FabSwingers.com forum: Preference

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm drawn to preference topics on here where people argue opinion and try and justify why they like a specific race.

I think my own race is a good place to start. Being mixed I have two sides of my family who are very different and I love them both for different reasons. It also has made me see the beauty in all colours.

In terms of sexual preference I see race as being like ice cream. I never thought I would like pistachio or rum and raisen until I tried them bad boys and know I know that I like them. They ain't nothing on mint choc chip, but nothing is. Can you believe people don't think mint choc chip is the best favour??? Weirdos!!!!

Anyway, my point being: Do you not like different races perhaps because you haven't tried them? Do you not see the shapely beauty and attractiveness because it is not what you are used to?

Oh and if someone says it's preference I will lose my mind!!! Why????? Not just it's my preference dumb da dumb dumb dumb. You are your own person so try to be objective and understand why you do certain things. It's how we grow

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Last night's chap was of Turkish ethnicity. Best sex I've had in a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That will be interesting to see how people may explain their racial sexual 'preferences' without sounding prejudicial.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That will be interesting to see how people may explain their racial sexual 'preferences' without sounding prejudicial. "

This guy gets me. I love objectivity and I have noticed a lack of it on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Last night's chap was of Turkish ethnicity. Best sex I've had in a long time.

Have you ever tried Turkish ice cream? Amazing!!!! Just saying....

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm attracted to the individual, not the race.

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

"Last night's chap was of Turkish ethnicity. Best sex I've had in a long time.

Have you ever tried Turkish ice cream? Amazing!!!! Just saying...."

Fry's Turkish Delight is the closest I've come.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The thing is OP there are some things you just can't always explain why you have a particular preference they just are, possibly due to a nature vs nurture thing, possibly because of an event from your youth or other factors.

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Personally when it comes to sexual partners on here it comes down to connection, chemistry and attraction for me, more than skin colour or body shape etc. and those things can't always be explained objectively - they just are.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it's very difficult to separate out. On the one hand, as autonomous adults we're allowed to like whatever we like, and as long as everyone consents/ is able to consent, there should be little or no argument about why we make the choices we make. On the other hand, I'm sure racist and other prejudicial tropes help develop our sexual preferences: whether we want them to or not, whether we can control them or not, whether we're prejudiced or not.

I try to examine my own behaviour and do least harm, and leave others alone. I'm not sure it's possible to unpack generally without risk of being prejudicial against alternative expressions of sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

Is that not generalising though? I mean Adolf Hitler was pretty bad, doesn't mean all white guys are

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Last night's chap was of Turkish ethnicity. Best sex I've had in a long time.

Have you ever tried Turkish ice cream? Amazing!!!! Just saying....

Fry's Turkish Delight is the closest I've come.

Jokes aside: You need to try Turkish ice cream! I don't think it's even cold!!! Defies the laws of science!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm attracted to the individual, not the race."

Beyond this I can't articulate why I tend not to be attracted to Korean women or people from Yeovil... but then I'm not entirely sure why I don't want a cock up my arse either... but I don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know why I'm replying to someone who ever had a doubt about pistachio or rum and raisin ice cream. For gods sake man - thankfully you found the light!

As for the preference bit, I think its interesting why those preferences are such. What puts someone off another race? Bad experience? Upbringing? Or is it purely a visual thing?

I don't think preference are inherently racist, however the thought process behind may be racist. But, and here is where there I might cause a bit of a stink, I do feel that blanket bans on a race as opposed to seeking out a specific race, could be viewed as racist. However seeking out a specific race could be seen as objectification.

Hope that all makes sense and sorry for the diatribe!

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By *G CoupleCouple
over a year ago

kent

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

Is that not generalising though? I mean Adolf Hitler was pretty bad, doesn't mean all white guys are"

The way we do things we wouldn’t class it as generalising no.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The thing is OP there are some things you just can't always explain why you have a particular preference they just are, possibly due to a nature vs nurture thing, possibly because of an event from your youth or other factors.

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

I'm sure if we sat down and talked you could tell me all sorts of reasons why you found certain women attractive. Why you had those connections and chemistry with a person. So why can't you tell me why you didn't?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm attracted to the individual, not the race.

Beyond this I can't articulate why I tend not to be attracted to Korean women "

Because of Son Ye-jin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day (I know,bad saying) it is a preference of what we like/don't like or do or don't find attractive. Nothing to do with race/colour etc. I've seen lots of white people on here who people think/say are gorgeous and I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know why I'm replying to someone who ever had a doubt about pistachio or rum and raisin ice cream. For gods sake man - thankfully you found the light!

As for the preference bit, I think its interesting why those preferences are such. What puts someone off another race? Bad experience? Upbringing? Or is it purely a visual thing?

Hope that all makes sense and sorry for the diatribe!

Totally agree with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last night's chap was of Turkish ethnicity. Best sex I've had in a long time.

Have you ever tried Turkish ice cream? Amazing!!!! Just saying...."

Turkish food is yummy specially a Turkish grill

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I don't know why I'm replying to someone who ever had a doubt about pistachio or rum and raisin ice cream. For gods sake man - thankfully you found the light!

As for the preference bit, I think its interesting why those preferences are such. What puts someone off another race? Bad experience? Upbringing? Or is it purely a visual thing?

Hope that all makes sense and sorry for the diatribe!

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm attracted to the individual, not the race.

Beyond this I can't articulate why I tend not to be attracted to Korean women or people from Yeovil... but then I'm not entirely sure why I don't want a cock up my arse either... but I don't

This really made me laugh!

I once met a Korean girl whilst vacationing in Yeovil. She was like the mint choc chip ice cream equivalent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some days I like to have Chinese and other days Indian food

Some days I like to have Thai and other days I like to have Mexican food

Some days I like to have English and other days I like to have Spanish food

And the list goes on..

#ilovefood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm heading up Tesco in a minute. I bet I end up buying loads of different ice creams now!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it comes to dating I’ve never had a preference, I welcome them all!

On here I’m ideally looking for something specific that I wouldn’t nessecarily find in my social circle or where I socialise since it’s mostly non white and under 30.... whereas on here I’m looking for 35+ and white, it’s different, it’s still new and I find it exciting to try new things! I can find non white males under 30 to have fun with easily, and have had plenty fun, the older older guys now I find it’s better to look online. So that’s what I’m doing!

I think I’ve always had a preference for older men though, my first boyfriend was older and they’ve all been older after that, I’ve never dated someone the same age as me.

It probably stems from having an older first boyfriend and also my parents are 19 years apart, my dad being older so it most likely comes from there too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know why I'm replying to someone who ever had a doubt about pistachio or rum and raisin ice cream. For gods sake man - thankfully you found the light!

As for the preference bit, I think its interesting why those preferences are such. What puts someone off another race? Bad experience? Upbringing? Or is it purely a visual thing?

Hope that all makes sense and sorry for the diatribe!

Yeah I often have the same thoughts. Like Indian and European are both caucasoid (google) so have the same bone structure and everything so is it just the brown skin?

Ahh that's a very good observation! All in the phrasing! Racist: No black men. Objectivist (not sure that's a word): Black men welcome

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"At the end of the day (I know,bad saying) it is a preference of what we like/don't like or do or don't find attractive. Nothing to do with race/colour etc. I've seen lots of white people on here who people think/say are gorgeous and I think

What did I say in the original comment!!!!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

Actually I've not explained anything - just observed that "some" things related to attraction can be explained objectively whereas others can't.

I agree that it seems strange to exclude an entire group of people purely because of the colour of their skin and couldn't even begin to explain it because It's not something I'd do.

Attraction though can be very much down to an individual case basis that may simply be answered by "because we get on and I find them physically appealing" no actual objective reasoning beyond that - similarly the reasoning behind why you're not attracted to a specific individual, it may simply be because once you started talking to them you found there was no "spark"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some days I like to have Chinese and other days Indian food

Some days I like to have Thai and other days I like to have Mexican food

Some days I like to have English and other days I like to have Spanish food

And the list goes on..

#ilovefood "

How about Filipino food? I only say that because I personally don't like it.... Hope that doens't make me a racist....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When it comes to dating I’ve never had a preference, I welcome them all!

I think I’ve always had a preference for older men though, my first boyfriend was older and they’ve all been older after that, I’ve never dated someone the same age as me.

It probably stems from having an older first boyfriend and also my parents are 19 years apart, my dad being older so it most likely comes from there too. "

Why I like big boobs I think. My first gf had massive ones. Couldn't get enough and I was sold after. Think we're stepping on the toes of the objective vs racist comment that was made earlier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some days I like to have Chinese and other days Indian food

Some days I like to have Thai and other days I like to have Mexican food

Some days I like to have English and other days I like to have Spanish food

And the list goes on..

#ilovefood

How about Filipino food? I only say that because I personally don't like it.... Hope that doens't make me a racist...."

I’ve not tried Filipino food yet but is eating an Oreo cookie racist?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

Actually I've not explained anything - just observed that "some" things related to attraction can be explained objectively whereas others can't.

I agree that it seems strange to exclude an entire group of people purely because of the colour of their skin and couldn't even begin to explain it because It's not something I'd do.

I'm not really sure the point you are trying to make... Everything can be observed objectively whether the person can explain it or not. I'm trying to understand the psyche of someone that finds a whole race of people as unnatractive. If you meet someone and there is no spark you are not disqualifying them without even talking to them because of their race.

I do not understand it so I am asking why.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some days I like to have Chinese and other days Indian food

Some days I like to have Thai and other days I like to have Mexican food

Some days I like to have English and other days I like to have Spanish food

And the list goes on..

#ilovefood

How about Filipino food? I only say that because I personally don't like it.... Hope that doens't make me a racist....

I’ve not tried Filipino food yet but is eating an Oreo cookie racist? "

Depends where they're made. Philippeans? Not so good.

Disclaimer: I love the Filipino people and their Oreo cookies. I made this comment in jest. However, I lived in the Philippines and I do not like 90% of the food. Sorry

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By *andonmessMan
over a year ago

A world all of his own

Couldn't give a hoot about the colour of a person's skin, it's their mind that draws me in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did I say in the original comment!!!!"

Sorry if you lost your mind but its true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

hate that people assume you havent tried ffs

Why should anyone have to justify a preference?

Embrace diversity!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What did I say in the original comment!!!!

Sorry if you lost your mind but its true."

It's not. There is reasoning behind it even if you haven't explored these. I bet you know why you don't like other things, like food, music, movies etc. And you could easily explain why. It's just when people do it with race it's hard to explain yourself without sounding like a racist. Think about it ojectively. If you state on your profile 'no Black people'. You are saying that no matter what size or shape they are you find them ugly because of their skin colour. You are not even discounting one country or culture, it's literally hundreds. By stating it's just preference is an easy way to be ignorant or justify it. I presonally think if I found a whole race of women unattractive I would want to look into that because it's a little strange

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also i dont need to try sc at to know i dont wanna try it!

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

I find when it comes to sexual preferences my utter desperation makes my prejudices irrelevant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find when it comes to sexual preferences my utter desperation makes my prejudices irrelevant "

Haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

hate that people assume you havent tried ffs

Why should anyone have to justify a preference?

Embrace diversity!!"

Why don't you try answering the question rather than acting hostile (ffs).

No one is saying that you haven't tried. Have you tried? Did one experience with a certain race make you think that all people of the same race are like them? Or is it down to some bad food you had?

If you are an open racist and say you don't like black skin because you find it ugly then at least you aware of the reasons. But if you say it is just preference without even challenging the reasons why then aren't you worried about why you don't find a whole race of people attractive? We aren't naturally racist. Watch kids play. They don't give a damn who they play with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also i dont need to try sc at to know i dont wanna try it!"

No idea what you're trying to say here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find when it comes to sexual preferences my utter desperation makes my prejudices irrelevant "

Ahh if only we were all that desperate eh? What a wonderful world it would be

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

Actually I've not explained anything - just observed that "some" things related to attraction can be explained objectively whereas others can't.

I agree that it seems strange to exclude an entire group of people purely because of the colour of their skin and couldn't even begin to explain it because It's not something I'd do.

I do not understand it so I am asking why."

I was making a general point about preference and how sometimes it can't be explained objectively - some things in life are entirely subjective.

To pick up on something you've mentioned elsewhere, there's all sorts of music I don't like (heavy rap or metal for example) I can't explain why I don't like it, I just don't, but I can appreciate that others do.

Maybe the same applies to those that have a preference around a particular type of person (whether that be around skin colour, or body shape, or whatever) - it IS just their preference without needing further explanation.

That all said, where that preference is formed objectively and is done so out of prejudice then it's obviously wrong but is an entirely different matter to what you're discussing here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

Actually I've not explained anything - just observed that "some" things related to attraction can be explained objectively whereas others can't.

I agree that it seems strange to exclude an entire group of people purely because of the colour of their skin and couldn't even begin to explain it because It's not something I'd do.

I do not understand it so I am asking why.

I was making a general point about preference and how sometimes it can't be explained objectively - some things in life are entirely subjective.

That all said, where that preference is formed objectively and is done so out of prejudice then it's obviously wrong but is an entirely different matter to what you're discussing here."

It can always be explained. I can compare it to music because I literally give every genre a go. However I don't really like manufactured pop music because I believe: It is as much about image as music. I feel it lacks soul and substance. It has nothing that I enjoy about music apparent. It is more about money and I hate things like that, always have. I want love passions and soul. Not money and a bit of skin. If I don't like something I know why. It can be explained. I just need to look at that thing objectively and compare it to what I do like about other things in the same category.

All preferences are going to be subjective. That doesn't mean that you cannot take an objective stance to look at the reasons why you have made that decision. I don't believe it is just preference based on nothing. If you want to better yourself look at your life objectively. Don't think anyone can disagree with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why has it got to be so in-depth?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth? "

Examining yourself will help you grow

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Of course there are some things that you can of course explain very objectively but It's not always the case.

Bt you just have explained them. Because of an event etc. I'm more saying that if my natural preference was to not find a whole race of people of all shapes and sizes attractive I would be worried.

Actually I've not explained anything - just observed that "some" things related to attraction can be explained objectively whereas others can't.

I agree that it seems strange to exclude an entire group of people purely because of the colour of their skin and couldn't even begin to explain it because It's not something I'd do.

I do not understand it so I am asking why.

I was making a general point about preference and how sometimes it can't be explained objectively - some things in life are entirely subjective.

That all said, where that preference is formed objectively and is done so out of prejudice then it's obviously wrong but is an entirely different matter to what you're discussing here.

Your opening sentence is the key: "All preferences are going to be subjective" - sure you can try and look at something objectively and still not come up with anything other than a subjective reason along the lines of "I listened to it and didn't like it" - there doesn't always have to be an "I didn't like it because..."

I also think too much time is spent on this site looking for reasons for people's preferences as a means to justify lack of "success" from the site - now I'm not in the slightest suggesting that is what you are doing here, I know from your previous posts that you have an analytic mind that tries to understand things, but sometimes there's nothing to understand other than a simple "because I do".

To use a similar angle - as a bisexual man, I'm aware that some people won't meet me as a matter of preference - personally, rather than getting hung up on their reasons for that preference, I accept it and prefer to focus on those that will meet me or even seek me out because of my bisexuality. Unless of course that preference is bound out of prejudice in which case I'll fight my corner to tell them why they're wrong, but again like preferring not to meet someone because of prejudice about the colour of their skin that's a different matter entirely.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth? "

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why. "

I’d strongly agree with Fig.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why. "

I'm not suggesting it does - there are any number of influences that shape us as individuals and inform our preferences, opinions etc. - my point is what those influences are, isn't always apparent and sometimes there is no identifiable objective reasoning to them either, they just are and the actual influence will not be known.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why. "

Thank you! I know people are trying to pc when it comes to topics like this but there is always reason. If it was instinctive for us not to mix then no one would be doing it. Like why I would never challenge people liking the same sex because I think it is natural and instinctive. However race preference is not. It's conditioning. So if my social conditioning dictated that I didn't find a certain race attractive I would challenge that. Putting it down to simply preference is just people's way of dodging the fact that put a different phrase on it and you're a racist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

So the next question has to be, are those preferences/opinions set in stone? If you have a preference that rules out an entire ethnicity purely based on the fact they are that ethnicity, should you be examining why and possibly looking at how you can change that?

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

But what I am saying is there is still reasoning behing these preferences whether you are aware of them are not. I get the feeling that this topic has been dragged into an area where you are right because you are tolerant. I will stick up for people's opinions but surely you have no issue in me saying that these types of people should be more objective and at least look at the reasons why they have racial preferences. Not just be ignorant to it and pretend that it is a natural thing to only like certain colours

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Ethnicity/skin colour isn’t one of my decision making things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

Do you really think that the origins of our preferences are unknown and unknowable or is that an avoidance of geniuine inquiry and thereby just like sticking my fingers in my ears and going “la-la-la not listening”?

Is it possible that what stops us is the fear of vulnerability that comes with deep self-examination?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

Is it possible that what stops us is the fear of vulnerability that comes with deep self-examination?

Got a spiritual one here! Yeah my point exactly. Self examination really gets down to the fact that you have the same vulnerabilities as everyone else, reagrdless of how much you try to hide them. Hard first step to take. Like don't they get you to admit you're an alchoholic at the first AA meeting

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic."

Hopefully this conversation will spark some objectivity and the world will slowly change

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To quote Tim Minchin:

A famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like arse-holes, in that everyone has one. There is great wisdom in this… but I would add that opinions differ significantly from arse-holes, in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined.

We must think critically, and not just about the ideas of others. Be hard on your beliefs. Take them out onto the verandah and beat them with a cricket bat.

Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privilege.

Most of society’s arguments are kept alive by a failure to acknowledge nuance. We tend to generate false dichotomies, then try to argue one point using two entirely different sets of assumptions, like two tennis players trying to win a match by hitting beautifully executed shots from either end of separate tennis courts.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic."

Now THAT I can't answer as those specific preferences aren't ones I hold personally - although as I have qualified most of my statements by saying if there is nothing sinister in the subjective reasoning for a preference - why does it have to be held up to examination.

Purely playing devils advocate here, because I am actually enjoying the debate - if I am someone who regularly mixes and socialises with a certain ethnic type, but chooses not to have sex with them because I have an unexplained lack of sexual attraction to them - should I be "examining why and possibly looking at how you can change that?"

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

hate that people assume you havent tried ffs

Why should anyone have to justify a preference?

Embrace diversity!!

Why don't you try answering the question rather than acting hostile (ffs).

No one is saying that you haven't tried. Have you tried? Did one experience with a certain race make you think that all people of the same race are like them? Or is it down to some bad food you had?

Seriously lol..

The op clearly states "how would you know if you havent tried" also kids arent looking to be intimate, they are not thinking sexually towards each other. Same as when people meet those in everyday situations, they arent going to consider age, race etc.. but we are talking about sexual attraction, prefence, wr all have different things, some sub, some dom, some anal, we all have our thing and when we are giving our intimacy ti someone, any factors can come into it without having any reflection on the person in whole

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

I have absolutely no objection to anything you've said at all and agree that self-examination is key - ALL I have suggested is that there aren't always clear cut answers or definitions to be found - sometimes our reasoning can't be pinned down or compatmentalised and sometimes you do just have to accept people's preferences for what they are - simple preferences without any underlying sinister reasoning.

As I said earlier as a bisexual man - there are people that won't meet me because of my sexuality - some of them will have solid reasoning for that (e.g. they give blood and are precluded from meeting me if they wish to continue doing so) - others will have prejudicial homophobic reasoning and yet others reasons will be a little more subjective and hard to pin down to anything specific and the first and last I accept without question - the middle one on the other hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

Obviously I'm not saying everyone does this, we meet people face to face every day and preferences will still be there but I would guess if for once, we left out pictures of ourselves and got to know a person online without any visual clues, who knows what could happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?"

Hmmm. Very, very good points! Is the whole area of sexual wants and desires to complex to get to the bottom of? Is sexual attraction, the red line where you just have to say "because I do?"

I'm going to have to think more on this one!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

Is it possible that what stops us is the fear of vulnerability that comes with deep self-examination?

Not at all bro - I do however think that sometimes you can't pin a nice neat reason on a preference either (even if there may well be a deep seated and hidden reasoning in there somewhere that a finger can't be put on)

To use my earlier example - heavy metal music does nothing for me at all - I appreciate that others like it, but I couldn't give you an actual reason I don't like it other than "I don't like it" even through trying to look at it objectively and coming up with some very fluffy reasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexual preference does not define a person. How someone treats others is the only way to define them.

So questioning a sexual preference is judgemental, exactly like questioning a sexuality, we all have our thing and who knows why, its inbuilt i think, your born gay or straight so therefore youre born with sexual preferences..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?

Hmmm. Very, very good points! Is the whole area of sexual wants and desires to complex to get to the bottom of? Is sexual attraction, the red line where you just have to say "because I do?"

I'm going to have to think more on this one! "

Knew I'd make a good point if I kept trying

Seriously though the more this thread has gone on, the more I think there's a danger of mixing up sexuality and societal acceptability - just because you prefer not to have sex with someone of a particular type (and lets move away from ethnicity and cover any "type" you can imagine sexuality, body shape etc) but interact with them, without prejudice, in every other way possible - is there anything wrong in that? And more to the point is there an objective explanation for it?

Now despite what you may think, personally I am the opposite completely - and I think this was where I joined the debate originally - I don't have specific preferences based on skin colour, body type, length of cock, breast size, sexuality etc - my preferences are very much on an individual basis and bound in chemistry and connection which I just can't explain when it's there.

This place is a good example of that - sometimes I'll start a conversation with someone and it'll fizzle out within a handful of messages, but others the conversation will just flow and flow and you'll bounce off one another completely and just almost "know" what the other is going to say before they've said it and THAT is the chemistry and connection thing that can't be explained or defined - it just is. Now for me that's regardless of ethnicity or anything but everyone is different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa"

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

Is it possible that what stops us is the fear of vulnerability that comes with deep self-examination?

I agree that you cannot always pin a nice neat reason on preferences, I think sometimes finding the messy reasoning and unconscious assumptions can be a painful process and is perhaps why some of our preferences go unexamined and unexplored.

For instance I don’t think I was necessarily born bisexual, but by reflecting on my early life experiences I was able to discover how that sexuality may have been formed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?"

I think I understand your stance a bit more now. Devil's advocate is fun at times.

If I was hanging around with a bunch of individuals that I wasn't attracted to I would have no problem with that as long as I was judging them as individuals. If I was categorising them by race and exlcuding certain people before they had even talked then I would be worried

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

Would you rather people with homopohobic views be objective and look at the reasons why? Isn't that a reasonable thing to ask? That person may be causing a lot of hate and ruining people's lives, would I be wrong to ask why?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sexual preference does not define a person. How someone treats others is the only way to define them.

Being gay or straight has nothing to do with this. This is not a natural thing. If it was, no race would ever mix and let's get it straight, it has always happened. Why generally caribbeans are lighter than Africans. You are not born with a preference to race and to say you are is pretty moronic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?

Hmmm. Very, very good points! Is the whole area of sexual wants and desires to complex to get to the bottom of? Is sexual attraction, the red line where you just have to say "because I do?"

I'm going to have to think more on this one!

Knew I'd make a good point if I kept trying

Don't move my topic away from the point. It has no relevance if you do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really "

Truth drop. Like your words. I have no problem with people fulfilling fantasies or stepping into the unknown. Isn't that what this place is about? When you say you like something or want something it is just a request. When you openly say you wouldn't like to sleep with an entire colour of people without even trying, that to me seems strange. Me being the mindful guy I am I would want to explore that. I want to know why others don't. This is not an attack, just a discussion between a mutliplicity of horny folk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

If I heard someone say 'I wouldn't sleep with....' and dismiss an entire race then from my point of view that could be for quite a few reasons. Learned behaviour, experience or fear. I'm sure there are other reasons too.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

I refer you to the last seven words of my post for the answer to that one

Of course people with homophobic or prejudiced views should be challenged - my point was that not everyone on here with a preference not to meet a certain ethnicity or sexuality is either racist or homophobic or necessarily able to provide an objective reason for their preference beyond lack of sexual attraction to that type of person.

Now I can already hear you sharpening your pencil to say that lack of sexual attraction IS an objective reason but is it? And if so doesn't it answer your original post completely?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

It could be for lots of reasons. It would be the one reason I wouldn't want to sleep with them as to me, that's not an attractive thing to say. I would discuss it with them and try to understand their point of view but I never can. I don't really like any justification of intolerance. National pride, religion, money, government, football or whatever banner it comes under... I don't like how we justify being bastards to each other

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

By the way, I'm not condemning anybody, just exploring the topic.

Or to use another analogy, if I had a preference sexually for people with blonde hair and wouldn't meet anyone that didn't - is that actually any different?

Hmmm. Very, very good points! Is the whole area of sexual wants and desires to complex to get to the bottom of? Is sexual attraction, the red line where you just have to say "because I do?"

I'm going to have to think more on this one!

Knew I'd make a good point if I kept trying

Don't move my topic away from the point. It has no relevance if you do"

Oh I think it has every relevance because all those "types" have everything to do with sexual preference - which ultimately is the point of the thread which is why we have sexual preferences based on ethnicity - preferences that can be applied to any number of other factors including body shape, hair colour, sexuality etc etc.

The underlying reasons for those preferences can be the same just the categorisation is different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why has it got to be so in-depth?

It doesn't, not when it's simply about preference and nothing more sinister - that's my point

I think what the OP is getting at, is nothing happens in a vacuum. Opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes always have a 'because of', even if we don't actually know why.

I refer you to the last seven words of my post for the answer to that one

Now I can already hear you sharpening your pencil to say that lack of sexual attraction IS an objective reason but is it? And if so doesn't it answer your original post completely?

I like you. Without you my pencil is blunt. I mean that purely in the way of this debate.... My pencil is usually sharp... Honest.

First off, I don't think sexuality, as in: Straight, gay or bi, has any place in this topic. I see that as natural.

I also understand preference. And on walking into a room filled of women I could tell you which woman I am most attracted to and explain why. However on leaving the room I would probably tell you I liked a completely different girl and why.

I'm not saying that everyone will be able to explain themselves but be open to self examination at least. As I said I see myself as being a pretty open and tolerant person. I think all things should be treated with understanding but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be challenged. On a daily basis I love to challenge a person's opinion whether I agree with them or not. But if the way I treat others could objectively be viewed as bad by me (think that makes sense), then I want to examine it and try to better myself. I have done things in the past that I am not proud of and the way I learned from them was by looking at the situation objectively and learning from it.

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By *urved HunnyWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Well, for me it's just so simple, I adore dark skin, full lips, dark glittering eyes, so that's where I go

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

No challenge them and their dumb founded ways. You see someone being openly nasty and trying to justify it, challenge them. Hopefully then others witnessing the situation will realise that what they are doing is not ok and should be challenged

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Now I can already hear you sharpening your pencil to say that lack of sexual attraction IS an objective reason but is it? And if so doesn't it answer your original post completely?

I like you. Without you my pencil is blunt. I mean that purely in the way of this debate.... My pencil is usually sharp... Honest.

First off, I don't think sexuality, as in: Straight, gay or bi, has any place in this topic. I see that as natural.

I think sexuality has EVERY place in the topic/debate around sexual preferences and the reasons for them which this thread is essentially about - ultimately there's no difference between preferring not to meet bi men than there is preferring not to meet people of a certain ethnicity, it's a preference plain and simple.

Now the objective reasons for those preferences (where they can be defined) may be different but ultimately it's a similar thing.

I also notice you neatly sidestepped my last point which may actually provide the answer to your original question

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Mmmmmm rum n raisin, my favourite flavour.

As for the OP post, I have preferences, everyone does.

But I judge people as individuals, if I like them, I like them.

If I don't, the colour of their skin isn't the issue, it's the vibe they give off I don't like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

So you are effectively saying that, and let's be honest here, we're talking about dismissing someone on race or colour, that I should challenge them?

If they were being insulting using derogatory language then yes I would. But there are people who also say it's just a preference, nothing more. I'm sure if, lets say for example someone had a bad experience with any race, be it whatever colour, it would be insensitive of me to try and change their minds or say their preferences are wrong.

It does depend on why they feel the way they do and let's be honest, is it any of our business what or who they prefer unless they are being abusive or insulting with it?

I know lots of guys prefer slim ladies but you know what, I don't feel offended or wonder why. It is what makes us all different. If we all liked the same thing then we'd all have to conform to the same body size, hair colour etc etc.

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By *ids_NaughtyCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

"Our preferences are there due to real experiences. Just because we have a preference though it does not mean we rule out others that don’t fit the preference we have chosen.

hate that people assume you havent tried ffs

Why should anyone have to justify a preference?

Embrace diversity!!

Why don't you try answering the question rather than acting hostile (ffs).

No one is saying that you haven't tried. Have you tried? Did one experience with a certain race make you think that all people of the same race are like them? Or is it down to some bad food you had?

Not sure your example there means someone is a racist - if they said they found black skin not attractive that’s not racist. Otherwise it would mean everyone would have to say every black skinned person is attractive in case they were stated as being racist! And clearly regardless of skin colour everyone isn’t attractive to someone else!

Equally people will genarilse on the whole - it’s how peoples brains work, but it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t flex on it. There are zillions of shades of black/brown skin- so someone might generally say they don’t find it attractive but meet someone who they do.

And on a site like this - people are generalising, they have no clue about someone’s personality, manner or mind - or that they could be the person they fall in love with and marry and have 20kids from a profile with a few pics and made up message - so people gernally state a “preference” and admittedly some may have that preference from an experience(s) and again that’s because on here as much as there is quite a diversity of people it’s still quite subject specific, so the likelihood is(generalisation) that certain profiles will lead to same attitude or type of person and that experience again.

Being honest our preference is simply down to experiences on here and in clubs - it’s a generalisation based on swinging, not life. We have several messages from black guys stating because she’s white and blond they want to ruin her, and everyone of those, disregards that we a couple, several asking to meet alone or suggesting I should watch - anything that says BBC instantly leads us to think this same attitude will be here again. So with a limitation of time, shear number of people emailing it’s easier to shorten the list based on that principle. It doesn’t mean in everyday life we judge or make choices based on skin colour, as in real life it’s about the person and who and what they are.

If this was match - people may be different - but it’s a swingers site - and I don’t think racism is anything to do with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

So you are effectively saying that, and let's be honest here, we're talking about dismissing someone on race or colour, that I should challenge them?

It does depend on why they feel the way they do and let's be honest, is it any of our business what or who they prefer unless they are being abusive or insulting with it?

One thing I hate about on here is the threads it becomes impossible to understand what is being said. Also, I struggle writing a cohearent sentence without checking it multiple times. No I was saying that people should be challenged when being intolerant even if they believe they have justification. I strayed off topic slightly when talking about intolerance in general.

Your point about liking slim is social conditioning. We generally taught that when you are overweight you are not at you optimum. Which is true, sports proves it. So with that in mind, growing up, we aspire to want to be like these people. The imagery and everything conditions us to believe that thin and athletic look human is most attractive. This may be as much primal: Like animals picking the strongest mate.

But growing up I was exposed to sexual imagery of all races. My dad wasn't. Went against his whole family to marry my mom so kinda tells you it's not natural. But we all know that right? Or are people going to keep saying it's preference like it is natural? Then backing it up with nothing. We are all the same species and even when there were neanderthal's about we were shagging them. We naturally love shagging each other so why the hang up on race?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now I can already hear you sharpening your pencil to say that lack of sexual attraction IS an objective reason but is it? And if so doesn't it answer your original post completely?

I like you. Without you my pencil is blunt. I mean that purely in the way of this debate.... My pencil is usually sharp... Honest.

First off, I don't think sexuality, as in: Straight, gay or bi, has any place in this topic. I see that as natural.

Now the objective reasons for those preferences (where they can be defined) may be different but ultimately it's a similar thing.

I also notice you neatly sidestepped my last point which may actually provide the answer to your original question

No I'm gonna have to disagree. I am not attracted to men full stop. Don't matter what race they are, just like my ladies. Always been that way. Even as a kid I was a perve and try to watch my neighbour get changed. I am not proud of this btw. But yeah your sexuality is decided for you. Even when being gay was illegal and punishable by death people were still getting it on.

If you want to talk about why people don't want to meet bi guys then that's it's own conversation right? Just because both are preference doesn't mean it has any relevance. I have no experience or opinion on bi guys so I wouldn't start a topic involving anything like that. You start looking at why homopohobia exsists in the first place for that one. But yeah we now live in a society where we know everyone is equal. No race is superior. I had hoped that racial preferences was going to die out with the older generation who were more segregated... but then I joined fab and saw people way younger than me doing the same.... Shame really. Think about all those flavours of ice cream they're missing out on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

So you are effectively saying that, and let's be honest here, we're talking about dismissing someone on race or colour, that I should challenge them?

It does depend on why they feel the way they do and let's be honest, is it any of our business what or who they prefer unless they are being abusive or insulting with it?

Going back to my original post, not all do. I'd say quite a few on here go past the visual and its about making the right connections with the right people and accepting that there'll always be people out there who don't become attracted to you for whatever reason.

Yes, colour shouldn't be a reason or race or anything else BUT then we are expecting perfection in everyone and unfortunately that is never going to happen.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Mmmmmm rum n raisin, my favourite flavour.

As for the OP post, I have preferences, everyone does.

But I judge people as individuals, if I like them, I like them.

If I don't, the colour of their skin isn't the issue, it's the vibe they give off I don't like. "

This is how I live my life in every situation. Try to never judge on first impressions because I have been proven wrong so many times before. And when someone says something like "No blacks" I immediatley get a bad vibe from them. No matter the justification... Not that there has been one

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

OP can you not see that for the purposes of Fab and interactions here "It's personal preference" is sufficient, and requires no further explanation, especially when there's no apparent prejuidice behind someone's preferences? Doesn't matter if it IS related to ethnicity, sexuality or simply having a liking for someone who wears fluorescent green socks!!

I agree that where it becomes apparent that someone's preferences are grounded in prejudice or ignorance that it should be challenged, but beyond that I personally prefer to focus on those whose preferences I do meet rather than worrying about those whose I don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

So you are effectively saying that, and let's be honest here, we're talking about dismissing someone on race or colour, that I should challenge them?

It does depend on why they feel the way they do and let's be honest, is it any of our business what or who they prefer unless they are being abusive or insulting with it?

Yes, colour shouldn't be a reason or race or anything else BUT then we are expecting perfection in everyone and unfortunately that is never going to happen. "

I am not expecting perfection. Just equality and decency. I feel like there's a lot of people defending other's points of view here. If you would not say it or do it yourself, for ethical reasons. Why are you defending others when they do it? Makes no sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My own experience is that your preferences can change if you get to know someone.

I THOUGHT I was never attracted to blonde haired people until I got to know someone and ended up marrying them!

So, take away the visual. Get to know someone for who they are and then maybe opinions on preference could change.

When it comes to nsa the physical attraction is the biggest decider or it wouldnt be nsa

On fab maybe but in real life it doesn't have to be.

Although even on fab there are people who want to click with people on a deeper level than just appearances. Each to their own really

Just avoid those who do, simple.

Your choice, your life

So you are effectively saying that, and let's be honest here, we're talking about dismissing someone on race or colour, that I should challenge them?

It does depend on why they feel the way they do and let's be honest, is it any of our business what or who they prefer unless they are being abusive or insulting with it?

Yes, colour shouldn't be a reason or race or anything else BUT then we are expecting perfection in everyone and unfortunately that is never going to happen.

Defend them? No.

Accept I cannot make everybody see the world as I do? Yes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP can you not see that for the purposes of Fab and interactions here "It's personal preference" is sufficient, and requires no further explanation, especially when there's no apparent prejuidice behind someone's preferences? Doesn't matter if it IS related to ethnicity, sexuality or simply having a liking for someone who wears fluorescent green socks!!

You mean be gutless and turn a blind eye? I have not challenged the fab fantasy point of view have I? More welcomed it! I love that people can explore things they would never be able to anywhere else. But when someone is dismissive of an entire race I want to question it. All you have done is keep dragging the conversation back to the point I deliberately tried to avoid and that's people not being mindful enough to actually look at what they are saying and doing objectively. Your opinion is not set in stone and can be changed. You might even like a bi guy if you try one. Why you are arguing a belief that is not your own is moronic anyway. Give your own thoughts on what you would do ethically. If it's not what you consider good enough for yourself, ethically and morally, why keep defending it?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

How is accepting someone's preferences that are not grounded in prejudice or ignorance being gutless?! I'd say it was being fairly pragmatic personally!!

Perhaps I keep dragging it back to that point because that's precisely the point - for the purposes of Fab there doesn't have to be a reason for a preference, and so long as that preference is not born out of prejudice or ignorance I choose not to let it trouble me in the slightest.

I'm not arguing a belief that is not my own either - merely stating that there isn't always (forgive the pun) a black and white - sometimes it just "is" and doesn't need any more in depth analysis than that - but thanks for pointing out that you think I am moronic!!

I've made my personal view perfectly clear several times in this thread too and it actually loosely ties in with my overall point.

As for liking a bi guy if I tried one - I can assure you that I most certainly did the number of times I tried!!

To be honest it actually strikes me that you're looking at this from an unrealistic idealist perspective and expecting answers where there are none to be had.

Whilst I agree that in an ideal world ethnicity, sexuality and more wouldn't even come into question, for varying reasons, with simple preference at one end of the scale, and downright bigotry at the other end, they do - the key is identifying which areas of that scale are things to be concerned about and which are not.

Ultimately though to come back to my viewpoint which you seem so keen on - the answer to your question is simply that in a lot of cases it is simple preference nothing more, nothing less, and you either accept that or not. Personally my fab experience is far better for accepting it and only fighting/questioning it when the reasons for those preferences are born out of prejudice and ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is accepting someone's preferences that are not grounded in prejudice or ignorance being gutless?! I'd say it was being fairly pragmatic personally!!

I've made my personal view perfectly clear several times in this thread too and it actually loosely ties in with my overall point.

As for liking a bi guy if I tried one - I can assure you that I most certainly did the number of times I tried!!

To be honest it actually strikes me that you're looking at this from an unrealistic idealist perspective and expecting answers where there are none to be had.

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How is accepting someone's preferences that are not grounded in prejudice or ignorance being gutless?! I'd say it was being fairly pragmatic personally!!

I've made my personal view perfectly clear several times in this thread too and it actually loosely ties in with my overall point.

As for liking a bi guy if I tried one - I can assure you that I most certainly did the number of times I tried!!

To be honest it actually strikes me that you're looking at this from an unrealistic idealist perspective and expecting answers where there are none to be had.

How can someone make a preference, one that dismisses an entire race, and it not be about prejudice? Just to stop you moving the goalposts again, here's the defnition of prejudice: 'Preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.' I think this definitely applies as there is no way the have met every person that they are saying no to right? So yeah you can say they may have had a bad experience with a black guy, but if they are dumb enough to think that all black people have a singular consiousness then they are a right off anyway and their opinion should probably be void. So yes it is a decision made on prejudice.

I was hoping to have a conversation with someone intelligent who had those dismissive views. You know, maybe I could understand their way of thinking... Be ojective in an effort for my opinion to change... Wouldn't wanna be a hypocrite: Saying it's fine for others to do what I wouldn't morally want to happen to myself or those I care about... If you get my point....

But instead I got someone who is obviously the contrarian defending beliefs that are not even their own. Go figure. You even said that we should challenge people on homophobia when I mentioned that. So why not on race? Basically we should only challenge things that impact your life directly? Oh yeah goalposts: I said challenge both but they are different conversations to be had. I'm not expecting an idealistic world but I am asking people to be mindful of what they are saying and examine those opinions based on race. It's not natural. We are not all that dumb that we see our opinions or preferences as being set in stone. Some of us are emotionally and spiritually grown enough to objectively examine the negative aspects of our personality so that we can change.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

How is accepting someone's preferences that are not grounded in prejudice or ignorance being gutless?! I'd say it was being fairly pragmatic personally!!

I've made my personal view perfectly clear several times in this thread too and it actually loosely ties in with my overall point.

As for liking a bi guy if I tried one - I can assure you that I most certainly did the number of times I tried!!

To be honest it actually strikes me that you're looking at this from an unrealistic idealist perspective and expecting answers where there are none to be had.

You see it's not always about prejudice at all - although you seem to be very to determined to try and prove that it is.

As I've said several times throughout this thread there isn't necessarily a clear cut answer to sexual attraction and preference - it is what it is and everyone has the right to those preferences regardless. As I've also said several times where those preferences are grounded in bigotry and ignorance (whether that be about ethnicity, sexuality or anything else for that matter) they should and are rightly challenged.

What I object to is your generalisation that just because someone doesn't want to have sex with you because of the colour of your skin, the fact you are bisexual or come from Essex and not Suffolk that it automatically makes them prejudiced - it doesn't!! Nor does it mean in the context of Fab they are obliged to explain their reasons for those preferences or even are able to explain them - they're down to sexual preference and attraction plain and simple.

I also call foul on your suggestion that I only think homophobic tendencies should be questioned - I've said numerous times that any kind of bigotry or prejudice should be challenged and called out!!

As for contrarian who defends the beliefs that are not my own - what a ridiculous statement - nowhere have I stated anything of the sort - ALL I have done is state quite clearly (until I am blue in the face in fact) that people are entitled to preferences and don't have to justify them or may not always be able to do so, unless it's clear those preferences are born out of bigotry and prejudice which is not always the case.

Now we're starting to go round in circles here and getting nowhere - I shall continue to accept others preferences, respect them where appropriate and likewise challenge them where they're not and enjoy my Fab experience as a result.

How you choose to move forward is entirely up to you of course but if you look for prejudice in everyone and fail to accept their preferences I suspect I know whose experience will be the better.

It's been an interesting debate but at this juncture I bow out and wish you good luck

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