FabSwingers.com forum: Friendship and lack of...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do people cope without friends? Im struggling atm with this, i have my small family and work but nothing else. I go to work and come home, visit my family but i have no other interactions with people. Its as if im invisible, its getting quite lonely atm.

Ok moan over, sorry everyone

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Join a sports club even if you can't play it.

It will have an excellent social circle and the club will really approximate whatever you can do for them.

Then when the season ends do it again with a different sport.

You'll never look back with regret

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Get out there and get talking to people then. Don’t go straight home after work, go somewhere you know you can join in with something you’d like to learn or experience and get talking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its rough mate i also have no time for friends but im lucky i work with the public so get to make new ones every day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Join a college course you may like to do

Go to local social events in your area

Look on faceache for groups

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah sports and social clubs are a great way to go. Here's not great for friends as most will think you have an alterior motive when befriending them. Clubs are a better place to meet friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of social groups on social media sites that welcome new people. Try a few different groups.

What are your hobbies and interests..... try finding something to do that you would enjoy, sign up to an evening class/excercise class.

It's harah to hear, but there is only yourself who can make the changes needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people cope without friends? Im struggling atm with this, i have my small family and work but nothing else. I go to work and come home, visit my family but i have no other interactions with people. Its as if im invisible, its getting quite lonely atm.

Ok moan over, sorry everyone "
Hugs x

I am the same . I have my 2 kids in my life . I kind of struggle with the friends bit . So I understand your struggle op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite self sufficient. So am quite happy when the world leaves me alone from time to time. I can get back to my song writing and my art.

All I'd say on top of the advice already given is that having too many people about who pull on your energy and time without actually being great friends can be a real chore. I haven't got many friends where I live. But I've got a couple of great ones up in London. They orient my compass and make me realise that I'm happy to wait for someone I have a special connection with than fill my life with people

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped."

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped."

I was probably borderline PTSD a few months back. Waking up in cold sweats and a state of anxiety. For me it was important to try and shrug it off, laugh at it, make light of it, and put it behind me. Try to reconnect with your joy. I learnt a vital lesson.

When you're in a state of joy even the tallest mountains feel like molehills. But if you're in a state of anxiety or sadness even the smallest molehill will seem like a mountain.

So if your life is surrounded by mountains, rather than drive yourself to exhaustion trying to scramble up them all, why not just shrink them into molehills? Work on your joy dude. It's the single most effective way to overcome everything around you. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation "

Its something im working on including changing the person i am so i can fit in so to speak, but im sure im not alone here in feeling this situation and bit the bullet to highlight my issue to help others step forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Be nice to everyone you meet is always a good start. Also, hate to say it as it sounds like you've had it hard but: Don't be a downer man. I know people who have it just as hard if not harder and one of the things I respected about them most was no matter what, they were positive and upbeat, even at death's door. People only get what you show them. So if you are this happy positive upbeat person that people wanna be around your existence will be so much better. It's hard man! I find baby steps are the way forward. So with myself every time I feel those deep dark depressing thoughts creeping in I try to be conciously aware of it and get myself back in the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly how you feel mate. I have a couple of nice friends through here but all my mates from uni moved away.

It is hard taking that step to get out there but sports clubs are a great idea. I went along and joined a Sunday league team last season which helped me feel part of a group.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And don't change who you are man: You're beautiful just the way you are!!! (Threw up a little bit whilst typing)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And don't change who you are man: You're beautiful just the way you are!!! (Threw up a little bit whilst typing)"

And you're beautiful too man

Oops! A few chunks came up then too. What have you started?

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Why would you change who you are? That’s daft. You can change your approach, reaction and thought process but you need to stay who you are.

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I’ve struggled with this - moved cities to be with my other half and left my friends behind. Had to work hard so didn’t have much time to build new friendships...took a few years but I joined a sports club and started running again. Meetup is good for finding people near you with similar interests. Life sucks without friends so I hope you find some *hugs*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told this

“Some wont like you some will tolerate you and some will like you but thats life, accept it dont try to hard and be you”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is hard to make new friends but it is possible. I moved from everything I knew all my life, left my life Up North and moved down South. I only knew my fella. I had to start again and it was bloody tough having no support network. A few years on and I have a great circle of girlfriends whom I met either walking my dog, at the gym, at a book club, at line dancing and even in a gardening club. You have to be very pro active, they won't come to you if they don't know you are looking. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Why would you change who you are? That’s daft. You can change your approach, reaction and thought process but you need to stay who you are. "

I wonder if at times im not a likeable person and fight with demons that people tolerate my presence rather than welcome it.

Due to health issues i cant play sport anymore, cycling and running are also a no go.

Ill find something though...may be

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Why would you change who you are? That’s daft. You can change your approach, reaction and thought process but you need to stay who you are.

I wonder if at times im not a likeable person and fight with demons that people tolerate my presence rather than welcome it.

Due to health issues i cant play sport anymore, cycling and running are also a no go.

Ill find something though...may be "

All that is negative. Go to a bar without loud music or a sports screen, order a coffee and chat to someone. That’s it. Either the conversation will flow or it won’t.

Then try the next person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Why would you change who you are? That’s daft. You can change your approach, reaction and thought process but you need to stay who you are.

I wonder if at times im not a likeable person and fight with demons that people tolerate my presence rather than welcome it.

Due to health issues i cant play sport anymore, cycling and running are also a no go.

Ill find something though...may be "

How about walking? There are walking clubs pretty much everywhere and it's a more sociable activity since you aren't out of breath!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not on fb, and i think my job puts people off. Since a near fatal accident a few years ago my trust in people has dwindled and PTSD hasnt helped.

Are you wanting to make friends here or IRL?

What can we do to help change your situation?

Its more. What can the op do to change his situation

Why would you change who you are? That’s daft. You can change your approach, reaction and thought process but you need to stay who you are.

I wonder if at times im not a likeable person and fight with demons that people tolerate my presence rather than welcome it.

Due to health issues i cant play sport anymore, cycling and running are also a no go.

Ill find something though...may be

All that is negative. Go to a bar without loud music or a sports screen, order a coffee and chat to someone. That’s it. Either the conversation will flow or it won’t.

Then try the next person. "

Yeah what she just said. As I said in my last message. Don't be a downer! It is harsh but true. If sports are a no go do things that you can do. Can you draw? Maybe photography? Only you kow you but if you keep having all these negative thoughts they are like poison

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a fantastic social circle of friends, in the pub, but outside of that a couple of people who would actually give me the time of day outside of that environment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this doesn't always appeal to everyone but you are aware that if you're in a real state there are groups of people in similar situations who meet to support each other through those times. I only mention this because you bought up PTSD and I have no idea how bad that is for you. Perhaps keep an eye out for groups or ask your doctor. It might help in the interim

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