FabSwingers.com forum: Anyone got any new jokes?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Scotsman, Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar, there's usually an Englishman too but he's at the World Cup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My little dog is always biting my guitar pedal, well he is a Chewwahwah !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My little dog is always biting my guitar pedal, well he is a Chewwahwah !"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do women have orgasms?

Just another reason to moan, really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's coming home.

We pray it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three builders, 1 bald, 1 brunette and 1 blonde, sitting at the top of the scaffolding open up their lunch boxes.

"For fucks sake" says the bald guy, "peanut butter again, if she gives me peanut butter once more, I'm going to jump of this fucking scaffolding!"

The brunette guy looks in his lunch box, "Salmon paste, I hate salmon paste, I'll join you mate!"

The blonde guy looks at his sandwiches, "banana and jam, fuck me, I'll jump too!"

The next day they open up their lunch boxes, look at each other and jump.

A week later, at the guys joint funeral the widow's comfort each other. The bald guys wife starts to cry, "if only he'd told me he didn't like peanut butter, I would have made him something else. I miss him so much!"

The brunette guys wife starts to cry, I only gave him salmon paste because I thought he liked it, why didn't he say something".

The blonde guys wife starts to cry "I miss him so much, I don't understand why he jumped, he used to make his own sandwiches!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anybody been to the new restaurant Karma?

Apparently there’s no menu..You get what you deserve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Because it’s coming home !!

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What's a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

It looks like Southgate is going to start the Sweden game with Sterling in the starting eleven .

I know that’s not very funny , but is certainly a joke !

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

Leeds

One night, Mrs Murphy answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Sean, standing on the doorstep.

"Hello Sean but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"

Sean shook his head. "Ah Mrs Murphy, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"

Mrs Murphy starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"

Sean shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a

gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to

leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the

largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face,

kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the

ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

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By *ooncat123Woman
over a year ago

Sutton

What's long and hard and has cum in it? A cucumber...

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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

My flatmate's been hard at work all day today.

I slipped a Viagra in his breakfast this morning...

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a

gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to

leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the

largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face,

kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the

ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago.""

Haha

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

To get to the idiots house

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house"

Knock knock

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house

Knock knock"

Whos their?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

England winning the World Cup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"England winning the World Cup

now now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

newish

what do you call a lemon flavoured condom?cums in a jiffy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Three builders, 1 bald, 1 brunette and 1 blonde, sitting at the top of the scaffolding open up their lunch boxes.

"For fucks sake" says the bald guy, "peanut butter again, if she gives me peanut butter once more, I'm going to jump of this fucking scaffolding!"

The brunette guy looks in his lunch box, "Salmon paste, I hate salmon paste, I'll join you mate!"

The blonde guy looks at his sandwiches, "banana and jam, fuck me, I'll jump too!"

The next day they open up their lunch boxes, look at each other and jump.

The brunette guys wife starts to cry, I only gave him salmon paste because I thought he liked it, why didn't he say something".

The blonde guys wife starts to cry "I miss him so much, I don't understand why he jumped, he used to make his own sandwiches!""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab is a sex site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab is a sex site

hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Donald trump was assigned a new CIA bodyguard on his first day a man approached trump with a gun the guard shouted Mickey Mouse and the gunman turned road allowing another guard to tackle him to the ground

That night the CIA boss called in the new man why on earth did you shout Mickey Mouse

The reply was sorry boss I meant to shout out Donald Duck

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

Fab swingers are all shagging each other.

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

"Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house

Knock knock

Whos their?????"

Did you really just fall for that lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It looks like Southgate is going to start the Sweden game with Sterling in the starting eleven .

I know that’s not very funny , but is certainly a joke ! "
oooooooh topical

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By *hechapMan
over a year ago

Derry

Paddy the Irishman was starting a new job on a building site and was getting picked up at an arranged location at 7am.

A van pulls up and the driver shouts "Are you Paddy, do you know where your going"

Paddy looks at him then looks down at his old work clothes and his lunch box and shouts back "I am Paddy and i can tell you i am going fukin nowhere"

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house

Knock knock

Whos their?????"

The chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Knock knock

Whos their?????

The chicken "

The chicken who?

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By *akspeedCouple
over a year ago

blackdown hills

Why are ducks such good dancers??

Because they can get down!!!

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"Knock knock

Whos their?????

The chicken

The chicken who? "

You need to read the full home

It's a chicken crossing the road and knock knock mashup

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house

Knock knock

It's the chicken

Aka who ever says who's there is the idiot.

My Daughter made it up years ago when she was 7 or 8

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By *lbert_shlossedMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Scotsman, Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar, there's usually an Englishman too but he's at the World Cup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Due to the water shortage in Irealnd all the swimming pools are closing lanes 7 and 8

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

A bear walks into a bar and says "give me a whisky and.........."

"Why the big pause"asks the barman.

"Don't know" says the bear "I was born with them"

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By *ashingSuitsMan
over a year ago

West Midlands

My neighbour started verbally abusing me, accused me of stealing her underwear.

She was so scary I almost pooped in her pants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've started a new band, they're called Prevention. We aim to better than The Cure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fun fact of the day: you can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife caught me in bed with the neighbour.

"It's not as bad as it looks love, honest!" I said.

"Oh yeah?!" she shouted. "Just how much fucking worse can it be?"

"Erm. Your sister's hiding in the wardrobe and your mum's under the bed!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fun fact of the day: you can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits

Ha ha ha.

You can't spell smartwater without twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant wait to rip my wife's knickers off when I get home.

They're just too tight for me

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

When I see lovers names carved in a tree I don't think it's sweet, I just wonder at the sort of people who bring a knife on a date....

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

Gary, do you think I'm a bad mother?

How many more times do i have to tell you Mum, my names Paul.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the cover say when it fell off the bed?

Sheet

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

I was sitting in a bar one day and two quite large ladies came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said "that's a cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland? "

One of them snarled at me "it's Wales dummy"

So I corrected myself immediately "that's a cool accent, are you two Whales from Ireland?"

That's all I can remember......

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Scotsman, Irishman and a Welshman walk into a bar, there's usually an Englishman too but he's at the World Cup

It should be a German, Spaniard and Portuguese man are at the bar It should be an English man but he STILL at the world cup.

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By *istalloverCouple
over a year ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

Did you know cows have hooves instead of feet.

The reason is they lactose

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By *ouchyfeelyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The only way its possible to turn a duck in to a singer?

Put it in the oven till its Bill Withers

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

WhatsApp keeps crashing on my phone and won’t run properly, so I’ve downloaded something called “The Bugs Bunny” to fix it... It’s a WhatsApp Doc...

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/776081

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two Irish men walking down the road, one says to the other how high do you think that lamppost is? His mate says it's got to be about 20foot I think the other one says I recon it's more like 30foot! Just then a man walks past and askes what are they doing looking up at a lamppost, so they tell him, he says well lads I've got a tape measure so pull the pin out of the bottom lay it down and I will measure it, after measuring the lamppost he says it's 24feet then walks off, both the Irish lads turn to each other and say daft fucker we wanted the hight not the length

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mother.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?

A: A mockingbird!

Q: What is the definition of Confidence?

A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

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By *ouchyfeelyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I was thinking about doing a chemistry joke but was worried I might not get a reaction.........

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By *V-AliceTV/TS
over a year ago

Ayr

I’m addicted to brake fluid; but I can stop whenever I want.

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By *r FuckableMan
over a year ago

Stoke

2 fleas on a dogs arse, one says to the other "not seen you in a while" and the other says "yeah I know, I've been in the nick"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats brown and sticky?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A stick!

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