be any worse than what I perceived on said show every week......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along) your lucky i have small hands"

damn we were hoping to be invited to see the pain on his face!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?

All that I can visualise and hear now is the last few seconds of the countdown clock noise x"

Insertion.

Well it is a 9 letter word.

Congratulations

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Straight down to A&E. You never know you may get on to a reality show of embarrassing insertions.

Failing that stand by the TV and see if you get satellite tv for free "

That’s some great advice; I’ve just picked up The Great Russian Bake Off hosted by Olga Koslenko here. Hold on....is that a cake they’re baking? Novichok? Eh? .....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?

Do you have a tin bath and a shed close by ? "

I’ve just dug an impromptu Anderson Shelter which should minimise any explosive damage.

Um.....as for my own well being though.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?

All that I can visualise and hear now is the last few seconds of the countdown clock noise x"

I wonder if my final seconds on this earth will be listening to that famous theme; ‘Dunna, dunna, dunna-Na phewwwww’

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along) your lucky i have small hands

damn we were hoping to be invited to see the pain on his face!!!!!!!!!!! "

If m’ladies hand gets stuck, we may require your urgent services to pull her out of me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

Um.....might I enquire how small your hands are? (I just need to gauge how much lube to bring along) your lucky i have small hands

damn we were hoping to be invited to see the pain on his face!!!!!!!!!!! "

Me too.... Video it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Leave it in and wiggle it about x

I’ve followed your advice (and it provided a curiously gratifying sensation indeed......yes) but am now admittedly somewhat concerned as there is what sounds very much like a countdown timer type beeping sound emitting from my bum hole.....

Should I panic now?

All that I can visualise and hear now is the last few seconds of the countdown clock noise x

Insertion.

Well it is a 9 letter word.

Congratulations "

I’ll blow up but will at least go out smiling in the knowledge of my resulting Countdown score

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Straight down to A&E. You never know you may get on to a reality show of embarrassing insertions.

Failing that stand by the TV and see if you get satellite tv for free

That’s some great advice; I’ve just picked up The Great Russian Bake Off hosted by Olga Koslenko here. Hold on....is that a cake they’re baking? Novichok? Eh? ....."

You are a hoot...

Not laughed in ages.

Ty for making me smile. If anything

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eat plenty of brocilli, wait for the pressure to build then blast it out. They may be back this weekend to re insert another though?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shouldn't be too concerned. I doubt even alien science has conceived of anything that can match the result of 6 pints of lager (and a packet crisps) and the compulsory large Vindaloo that occurs at about 4AM on a Sunday morning ....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out"

I was going the offer the same,but it appears my services aren't required.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Straight down to A&E. You never know you may get on to a reality show of embarrassing insertions.

Failing that stand by the TV and see if you get satellite tv for free

That’s some great advice; I’ve just picked up The Great Russian Bake Off hosted by Olga Koslenko here. Hold on....is that a cake they’re baking? Novichok? Eh? .....

You are a hoot...

Not laughed in ages.

Ty for making me smile. If anything "

I’ve also just picked up the actual aliens TV channels to

......‘Love Planet’ is pretty interesting stuff as it turns out.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Eat plenty of brocilli, wait for the pressure to build then blast it out. They may be back this weekend to re insert another though? "

I hope the aliens at the very least remembered to put a warranty on this device.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"I shouldn't be too concerned. I doubt even alien science has conceived of anything that can match the result of 6 pints of lager (and a packet crisps) and the compulsory large Vindaloo that occurs at about 4AM on a Sunday morning .... "

I concur; Not even extraterrestrial technology can withstand the sheer chemical might of an earth curry! We shall be victorious over these alien scum yet!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"Im happy to put my fist up there and pull it out

I was going the offer the same,but it appears my services aren't required."

The more the merrier m’lady; Once one hand has gone up there, I’m sure my um.....’back door elasticity’ as it were, will be diminished enough that you could easily insert both your hands and feet up my jacksy at once. Either way, I’ll probably not feel a thing, as after the initial insertion, I’ll probably be passed out cold

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Update: Good news everyone; Utilising my ingenuity, four bottles of lube and a pair of salad tongs, I have been able (after four arduous hours!) to remove the probe from my rear end.

It’s a rather fascinating looking thing indeed (the probe I mean, not my arsehole, which is looking pretty bad at the moment after the perilous DIY, kitchen utensil aided, removal operation).

I’m going to put it on eBay I think (again, the probe - not my arsehole) but being the generous soul that I am, I’ve decided to give you lucky folk first refusal on this once in a lifetime opportunity to own a piece of genuine alien technology.

Please note: I haven’t washed the said probe as I’m presently unsure if water will damage it but rest assured, my gusset is always sparkling as I always use Johnson’s Wet Wipes (available at all good supermarkets).

So.......who will give me the first bid then?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top