FabSwingers.com forum: Advice to film, TV and book characters

By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

In the spirit of Vizio top tips, what advice would you give to characters in books, films and TV.

I'll start

International super villains: when you capture James bond kill him straight away using conventional means like guns and knives. On no account kill him using a complicated machine of your own invention whilst leaving him guarded by women in bikinis.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

In horror films

DONT GO OUTSIDE!!!

ffs

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

Teenage kids mucking about, lost holidaymakers etc., if a house *looks* creepy, that's because it *is* invariably creepy so turn round FFS and go back the way you came!

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By *hatty479Man
over a year ago

Lewisham

"In horror films

DONT GO OUTSIDE!!!

ffs"

Also on horror films, if the bad guy falls over, TAKE THEM OUT, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL YOU

If not possible (Jason), continue running

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NEVER split up to cover ground quicker!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"In horror films

DONT GO OUTSIDE!!!

ffs

Also on horror films, if the bad guy falls over, TAKE THEM OUT, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL YOU

If not possible (Jason), continue running

Also, don't run past the unlocked door to the outside, instead heading upstairs when the scary man with a knife is chasing you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't go for a shit when a T-Rex is chasing you

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Horror film? Thriller? The lights are out? Bloody well switch them on before going any further!!

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

If you manage to overpower and knock the psycho killer who has just attacked you unconscious, don't assume that's the end of it, make sure they aren't getting back up again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certain scifi films, don't wear a red uniform.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Harry Potter. Just get the McCanns to adopt you. Voldemort has to be better than Brexit right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't go for a shit when a T-Rex is chasing you"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your kid says they saw a ghost or a monster, believe what they say as it can save your life

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By *eplicant JoWoman
over a year ago

Sussex countryside

If something is falling from the sky at you, dont run straight infront of it, veer off at a 90 degree angle and run.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Don't fire guns on full auto from the hip, you're far more likely to hit something on semi automatic even if it doesn't look as cool

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Disposing a bomb? Always cut the opposite colour to the first one you think of if you want to appear in the rest of the film

Playing a baddie in an action movie? Learn to shoot straight at least once in every 100 bullets you fire at the good guys!!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Going on a long car journey that will take you past a deserted and creepy looking house? Fill up with enough petrol to get you to the next petrol station before setting off!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For any villain, in the words of Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing, if you're gonna kill someone, kill them. Don't stand there talking about it.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP Couple
over a year ago

London

Cops on your last day before retirement? On no account announce it to all and sundry if you don't want to get shot.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Cops on your last day before retirement, stay at the station and eat your cake

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Before going into combat, on no account discuss or show photos of your loved ones with other Platoon members...or discuss forthcoming nuptials..... it won't end well

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Captain on a ship's maiden voyage? Post extra lookouts in case of icebergs

Oh wait!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Zombie films

Always aim for the head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone tells you to run then prepares to shoot arrows at you, zigzag (especially you Rickon Stark

)

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Casts of musicals - stick to stages and other appropriate places to burst into song and dance, it helps avoid causing traffic jams and the like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is never a perfect partner in a soap opera

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Bad guys - never attempt to kill the main character in the first few scenes of the film you know it's not going to happen and they'll do for you before the end

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Appearing in Star Trek in a red shirt?... 'hope you have more work lined up.

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Family members in Disney/Pixar films: say your goodbyes now, as you probably won't make it past the first Act

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By *arold_n_maudeCouple
over a year ago

preston

Beavis and Butthead. Being puerile and lewd is not clever. Go to uni, get a job, then be as puerile and lewd as you like. Also there's comfier places to whack off other than Mr Anderson's tool shed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They definitely need a bigger BOAT!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Starting in a disaster movie? Say goodbye to the rest of the cast at the start as you know at least 50% of them won't be there at the end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Villains- learn how to tie knots or even better use cable ties!

Also Do Not Explain in great detail your dastardly plans to said captured hero! Just shoot them- double tap!

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Anyone who has to use radios for communication. ..

STOP SHOUTING! - You're unintelligible when you yell into the mic. Use correct voice procedure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't mess around with anything supernatural otherwise you'll end up killed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone mentioned cellars? Never go down them, especially if the door just opened by itself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hospital staff the second you spot a crazy maniacal nurse sporting joker make up walking around your ward gtfo now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctors wearing a white coat in a corridor. If you see a patient staggering towards you as though they're recovering from a knife wound don't ask them if they need help unless security are nearby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To everyone

When you start noticing somethings wrong and zombies are at your door don't lock yourself away in one room be it basement or loft you'll die

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Sherlock

No it’s NOT fucking elementary!

Yours

Watson

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t take Mr Bond away.

Kill him there and then.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Villain sniper taking a shot from close by - only pull the trigger if it's the main character's best buddy you're aiming for you'll miss otherwise.

Good sniper taking a shot from an impossible distance - fire away you're good to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont go in the greenhouse Scum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't be the black dude in a horror/thriller film.

The black dude always dies first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you're running from something don't look back or you'll fall over that fallen tree right in front of you.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Have a weak bladder? Your chances of any part that allows you to pee will be fairly slim

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By *opsy71Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

If you're creeping about in a dark house you don't know and you hear a noise, stand with your back in a corner then the nasty person can only come at you from 1 direction. Under no circumstances should you continue to wander around

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By *opsy71Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

If your about to star in an action movie, check with wardrobe people that they have a white vest for you.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Don’t dress in a red shirt and go on an away mission with the captain

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

In a sitcom and thinking about making a feature length film version? Don't!!

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Trapped inside a building with a madman chasing you?

Don't keep going upwards. You'll be wanting to get OUT. Stopping climbing those fucking stairs! Why are trying to get up on the roof?! Why are you wanting to climb about in the rafters?! Remember OUT is good, UP is not so good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't go for a shit when a T-Rex is chasing you"

I thought you meant the band then

Doh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't go for a shit when a T-Rex is chasing you

I thought you meant the band then

Doh"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don’t take Mr Bond away.

Kill him there and then.

He said, not reading the OP’s opening comment

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Sod off Ewoks!- jus' sod off!

#cheeringfortheEmpirenow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack Bauer and the rest of the cast of 24... Please get some bloody sleep!

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

In a chase scene by a Couple, ensure she's not wearing high heels so she doesn't fall over!

When there's an unexplained situation in a property, don't go in, in the dark - switch all the bloody lights on!!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Jack Bauer and the rest of the cast of 24... Please get some bloody sleep!"

And when filming in London don't expect us to believe you can get from Trafalgar Square to Docklands in 10 minutes even if you are Jack Bauer!!

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

To foreign TV or Film makers, especially Americans, if you're setting part of it in London or the UK, please ensure background or intro film footage is up to date and NOT showing buses, other vehicles and long gone buildings of 50 yrs ago! Nor are English people talking straight out of a 1940's Govt Information Film!

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