FabSwingers.com forum: Just Being Polite?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

If someone wanted to travel a great distance to meet me, I'd be more worried they'd be disappointed rather than myself to be honest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?"

Both probably.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

I always felt that if somebody was to travel a fair distance I'd kind of feel obliged to make it more than just a social, even if they weren't really for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I always felt that if somebody was to travel a fair distance I'd kind of feel obliged to make it more than just a social, even if they weren't really for me."

I realised this yesterday - well more it could be the other person could feel pressure for it to be more than a social if travelling some distance. It kind of works both ways teally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *electableDalliancesCouple
over a year ago

leeds

I just think if I was going to meet for a coffee it's a lot of pressure put on if the person has travelled hours and I'd feel bad if the spark wasnt there.

Plus I have a fwb that is a two hour train away and it does prove to be problematic from experience, so I'd try to avoid it again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?"

Maybe Doc you should ask ‘the ladies’. I don’t know what’s in their minds, I don’t know the content of your messages etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would feel guilty that someone was traveling a long way just to see me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

For me the distance is not an issue if they are willing (or daft enough) to travel.

The only potential downside for me is that, if we get on great, they are miles away and you can't see them again easily.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I would feel guilty that someone was traveling a long way just to see me. "

I did to begin with but it's their choice, their problem

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I woukdnt want someone to travel all that distance to be disappointed or i may feel bad if i dont like them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?"

I have no idea why they said no to you travelling to them ...

Personally, i know i am worth the journey and have had men travel from all over the country to meet me..

Obviously we chatted extensively beforehand so they knew it was going to be worth their while and on the flip side i am happy to travel to them to return the favour

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had chatted to a lady on here for some time and although we were never going to meet for play, we got on well just chatting about random stuff. I thought it would be fun to meet in person and was willing to travel, but she said she'd feel bad if she left after 10 minutes! I did, think that after all our chats online, that was a bit odd.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

It's me that does the travelling so I'm unlikely to be in this situation. However, a friend answered a status of mine about meeting someone yesterday....he said he would drive over 100 miles to have a drink. I said it was too far to travel just for that and he replied I'd have to snog him to make it worth his while. I didn't reply but:

1. I would feel under pressure to spend more time with that person even if I didn't want to.

2. I would feel awkward if we didn't get on.

3. I wouldn't go that far for a coffee so I would expect anyone else to.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view as to why they may have said no, despite your offer, is because they are looking for something regular.

With regular comes sharing of travelling, as it should never be expected that one person would do all the travelling.

So perhaps they felt for the future it would be too far for them to travel. This is how I look at things .... however I have frequently told meets that if they wanted to take the responsibility to always travel then sobeit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"If someone wanted to travel a great distance to meet me, I'd be more worried they'd be disappointed rather than myself to be honest. "

I agree.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"I always felt that if somebody was to travel a fair distance I'd kind of feel obliged to make it more than just a social, even if they weren't really for me."

This. Just seems very different than a local meeting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always felt that if somebody was to travel a fair distance I'd kind of feel obliged to make it more than just a social, even if they weren't really for me.

This. Just seems very different than a local meeting

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I had chatted to a lady on here for some time and although we were never going to meet for play, we got on well just chatting about random stuff. I thought it would be fun to meet in person and was willing to travel, but she said she'd feel bad if she left after 10 minutes! I did, think that after all our chats online, that was a bit odd."

Sometimes people only want to meet for a drink if that person might become a regular playmate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy was messaging me recently from the London area.

Desperate to meet me, wanted to travel to meet me.

I told him it was too far, he kept trying.

I'm in Newcastle on Tyne!

My reasons... There are guts up here. Imagine being stuck with someone who.has travelled and there's no spark... Never mind the motives

...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?"

Im looking for something regular so wouldn’t meet for that reason

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*guys* not guts

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couple of threads recently about how far people would travel and quite a few ladies said they would, for the right person. But, what about when the traveling is to them?

I've been fortunate to have messaged with several ladies, seemingly cordially, but although I've said I've been willing to travel each has said the distance is too great to do so.

So, do we think they were just being polite or is there an assumption, maybe based on experience, that they'll be let down?"
they generally like localism for the spur of moment meets but for me all meets have to be planned anyway

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps it was just an easy way out of saying they didnt really want to meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

With the best will, sometimes things happen at the last minute and if someone has travelled so far I would feel terribly guilty if I had to let them down. I have had someone travel a very long way just for a coffee with me for a couple of hours. It was lovely but I did worry about it right up to us sitting down with our coffee.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet half way but won't travel far. I know they'll be disappointed.

If they want to travel a long way it puts me off as I think I must be a last ditch attempt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why I never agree to 'just chatting'. It is never just chat, it always results in 'now we have been chatting, we get on sooo well, let's meet'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osta del sol KinkytimesMan
over a year ago

Campanillas, Spain

"With the best will, sometimes things happen at the last minute and if someone has travelled so far I would feel terribly guilty if I had to let them down. I have had someone travel a very long way just for a coffee with me for a couple of hours. It was lovely but I did worry about it right up to us sitting down with our coffee. "

I think you would be worth travelling for. Even just for coffee, white two sugars please

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depend on how genuine no point traveling if your not sure and fell your going to get stood up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I've had men on here drive up to 3 hours just for a coffee. And then up to 3 hours home.

They know it is just a coffee and nothing else. Anyone who tries to add conditions to it doesn't get any further than messaging.

It has seemed crazy, they have turned up and it has led to some great weekends at a later date

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone wanted to travel a great distance to meet me, I'd be more worried they'd be disappointed rather than myself to be honest. "

Who would be disappointed travelling to you? I would definitely make the journey for a cup of coffee

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why I never agree to 'just chatting'. It is never just chat, it always results in 'now we have been chatting, we get on sooo well, let's meet'."

Maybe it's just me. I don't expect to fuck everyone who's company/conversation I enjoy..?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osta del sol KinkytimesMan
over a year ago

Campanillas, Spain

That's why I never agree to 'just chatting'. It is never just chat, it always results in 'now we have been chatting, we get on sooo well, let's meet'.

Maybe it's just me. I don't expect to fuck everyone who's company/conversation I enjoy..?"

Totally agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

same as a few have said I would feel pressured to have more then a social

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for everyone's input, I think I'm more enlightened.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Thanks for everyone's input, I think I'm more enlightened.

I’m very surprised you didn’t see it before the thread Doc!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I only do a social first,so would feel if someone travelled far to meet me,they might expect more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only do a social first,so would feel if someone travelled far to meet me,they might expect more."

This is where clarity prior to the meet is important. For me, it's strictly no expectations. If things flow naturally that's fine but I would hate for a woman to feel obligated just because I had travelled...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I once travelled 2 hours to meet a gentleman for a bite to eat. We had flirted and chatted regularly by email for a couple of years. The meet was awkward and changed how we were with each other after the meet. I had said beforehand the meet was only for a bite to eat nothing more but later he told me he had secretly expected intimacy.

I’ve not travelled to meet anyone since and him and I broke the friendship.

Btw he was not from Fab.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like long distance meets either way. Prefer local guys!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for everyone's input, I think I'm more enlightened.

I’m very surprised you didn’t see it before the thread Doc!

The meeting I had planned but ultimately ghosted about had been proceeded by numerous "messages", and it was at the lady's suggestion a hotel was arranged because she left no doubt what she wanted to happen between us!

Whereas, other ladies I'm happy to travel to meet there is no expectation on my part, which I'm fine with, and I now understand their potential point of view thanks to this thread.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

I've travelled pretty far to meet (Wexford to Manchester... 7-8 hour journey each way), and have had people travel pretty far to meet me in the past.

I prefer regular, repeat meets to one-offs, so I've always had a good little chat with myself before arranging anything about how practical the distance is to travel repeatedly (for him or me!), and won't commit if its too impractical. Long-distance for me means weekends away, rather than there and back in a day or overnight. You need the extra time to chill and unwind together if you've been travelling a lot!

For me the distance just adds another element to the connection... you meet... have a wonderful time... and then you part and start planning and anticipating the next trip... doesn't matter if its in 2 weeks or 2 months... its still something to look forward to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread