FabSwingers.com forum: Breaking wind

By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Turn the tele on and take some perfume or spray in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let rip

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Also who has a first dare in a hotel room at 8:50am?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send him down to reception for the paper and chocolate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats why I fast 12 hours before meeting ! I honestly can't poo if someone I just met is in the other room.

I can't poo in piblic toilet either.

Tell her to cough as she shits and the break a match as it takes the smell away.

If she hasnt one she is fucked

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Send him down to breakfast saying she'll follow (through) after.

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’m literally howling.

She will def have farted before I txt back the POA

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By *entish79Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Nip down to the bar for something and go down there?

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Tell her to go down to reception and do a shit in the toilet down there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh no, poor girl, I understand how she feels. Could she send him out to a local shop to get something? Or could she say she has to go out for something and go to the toilets at reception?

Failing that she could run the shower and put some music on her phone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say i need a shit i would

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

A friend of mine had just met a bloke and he took her to some fancy hotel at Whitby that cost a fortune for her bday. The toilet was literally in the corner of the room hidden by one of those little wooden screens people used to get dressed behind.

I’m with F&B. I’d have died of a bowel obstruction before going to that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say she needs to pop to reception and use the toilets down there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend of mine had just met a bloke and he took her to some fancy hotel at Whitby that cost a fortune for her bday. The toilet was literally in the corner of the room hidden by one of those little wooden screens people used to get dressed behind.

I’m with F&B. I’d have died of a bowel obstruction before going to that! "

Omg, that's awful. An expensive hotel having a toilet like that

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

OP.

Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill"

Those poor birds that were just sat there...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just say i need a shit i would "

But ladies don't shit, we have fairy dust

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

Those poor birds that were just sat there..."

Locked windows. You can't even open it and shoo it away onto the ground below. It's just going to sit there like when your cats been naughty and wants to come back in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only option is for her to say she's going to have a quick bath or shower, poop whilst the shower is running or the tap to mask the noise. Have an actual shower or bath to justify the time spent in the toilet and will give enough time for any possible smell to go.

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

Those poor birds that were just sat there..."

The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Not unless hes the room below

Altho could u imagine there faces thinking how big that seagul must be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wouldn't be able to go. I'd hold on until I got home.

No wonder I have IBS

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"OP.

Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness? "

Just laughed so loud I shocked the dog

(he didn’t fart tho)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP.

Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness?

Just laughed so loud I shocked the dog

(he didn’t fart tho)"

But he did turn into a sheep tho

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"OP.

Can you ask her what she had for dinner and was she on the prosecco or Guiness?

Just laughed so loud I shocked the dog

(he didn’t fart tho)

But he did turn into a sheep tho

He’s already a sheep lol

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

Those poor birds that were just sat there...

The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in

Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!!

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

Those poor birds that were just sat there...

The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in

Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!!

And they’re sat under the window

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

do it on his/her chest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She could open a window saying she has a desperate need to moon people with her arse hanging out the window just let it go

Would he not see the shit sliding down the window?

Landing on the window sill

Those poor birds that were just sat there...

The poor people in the room below who just opened their window to let some fresh air in

Especially if it's one that opens on a horizontal axis and outwards so it lands and slides down into their room!!

And they’re sat under the window"

Best hupe the curtains are long and bonus is if hes a prick to her she could always put it in his she before she left

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

Turn the bath taps on. Both of them. Full blast.

Then let it rip.

HTH

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too

haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'

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By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too

haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'

Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Wait till he farts and try to slip hers out at the same time...or make some excuse to get to the bogs near reception...get some ice or something

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too

haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'

Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’

What if he's the food critic type. She gets him to go down for the shop for a paper. In she goes and does Megashit 6000, she's spraying the lynx in utter panic.

He walks back in, sniffs the air, wafts towards his nose and announces 'hmmmm I'm getting a buzz or electric through my senses and a rush of hollihocks up my nose'.

He might just say 'fucking hell someone died in there' and carry on as normal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you hold a poo in?!?!

When i need to go i have to go and this has led to some fairly frantic toilet searches in my time. I feel her pain!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always keep vi poo in your purse simple

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By *imandHerNottsCouple
over a year ago

North Notts

"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

My mate? Really? Lol

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

My mate? Really? Lol"

Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg give her ideas to go to the reception for something. Not a chance in hell I would shit in there. My pal done a shit at a party and it wouldn't flush and she had to throw it out the window. That traumatised me for the rest of my life x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Turn tv up...loud!

Run both taps...full on!

Take perfume/Body spray with you..I mean her

Check seals around door are adequate to maintain forthcoming stench!

Don’t play any games on your mobile, you’ll take far too long and cause suspicion!

Once finished (and obviously thoroughly cleaned) jump straight on your...I mean “her” date and make him last at least one whole hour before he needs to clean up

Simples

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Omg give her ideas to go to the reception for something. Not a chance in hell I would shit in there. My pal done a shit at a party and it wouldn't flush and she had to throw it out the window. That traumatised me for the rest of my life x"

Nothing worse than an obstinate floater

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By *azmar62Couple
over a year ago

Hinckley

Scream out and shout “GET OUT OF ME” did the trick with me, couldnt stop laughing. Lol

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

"I would have to run off down to reception and hope there was more than a bucket in a cupboard. Whats the betting he'd be pooing up there whilst he had the chance too

haha. He's probably texting his mates 'lads, what do I do etc'

Imagine if she announced it and he was like ‘oh thank god. Me too.... go on we will do it together’

Townhouse club have just refitted their ladies loo with a two seater

You literally could do it together there!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/07/18 23:49:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep VIP in my purse for such occasions.. don't whatever you do though turn on the hot water.. the steam will make the smell linger..

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Ask him how his toilet humour is and drop one. Before he can speak (or gasp for air) tell him that’s the starter and the main course is arriving shortly. May be best to advise to brace himself

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

I don't know what you mean.

I'd never ever laugh at something like that.

Bwahahahahaaaa fuck yes!!! I was only talking last night about laughing so much your bum laughs too!

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

I don't know what you mean.

I'd never ever laugh at something like that.

Bwahahahahaaaa fuck yes!!! I was only talking last night about laughing so much your bum laughs too! "

So funny my bum joined in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ?"

He produced a trombone and they played the eastenders theme tune

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

LOOOL ! Oh wow.. that's so funny ! I can't honestly say I wouldn't have laughed at his shocked face either. The question is.. what happened next ?

He produced a trombone and they played the eastenders theme tune "

Pmsl!!!

Well I’m seeing him again so my naughty noisy botty didn’t put him off. Must try harder

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.

If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"

Made sure I had my music blasting and the water running before I sat to drop the log. Here's the important bit. The shower water while pooping needs to be cold. Warm or hot water tends to cook the smell and make it 100x worse, cold water seems to clean the air!

Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.

If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"

Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.

Hahahahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just fart and laugh about it ffs.

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

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By *alking HeadMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Just tell him, if he wants any chance of anal, shes going to have to "drop the kids off at the pool".

We all do it. We all get born, we all pay taxes, we all piss and shit and we all die. He isnt going to expect it to smell like roses. Hell, it probably smells like something you would put on the roses!

In fact, if the hotel is near some countryside, she could brazen it out , open a window and tell him to breath in that country air!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A "date" in a hotel room?

Something somewhere is wrong in that description

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Using the view of a popular Disney musical...... she just need to........ let it go ... let it go !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would hope after 2 days its out her system

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Tell her to pop out for a paper and find a loo else where .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did she have a good shit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually I do the shower and music thing and make sure I have air freshener available.

Once I was in a hotel with a ex partner but it was time of the month and I'm always more windy then. Well I was in the room and he went to the loo, I thought I could get away with a little fart..... It ended up being the longest most rip roaring fart ever- he came running out the bathroom with a wide eyed look which made me laugh and the fact continued. He never let me live it down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes blew away once before and I was nicely relaxed chilling on the bed minding my own business and she was in the bathroom apparently doing her “make up” then !!!!!!!!!!!

I literally rolled out the bed the walls shook and I’m sure the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers kicked in! It was like a elephant roaring in the wild it still haunts me now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris!

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"If it's just a fart I let that fucker rip.

If it's a shit. Ohhh man I been there. I went for a "shower"

Another important bit, once you've got away with it and feeling quite smug about him not knowing.... CHECK THE PAN FOR SKIDS! I learned the hard way.

Paper down first, helps prevent splash back noises and skid marks

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris!

An image of you on your knees picking up glass hiccuping after dancing with the poor reception man in the corridor then denying it was you the next day springs to mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on a second meet and the guy had done a candlelight meal. All very romantic. He said something funny and I laughed so hard I farted. I was naked except for wrist cuffs (yeah that type of meet

) and the seat wasn’t a fabric that absorbed it so it just rattled. I’m struggling to type this for laughing! His face was

which just caused me to laugh harder and harder and of course fart louder and rattle more. Luckily I didn’t follow through.

I love toilet humour. A fart is always guaranteed to make me laugh. And fart again because I’m laughing so much. Catch 22

That made me laugh so much, kinda reminded me of Paris!

An image of you on your knees picking up glass hiccuping after dancing with the poor reception man in the corridor then denying it was you the next day springs to mind

Ahh yes that poor reception man! At least I was hangover free! Good job really as I spent most of the day upside down!

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"My mate has text all agitated. She needs to poop. She’s...

on a first date

in a hotel room

With a tiny en-suite.

What do we suggest I reply?

I'd suggest up the bum is off the menu......

Although that might help poke it back up a bit further and relieve the pressure.

Im torn on this one.......

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

I thought it was just men who done that...

Surely a page 3 model would'nt need to shite??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only option is for her to say she's going to have a quick bath or shower, poop whilst the shower is running or the tap to mask the noise. Have an actual shower or bath to justify the time spent in the toilet and will give enough time for any possible smell to go. "

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