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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have you ever said anything to a love one that you’ve regretted deeply?

Discussing my autistic brother on another thread and it got me thinking about how over protective I am of him. But when we were very young (there’s only nineteen months between us) we went swimming with my mum. A few other children made a few comments about my brother, my brother became upset so we left the pool. I remember commenting ‘I wish I had a normal brother’. My brother didn’t hear this but the look on my mums face said it all. She was gobsmacked, disgusted and heartbroken. I was only about four or five at the time but she just said ‘don’t you ever say that, and don’t ever let him hear it’ and I immideitally regretted it.

And I still do. It absolutely breaks my heart that I ever ever thought that, even if it was just in a passing moment due to frustration.

So, have you said anything you regret a lot?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

to a loved one*

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By *3V1H92Man
over a year ago

Plymouth

I have 2 autistic brothers myself and at such a young age you shouldn't be hard on yourself for saying something like that. We're all human and feel overwhelmed. The fact that you feel bad about saying that just shows how much you care for them ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have 2 autistic brothers myself and at such a young age you shouldn't be hard on yourself for saying something like that. We're all human and feel overwhelmed. The fact that you feel bad about saying that just shows how much you care for them ??"

Oh I know, and I’ve spoken to my brother about it and he laughed. But I still feel awful about it, even if it was 16 or 17 years ago. He mocks his autism, he applied for a bus pass to get to college but his autism isn’t on a high enough scale and he said ‘well, am I meant to put my retard switch to full volume or what?!’

But it still haunts me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You were only 4 and he didn't hear it so all good

I regret telling my dad that my brother killed the neighbours rabbit. It was the first time I saw my dad really lose his temper. My brother got leathered. I never told on them ever again from that day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the time but in the heat of the moment you blurt out something u never really meant we're only human

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By *3V1H92Man
over a year ago

Plymouth

He sounds like a well managed young man and youbsgiukd be very proud. That comment about his pass is hilarious as well lol wish my brother's were that funny x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You were only 4 and he didn't hear it so all good

I regret telling my dad that my brother killed the neighbours rabbit. It was the first time I saw my dad really lose his temper. My brother got leathered. I never told on them ever again from that day "

Oh god!

My dad once told me ‘I wouldn’t be so angry if you just told the truth’ so I tried it. I think I drew on the wall with chalk when we had people round to view our house, and I owned up straight away. And was grounded! I was raging

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You were four or five years old. You can't continue to carry the comments of a child on your back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You were four or five years old. You can't continue to carry the comments of a child on your back."

Oh I’m sure I said a lot of shitty things when I was younger. But when he was being bullied he used to wish he was ‘normal’ and although he hasn’t been bullied for about four years now, he occasionally refers back to it and it just breaks my heart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You were four or five years old. You can't continue to carry the comments of a child on your back.

Oh I’m sure I said a lot of shitty things when I was younger. But when he was being bullied he used to wish he was ‘normal’ and although he hasn’t been bullied for about four years now, he occasionally refers back to it and it just breaks my heart "

He is normal. Just different. You were 4. Let it go. The past can only hurt us if we let it.

And yes I have said things I regret too. And I was much older than an innocent child...

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By *ilfbonaMan
over a year ago

birmingham

I dont regret saying anything to anyone. But i do regret dropping out my Uni course, starting a course in a new City. My girlfriend at the time and I started to drift apart due to the distance.. I dont think Ive ever loved anyone so much after. This was 28yrs ago..and i still think what if!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've said a few things that I really shouldn't of, it's always been in the middle of an argument though when I'm really upset and hurting. I can be a bitch and say things to hurt the other person because they've hurt me. It doesn't help the situation though and I end up feeling guilty for what I've said.

I may learn to keep quiet one day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've said a few things that I really shouldn't of, it's always been in the middle of an argument though when I'm really upset and hurting. I can be a bitch and say things to hurt the other person because they've hurt me. It doesn't help the situation though and I end up feeling guilty for what I've said.

I may learn to keep quiet one day."

Oh I do this too. Then feel awful and have to grovel once we’ve made up

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

I idolises my grandparents and in their latter years was their full time carer. Nan had dementia and grandad... Well, grandad way of coping with band dementia was to just drink more. He was an alcoholic.

After 11 years as their carer and no help from other members of the family I was at breaking point. Nan didn't know anyone anymore and grandad was up to a litre of whiskey and 2 bottles of wine a day. Both became incontinent and nan was extremely aggressive.

I managed to get nan into day care and was at my Whits end with grandad. They had daily carers popping in which they kept saying they didn't need and cancelling.

A job came available where I am now and I knew I had to take it.

I applied and got the job and started the beginning of November 2012. Still doing all I could for my grandparents, going to them straight from work after collecting my son from school until around 8pm every day.

One afternoon I arrived around 4pm as usual and grandad was in a bit of a state, the carers had upset him about something or other and he was begging me to stop working and go back to full time caring for them.

Things got heated, he was offering me ridiculous sums of money to give up my job. I got cross, words were exchanged and all the time he was knocking back his 2nd bottle of wine.

I just snapped.

I told him he had to help himself.

I told him I'd lost all respect for him because of his drinking.

I told him he would cope far better if he was sober.

I told him he was going to drink himself to death.

I put their evening meal on the table.

Then I left.

Next morning I got a call from my mum.

Grandad had fallen in the night and bashed his head and was in hospital. She said I should probably be there.

I got there 5 minutes too late. My uncle met me in the corridor and didn't need to say anything, I knew.

I went in to see grandad alone, he looked so peaceful. I sat beside him and held his hand and just wailed, hot angry tears, the kind of wailing you see ladies in Iraq doing after a bombing. Completely utterly devastated howling, sobbing onto his chest for what must have been half an hour. A male nurse came in and sat with me. When I finished crying and there were no tears left in me he quietly smiled and said "I think we had better change this top sheet, it's a bit snotty!".

I never got the chance to say sorry or goodbye.

I never want to leave things on bad terms again.

Sorry... Long post but strangely the first time I've opened up about it and having a bit of a cry here x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I idolises my grandparents and in their latter years was their full time carer. Nan had dementia and grandad... Well, grandad way of coping with band dementia was to just drink more. He was an alcoholic.

After 11 years as their carer and no help from other members of the family I was at breaking point. Nan didn't know anyone anymore and grandad was up to a litre of whiskey and 2 bottles of wine a day. Both became incontinent and nan was extremely aggressive.

I managed to get nan into day care and was at my Whits end with grandad. They had daily carers popping in which they kept saying they didn't need and cancelling.

A job came available where I am now and I knew I had to take it.

I applied and got the job and started the beginning of November 2012. Still doing all I could for my grandparents, going to them straight from work after collecting my son from school until around 8pm every day.

One afternoon I arrived around 4pm as usual and grandad was in a bit of a state, the carers had upset him about something or other and he was begging me to stop working and go back to full time caring for them.

Things got heated, he was offering me ridiculous sums of money to give up my job. I got cross, words were exchanged and all the time he was knocking back his 2nd bottle of wine.

I just snapped.

I told him he had to help himself.

I told him I'd lost all respect for him because of his drinking.

I told him he would cope far better if he was sober.

I told him he was going to drink himself to death.

I put their evening meal on the table.

Then I left.

Next morning I got a call from my mum.

Grandad had fallen in the night and bashed his head and was in hospital. She said I should probably be there.

I got there 5 minutes too late. My uncle met me in the corridor and didn't need to say anything, I knew.

I went in to see grandad alone, he looked so peaceful. I sat beside him and held his hand and just wailed, hot angry tears, the kind of wailing you see ladies in Iraq doing after a bombing. Completely utterly devastated howling, sobbing onto his chest for what must have been half an hour. A male nurse came in and sat with me. When I finished crying and there were no tears left in me he quietly smiled and said "I think we had better change this top sheet, it's a bit snotty!".

I never got the chance to say sorry or goodbye.

I never want to leave things on bad terms again.

Sorry... Long post but strangely the first time I've opened up about it and having a bit of a cry here x

"

Oh honey....I have no words. I’m so sorry

That must feel absolutely awful. But his last thoughts of you wouldn’t have been negative ones. They wouldn’t have mattered. Hold onto the good memories you have

That’s made me well up. Big hugs xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I regret telling my brother I didn't ever want to see him again before he died He was a heroin addict and very self destructive so I had good reason but I'll never forgive myself.

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