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"There's this nice woman I bump into sometimes at my local cafe who I think is single and has the hots for me. I like her and find her attractive but I'm not sure she's really my thing enough to have a relationship with her. But I'd definitely fuck her. Should I ask her out on a date if that's my sole intention? Or would you recommend I go about it differently? Now before you pounce on me as some disgusting serial dater... I can't really see the difference with this and Atropos post about wanting to stick her finger up a work colleagues arse. If it was an option for me to just say "fancy a fuck?" to her and that actually worked then I'd quite happily go there. But women want dating and seducing. So that seems like the more gentlemanly way to go about it." I’d disagree that all women want dating and seducing, even us singles. Seducing, yes! Ask her for a drink and see what happens? She might only see you as a fuck too. | |||
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"How do you know she has the hots for you ? " I was wondering that too | |||
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"There's this nice woman I bump into sometimes at my local cafe who I think is single and has the hots for me. I like her and find her attractive but I'm not sure she's really my thing enough to have a relationship with her. But I'd definitely fuck her. Should I ask her out on a date if that's my sole intention? Or would you recommend I go about it differently? Now before you pounce on me as some disgusting serial dater... I can't really see the difference with this and Atropos post about wanting to stick her finger up a work colleagues arse. If it was an option for me to just say "fancy a fuck?" to her and that actually worked then I'd quite happily go there. But women want dating and seducing. So that seems like the more gentlemanly way to go about it." 100% nail and bale. | |||
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"How do you know she has the hots for you ? I was wondering that too" I don't know... But I suspect as much by the way she lights up when she sees me. At this point it's definitely an explore and identify situation  | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date "Friends go for drinks. Someone you want to go past the friends stage, you date. | |||
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"100% nail and bale.  Ooo delightful! What a charmer  "Tinder generation. | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date
Friends go for drinks. Someone you want to go past the friends stage, you date."Surely by me asking a women I bump into at a cafe if she wants to go for a drink some time... surely that itself is already more than a bit suggestive? Are women generally more platonically wired or something? | |||
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"How do you know she has the hots for you ? I was wondering that too I don't know... But I suspect as much by the way she lights up when she sees me. At this point it's definitely an explore and identify situation "Have you not seen the Harry Enfield sketch where he goes into the coffee shop and the Polish barista "lights up" when he walks in? As for your dilemma - you've made it clear in other threads that "dating" is what you are looking for in life - so to turn the question around, are you being true to yourself if you had sex as your sole aim? | |||
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"How do you know she's not your thing relationship wise? Have you chatted to her already or are you basing that on her looks? I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is relationship material just by looking at them, unless you are 100% shallow!! " Maybe his name is Hal | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date
Friends go for drinks. Someone you want to go past the friends stage, you date.
Surely by me asking a women I bump into at a cafe if she wants to go for a drink some time... surely that itself is already more than a bit suggestive? Are women generally more platonically wired or something? "Asking someone to go for a drink is asking them to go on a date, but that's just my humble opinion | |||
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"How do you know she has the hots for you ? I was wondering that too I don't know... But I suspect as much by the way she lights up when she sees me. At this point it's definitely an explore and identify situation
Have you not seen the Harry Enfield sketch where he goes into the coffee shop and the Polish barista "lights up" when he walks in?
As for your dilemma - you've made it clear in other threads that "dating" is what you are looking for in life - so to turn the question around, are you being true to yourself if you had sex as your sole aim?"She doesn't work in the cafe. I also have the hots for the polish batista but a friend pointed me at the Harry Enfield sketches and I realised I was being a bit silly
I'm a bit confused about dating on this thread. I'm not a big fan of "socials" on Fab because they've seem so interminably vanilla. Call me old fashioned but I like a bit of charm and flirtation (romance?). So I'd ask her out for a drink, flirt, and see where the night takes us. If this is dating then that's what I'm into. If it's just going out for a drink and dating is something else more formal then I'm not really into dating. Confused now  | |||
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"How do you know she's not your thing relationship wise? Have you chatted to her already or are you basing that on her looks? I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is relationship material just by looking at them, unless you are 100% shallow!! " | |||
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"How do you know she's not your thing relationship wise? Have you chatted to her already or are you basing that on her looks? I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is relationship material just by looking at them, unless you are 100% shallow!!" We've chatted. She's nice. But my chemistry-o-meter isn't veering into the red. A nice woman who I think it would be really lovely to have a few intimate moments with. But I'm not feeling a strong connection beyond that. That's all I mean | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can " What if they end up fucking? And what if they both went into it with the intention of fucking? Was it a date then? | |||
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"I think you're being deliberately provocative with this post. It goes against everything you've previously said. " I'm a complex guy with a good heart. I shouldn't have pulled the "post it" trigger on this post and regret it now... just more fucking explaining to do haha
I'm probably not going to act on it. It was just me prodding the forum hornets nest again out of boredom. I really do need to start laying off the dopamine soon  | |||
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"How do you know she's not your thing relationship wise? Have you chatted to her already or are you basing that on her looks? I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is relationship material just by looking at them, unless you are 100% shallow!! We've chatted. She's nice. But my chemistry-o-meter isn't veering into the red. A nice woman who I think it would be really lovely to have a few intimate moments with. But I'm not feeling a strong connection beyond that. That's all I mean " Leave her be then. | |||
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"How do you know she has the hots for you ? I was wondering that too I don't know... But I suspect as much by the way she lights up when she sees me. At this point it's definitely an explore and identify situation
Have you not seen the Harry Enfield sketch where he goes into the coffee shop and the Polish barista "lights up" when he walks in?
As for your dilemma - you've made it clear in other threads that "dating" is what you are looking for in life - so to turn the question around, are you being true to yourself if you had sex as your sole aim?
She doesn't work in the cafe. I also have the hots for the polish batista but a friend pointed me at the Harry Enfield sketches and I realised I was being a bit silly
I'm a bit confused about dating on this thread. I'm not a big fan of "socials" on Fab because they've seem so interminably vanilla. Call me old fashioned but I like a bit of charm and flirtation (romance?). So I'd ask her out for a drink, flirt, and see where the night takes us. If this is dating then that's what I'm into. If it's just going out for a drink and dating is something else more formal then I'm not really into dating. Confused now "Doesn't matter who or where she is - the "Polish barista" analogy is still the same regardless. I'll be absolutely honest - I'm not sure if you're trying to be deliberately provocative with that last paragraph, are just confused or what? Simple fact is you've stated clearly more than once on other threads that you're looking for dating/a relationship - you've said you don't think this poor lady is someone you'd like to date - therefore dilemma over - simple  | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can What if they end up fucking? And what if they both went into it with the intention of fucking? Was it a date then? " No | |||
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"How do you know she's not your thing relationship wise? Have you chatted to her already or are you basing that on her looks? I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is relationship material just by looking at them, unless you are 100% shallow!! We've chatted. She's nice. But my chemistry-o-meter isn't veering into the red. A nice woman who I think it would be really lovely to have a few intimate moments with. But I'm not feeling a strong connection beyond that. That's all I mean Leave her be then." Yeah. I agree. It was just a dumb excuse to post a thread really | |||
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"Follow your heart op or in that case the heart in your dick " don’t the majority of men think with that heart lol | |||
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"There's this nice woman I bump into sometimes at my local cafe who I think is single and has the hots for me. I like her and find her attractive but I'm not sure she's really my thing enough to have a relationship with her. But I'd definitely fuck her. Should I ask her out on a date if that's my sole intention? Or would you recommend I go about it differently? Now before you pounce on me as some disgusting serial dater... I can't really see the difference with this and Atropos post about wanting to stick her finger up a work colleagues arse. If it was an option for me to just say "fancy a fuck?" to her and that actually worked then I'd quite happily go there. But women want dating and seducing. So that seems like the more gentlemanly way to go about it." their is no difference maybe the girl concerned who has the hots for you just wants to use your body to  | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can What if they end up fucking? And what if they both went into it with the intention of fucking? Was it a date then? No " I agree. Some people on here make it sound so confusing and full of moral dilemma. Us single people are just milling around, having drinks with people, maybe fucking, and then seeing if we want to explore having a relationship with them. I think you start dating when you've decided to explore if you want to build a relationship together. Before then you're just socialising imo. But I seem to be flirting with being seen as a serial dater for having such a laid back approach | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can What if they end up fucking? And what if they both went into it with the intention of fucking? Was it a date then? No I agree. Some people on here make it sound so confusing and full of moral dilemma. Us single people are just milling around, having drinks with people, maybe fucking, and then seeing if we want to explore having a relationship with them. I think you start dating when you've decided to explore if you want to build a relationship together. Before then you're just socialising imo. But I seem to be flirting with being seen as a serial dater for having such a laid back approach "As long as you are not promising them the world or leading them on or giving them the come and and doing that with a million people then you are not doing anything wrong. | |||
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"Follow your heart op or in that case the heart in your dick don’t the majority of men think with that heart lol "Haha true but even more so when I lay my eyes on you beauts  | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. " I'm curious Mystique. You're often on the dating threads on here. What type of date are you looking for from Fab? And do you make yourself clear to people about that? Just curious | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. " lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean | |||
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"As long as you are not promising them the world or leading them on or giving them the come and and doing that with a million people then you are not doing anything wrong. " Thanks That's how I feel about it too. But some people on here seem to have a slightly more victorian view of dating that can be a bit judgemental unfortunately | |||
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"My situation is comeplety different because I don't think I want someone I have to work with to get to know me on a relationship level, there's chances that I could act crazy, I'd try not to but there's chances I could cos I have form for it. I would genuinely be happy to fuck him in his office and do all kinds of sexual stuff with him, wouldn't mind him knowing me sexually but would feel awkward if I acted like a dick head basically. " Haha Same here. I'd be more than happy to fuck her hard against a tree in the alley round the back of the cafe. But I wouldn't want to get into the situation where I'm bringing her freshly baked zucchini and carrot muffins and crazy stuff like that | |||
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"As long as you are not promising them the world or leading them on or giving them the come and and doing that with a million people then you are not doing anything wrong. Thanks That's how I feel about it too. But some people on here seem to have a slightly more victorian view of dating that can be a bit judgemental unfortunately "They are also allowed an opinion, I have quite an old school view on dating also.. | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can " I should have clarified my post. I meant going for a drink with someone who isn't a friend. | |||
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"Can’t people have a drink without it being a date....yes they can What if they end up fucking? And what if they both went into it with the intention of fucking? Was it a date then? No I agree. Some people on here make it sound so confusing and full of moral dilemma. Us single people are just milling around, having drinks with people, maybe fucking, and then seeing if we want to explore having a relationship with them. I think you start dating when you've decided to explore if you want to build a relationship together. Before then you're just socialising imo. But I seem to be flirting with being seen as a serial dater for having such a laid back approach "Maybe I'm being pedantic but dating and going on a date are different. | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean "If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. I'm curious Mystique. You're often on the dating threads on here. What type of date are you looking for from Fab? And do you make yourself clear to people about that? Just curious "There's only one I'm truly considering for proper dating, if the chemistry is right, at the moment. We have had an open conversation about the possibility of it being dating exclusively, if it works out as we hope it will.... If not, ive made a good friend. I'm not a serial meeter, so it's not been an issue. Those I've spoken to and fab friends are well aware that I'm not interested in meeting for a shag. I'm looking for more. They respect that | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. " I'd probably mention it at the asking out stage to save myself shaving my legs and stuff. 'Hi, I'm wondering if you'd like to go out for a drink' 'Yes, that would be lovely thank you. When were you thinking?' 'How about next Friday? We could see how it goes but I'd like to make it clear from the off that I'm not looking for a relationship atm, although a fuck would be nice' 'Ohhhhhhhh yes I'm with you there, let's see how it goes/Ohhhhhh fuck off you perve' *delete as necessary* | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean
If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date "But I'd only be asking her out for a drink. If I flirt and she responds and we end up fucking where's the fraud in that? I haven't said anything about a relationship. I think one of the themes that lies behind most of my posts is that I'm enjoying pursuing sex outside of Fab and that some people on Fab have serious problems with that whilst others are enjoying doing the same. There seems to be a sense of the man being some terrible predator and the woman being some poor naive damsel who is being taken advantage of. In reality loads of women are using Tinder to find sex. Women aren't these poor genteel victims. They're having their cake and eating it too. As some other posts on this thread have intimated, as long as I'm honest and open about things it's perfectly moral for me to join the party. What if it turned out that I was Atropos' work mate and this whole thread was unknowingly about her? Would she be the victim if I asked her out for a drink with the sole view of fucking her? It's naive to imagine women like Atropos only exist on Fab. They're all over the place. | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean
If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date
But I'd only be asking her out for a drink. If I flirt and she responds and we end up fucking where's the fraud in that? I haven't said anything about a relationship.
I think one of the themes that lies behind most of my posts is that I'm enjoying pursuing sex outside of Fab and that some people on Fab have serious problems with that whilst others are enjoying doing the same. There seems to be a sense of the man being some terrible predator and the woman being some poor naive damsel who is being taken advantage of. In reality loads of women are using Tinder to find sex. Women aren't these poor genteel victims. They're having their cake and eating it too. As some other posts on this thread have intimated, as long as I'm honest and open about things it's perfectly moral for me to join the party. What if it turned out that I was Atropos' work mate and this whole thread was unknowingly about her? Would she be the victim if I asked her out for a drink with the sole view of fucking her? It's naive to imagine women like Atropos only exist on Fab. They're all over the place. "Unless they've met you off fab though their probably unlikely to drop their drawers on a whim. I would approach a man asking me for a drink in a coffee shop different to a meet off here . | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. I'm curious Mystique. You're often on the dating threads on here. What type of date are you looking for from Fab? And do you make yourself clear to people about that? Just curious " | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean
If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date
But I'd only be asking her out for a drink. If I flirt and she responds and we end up fucking where's the fraud in that? I haven't said anything about a relationship.
I think one of the themes that lies behind most of my posts is that I'm enjoying pursuing sex outside of Fab and that some people on Fab have serious problems with that whilst others are enjoying doing the same. There seems to be a sense of the man being some terrible predator and the woman being some poor naive damsel who is being taken advantage of. In reality loads of women are using Tinder to find sex. Women aren't these poor genteel victims. They're having their cake and eating it too. As some other posts on this thread have intimated, as long as I'm honest and open about things it's perfectly moral for me to join the party. What if it turned out that I was Atropos' work mate and this whole thread was unknowingly about her? Would she be the victim if I asked her out for a drink with the sole view of fucking her? It's naive to imagine women like Atropos only exist on Fab. They're all over the place. " | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date "Drink sounds like a good idea. Isn't it like a pre date? See if you get on kind of thing? That's how I'd see it. Then be honest with her while you're chatting over a drink. | |||
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"Unless they've met you off fab though their probably unlikely to drop their drawers on a whim. I would approach a man asking me for a drink in a coffee shop different to a meet off here ." I agree. Which is why I'd be very subtle in my approach to this whole situation... If I did it (which is unlikely as Lady Lick made me realise). But, to be honest, I don't know if I'd treat a date off Fab any differently. There's a lovely woman on here I'm currently talking to about meeting up. And I just honestly like her. I wouldn't be expecting sex with her or be pushy if I met up. I'd be much the same as if I was going for a date | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. I'm curious Mystique. You're often on the dating threads on here. What type of date are you looking for from Fab? And do you make yourself clear to people about that? Just curious
"It was actually an honest question. Not looking to score any points. I am genuinely curious Mystique. Feel free to pm me if you'd rather. | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date "If you are that naive then you shouldn't even be on a swingers site lol A drink is a drink .. A date is dinner and drinks | |||
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"In a grown up world do we really need others to analyse our decisions for us OP...." No. Hence why I should never have posted this thread  | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date
If you are that naive then you shouldn't even be on a swingers site lol
A drink is a drink ..
A date is dinner and drinks "Oh in that case I've only been on 1 date since I joined here  Great! That puts paid to any whiff of serial dating. | |||
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"Unless they've met you off fab though their probably unlikely to drop their drawers on a whim. I would approach a man asking me for a drink in a coffee shop different to a meet off here . I agree. Which is why I'd be very subtle in my approach to this whole situation... If I did it (which is unlikely as Lady Lick made me realise). But, to be honest, I don't know if I'd treat a date off Fab any differently. There's a lovely woman on here I'm currently talking to about meeting up. And I just honestly like her. I wouldn't be expecting sex with her or be pushy if I met up. I'd be much the same as if I was going for a date " Fair enough yes but by meeting off here at least you both know what the end game is, unless profiles specifically state otherwise. | |||
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"I was going to ask her out for a drink. Is that not the same as asking her out for a date? Call me naive but I had assumed that would be considered a date
If you are that naive then you shouldn't even be on a swingers site lol
A drink is a drink ..
A date is dinner and drinks "I think I genuinely am incredibly naive. I never dated when I was a kid, slipped into a 20 yr long relationship, and have only just emerged utterly clueless about what it's like to be single | |||
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"Which is why I'd be very subtle in my approach to this whole situation... If I did it (which is unlikely as Lady Lick made me realise). " I'm not sure how you could be subtle about it, perhaps don't mention the fuck would be nice bit!! Even saying that you're not looking for a relationship it's only going to go one of two ways any way. You never know she might want just sex to! Ps don't take any notice of me. I've been out of the dating game for way too long to know how you go about such things. | |||
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"Unless they've met you off fab though their probably unlikely to drop their drawers on a whim. I would approach a man asking me for a drink in a coffee shop different to a meet off here . I agree. Which is why I'd be very subtle in my approach to this whole situation... If I did it (which is unlikely as Lady Lick made me realise). But, to be honest, I don't know if I'd treat a date off Fab any differently. There's a lovely woman on here I'm currently talking to about meeting up. And I just honestly like her. I wouldn't be expecting sex with her or be pushy if I met up. I'd be much the same as if I was going for a date " I think it all depends on what your expectations are.. meeting someone from here for a date may end up with sex at the end of it but in the real world it probably wouldn't and nor would the offer of a drink somewhere.. Keep the two scenarios separate is my advice | |||
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"Which is why I'd be very subtle in my approach to this whole situation... If I did it (which is unlikely as Lady Lick made me realise). I'm not sure how you could be subtle about it, perhaps don't mention the fuck would be nice bit!! Even saying that you're not looking for a relationship it's only going to go one of two ways any way. You never know she might want just sex to! Ps don't take any notice of me. I've been out of the dating game for way too long to know how you go about such things. " I think, as you're earlier post made me realise, if there's not much chemistry why bother her. I agree | |||
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"In a grown up world do we really need others to analyse our decisions for us OP.... No. Hence why I should never have posted this thread "Yes you should. People will bitch no matter what question is asked. I thought the forum was for adults to debate things, which is what you're doing. I really don't know why some people get so annoyed when questions are asked. It invites discussion. If people are so closed minded they think questions shouldn't be asked, leave them to it. The adults can discuss. | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean
If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date
But I'd only be asking her out for a drink. If I flirt and she responds and we end up fucking where's the fraud in that? I haven't said anything about a relationship.
I think one of the themes that lies behind most of my posts is that I'm enjoying pursuing sex outside of Fab and that some people on Fab have serious problems with that whilst others are enjoying doing the same. There seems to be a sense of the man being some terrible predator and the woman being some poor naive damsel who is being taken advantage of. In reality loads of women are using Tinder to find sex. Women aren't these poor genteel victims. They're having their cake and eating it too. As some other posts on this thread have intimated, as long as I'm honest and open about things it's perfectly moral for me to join the party. What if it turned out that I was Atropos' work mate and this whole thread was unknowingly about her? Would she be the victim if I asked her out for a drink with the sole view of fucking her? It's naive to imagine women like Atropos only exist on Fab. They're all over the place. "I do see your point. At the same time, you want sex with her. That is your end goal. I just think before engaging in that, it would be better to make it clear. If you invite her out for drinks. She may see that as you wanting to get to know her. If you were to have sex with her, then distance yourself, she could feel like she was used for sex. That's all i mean. If she's on the same page as you, that's great. But some women see sex as a very intimate act. If she's not on fab, her reaction to sleeping with you, then getting fobbed off, may not be the same, if she wasn't clued in, that it was your intention all the time . It's different if you meet to see how you get on and then discover there is no chemistry, as your initial thoughts were the possibility of more, it just didnt work out. Does that make sense? Or am i just waffling? | |||
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"Just ask her out. When you meet, make it clear that you are not looking for anything serious. It will then be her decision if she chooses to fuck you or not. If you are going into a date, with no intention of seeing where it goes, i think it's a bit under hand to not tell her that. She needs to make an informed choice, so she doesn't feel used afterwards, when you invariably chuck her after sex. lol I think many initial dates are not intended to be a perpetual thing but see what you mean
If you have the see how it goes mentality, that's all well and good. It's knowing it's not going to go anywhere and going on a date purely for a fuck, that i take issue with. This is not a fab social. It's a date "yes but you know how life and humans are nobody knows what's round the corner they may be married this time next year | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? " Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting? | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting?" Me? I’m not having the dilemma or asking the question. It’s my response to *his* posed situation. If I relate a scenario where I have only wanted to fuck someone and been clear before fucking that I had no other intent but they might have had feelings or other intent or I didn’t know... then, on reflection yes... I’ve had a clear honest conversation first (not the wording above as that was tailored to SK) but using my words/feeling about what I did/didn’t want and I have either then not fucked or fucked depending on their response. That’s just me. People do what’s right for them. | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting? Me? I’m not having the dilemma or asking the question. It’s my response to *his* posed situation. If I relate a scenario where I have only wanted to fuck someone and been clear before fucking that I had no other intent but they might have had feelings or other intent or I didn’t know... then, on reflection yes... I’ve had a clear honest conversation first (not the wording above as that was tailored to SK) but using my words/feeling about what I did/didn’t want and I have either then not fucked or fucked depending on their response. That’s just me. People do what’s right for them. " Thanks Bla... I mean Cordelia But what you wrote is awful haha I think she'd run a frigging mile... perhaps even jump on a passing motorbike and floor it haha I'm aware that the things I've discussed on here have seriously dented my appeal to people (i.e pickup). But I've genuinely only discussed them to open interesting discussions and out of boredom... as was the origin of this thread which I seriously wish I'd got deleted before the first response. There's no way I'd mention any of that stuff to some woman in a cafe. Why? Because it's really not me... and neither is Fab. As for the rest... don't you think "fancy a fuck?" would pretty much achieve the same end?
In my experience women are quite happy to entertain having sex if that's something they're thinking of too... But the last thing they want to feel is cheap. To my mind there simply has to be a degree of flirtation over a few drinks. Call this a date or call it what it is, a few drinks, but it's really the only setting in which it gets possible to feel sensitively and understatedly towards the question of whether there's likely to be anything sexual. Once we're there at that precipice, perhaps we kiss once.... then that's probably the time to be reveal my cards. That gives her the choice to back off. Even then if I said I just want to fuck her she'd probably find it cheap and decline. Plus I don't entirely know I definitely wouldn't fall for her. Despite my thoughts about her at the mo I might. So it would be much better and more honest to tell her that I didn't know if I'm ready to entertain having a relationship with her yet but if she's ok with that then maybe she would like to come back to mine. I mean it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines of that.
As another guy said earlier this thread is silly because I already know the answers but I can see I'm going to be fending off advice and opinions until it's run its course. | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting? Me? I’m not having the dilemma or asking the question. It’s my response to *his* posed situation. If I relate a scenario where I have only wanted to fuck someone and been clear before fucking that I had no other intent but they might have had feelings or other intent or I didn’t know... then, on reflection yes... I’ve had a clear honest conversation first (not the wording above as that was tailored to SK) but using my words/feeling about what I did/didn’t want and I have either then not fucked or fucked depending on their response. That’s just me. People do what’s right for them. " That's cool. Absolutely, I wasn't saying it was wrong at all. Sorry if I sounded grumpy, it wasn't my intent. | |||
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"Time for a desperate thread filler to raise the post count? " *boiinngggggg* | |||
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"Oh Op. Your threads are... I don't know quite the right word for them. But I've added another post so it's one post closer to closing. Or I'm just keeping it bumped. I don't know which." Thanks for the help | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting? Me? I’m not having the dilemma or asking the question. It’s my response to *his* posed situation. If I relate a scenario where I have only wanted to fuck someone and been clear before fucking that I had no other intent but they might have had feelings or other intent or I didn’t know... then, on reflection yes... I’ve had a clear honest conversation first (not the wording above as that was tailored to SK) but using my words/feeling about what I did/didn’t want and I have either then not fucked or fucked depending on their response. That’s just me. People do what’s right for them. Thanks Bla... I mean Cordelia But what you wrote is awful haha I think she'd run a frigging mile... perhaps even jump on a passing motorbike and floor it haha I'm aware that the things I've discussed on here have seriously dented my appeal to people (i.e pickup). But I've genuinely only discussed them to open interesting discussions and out of boredom... as was the origin of this thread which I seriously wish I'd got deleted before the first response. There's no way I'd mention any of that stuff to some woman in a cafe. Why? Because it's really not me... and neither is Fab. As for the rest... don't you think "fancy a fuck?" would pretty much achieve the same end?
In my experience women are quite happy to entertain having sex if that's something they're thinking of too... But the last thing they want to feel is cheap. To my mind there simply has to be a degree of flirtation over a few drinks. Call this a date or call it what it is, a few drinks, but it's really the only setting in which it gets possible to feel sensitively and understatedly towards the question of whether there's likely to be anything sexual. Once we're there at that precipice, perhaps we kiss once.... then that's probably the time to be reveal my cards. That gives her the choice to back off. Even then if I said I just want to fuck her she'd probably find it cheap and decline. Plus I don't entirely know I definitely wouldn't fall for her. Despite my thoughts about her at the mo I might. So it would be much better and more honest to tell her that I didn't know if I'm ready to entertain having a relationship with her yet but if she's ok with that then maybe she would like to come back to mine. I mean it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines of that.
As another guy said earlier this thread is silly because I already know the answers but I can see I'm going to be fending off advice and opinions until it's run its course. "What I find fascinating about your posting commentary, SK is exactly what you’ve condensed in your last sentence. You truly believe and “buy” that you have the answers. You are entirely missing the point I’m making on my paradox thread (over there). You have an understanding of how some people might respond, but I think entirely differently to you and react entirely differently. But surely that’s the joy of diversity? | |||
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"Any requests for what I should massively overthink next? "Yes. Dunning-Kruger effect and where you might be on the skill of not generalising. | |||
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"You say you’ve spoken to her already. Talk to her more at the cafe perhaps. Talk to her about dating, Fab and all your “pick up” studies. Ask her what her opinion is on these topics. Bring it into context (if she’s still engaged in conversation with you) of her and you, for example. And state the query - I think you’re ...(whatever you think) and I’d love to spend time with you and have all the fun sex and yet, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want a relationship with you, but I wouldn’t want to mislead someone into the sex and intimacy at the level I want if they participated under the impression I wanted more than that - which is why I thought instead I’d talk to you about it, and not make assumptions on your thoughts. What are your thoughts? Would you really say all that to a stranger on your first meeting? Me? I’m not having the dilemma or asking the question. It’s my response to *his* posed situation. If I relate a scenario where I have only wanted to fuck someone and been clear before fucking that I had no other intent but they might have had feelings or other intent or I didn’t know... then, on reflection yes... I’ve had a clear honest conversation first (not the wording above as that was tailored to SK) but using my words/feeling about what I did/didn’t want and I have either then not fucked or fucked depending on their response. That’s just me. People do what’s right for them. That's cool. Absolutely, I wasn't saying it was wrong at all. Sorry if I sounded grumpy, it wasn't my intent. "Didn’t take it as grumpy at all, totally got why you asked!! | |||
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"As another guy said earlier this thread is silly because I already know the answers but I can see I'm going to be fending off advice and opinions until it's run its course. What I find fascinating about your posting commentary, SK is exactly what you’ve condensed in your last sentence. You truly believe and “buy” that you have the answers. You are entirely missing the point I’m making on my paradox thread (over there). You have an understanding of how some people might respond, but I think entirely differently to you and react entirely differently. But surely that’s the joy of diversity? " It's fun to see how different people would deal with things. Yes I totally agree. But at some point asking "how should I go for a pee?" is most correctly answered by "whatever way feels right for you". I know what you're saying on a deeper level though. But I don't have the tools to implement that in this thread. Maybe you do? | |||
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"Any requests for what I should massively overthink next?
Yes. Dunning-Kruger effect and where you might be on the skill of not generalising. "Sounds too much like effort to me. Plus all these things are always a waste of time anyway | |||
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"As another guy said earlier this thread is silly because I already know the answers but I can see I'm going to be fending off advice and opinions until it's run its course. What I find fascinating about your posting commentary, SK is exactly what you’ve condensed in your last sentence. You truly believe and “buy” that you have the answers. You are entirely missing the point I’m making on my paradox thread (over there). You have an understanding of how some people might respond, but I think entirely differently to you and react entirely differently. But surely that’s the joy of diversity? It's fun to see how different people would deal with things. Yes I totally agree. But at some point asking "how should I go for a pee?" is most correctly answered by "whatever way feels right for you". I know what you're saying on a deeper level though. But I don't have the tools to implement that in this thread. Maybe you do? " Do you need to be excused for the toilet, SK? | |||
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"Any requests for what I should massively overthink next?
Yes. Dunning-Kruger effect and where you might be on the skill of not generalising.
Sounds too much like effort to me. Plus all these things are always a waste of time anyway "That’s a shame. | |||
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"Any requests for what I should massively overthink next?
Yes. Dunning-Kruger effect and where you might be on the skill of not generalising.
Sounds too much like effort to me. Plus all these things are always a waste of time anyway
That’s a shame."You didn't catch my witty gross over generalisation then? | |||
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"Do you need to be excused for the toilet, SK?" No. But I'd be more than happy to overthink it until I wet myself with interminable intellectual indecisiveness | |||
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"Are we still having this discussion "This is like slowly scraping down a chalk board for me
But every little post helps | |||
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"Are we still having this discussion
This is like slowly scraping down a chalk board for me
But every little post helps "I’m bored hence the post | |||
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"Are we still having this discussion
This is like slowly scraping down a chalk board for me
But every little post helps
I’m bored hence the post "Is this that bit where someone mentions cake and the thread fills up with people asking to pass the biscuits? | |||
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"Are we still having this discussion
This is like slowly scraping down a chalk board for me
But every little post helps
I’m bored hence the post
Is this that bit where someone mentions cake and the thread fills up with people asking to pass the biscuits? "Nah this fat bird is on a diet | |||
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"Are we still having this discussion
This is like slowly scraping down a chalk board for me
But every little post helps
I’m bored hence the post
Is this that bit where someone mentions cake and the thread fills up with people asking to pass the biscuits?
Nah this fat bird is on a diet "Bugger! Just my luck. Fancy a salad? | |||
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"You can get a naughty step for spamming threads, be careful." Oh oops. Is that new? I didn't realise that. | |||
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"117" You can get an automated permanent forum ban for thread spamming. | |||
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"117 You can get an automated permanent forum ban for thread spamming." Ok I realise that now. I won't do it again. Thanks for the heads up. Hopefully it's not too late already | |||
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