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Roadside shrines

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

There are a few I pass on a regular basis. One has grown over the years, I'm sure if any more is added to it, planning permission will be needed. Others include football shirts and photos nailed to trees, tacky plastic angels and stuff on verges that just look like litter on picturesque routes. Some have been there for years and years.

I get the significance and the sentiment. If a loved one lost their life at the side of the road I would want to visit the scene and take flowers, I'd probably take the cellaphane off them though. Once they had been buried or I'd scattered their ashes somewhere, surely that's the place to go to remember them.

I'm not saying they should be banned but, surely a time limit should be in place to stop what only has significance to a few looking like litter to the rest of us... it's what church yards and cemeteries are for!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

They don't bother me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it helps someone cope with their grief then what harm is there?

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon

Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"They don't bother me."

That's good! A couple of them that I drive past have been there for years and look more like fly tipping than tasteful memorial.

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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover."

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If it helps someone cope with their grief then what harm is there?"

Short term... not a problem! I guess there will be a headstone or plaque or somewhere to nice where ashes were scattered that can be visited to think about their grief after a few months though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents "

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down "

I was thinking that the flowers at the roadside are a good reminder for drivers and pedestrians to be more careful

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"They don't bother me.

That's good! A couple of them that I drive past have been there for years and look more like fly tipping than tasteful memorial."

That would be a problem for me. If I'm going to respect someone's grief I'd expect them to respect the environment I share with them.

I pass a spot a couple of times a week where a motorcyclist died recently. For some reason I remember him and the accident, I don't know why but there's nothing there to commemorate him. A bit further on (it's a bad road for accidents) there's a road side shrine and although I know that accident was recent I don't recall the circumstances at all. Not sure what my point is apart from that shrines are only really relevant to those personally involved and don't always impact positively or negatively on anyone not involved. If their purpose is to bring the dead person or the circumstances of their death to others attention they don't work.

I agree with you that they shouldn't be allowed to become eyesores. However it's so long since the grass verges were cut in our area that most of them aren't visible.

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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down "

I've lost family members at RTC also and have often seen myself trying to see what has been left which has caused me to swerve when driving.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When not maintained, they not only become a bloody eyesore, but it also loses its sentimental purpose and respect that it initially intended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first long term boyfriend lost his 4 year old nephew after he was hit by a car. This was witnessed by his 7 year old brother and happened literally just around the corner from where they lived.

My then boyfriends sister planted flowers at the side of the road at the place where the accident happened.

I’m not sure i could do that, in fact i know i’d have to move because i don’t think i could cope with the daily reminder of passing where the accident happened, nevermind the flower reminder.

But everybody deals with things in their own way, and has their own way of coping.

I always feel sad when i see these shrines and think about the loved ones left behind

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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago

Swindon


"

I was thinking that the flowers at the roadside are a good reminder for drivers and pedestrians to be more careful"

Having passed many of these in my time on the roads, this doesn't ever seem to be the case.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down "

Sorry to hear that.

The road I mentioned is an accident black spot despite being a long straight. There are several shrines but the accidents continue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down "

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"If it helps someone cope with their grief then what harm is there?"

I think the highways agency or whoever gets rid of them if they decide they become a distraction to driving. Although the irony isn’t lost on me, I’d hate to be killed by a memorial.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When not maintained, they not only become a bloody eyesore, but it also loses its sentimental purpose and respect that it initially intended "

I think you're right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When not maintained, they not only become a bloody eyesore, but it also loses its sentimental purpose and respect that it initially intended

I think you're right."

I usually am..

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If it helps someone cope with their grief then what harm is there?

I think the highways agency or whoever gets rid of them if they decide they become a distraction to driving. Although the irony isn’t lost on me, I’d hate to be killed by a memorial. "

There's not many good ways to die but an ironic death would amuse me...if only I could be around to enjoy it.

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

I think the ones you see in places like Greece are more tasteful, where it's almost like a bird house with glass doors on the front with a photo of the person and candles inside

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When not maintained, they not only become a bloody eyesore, but it also loses its sentimental purpose and respect that it initially intended

I think you're right.

I usually am..

"

Thank you Marcos... if I have any other problems, I will be sure to ask you

I know... I'm welcome!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think the ones you see in places like Greece are more tasteful, where it's almost like a bird house with glass doors on the front with a photo of the person and candles inside "

I think they are a different kind of shrine... for religious pilgrims!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When not maintained, they not only become a bloody eyesore, but it also loses its sentimental purpose and respect that it initially intended

I think you're right.

I usually am..

Thank you Marcos... if I have any other problems, I will be sure to ask you

I know... I'm welcome! "

Yes, you're welcome

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

"

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York


"I think the ones you see in places like Greece are more tasteful, where it's almost like a bird house with glass doors on the front with a photo of the person and candles inside

I think they are a different kind of shrine... for religious pilgrims!"

Probably seen as they take their religion a bit more seriously there, I'm not religious at all myself but just think they look a lot better than a load of dead flowers hanging off a lamp post.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?"

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think the ones you see in places like Greece are more tasteful, where it's almost like a bird house with glass doors on the front with a photo of the person and candles inside

I think they are a different kind of shrine... for religious pilgrims!

Probably seen as they take their religion a bit more seriously there, I'm not religious at all myself but just think they look a lot better than a load of dead flowers hanging off a lamp post."

I haven't been to Greece but I have seen them in in other predominantly Catholic countries, they are always well maintained.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on. "

That was the airshow crash near Lancing wasn't it? It's probably only right that in those circumstances that there should be a permanent and maintained memorial. I drive past that area when I am visiting my parents.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on.

That was the airshow crash near Lancing wasn't it? It's probably only right that in those circumstances that there should be a permanent and maintained memorial. I drive past that area when I am visiting my parents."

Yes.

My friends were waiting for me to arrive when the crash occurred.

I will carry that guilt all my days

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Sorry to hear that.

The road I mentioned is an accident black spot despite being a long straight. There are several shrines but the accidents continue."

People that drive like that aren't going to be put off by roadside shrines, it just reinforces their belief that things like that only happen to other people that aren't as good at driving as them.

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Having lost two family members in two separate accidents,I must say I'm not a fan of them because of some of the reasons already given.

On the other hand,there was one that I have no complaints about. I'm sure no one would complain about it too. A mother grieving a her lost son who as never been found. (A well known case).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on.

That was the airshow crash near Lancing wasn't it? It's probably only right that in those circumstances that there should be a permanent and maintained memorial. I drive past that area when I am visiting my parents.

Yes.

My friends were waiting for me to arrive when the crash occurred.

I will carry that guilt all my days

"

My words can't fix it for you, circumstances beyond your control, I don't think you have any thing to feel guilty about but it doesn't mean you won't. I'm sure your friends wouldn't blame you and would be glad you lived.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on. "

I also know someone who passed in the same incident. I guess his family must be lucky because they had a funeral and a grave stone?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Nearly 3yrs on, I'm still dealing with the grief of loosing 2 very dear friends in a tragic accident.

9 other people died that day too.

I place flowers on my friends birthdays, and on the anniversary of the crash.

Some of us need these shrines, there were no bodies left to bury, its the only place I can go to mourn them

No bodies is unusual, and there is no memorial plaque at the cemetery to visit or anything like that. Sorry to ask but how did they die?

A plane crashed onto the road at an airshow.

There is a memorial, further down a side road, which is where I place my flowers, but it's not the spot they died on.

That was the airshow crash near Lancing wasn't it? It's probably only right that in those circumstances that there should be a permanent and maintained memorial. I drive past that area when I am visiting my parents.

Yes.

My friends were waiting for me to arrive when the crash occurred.

I will carry that guilt all my days

My words can't fix it for you, circumstances beyond your control, I don't think you have any thing to feel guilty about but it doesn't mean you won't. I'm sure your friends wouldn't blame you and would be glad you lived."

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Having lost two family members in two separate accidents,I must say I'm not a fan of them because of some of the reasons already given.

On the other hand,there was one that I have no complaints about. I'm sure no one would complain about it too. A mother grieving a her lost son who as never been found. (A well known case). "

I think there are exceptions but not many. Most people have a grave or somewhere to visit to reflect.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Seems apt this thread shoulder appear today.

Today was one of my friends birthdays, I've just got back from putting flowers on the bridge

RIP Beautiful Boy x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I can understand initially, but can't understand why people would keep going back to the place where their relative has been tragically killed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they should be taken down after say 12 months. It's not nice for people who live near them. Grave yards are for graves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can understand initially, but can't understand why people would keep going back to the place where their relative has been tragically killed"

It seems odd to me too!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think they should be taken down after say 12 months. It's not nice for people who live near them. Grave yards are for graves. "

A few weeks after the first anniversary wouldn't be to heartless would it. It gives a chance to go through all the firsts with out them doesn't it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Seems apt this thread shoulder appear today.

Today was one of my friends birthdays, I've just got back from putting flowers on the bridge

RIP Beautiful Boy x "

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking...why do you go back to the bridge and not his grave or where his ashes were spread?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"Seems apt this thread shoulder appear today.

Today was one of my friends birthdays, I've just got back from putting flowers on the bridge

RIP Beautiful Boy x

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking...why do you go back to the bridge and not his grave or where his ashes were spread?"

The bridge is where the memorial is, its where all the tributes where put directly after, as the crash scene was closed off for a long while

And there is no grave, no ashes yo spread, not much left when a plane explodes on top of you.

As for those on here commenting they can't understand why you'd visit or get rid of memorials after a year.

Thanks, I needed that today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can understand initially, but can't understand why people would keep going back to the place where their relative has been tragically killed"

They have many of these roadside memorials in Japan from RTAs. The relatives visit them more often than the graves, or ashes-scattering sites because they believe that's where the spirit of the deceased is closest to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One has to consider that the memory,longing and grief is at it's strongest, in the death place. This is how it has become.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Seems apt this thread shoulder appear today.

Today was one of my friends birthdays, I've just got back from putting flowers on the bridge

RIP Beautiful Boy x

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking...why do you go back to the bridge and not his grave or where his ashes were spread?

The bridge is where the memorial is, its where all the tributes where put directly after, as the crash scene was closed off for a long while

And there is no grave, no ashes yo spread, not much left when a plane explodes on top of you.

As for those on here commenting they can't understand why you'd visit or get rid of memorials after a year.

Thanks, I needed that today "

I think yours is a very unusual situation and I understand the need for some kind of memorial in the circumstances. I can't speak for anyone else but, I'm guessing that the comments are about more normal incidents where there are bodies to bury and graves to visit and the shrines that pop up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can understand initially, but can't understand why people would keep going back to the place where their relative has been tragically killed

They have many of these roadside memorials in Japan from RTAs. The relatives visit them more often than the graves, or ashes-scattering sites because they believe that's where the spirit of the deceased is closest to."

Knowing how the Japanese footballers and fans left the stadiums in Russia this year I would imagine the roadside shrines are immaculate and we'll maintained and not allowed to become the mess that some here are.

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

I've started building little shrines for the roadkill I pick up for me tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are a few I pass on a regular basis. One has grown over the years, I'm sure if any more is added to it, planning permission will be needed. Others include football shirts and photos nailed to trees, tacky plastic angels and stuff on verges that just look like litter on picturesque routes. Some have been there for years and years.

I get the significance and the sentiment. If a loved one lost their life at the side of the road I would want to visit the scene and take flowers, I'd probably take the cellaphane off them though. Once they had been buried or I'd scattered their ashes somewhere, surely that's the place to go to remember them.

I'm not saying they should be banned but, surely a time limit should be in place to stop what only has significance to a few looking like litter to the rest of us... it's what church yards and cemeteries are for!"

Personally I don't understand it. Last place I would want to remember or visit is where a loved one died. Each to their own I guess! Cee.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some near me to remind people about road safety, as well as remembering the dead.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

As for those on here commenting they can't understand why you'd visit or get rid of memorials after a year.

Thanks, I needed that today "

The OP isn't talking about official memorials

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I can understand initially, but can't understand why people would keep going back to the place where their relative has been tragically killed

They have many of these roadside memorials in Japan from RTAs. The relatives visit them more often than the graves, or ashes-scattering sites because they believe that's where the spirit of the deceased is closest to."

We are not in Japan

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London


"

We are not in Japan "

That'll teach em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my son in law last year not a RTA so slightly diffrent but it was un expected. (granddaughter who was 8 found him dead on bedroom floor)

My daughter has left flowers and items from there 3 month old (at the time) baby on his grave. For a letter to be sent by the council saying remove it or they will as its "rubbish"

Diwn the road from my work place a 17 year old stole a car and had 3 15 year olds in it. Crashed it. Killed himself. The entire area was coverd in grafitti saying RIP etc. Photos and flowers for weeks. The side of a house was even spray painted on. When tje council then removed these there was public outcry.

So it would seem its ok to leave things as a distraction to other drivers and to vandilise property. In public spaces.

But not ok to do so on a grave thats been purchased for a large sum of money.

Double standards i say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've started building little shrines for the roadkill I pick up for me tea "

I saw a program about a man that will stop and collect road kill for his tea...you would think he was the same as everyone else to look at him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery."

What if they dont have a place/grave in a cemetery ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I lost my son in law last year not a RTA so slightly diffrent but it was un expected. (granddaughter who was 8 found him dead on bedroom floor)

My daughter has left flowers and items from there 3 month old (at the time) baby on his grave. For a letter to be sent by the council saying remove it or they will as its "rubbish"

Diwn the road from my work place a 17 year old stole a car and had 3 15 year olds in it. Crashed it. Killed himself. The entire area was coverd in grafitti saying RIP etc. Photos and flowers for weeks. The side of a house was even spray painted on. When tje council then removed these there was public outcry.

So it would seem its ok to leave things as a distraction to other drivers and to vandilise property. In public spaces.

But not ok to do so on a grave thats been purchased for a large sum of money.

Double standards i say. "

My sister's grave is very close to the infant's section in the cemetery. I like hearing the wind chimes when I visit. There's always a hoo haa about what's allowed and what isn't. As long as it's looked after, it's the one place it should be allowed.

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London


"I've started building little shrines for the roadkill I pick up for me tea

I saw a program about a man that will stop and collect road kill for his tea...you would think he was the same as everyone else to look at him!"

Some would say the same about me (tries to change facial expression so as to look less menacing)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery.

What if they dont have a place/grave in a cemetery ?"

That's only the case in exceptional circumstances, like the air show incident.

Refer to earlier posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seems apt this thread shoulder appear today.

Today was one of my friends birthdays, I've just got back from putting flowers on the bridge

RIP Beautiful Boy x

Sorry, hope you don't mind me asking...why do you go back to the bridge and not his grave or where his ashes were spread?

The bridge is where the memorial is, its where all the tributes where put directly after, as the crash scene was closed off for a long while

And there is no grave, no ashes yo spread, not much left when a plane explodes on top of you.

As for those on here commenting they can't understand why you'd visit or get rid of memorials after a year.

Thanks, I needed that today

I think yours is a very unusual situation and I understand the need for some kind of memorial in the circumstances. I can't speak for anyone else but, I'm guessing that the comments are about more normal incidents where there are bodies to bury and graves to visit and the shrines that pop up. "

Not everyone can afford a grave of any kind.

When my ex husband (my childrens dad) died following a RTA he would have had paupers funeral if i hadnt paid for his funeral. He hasnt got a grave because it costs to much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery.

What if they dont have a place/grave in a cemetery ?

That's only the case in exceptional circumstances, like the air show incident.

Refer to earlier posts."

Its not just in exceptional circumstances such as the air show. My ex husband who died following a RTA hasnt got a grave. His ashes are stored in the attic because his children cant afford a grave. He only had a proper funeral because i paid for it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've started building little shrines for the roadkill I pick up for me tea

I saw a program about a man that will stop and collect road kill for his tea...you would think he was the same as everyone else to look at him!

Some would say the same about me (tries to change facial expression so as to look less menacing) "

I hadn't heard those rumours, you may have just kick-started them now though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery.

What if they dont have a place/grave in a cemetery ?

That's only the case in exceptional circumstances, like the air show incident.

Refer to earlier posts.

Its not just in exceptional circumstances such as the air show. My ex husband who died following a RTA hasnt got a grave. His ashes are stored in the attic because his children cant afford a grave. He only had a proper funeral because i paid for it. "

Why not scatter them somewhere nice that can be visited regularly?

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

I think planting a significant plant. Clematis / Pashion flower that will grow and thrive is nice . Planting bulbs that will come up yearly on the roadside.

I am not keen on plastic flowers tied to trees and fences if you going to bother at least real plants and flowers .

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"

Why not scatter them somewhere nice that can be visited regularly?"

With the cheapest cremation you do not get the ashes back and it still costs about £2000.

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London


"I think planting a significant plant. Clematis / Pashion flower that will grow and thrive is nice . Planting bulbs that will come up yearly on the roadside.

I am not keen on plastic flowers tied to trees and fences if you going to bother at least real plants and flowers . "

Yes, I once tried planting a Sequoiadendron giganteum (Giant Redwood) on a stretch of the A10 where I scraped a squirrel off the tar -If you ask me, would have been a bloody fitting tribute if it had taken root

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't stand them, blot on the landscape imo......of course remember your loved ones, but do it in a positive way, plant a tree somewhere, have something personal done, but not inflict the place of someone's death on everyone else....grabs tin hat and ducks for cover.

I think something positive to remember them is a great idea. Leaving bricabrac and flowers wrapped up doesn t do anything and can quite often distract the driver... which can lead to further accidents

As someone who has lost a family member to an RTC I can say that the “rubbish” at the crash site has actually served as a marker for other drivers to be cautious & slow down

Maybe, unless it's a real accident blackspot, and then in that case there should be a road singn. And to be fair, some of it is "rubish". Once the flowers are dead and photos have faded, it's just cellaphane and paper! I personally don't feel the need to be reminded by others miss fortune about how dangerous driving can be! I am not saying that they shouldn't be allowed, I am sorry for your loss and, I feel for anyone that has lost a loved one... I just think that there should be a time limit and then they should be taken down and moved to the cemetery.

What if they dont have a place/grave in a cemetery ?

That's only the case in exceptional circumstances, like the air show incident.

Refer to earlier posts.

Its not just in exceptional circumstances such as the air show. My ex husband who died following a RTA hasnt got a grave. His ashes are stored in the attic because his children cant afford a grave. He only had a proper funeral because i paid for it.

Why not scatter them somewhere nice that can be visited regularly?"

They dont want to. They will probably buy a spot in a cemetery when they can afford to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Why not scatter them somewhere nice that can be visited regularly?

With the cheapest cremation you do not get the ashes back and it still costs about £2000."

I paid for the funeral, it was basic. They did get the ashes back though but that could be because we used the same funeral company twice in a short time so maybe they did us a favour.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Is there a time limit on grief?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Is there a time limit on grief?"

There is definitely no time limit on grief and everyone chooses to grieve differently so people shouldn't be judgemental.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is there a time limit on grief?"

No but there's a time and place for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is there a time limit on grief?

There is definitely no time limit on grief and everyone chooses to grieve differently so people shouldn't be judgemental. "

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By *heladyandthelibertineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

When my (father figure) grandad died, my Nan had his ashes scattered at the crematorium. I 100% disagreed with the decision. I would never visit the crematorium to mourn my grandad. That’s just his body. I believe his soul rests elsewhere. I personally feel it’s up the mourner how they feel they need to deal with their loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about the man who killed a burglar who was attacking him in his own home. The burglar's family built a shrine opposite the man's house. Was that ok?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What about the man who killed a burglar who was attacking him in his own home. The burglar's family built a shrine opposite the man's house. Was that ok? "

Good question.

Are criminals entitled to the same memorials?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about the man who killed a burglar who was attacking him in his own home. The burglar's family built a shrine opposite the man's house. Was that ok?

Good question.

Are criminals entitled to the same memorials? "

It wasn't so much that he was a criminal, the guy was still someone's son/ friend/ brother etc. I was thinking more about the location of the memorial.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They don't bother me."
they don't normally for me except a few near us are actually on really dangerous spots of roads.. so when people are stopping to lay these tributes it's causing new risks and possibly more accidents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Why not scatter them somewhere nice that can be visited regularly?

With the cheapest cremation you do not get the ashes back and it still costs about £2000."

Wrong on both counts. The only way you don't get ashes back is if you haven't paid the bill.

Basic funerals have no service and the crematiom is done out of hours, the ashes are all you get for your money.

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By *heladyandthelibertineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

I’m actually really surprised how judgemental people can be towards other people’s grieving. It’s not a choreoghred act- it’s raw human suffering. It takes huge strength to deal with the loss of a loved one. I doubt anyone thinks about how ugly their bouquet might be or how tacky their offerings might be to the outside world, when they are trying to say their last goodbye to someone they love. They just want to say their goodbyes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some flowers tied to a lampost near me. When I moved here 18 months ago they were dead, and clearly had been for months, now there's just a few dead stems, some plastic and a faded illegible card.

Each to their own, but that's not a tribute I'd want years after my death. By all means have a tribute, but tend to it. Is there anything sadder than a shrine that's been forgotten?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What about the man who killed a burglar who was attacking him in his own home. The burglar's family built a shrine opposite the man's house. Was that ok?

Good question.

Are criminals entitled to the same memorials? "

Depends on the crime.

A permanent memorial for someone like a serial killer, I think perhaps not.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"What about the man who killed a burglar who was attacking him in his own home. The burglar's family built a shrine opposite the man's house. Was that ok?

Good question.

Are criminals entitled to the same memorials? "

There is a memorial on the cemetary fence by town that was for a guy who had been robbing houses . Was I believe killed by a police car on the main road giving chase . I suppose he was loved by some .

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I buy flowers for my mum & gran on their birthdays & Mother’s Day & I have them in my house where they can be enjoyed by me (& by them if they are still around spiritually). The days they died were not dates that were relevant to them in their lifetimes. I prefer to celebrate them on the days that we always celebrated together & to continue the same traditions.

My Dad’s birthday & Father’s Day involves doing the things I would have done with him if her were still here. Going for a pint, having a bbq, watching a spaghetti western or a Billy Connolly dvd.

I understand visiting official memorials, like the airshow disaster, but I’ve never understood the concept of memorialising a place where someone died so tragically, rather than remembering them in a place that meant something to them in their lifetime.

To me, it doesn’t matter where ashes are scattered or where they died - I can remember them or talk to them anywhere, because they are always in my heart. But I hope however people honour & remember loved ones, it brings them some peace.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m actually really surprised how judgemental people can be towards other people’s grieving. It’s not a choreoghred act- it’s raw human suffering. It takes huge strength to deal with the loss of a loved one. I doubt anyone thinks about how ugly their bouquet might be or how tacky their offerings might be to the outside world, when they are trying to say their last goodbye to someone they love. They just want to say their goodbyes. "

As an immediate response to losing a loved one you're right, you'd visit the scene, take flowers and, in your grief not a lot else would cross your mind. This is your last unexpected goodbye. There is a big difference between that and the sort of thing I'm talking about. For instance, one place near us someone has dug away the verge about 4ft X 2ft and laid concrete. In the concrete they have set 4 half motorcycle tyres, 2 across the back, 1 on each side. In the centre they have set one of those stone flower holders. The tree behind for a majority of the year has a few plastic bouquet wrappers tied to it and there are dead flowers and wrappers on the concrete along with burnt out nightlights and other stuff. It is a bit of an eyesore and it has been this way for five years, there is a big argument going on about having it removed. I don't think anyone's gief or right to grieve is in question but the right to create an eyesore on public land for such a long time after the event, something that's clearly not a last goodbye but, has become a permanent unofficial and inappropriate marker in an inappropriate place.

I don't think anyone would set a time limit on someone else's grief but maybe there should be one on shrines like this that they create!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I don't get why people would want to visit the scene where a loved one died horrifically but then again mourning is a concept I just don't comprehend.

When my dad passed away I was upset of course but once the funeral and wake was over I moved on. I don't commemorate the day he died coz why the fuck would I wanna remember that day? It was awful and I don't commemorate his birthday, he's dead he doesn't have birthdays anymore.

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